by T. S. Ryder
Nausea that had nothing to do with the nerves of being in such close contact with so many people churned her gut. She had been meaning to tell her boyfriend about it for nearly two weeks now, but always found an excuse not to. It wasn't the right time because of college applications, or final exams, or getting ready for graduation. As the Alpha's son, he was expected to meet a lot of people.
He didn't need the added stress that his girlfriend was pregnant.
Amanda made a conscious effort not to cup her belly protectively as she moved past a group of her human classmates. As one of the few Wolves that had been sent to public school instead of being kept on the packlands, she had always felt like an outsider. To make it worse, her natural disposition was shy and withdrawn. She never was really able to fully integrate herself into the school's society, unlike Jace.
Jace. A smile blossomed over her face as she caught sight of her boyfriend, surrounded by his many friends and admirers. As always. And yet, being around so many people wasn't so bad as long as Jace was with her.
He had everything going against him in this school. He was a Wolf from the low-end of the income scale, just like Amanda. Raised on a farm in the packlands.
Whether it was his own personal charm or because of the natural Alpha instincts in him, he was insanely popular. He led all of the school fundraisers, organized social outings, and had even arranged the most successful dry prom the school had ever seen. Everybody loved him, and Amanda was no exception.
"Let the lady through," he called as Amanda attempted to wade through his gaggle of friends. The group pressed back as he strode through them to meet her. He gripped Amanda's hips as he kissed her deeply.
She had seen boyfriends swinging their girlfriends around all day and almost wished that Jace would try it, too. But even though he had started working out and his shoulders were getting broader, she was still too chubby to lift. It would end up just embarrassing both of them. So she satisfied with the rumble of pleasure that he growled, and the second and third pecks on the lips that he gave her before he pulled away.
Jace grinned broadly at her as he slung an arm around her shoulder. "Let's go somewhere we can talk, okay?"
Amanda nodded, letting him lead her away from the press of people. They were stopped a lot on their way out by people giving Jace congratulations and ignoring Amanda, but she didn't mind. She was happy being invisible by Jace's side. It was where she felt the safest, next to him. They were soon in Jace's car, pulling away from the school.
Her mind turned back to her pregnancy. How was she meant to tell him? She knew he was looking forward to university and college, but given his family's financial situation, he probably wasn't going to be able to get anywhere except the local community college, which had free programs for Wolves. They could make that work, the two of them plus the baby. Amanda knew she would have to work instead of pursuing her own education further, but she didn't mind. His or her parents could watch the baby while he was at school and she was at work, at least until they were settled.
As long as the two of them were together, it would be okay.
"You look beautiful today," Jace said as he parked.
Amanda started. She had been so wrapped up in her own thoughts that she didn't realize that they had driven out to their special spot, where they liked to go hiking when things got a little too stressful. She breathed in the smells of the forest, wondering if they could go camping before their summer jobs began. She loved running through the trees in her Wolf form, Jace by her side.
Jace turned to her and smiled, but the smile wasn't as happy as it had been at the graduation ceremony. "Amanda, I got some news yesterday."
Did he know about the baby? Amanda silently nodded for him to continue, her heart pounding.
"I applied for a scholarship, and I got it. And I got accepted to Harvard. The scholarship will pay for my first year."
Amanda stared at him, not comprehending what he was saying. "Harvard?"
Jace nodded. "Yeah. I never thought I'd actually get in, but I did. Starting this fall. Surprising, but not unwelcome."
Amanda got out of the car, sucking in deep breaths. She wasn't expecting this, but that didn't mean things had to change. They’d just have to adjust their plans a little bit. The scholarship meant that he wouldn't need anything extra in order to get by. She would still have to work, though, to help cover the extra expenses of the baby, and help pay for his next year, in case he didn't get another scholarship. But that didn't matter, she would support him. She could get a job in New York. With all those crowds of people…
Was Harvard even in New York? Where was it?
"This is really exciting," she said trying not to let her pounding heart betray her. "Harvard! You've wanted to go there for years. You're going to be a big-time lawyer and earn a billion dollars by the time you're thirty, just like you always said you would."
Jace circled the car and gently pulled her into his arms. "It's a great turn of events. I didn't think I'd ever be able to afford school, if I'm honest."
Despite the fact that Jace was the son of the pack's Alpha, they weren't the most financially well-off members of the pack. Mostly it was because his father had to spend so much time taking care of the pack and mediating disputes that he had a hard time holding down a steady job. It didn't help that at the time when Jace's father was college age, they didn't have the same amount of scholarships that they had these days and hadn't gotten a degree. He had also become Alpha when he was only sixteen, so his high school grades had suffered a lot because he didn’t have much time for homework from that point on.
But Jace was going to have all the opportunities his father never did. Amanda held her hands stiffly at her sides. Where did she, the chubby girl with no aspirations other than settling down with her mate and having a litter of children, fit into this? What sort of Alpha female hated being in the spotlight and avoided public interactions?
An awful, sinking feeling filled her. Jace didn't bring her here just to tell her he was going to Harvard. He could have told her that he got his scholarship at any time. He could have announced it to his group of friends. He brought her to their spot to tell her that she wasn't going to Harvard with him. A small-town Alpha with a small-town job, sure, she could fit in there. But she didn't belong with the prestige of Harvard or his plans for the future.
"So, where is Harvard, exactly?" Her voice trembled, on the verge of breaking down.
"Amanda."
"I can go with you. I'll get a job, and that way when you come home after school, I can make you supper and then you don’t have to stress about taking care of yourself as you do your schooling." Her eyes were burning. "I'll take care of you."
Jace turned her around. Amanda refused to look at him. This couldn't be happening, this had to be some sort of bizarre stress dream. But as much as her eyes burned, she didn't cry. Maybe if she cried he wouldn't break up with her. Jace tucked his hand under her chin, trying to get her to look at him. She pulled away and shook her head. The lump in her throat made it impossible to speak.
As she wrapped her arms around her stomach, she was reminded of the tiny person growing inside her. Would Jace stay if she told him she was pregnant?
"Amanda, I'm so sorry. But you know where this is headed."
She forced herself to nod.
"I love you, but I have a chance to change things. Not just for myself, but for the whole pack. I have to be able to concentrate on the future."
"Because you have no future with me." It wasn't an accusation, just a fact, and the lump in her throat got bigger.
"That's not what I mean. It's not fair to you to drag you out to Harvard and then just ignore you. I'll be busy with my schooling; I'm not going to have time for a relationship." Jace touched her face and she moved back from him again. "Amanda, please. I'm sorry, but I'm doing this for you."
She wanted to laugh, to tell him that it had nothing to do with her and everything to do with him. He had his plans, and she didn't
belong in them. Not right now, at least.
Amanda looked up at him and opened her mouth to tell him that she was pregnant. He would stay, then. She knew he would. He would stay, and they would be together. Their child would be the next Alpha…
And then what? He wouldn't be able to be a lawyer. He'd get a half-rate degree from a half-rate community college, and all his dreams for the future would be over. His plans for himself, his plans for the pack, would never materialize. He wasn't going to be a lawyer just so he could get rich, he wanted to be able to serve the pack better, to be able to protect them in court as well as solving disputes between pack members. If she took that away from him, he'd never forgive her.
At long last, the tears began to flow. She couldn't take that future away from him or the pack. Even as her heart broke, she nodded.
"I understand, Jace. I'm sorry that it has to end, but you're right. It will be best for both of us if you go and I stay. I wouldn't want to be around all those people, anyway."
Jace wiped one of her tears away with his thumb and embraced her. "It's going to work out, Amanda. You'll see. Everything is going to be fine. It's for the best."
Amanda held him tighter, holding her breath, trying to believe him. But how could her life work out for the best if he wasn't in it?
Chapter Two
Six Years Later
Amanda smoothed her long hair back from her face, hoping that she didn't look as stressed as she felt. It had been a long day at work. As the receptionist in a chiropractor's office, her job was generally low-key and easy. There wasn't a great amount of stress involved, and the clients were generally the upbeat, cheerful kind. There was just the right mix of dealing with people and working alone as well. Most days were relaxed enough that she could even get a little homework done between clients.
She had been counting on today to be a quiet day. She had an exam coming up in the accounting class she was taking in college. But it had been one of the worst days of her life.
To start with, everybody was talking about Jace. He had graduated his law program in two years and was now a bigshot, insanely successful lawyer. Just like he had always said, he was a self-made billionaire, and it only took him four years. He was driven, talented and lucky that all his dreams came true.
And he was coming back to town. All anybody seemed to talk about was him and the human he was dating. There were a few people who remembered that she and Jace had gone out in high school. She had to repeat several times in the day that she was happy for him, and no, she didn't keep in contact with him.
As if the talk about her ex-boyfriend wasn't bad enough, the Grumpies, a family unit consisting of parents and five ill-behaved monsters who all had permanent scowls, had come to the chiropractor’s office. The smallest child had thrown a tantrum when she wasn't allowed to play on Amanda's computer and ran around the office, howling at the top of her lungs, while her parents screamed at her to shut up.
But the day in the office was almost over. It was almost done, and Amanda was looking forward to spending the rest of the day with Logan. Her son slid into the backseat of the car as she got into the driver's seat after picking him up from a playdate. She smiled at him in the rearview mirror.
"Did you have fun with Kaylen, honey?"
Logan nodded, proudly buckling himself up in his car seat. "Yeah. We decided we want to go to kindergarten together next year."
"But you'll be in grade one next year."
"Oh." Logan kicked his feet. "Then we want to be in grade one together, at both my schools."
Amanda couldn’t help but smile at her little man. She had made arrangements with the school district so that he split his schooling evenly between the school in the packlands and the one in town. She didn't want him isolated from his Wolf peers. Even though more and more parents were sending their kids to school in town, the environment in the packlands school was one that she wanted him to experience. She was a little concerned that it would be unstable and put him behind in school, but both of his teachers assured her that he was a smart boy, and was ahead of his classes in both areas.
Logan clapped his hands. "Guess what?"
"What?" Amanda pulled out into traffic and began heading home.
"The Alpha is going to come visit my town school tomorrow."
Amanda tensed. Jace was going to Logan's school?
Not because of Logan, she reminded herself. He doesn’t know about him. He’s just going because he's meeting the students as the new Alpha.
It was the main reason that he was returning to the packlands with his girlfriend. His father wasn't a young Wolf anymore and had decided to take the unprecedented step to retire before he died, handing the leadership of the pack to Jace while he was still around to help the transition go more smoothly.
"That's great, sweetheart," Amanda managed to stutter out, her heart strumming like a bass guitar.
She was glad that her son's hearing wasn't sharp enough to hear it. There were some Wolves who could hear heartbeats, but rarely could do so in human form. If they could, her heart would have given her away every time Jace's name was spoken.
Other than occasionally seeing him from afar in town, Amanda hadn't seen Jace since graduation. It had been very hard the first few years after Logan was born to not call Jace up and tell him about their son. Even though she had begun dating someone right away after they broke up, she had never been able to feel more than a mild attraction to another man. But as time passed, even thinking about confessing this huge secret to Jace was enough to send her into palpitations.
"I hope that I get to talk to him," Logan continued. "Maybe he'll give me money! Then I can buy new books for the packland library."
Amanda's gaze flickered to her son in the mirror again. He was the spitting image of her father when he was in human form. There was no way that Jace would see Logan and see himself in the little boy. At least, not right away. His personality was just like his Jace's. Bold, confident, and he always managed to end up being the leader of his group, no matter who he was with. And when he shifted, his Wolf looked exactly like Jace’s own.
After all these years, wasn't it about time that Jace learned he had a son? He was successful now and had been able to raise the pack's standard of living with both his work and donations to repair housing and public buildings. But what would she tell him when he demanded to know why she kept him in the dark about it for so many years? Would he even want to know that she had been pregnant the day he broke up with her?
And would he believe her? She started dating again within a month after graduation. It had been a mistake, but she had dated, and Jace might think that she was lying about the identity of Logan's father.
Amanda ghosted through the rest of the day, struggling to give Logan the attention he deserved as he chattered away about everything that he was excited about. Her mind was full of Jace. His smile, his scent, his confidence. She thought it might drive her crazy if she didn't tell someone about it.
When the day was done and Logan was in bed, she knocked on the door of her housemate, Betty, a human woman. She was a good person, always willing to lend an ear to Amanda's problems.
"Can we talk?" the Wolf asked.
Betty was sitting on her bed, reading one of the romances that she liked so much, but she tossed the book aside and gestured for Amanda to come in. "What's up?"
Amanda sat on the other end of the bed, trying not to gag at the cloying vanilla scent her housemate favored. She pulled her legs underneath herself, wondering how to say what she needed to say. It was clear that she needed to talk about her dilemma, but wasn't sure she really wanted to share it with Betty. She had a good heart, but often didn't see the nuances of life, and expected things to be very straightforward. Like in her romances, she thought that after the big dramatic moment, the rest was happily ever after.
"Have you heard that Jace Simpson is moving back to town?"
Betty made a face. "That's all it seems anybody talks about. Why would I care
if the Wolf Alpha—but you're a Wolf." Her face went red and she winced. "Sorry. I forgot. So you must be pretty excited that your new Alpha man is coming back to town, right?"
"Not really."
Betty's eyes widened. "Why not?"
"Jace and I used to date…"
Amanda briefly gave her the story, sighing when she got to the end. Saying it out loud helped to ease the burden off her shoulders. The only people who knew who Logan's father was were her parents and herself. She couldn't talk about it with them. They were old-fashioned, and though they loved Logan to death, they couldn't understand why she didn't make Jace marry her. Better to have a more modern-thinking sounding board.
"But that's fantastic!" Betty clapped her hands, squealing. "If Jace is Logan's father, that means he's your mate, doesn't it?"
"That's not how it works."
Betty frowned. "But you two have a kid together."
"I know. But mating in the 'this is my mate' sense is very different from mating in the 'we made a kid' sense. It's not like we see a person, date them, jump into bed and, bam, we're mated."
"But that's how the movies always portray it."
Amanda couldn’t help but roll her eyes. "Because movies never sensationalize anything, do they?"
Betty shrugged.
"How Shifter mating works is fairly similar to how it works with humans who fall in love, except once a pair commits, there is a bond between them that can't be broken. There is no falling out of love. Studies have shown that when Shifters are exposed to the sight, sound, or scent of their mate, the brain releases bonding chemicals that aren't found in human brains. Yet, other than that, we date. We experiment with sex. We end up with the wrong people, and we get our hearts broken."
"Oh, hun." Betty squeezed her hand. "I can see you're still crazy for him. Why don't you go to him? Tell him how you still feel. He probably feels the same way for you, and then you can be Mrs. Alpha."