by T. S. Ryder
Maybe she could be 'kidnapped' with them. Then she could keep them calm and when it was over and she received her freedom, she could stay on. She could see if there was something more that could develop between her and Grayson . . . and she could encourage him to pull back from politics so that the organization would never target him again.
Her mind spun in circles, leaving her breathless. What was she thinking? She couldn't do that. It would end up getting them all killed.
"I'm going to get coffee," she blurted, passing Hudson to Grayson. "I'll be back."
She left the room quickly, hands trembling. What was wrong with her? Why were all these emotions pressing in on her? She poured herself a coffee and added sugar and cream, surprised at the burn of tears in her eyes.
I can't do this.
Soft footsteps sounded behind her and she knew it was Grayson. Her stomach cramped, her heart flipped and the lump in her throat increased.
I have to do this. What choice do I have?
Chapter Six – Grayson
Grayson knew that Arabella knew he was there, but she didn't turn as he followed her to the free coffee served in the waiting room. She kept her back to him as she poured herself a cup, adding more sugar and cream than he had ever seen her consume before. Her hands shook and she seemed to hunch in on herself. It surprised him to see her so vulnerable and he couldn't help but think that it was his fault.
He was the one who told her it was inappropriate to have a relationship and then he had kissed her. He was the one that initiated the sex before that. It had almost been a full week, but it still felt fresh to him. Was it the same for her?
"Arabella?"
She turned, stirring her coffee, though she still refused to look directly at him. Grayson put his hands over hers, making her stop. She closed her eyes briefly and looked up at him. Her expression was more or less blank but there was still a glimmer of uncertainty in her eyes.
Grayson lowered his voice to make sure that the others around them couldn't hear but he wasn't going to back down. "What's wrong? Is it because we made love?"
She tried to pull away but he tightened his grip just enough so that she couldn’t. "It's not that."
Relief poured over Grayson to hear that. He knew that she wanted that kiss, could taste her passion when their lips met but that didn't mean that she didn't regret it. She didn't maintain eye contact for long, instead just looking back down at her coffee.
"So what is it?"
She shook her head.
"Arabella, if I did something—"
"It's not you. It's me. It's all me. I . . . I don't know if I can . . . " She sighed. "Seeing the way you are with the twins and the way they get along. Even Henry. It's difficult for me. I was never really part of a real family. It was always just me, you know? My parents weren't really there. I don't even remember them all that much. I can't help but wonder what I would have turned out like if they had actually cared about me."
The raw pain in her eyes made his fires flare. He wanted to track down her parents and demand that they see the agony that they caused their daughter. Nobody should have to feel like they were unloved. It made him furious that someone as kind as Arabella was made to feel that way.
"What about your sister?"
Arabella shook her head. "She's not really my sister. She . . . "
She trailed off, clearly not wanting to say any more than that. Grayson moved forward again. He brushed his fingers against her cheek. Her skin was so soft and warm, it made him want to wrap her in his arms and never let her go.
"You can trust me," he promised.
"That's not the issue. My past is my past, and I don't . . . Nobody can change what I've done."
"What you've done? You’re a wonderful person." He moved his hands down her arms, stepping closer. The steam of the coffee rose between them and Grayson gently moved it aside. "Arabella, you are a beautiful, intelligent, compassionate—"
"Grayson, please."
He shook his head. "Let me finish."
She sucked her lower lip between her teeth and nodded. Her eyes glimmered with tears and he wiped a stray one away as it rolled down her cheek. Even with the antiseptic smell of the hospital and the hum of activity, he only focused on her. He was too focused on her and letting her know how he felt. Maybe it was silly to have such strong emotions after knowing her for such a short amount of time, but it had worked the same way with Christine. He had known he wanted to marry her after only a week.
"I appreciate what you do for me," he started. "And for the twins. They love you."
She jerked away from him as though he had slapped her. "Grayson, no."
"They do. I've never met anybody who is quite like you – with your patience and the way you always seem to know exactly what to do."
"Stop!" Her voice was a hiss. "Stop it. Look, I know that losing your wife was hard on you, but I'm just the first woman who has been in your life full-time since her. So whatever you think you are feeling, it's not real. You're just learning how to test the waters again. That kiss? It was a mistake."
"I don’t think so."
"It was. And we didn't make love. We had sex. That's all it was. We need to keep our minds on what is important."
Grayson frowned at the distress emanating from her but backed away. As much as he'd like to throw her over his shoulder and fly away to where they could talk until her distress turned to something else, he knew he had to keep himself under control. Yes, he was becoming more and more certain of his feelings for her, but that didn't mean that she felt the same. Humans were tricky that way.
She pushed past him, then stopped. Her shoulders sagged and she turned back. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap. It's just that . . . I learned long ago that emotion was a dangerous thing and I didn't want now, of all times . . . " She shook her head, shrinking into herself again. "It's putting everything in jeopardy."
Grayson moved closer again. "I'm not going to hurt you."
"No. I'm going to hurt you. I've come to really care about Olivia and Hudson. More than I thought I could. And thinking that anything might happen to them . . . " Her lip trembled and she sucked in a deep breath. "Haven't you ever thought about giving up on politics? For their sake?"
Grayson frowned. "I'm not sure what you mean."
"People are mad. What you are doing threatens their way of life and that can have consequences. Don't you think that you're putting your children in danger over this?"
"There have been threats," he admitted. "There are always threats. Even before I started getting involved. But when I think about what their futures are . . . I can't put this on their shoulders. I won't." His eyes grew steely. "My children are never going to have to see the world this way. I am going to change it for their sake."
"What is the point of doing all of this if they don't end up having a future, though?" she pressed, her own eyes narrowing. "You say there have been threats. What if they come true and something happens to the twins because of your politics?"
Grayson's brow furrowed. Why was she so insistent about this? He moved closer, reaching for her hand. "Did somebody threaten you?"
She shook her head.
"Then why is this worrying you so much? The children are safe. They are always with people I trust and I would never let something happen to them. I'd kill anybody who tried."
"You're not always there," Arabella whispered. "And maybe your trust is misplaced."
Grayson frowned. "Arabella—"
She threw her coffee in the trash and then threw her arms around his neck. Even as he tried to ask her what she was doing, she swallowed his words with a kiss. Instantly, his internal fires went wild. The dragon inside of him roared with approval. Every cell in his body ignited; it drew him toward her and he cupped her ass in his hands, pulling her tighter. Even the knowledge that they were being watched by the nursing staff couldn't stop him. He thought of everywhere they could do it. The bathroom. Unoccupied rooms. Even the rooftop crossed his mind.
With a reluctant groan, Grayson broke the kiss. As much as he would have liked to recklessly throw himself into her, there was more at stake than just him. Back when he first pursued Christine, the worst that could possibly happen was getting his heart broken. Now he had two little children who relied on him for everything. He couldn't fling himself headfirst into the void and hope that they didn't get hurt if this didn't work out. They loved Arabella and he wasn't going to drive her away by being impatient.
"What's wrong?" Arabella asked, her eyes wide, her chest heaving.
With a regretful smile, Grayson shook his head. "I can't rush into this. I'm sorry. I was pushing and now I have to pull away. I need to make sure that whatever this is doesn't hurt my children if we can't make it work."
Arabella blinked a couple of times before she pulled away. "You have to put your children first – even above your own wants."
He nodded. "Sorry."
"Don't be." Her voice cracked. "I'm the one giving you mixed messages, if you'll remember. Telling you I can't . . . and then kissing you."
"It can be confusing, I know," Grayson said. "Especially when a shifter and a non-shifter have . . . intense feelings for each other. Dragons don't approach marriage and mating the same way. Among Shifters, when we make love—"
"Where are the kids, anyway?" Arabella interrupted. Her voice had smoothed again, as though nothing in the last half hour had happened and she had merely gone for coffee and happened to bump into him. "If Henry is doing poorly, he shouldn’t have to deal with their energy. They can be quite exhausting."
Grayson was silent for a moment. He wasn't sure how to take Arabella's abrupt switch. Mixed messages indeed. He thought for a moment, then shook his head. Pushing her on the matter wasn't a good idea. He'd talk to her more about it that night after the kids were in bed. If she wanted him to back off, he would, but he wasn't going to let himself get jerked around.
"Henry's doing a lot better today," he told her. "They want to keep him for observation, but he insists that he's fine."
Her gaze shifted over his shoulder and a look of weariness came over her face. "I see. It's going to be impossible to calm them down after this."
Before he could ask her what she meant, a delighted shriek from down the hall made him turn. Henry barreled down the corridor in his wheelchair, Hudson clinging to one shoulder, Olivia to the next. Smoke and sparks showered from their mouths as they hollered. Hudson's face was red as he spun the wheels faster and faster. The nurses shrieked, sounding much less amused than the twins and chased after them.
Arabella gave Grayson a look before she hurried to rescue the poor nurses. Grayson could have sworn that he saw guilt on her face.
Chapter Seven – Arabella
After the disaster at the hospital, Arabella was grateful that other things quickly filled up the space between her and Grayson, stopping him from asking further questions. Henry's display with the children convinced the doctors that he was fit to be discharged – so long as he had supervision and careful observation. With that in mind, he was moved into a rather large and luxurious RV at the base of Grayson's tree, and a nurse was hired to come stay with him.
As much as she was glad that Henry was there – since he kept Grayson occupied enough, it was easy to avoid him – she didn't like having another person around. It was going to be hard enough to follow through on the mission without this extra worry.
And then, of course, there was the kiss. It was the last thing she should have done – kissing Grayson. Especially when the conversation was getting so . . . intimate. She didn't need to be reminded of how she was going to betray them all. It was already unforgivable. This path she was falling down wasn't just a slippery slope. It was a rabbit hole and she was certain it was going to end with her losing her head.
She knew now that he was going to press harder than he ever had before to find out exactly why she was kissing him and what she was afraid of. Their conversation had been so up and down that there was really no other way for him to react. The kiss simply clinched the deal. At the time, it had seemed like the best way to stop the conversation, but it was a bad idea. Especially because of how much she still wanted him.
I'm projecting, she told herself. I see this perfect little family he has and I'm projecting myself into it. It's not him that I want – it's this feeling of trust and safety. All an illusion. Doesn't help that the sex was amazing.
The mission had to come first.
But did it have to happen the way she had been planning? Did it have to be the children? She could tell Kennedy and their superiors that it was too much of a danger to take the children because of Grayson's inevitable reaction. They could take Henry instead. He was enough to stop Grayson from continuing his political path.
Maybe there was a way to do things so that Grayson never found out that she was a part of it. Maybe she could fake her own kidnapping, demand the ransom for herself and, when he withdrew from politics, she would quit her job and move far away with her payment from the organization. Grayson would never know what sort of person she actually was and the heartbreak wouldn't be so bad, would it?
Grayson knocked at her bedroom door, making her jump. "The kids are sleeping and Henry's watching TV. Want to go for a walk?"
She didn't but nodded anyway. She had had plenty of time to come up with a reason for why they couldn't do what they were doing and she was certain she would be forceful enough to make him leave it alone. She had to cut off the emotional ties she was building. No matter what happened, the ransom had to happen and she had to stay far, far away from him.
The paths on the forest floor in this tree-top Dragon suburbia were all nature trails. There wasn't any pavement among the redwoods, except for the few roads for the cars. Even the main town was far away from the trees, a single grocery store and the hospital the only buildings inside. Probably to help preserve the trees.
"It's been a crazy few days, hasn't it?" Grayson asked as they headed through the lush, thick ferns.
She took a deep breath, preparing to tell him that she had made a mistake by kissing him, but he continued speaking before she could.
"When I married Christine, I thought that was it. She was my life-mate and I was never going to have anybody else. She and I were perfect complements for each other. I never imagined that I would lose her." His chin fell to his chest. "And afterward, I never thought I was going to feel that way ever again."
"Grayson—"
"I thought about what you said," he interrupted. "About how you're the first woman I've spent any real time with since her."
"That's not exactly what I said."
He shrugged. "I get what you said, though. And it really made me think. About what I feel. About Christine."
"You really loved her," Arabella said softly. If she could remind him enough about his dead wife, then maybe he would pull away and she wouldn't have to deal with these confusing emotions any longer. Not his and not her own. "She was a special woman in your life, wasn't she?"
"She was, yes. She had so much love in her heart."
Arabella swallowed hard. "I'm not like that."
Grayson gave her a shrewd look. "Maybe not. But you are still full of compassion."
He wouldn't say that if he knew about all the lives she had ruined – all the people she had killed. A lump rose in her throat, her eyes flooding with tears. She didn't want to feel like this, but she was crumbling inside. All her life she wanted to have love. Maybe this really was just an illusion, but she wanted this so badly it hurt.
"But I'm not her and I think you're trying to see me like she was," she said, trying to make her voice harder. "Grayson, I can't deny that there is an attraction between us, but it could never work. You're a dragon and I don't think we'd be compatible. I love the twins; I don't want them to get hurt. And they will get hurt if we try this."
Grayson grasped her hand, stopping her. "I thin
k you're more afraid that you will get hurt."
Arabella yanked herself away from him. She took a deep breath and forced herself to channel the hurt in her chest into anger. "Oh, so you know everything about me now, do you?"
If she had hoped for Grayson to turn it all into an argument so she could put the necessary distance between the two of them, she was disappointed. The dragon stayed still, watching her with knowing eyes. The lump in her throat grew bigger, choking her. Her eyes burned.
"Don't look at me like that," she whispered.
"You can't stop me." His voice was soft, gentle. "Arabella, I know that you're scared. I can see it in your eyes. But if you just give me a chance—"
"I said no!" She clenched her fists. "Don't you understand what that means? What happened to thinking about your kids first, anyway? Did you just decide that they weren't important after all? Why can't you just leave this alone?"
She started to walk away again. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her back.
"I'm trying to talk to you! There is too much between us to ignore and you know it."
"Let me go."
Grayson pulled her into his arms. "Listen to me. I'm scared, too. I haven't dated since Christine passed. I haven't even looked at women that way. I never thought I would again and, if I'm honest, I didn't want to."
Arabella yanked hard against his grip, fighting the urge to either cry or kiss him again. "I don't want you to, either."
"But I feel it all over again. And you are worth risking my heart for. Please, Arabella. Give me a chance. I know that your life was not the best—"
"You don't know my life!" She jabbed her fingers into a knot of nerves at the top of his arm. He released her with a yelp. She knew from experience that his arm would feel numb and tingly for two hours after that. But that was exactly what she needed. "You don't know the first thing about my life."