“I suppose. However, it does not reverse the life-threatening wounds you and your thugs inflicted on her. It does not undo the toll her fear has taken on her body. If you could successfully reverse those, then I would consider us square.” The smoke I exhaled cast a haze between us that hid his expression.
“Can I be frank with you?”
“I suppose. I do love honesty, however brutal.”
“This isn't brutal. It's an observation and a proposition.”
“How interesting.” I replied apathetically.
“You love her. I don't know what happened between the two of you but you need to realize that it's obvious. There is bad blood there, definitely. But you wouldn't have brought her to Pangea if you didn't feel some level of affection for her. While I don't feel guilty for what I did because of who she is, who she's married to, I do know that there more than likely was a different way to go about it.”
“Of course there was. There were many paths you could have taken. Unfortunately, you chose the darkest one. I think you should ponder exactly what that says about you. Though, spoiler alert, what it says is not good.”
“Would you just be quiet and listen for a second? You told me that you and I don't see eye to eye and that is very true. I believe that force is necessary and sacrifices must be made. You don't.”
“No, I don't disagree that force and sacrifices are necessary. You and I differ on when force should be utilized and which sacrifices are worth making. On the subject of sacrifice, we also disagree as to which are morally acceptable.”
“Brynna Olivier, I thought you shunned morality.” There was a lightness to his voice that I had not heard in many months.
I looked over at him, smiling slightly.
“I never said that, either. What is it that you're asking me, Don? I am unable to decipher it at the present time as I am now entering my third day without sleep. My exhaustion hinders my ability to comprehend even something as simple as your true intentions.”
“You must be. Generally, you know what I am trying to say even when I don't.”
“Are you complimenting me? Is that meant to advance the likelihood of me accepting whatever proposition it is that you refuse to say out loud?” I scratched the end of my cigarette against the concrete wall and watched the rain of sparks fall to the ground.
“Yes. But that shouldn't suggest that I'm not being honest. And my proposition is that I need someone to bounce ideas off of. I need someone to help me figure out what I'm supposed to do. I know you have never really trusted me, though I have tried to gain your trust. Brynna, I need for us to put our differences aside. I didn't want to become their leader, if you can even call me that. I don't even like to use that word. I need you to trust me when I say that when this all began, all I wanted was to keep people safe and once we were safe, to keep us alive.”
“I trust that wholeheartedly, Don. Power corrupted you as it has corrupted many men and women far greater than both you and me. It sounds now, though, that you are resurfacing. You are coming back to your senses. Otherwise, you would not be asking for help.”
“I am asking for help. Brynna, I'm asking you to be my second-in-command.”
I nodded again and looked up at him; I had seen who Don truly was a handful of times before. I had seen a man who possessed the will and ability to protect others. Our time at the house, though there had been hiccups both minimal and severe, had been the most peaceful and productive time we spent on Pangea. With my help, we could avoid those problems that had been faced and as a result, actually stand a chance of winning the war against the Bachums. I could mold him to see as I saw: The other side could not all be killed for they were not all bad people. They were scared survivors scrambling to make their way on Pangea, knowing that they could not do it alone. In short, they were just like us, except they had turned to the Bachums, who offered them safety in exchange for their blind commitment to their ridiculously unrealistic vision of God. In time, they would find their way to us and if I could convince Don that they were on our side, we could protect them, too.
“Don Abba, you have yourself a deal.” After lighting up yet another cigarette, I reached my hand out to him.
“Really?” He asked and his comically large eyes widened. I chuckled softly as he shook my hand.
“Yes.”
“I was so prepared for you to refuse that I don't know what to say now.”
“Just say that we're going to make this work. We're going to figure this out. In the end, everything will turn out in our favor.”
“We're going to figure this out. We're going to make it work.” He told me instantly.
“Yes. Do you know how we can start? You can let that woman and her two children out of lockup.”
He grimaced.
“Are you sure?”
“I am positive.”
For a moment, he looked thoughtful. Then he nodded and in his heart, I could sense an acknowledgment that I was right. When he reached the stairs that led down to the cells, he turned back to me.
“I am very sorry for what I did to Maura. Though she did admit that she knows what they're planning, I could have gone about getting my answers in a different way. It's amazing, how quickly guilt starts to kick in. Pray that you never feel this.” He was silent for a minute, his eyes fixated on a crack in the concrete floor beneath our feet. When he spoke again, his voice was quiet, resigned to a fact that saddened and disgusted him. “I know that I'm sick, Brynna. You might not see it as sickness but it's uncontrollable, just like a fatal disease. That's why I need you. I need you to help me avoid the worst in myself.”
“I know you do.” I told him gently. “I'll help you any way I can, Don. If Maura dies today, there will be anger towards you, great anger that I will control just barely. But I do believe in time and with our joint mission in mind, I will overcome it.”
“Fair enough.” He replied. “But will you forgive me for it?”
I looked into the room when Maura called my name again. I looked back at him and shook my head before saying softly and resolutely, “No.”
“Brynna, please just come in here!” Violet screamed to me through her tears. Begrudgingly, I walked into the room. Maura, even when her eyes were open, was not conscious. When she spoke, she spoke to my father, Violet, her mother, Elijah, Penny, and Lucien. Never once did she speak to me. Now, she was calling out for me. I could not afford the anger that I felt towards her for that. I didn't understand why it was there, but I knew that her condition was worsening. If the worst was going to happen, I had to let that anger go.
I had to let it go.
“I need you both to leave for a few minutes.” I told Elijah and Violet, who looked at me curiously.
“Why?” Violet asked. “Brynn, what if she...”
“If she does, I would prefer you not see it.”
“But I need to be with her, Brynna!” Violet wailed before throwing her arms around my neck and crying into them. I rubbed her back comfortingly.
“Violet, I need you to trust me on that. You do not need to see her end. Now, just in case it happens while I'm here, say your goodbyes now.”
“Brynn, Jesus Christ!” Elijah was stunned by my blunt order. He was too young to understand.
“Elijah, I am not going to shield either of you from the grave severity of the situation. You do not deserve to be lied to. I would not forgive myself if you two never got a chance to tell her goodbye.”
Elijah glared at me for a moment and then knelt down beside the bed, his mouth close to Maura's ear.
“I know you're in pain. I'm so sorry for that, Maura. They said that there's nothing we can do. I should have stopped them. I did try. I told them there was nothing that you could tell them. But they didn't listen, and I should have broken down the door. I should have run in there and killed them all for what they were doing.”
Regret. It cascaded from the tip of his consciousness like acidic rain. Every other thought melted away as the drops burst open again
st them. I hated that he now had the means to torment himself forever.
“I know what happened...” He told her as tears began to leak from his eyes. “I know what you did with Brynna. I don't understand it. But it doesn't matter now. She doesn't want me to be angry at you.”
Maura gave a soft moan of agony. I wondered if it was in response to what he had said.
“So I'm not angry. If this is it, Maura, I just need you to take that with you, okay? I need you to know that.”
My own throat clenched. I held Violet tighter, focusing my energy on keeping my tears at bay. I would not cry.
“I need you to know that I love you. That is just about the most clichéd thing to say and I know that if you can hear me, you're rolling your eyes and telling me to come up with something more original,” We all laughed softly at that. “But that's the best I've got.”
“It's plenty, Eli.” I assured him. “It may be clichéd, but it's plenty.”
He nodded, squeezed my shoulder, swiped at his eyes and left the room.
“Alright, honey, your turn.” I told Violet softly. She took Elijah's place beside the bed.
“Maura...” She managed to croak out. Then she sprang up, threw her arms over Maura, and cried hysterically into her chest. “I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!”
“Shh...” I whispered as I eased her up off of Maura. “You have nothing to apologize for.”
“I promised her I'd keep her safe. I said I'd take care of her, Brynn. I failed her. Don't you see? I failed her!” She cried to me uncontrollably. I struggled not to grasp my chest or contort my face into an expression of pain as my heart broke for her.
“You didn't!” I told her firmly. Some of my earlier ice resurfaced but its new life was not bred from a desire to push her away. It was meant to convince her of a truth that would heal her grief, however minimally. “There was nothing you could have done, Violet Mae. She wouldn't want you to feel that. That is the last thing she would want.”
Violet looked up at Maura's bruised and bloodied face. She kissed her forehead gently.
“I love you, Maura. Please don't die. Please, I need you.”
“Alright. Go with Elijah.” I took her hand and steered her towards the door. When I opened it, Alice and Quinn had come downstairs. A look passed between Alice and I. Immediately, she knew that I was going to ask her to watch over my sister. She nodded and squeezed my hand. I was stunned briefly that she understood so clearly. A surge of love for her went through me. I realized that she and Quinn were my friends. I pondered the implications of that even as I closed the door to the room.
When I turned back to Maura, my mind went blank. Her eyes had opened. Not only was she awake, but she was present.
“Brynna?” She asked weakly with tears rolling down her cheeks. Painfully, she turned her head to look at me. I walked forward slowly, not knowing what to say. I would not unleash the rage I felt towards her for what happened. In her final moments, she did not deserve to feel guilt or sadness. I sincerely doubted that anyone deserved to feel such things during the final remainder of their time in our known realm.
“Will you sit with me?” She asked timidly before reaching her hand out to me with great effort.
I nodded and sat down beside her. After a moment, she lowered her hand, realizing that I was not going to take it. She knew the pain of the previous years would not allow such a show of support and love. What was worse is that she accepted and understood that.
“I owe you more apologies than I can count.” She whispered. I had to lean forward to hear her. In her voice, I heard her strength fading slowly.
“That's not important. Did you hear Elijah and Violet?” I asked her and she shook her head. “Well, they begged you not to die. So stop talking like you are.”
“I was waiting for you.” She told me with a tiny smile on her swollen lips. “I wanted you to be with me when I woke up. I need to tell you how sorry I am for everything.”
“It's over. It's in the past.” I said in an unconvincing, robotic tone. What else could be said?
“No. Stop it. I do not deserve for you to forgive me so easily.”
“Maura, I don't want to talk about this!” I shot at her when I felt tears well in my eyes suddenly.
“I was a coward. I was afraid of what Michael was going to do to me. I deserve a lifetime in hell for allowing him to do what he did to you. It's all my fault. Everything you feel now is my fault.” She was crying again and straining to continue. “I know that. I deserve everything that has happened to me. I do, Brynna.”
“Stop it!” I whispered firmly as the tears brimmed and prepared to fall.
“I love you and I am so sorry. I don't expect you to forgive me. You don't owe me that. What I want more than for my guilt to go away is for you to be alright, Brynna. I just want you to live a happy life. I want you to fall in love. I want you to have children of your own someday because you will be the best mother. Just look at how you are with Penny...”
“I will not be engaging in such foolish triviality again. I fell in love once and it ended terribly. I loved a man who was nothing more than a liar.”
“He was nothing.”
“He was everything, Maura!” I exclaimed in indignation before jumping up and starting to pace. “He is the only man I have ever trusted. He is the only man that I have ever loved! And the only reason we met is because Adam sent him after me!”
“I know how badly it hurts you.”
“It doesn't hurt me!” I snapped at her. “It pisses me off!”
“Stop.” She whispered. “Sit down.”
I stopped walking when I felt my heart racing and my head spinning. I sat down beside her again, knowing I would collapse if I continued to stand.
“I know it doesn't seem like it, but you will love again, Brynna. I know that I warned you against them. I know that my own love life is not an example. But you will love someone again, and they will be good and strong and they will love you, too. They will never inflict this pain on you. All of those ideals you told me about from your books, all of those things that you said you don’t believe in… They’re real, Brynna. They’re real, and you deserve them. You will have every last one of them, my darling.”
I shook my head slightly, though I wanted so desperately to believe her. When I looked at her, my tears had multiplied. She saw them and reached out to wipe them away.
“Do you promise?” I whispered in the voice of a child.
She nodded and smiled weakly.
“I promise.”
She gave a weak moan of pain again. I reached out and grabbed hold of her hands. I brought them to my chest and held them tightly. A feeling took my breath away when it emerged suddenly. I realized that I needed her. I realized that everything, every terrible moment in our joint past, didn't matter anymore. It was of the old world and the old world was gone. I had promised that Pangea would be a new start for everyone and yet, I held old world grudges. I allowed myself to succumb to old world pain.
I had to let it go.
“Maura, I just realized something.”
“Yeah?” She managed to mutter as she opened her eyes.
“I need you. I cannot do this without you.”
“Shh...” She wiped my eyes again. “You can do anything, Brynna Claire. Anything, do you understand me?”
“But I need you to stay with me!” My voice cracked and a stray tear streamed down my cheek.
“I said,” She cringed in pain for a moment, stifling a soft moan. “I said, 'Do you understand?'”
I nodded and moved closer to her.
“Stay with me. Stay with me, Maura.” I whispered after pressing my forehead to hers. Her hands grasped my face. As the tears finally fell, I whispered words I had not said to her in many, many years:
“I love you.”
“I know you do. I love you, too. I have hurt you terribly… and yet I love you the most.”
A sob escaped me and I felt her tears running down her face onto my hands.
“I love you so much, my beautiful Brynna.”
So clichéd, and yet the only words that could ever matter. Her lips kissed my cheek twice. I laid my head against her chest, crying harder when I felt her arms wrapping around me.
“It's alright, honey.” She whispered to me as I sobbed and held onto her for all the life left in us both. “Shh... Everything is going to be alright, my sweet girl. I promise you. I promise, darling.”
At the end of her life, she had resumed the task she had taken at the beginning of mine; she calmed my cries with ease and gentleness while I was bundled up snugly in her arms. We were, most definitely, consumed by one of life's full circles.
“I wanted it to be you… here with me.”
I nodded and held onto her even more tightly.
“I'm here.” I whispered back through my tears.
I still don't know how long we laid there before I heard her breathing and heartbeat slow and stop. But I will tell you that there is one thing I know for sure, and you might not believe it: When I sat up, the weight of the pain had lifted. I nearly toppled over from the new lightness of my being. I looked down at her, at how she looked to be merely asleep, and though my tears still fell, I knew that in her last moments, she had taken the pain from me. She would carry it for me far away, to wherever she was going, where it could never harm me again. That was her final gift to me. That was her final act of repentance and apology.
“Come on.” Elijah was saying softly to me. I hadn't realized that he had come to check on me. Now, I was the one being steered from the room. I was the one being escorted, mercifully, from the terrible sadness of Maura's death. I had never imagined that I would feel a thing. I had never guessed I would grieve her passing. But then, even when I hated her, I had always loved her. Love and hate are so very close, after all.
My immediate action upon reentering the hall was to embrace Violet. Upon seeing my tear-streaked face, she knew the worst had happened. Her sobs were painful, twisting and wringing my insides dry. But they were cleansing, at least on her end. They were the audible expulsion of her own grief. For her, crying relieved the pain.
When the building shook, I assumed my internal explosive energy had manifested in an imaginary outer display. But upon seeing the alarmed looks on the teary faces of Alice, Quinn and Elijah, I realized that something really was happening. The darkness had come. It was beating down our door, ready to destroy us as we stood in its path.
The Shattered Genesis (Eternity) Page 82