Then who was it up to? Her? Was Nick—? No, not just Nick, but Jemima too. Were they expecting her to be the one to free Nick from his marriage? She couldn’t! It wasn’t fair of them to expect her to.
‘You really do need to get into bed.’ Nick easily noted the way her face had paled even more, leaving her chalky white now. ‘As I said, I won’t be long—’
‘And as I said,’ she put in firmly, no longer looking at him as she threw back the bedclothes, ‘I shall be asleep when you get back.’ She turned to look at him challengingly.
‘Gemini…!’ Nick groaned achingly. ‘I wish to God I could make this easier for you—’
‘Just go, Nick!’ she bit out gratingly, having no idea how much longer she could hold onto the small reservoir of control she had left. ‘Maybe—maybe later on we can talk like two civilised adults.’ Although in her case it would have to be a lot later!
‘I wish—Oh, damn what I wish,’ he rasped harshly. ‘But one thing, Gemini—I’m not going to apologise for what happened last night!’ he told her grimly, before turning on his heel and slamming out of the room.
Gemini sat down gratefully on the bed. No one, it appeared, was going to apologise for last night…
A sob caught in the back of her throat, choking her, and she buried her face in her hands.
It was over, that rosy glow of hope she had lived under for the last six months, since she’d realised that she had unknowingly fallen in love with Nick. There was nowhere for those emotions to go now, no way she could even fight to keep Nick—not when there was a baby’s welfare involved.
But it seemed that Nick and Jemima were leaving it to her to be the one who made any decisions that needed to be made. And, in the circumstances, there was only one decision that could be made.
Divorce…
Just the word made her shudder. How much more painful would the reality of it be, especially when she still loved Nick?” How could she release him so that he could be with her sister? But, in the circumstances, how could she not…?
It was odd how calm she felt—well, perhaps calm was the wrong word, Gemini acknowledged ruefully to herself; resigned was probably the right way to describe how she felt.
She hadn’t gone to sleep after she’d heard Nick leave the house with Jemima, but had lain awake, going over each of the options still open to her: to stay, to go, or to go with her dignity, at least, still intact. She had decided, finally, on the latter. Dignity, after all, was all she would be able to leave with!
That decision made, she had slept, heavily and deeply, waking to find the house in darkness, knowing that it must be some hours now since Nick had left with Jemima. And since he had returned…?
There was only one way to find that out, she realised as she looked at the bedside clock and saw it was an hour before their customary dinnertime; she would have to go downstairs and find out.
But before going downstairs she took a shower, washing her hair too, and after drying it, she brushed it until it shone in silky darkness about her shoulders. The make-up she applied hid the shadows beneath the blue of her eyes, her blusher giving colour to her cheeks and the red lipgloss she applied to her lips the exact colour of the red knee-length dress she chose to wear.
Her mother had told her years ago, ‘If you know you’re about to lose a fight, then make sure you’re looking your best when you do it—it will make you feel better about yourself, and your opponent will at least take a second look!’ It was too late for Nick to take a second look at her—he had already chosen the twin he wanted!—but it wasn’t too late to follow her mother’s advice and at least feel better about herself.
She was twenty-nine years of age, and although at this moment she might feel as if her life were over, she knew that in reality it wasn’t. GemStone would still go on, and along with it so would she. Maybe not as she had been, but nevertheless she would go on.
Now all she had to do was get through this evening with Nick!
All…!
Maybe he wouldn’t be downstairs, after all. No, of course he would be downstairs; he had said he wouldn’t be long taking Jemima back home, and Nick wasn’t yet a man who didn’t keep his word. Yet? No matter what might have gone wrong between them now, Nick had always been honest with her. Or at least she had thought he had…
He was home. She could see the lamps on in the sitting-room as she came down the stairs, could even hear the chink of ice in his glass as he enjoyed his customary glass of whisky before dinner.
She drew in a deep breath, composing herself before she had to go in and face him. Composing herself! Was there any way to prepare herself for the encounter ahead?
‘Gemini—!’ Nick rose sharply to his feet as she appeared in the doorway. He was still wearing the dark green shirt and black trousers he’d changed into earlier this afternoon, and from the look of his hair he’d run his fingers through it several times while he sat and drank his whisky.
‘Good evening, Nick,’ she heard herself greet him smoothly as she strolled into the room. ‘Could I have a glass of sherry, please?’ she requested, before sitting down in the chair opposite him.
He didn’t move, looking at her with narrowed eyes, his gaze searching. ‘Is that wise, after your migraine earlier?’ he said slowly.
‘I feel fine now,’ she dismissed.
‘But—’
‘Nick, I think I’m old enough to decide whether or not I feel well enough to drink a glass of sherry before dinner,’ she told him derisively.
He gave an acknowledging inclination of his head before standing up. ‘You seem to be old enough to decide quite a lot of things today,’ he drawled dryly, moving to pour the sherry. ‘Are there any other decisions you’ve made today that I should know about?’ He quirked dark brows at her enquiringly as he gave her the glass of sherry.
Gemini drew in a deep breath, opening her mouth to speak—only to find she couldn’t get a word past her lips!
Tell him, she instructed herself firmly. Go on, tell him you’ll agree to the divorce. Go on, tell him!
‘I’ve been asleep most of the afternoon, Nick,’ she answered dismissively. ‘I very rarely make decisions in my sleep.’ She took a sip of the sherry, relieved when the alcohol burnt the back of her throat. It showed her she really was awake, and not in the middle of a nightmare!
He drew in a sharp breath. ‘You certainly seem to be fully recovered,’ he bit out tersely.
Her mouth twisted ruefully. ‘Don’t I just?’ She took another sip of her sherry, its sustaining warmth helping slightly. But only slightly…
They were already behaving like strangers. Not even particularly polite ones, she realised sadly. And she knew a lot of that was her fault. But she didn’t feel particularly polite!
‘I told Mrs James that I didn’t think you would be down for dinner.’ Nick frowned. ‘I had better go and tell her I was wrong.’
‘No, I’ll go.’ Gemini stood up smoothly. ‘After all, I’m the one causing the inconvenience.’ She was also the one who needed a little breathing space!
At least she managed to get out of the room without letting Nick see how unnerved she really was. She’d know this wasn’t going to be easy, but actually being with Nick, looking at him, made it virtually impossible to come out with the words she needed—had!—to say.
‘Mrs Drummond!’ The housekeeper looked pleased to see her, at least, turning from the salad she had been preparing to smile at Gemini warmly. ‘Are you feeling better?’
‘Much,’ Gemini lied. ‘I just wanted to let you know I’m down for dinner, too.’
Rachel James smiled. ‘I would have brought you up a tray, anyway.’
She was going to miss the other woman when she left, Gemini realised sadly as she made her way slowly back to the sitting-room. And she would be the one that left.
This had been Nick’s home long before the two of them were married; it was only right he should continue to live here. Besides, there was a small, unoccupied apartment at the back of the salon w
here she could go until she found somewhere more suitable for her to live.
Suitable… She had a feeling that nowhere that Nick wasn’t would ever be that to her!
‘That’s fine,’ she told him brightly as she came back into the sitting-room, picking up her glass of sherry but not sitting down this time; they would be going through to dinner soon, anyway. ‘Did Jemima get—home okay?’ She wasn’t even sure where her sister’s home was any more, although she knew that the one bed-roomed apartment where Jemima had used to live couldn’t possibly be big enough for her, Jessica, and the baby’s nanny.
Nick had resumed his seat beside the unlit fire-place, his expression becoming grim at the mention of her sister. ‘Yes,’ he confirmed tersely.
She nodded. ‘It seems—very quiet without Jessica, doesn’t it?’ she realised wistfully.
It was strange how in only a matter of days a baby became the very centre of a household. Every move made, it seemed had been around the baby’s needs.
Yes, she was going to miss Jessica. But once Jemima and Nick were actually together Gemini knew she would never be able to see her niece again. Basically because she would never be able to cope with seeing Nick and her sister together!
‘Very,’ Nick acknowledged tersely. ‘Although look on the bright side. It means you’ll be able to get back to living normally again.’
Normal. She wasn’t sure what that was going to be for her in future…
But once again she had been given the ideal opportunity to say what needed to be said. Except…
This was probably her last evening with Nick. And it wasn’t as if it was an especially relaxing evening, she inwardly rebuked herself. The two of them were like fencing opponents, circling around each other—although in their particular case neither of them seemed to want to strike that fatal blow!
She was being silly. Why make this more difficult for herself than it need be? Besides, she didn’t feel in the least like eating, so why prolong the inevitable by drawing attention to her lack of appetite?
Mrs James stood in the doorway to announce happily, ‘Dinner is ready.’
And with that Gemini had once again lost her chance, having little choice but to stand up and follow Nick into the dining-room, where their plates of melon and parma ham were already on the table.
‘You seem very—subdued this evening.’ Nick was the one to finally break the silence between them as they ate. ‘Are you sure you’re feeling completely well again after your migraine?’
‘Positive,’ she answered unhesitatingly.
And, despite her not feeling hungry, the melon and ham was actually giving her back some of her inner strength, reminding her that she hadn’t eaten anything at all today but the croissants Mrs James had provided for her breakfast; she’d missed out on lunch altogether after refusing Nick’s invitation. No wonder she had ended up with a migraine!
‘Don’t worry about me, Nick,’ she told him dismissively. ‘Like Jemima, I can look after myself.’ Her mouth twisted wryly at her unintended mention of her sister; she just couldn’t seem to keep Jemima out of the conversation. Although, in the circumstances, was that so surprising?
‘But unlike Jemima,’ Nick bit out abruptly, ‘you don’t have to!’
She looked at him over the rim of her wine glass, her eyes deeply blue. ‘Don’t I?’ she challenged softly.
‘No,’ he returned harshly. ‘You’re my wife—’
‘That’s something I think we need to talk about—don’t you?’ she cut in firmly—before she lost her nerve!
They could carry on fencing the conversation like this all evening, and in the end the outcome would still be the same. Inevitably the same…
Nick’s mouth had tightened grimly. ‘I don’t think I’m going to like what you have to say next!’
Gemini swallowed hard; she didn’t like it, either—but one of them had to say it! And it had to be her…
‘I’m leaving you, Nick,’ she stated bluntly, stiffening in trepidation as she saw the pupils of Nick’s eyes almost totally obscure the emerald iris.
CHAPTER TEN
‘NOT NOW, Mrs James,’ Nick rasped, looking over Gemini’s shoulder to the doorway, where the housekeeper had appeared obviously to remove their used plates. ‘I’ll ring for you when we’ve finished,’ he added gratingly.
Gemini didn’t move, not giving so much as a glance in the other woman’s direction. But she still knew the exact moment the housekeeper left to return to the kitchen as she suddenly felt the full blast of Nick’s furious gaze levelled in her own direction.
‘I told you Sunday night,’ he bit out chillingly. ‘I’ll never agree to an easy divorce so that you can marry my brother!’
Gemini shook her head. ‘The question of divorce is up to you, Nick.’ She wasn’t going to make all of this easy for him, either; he could do some of the work himself! ‘I merely want you to know that I’m leaving.’
Merely…! This physical letting go was the hardest thing she had ever done in her life. She was sure the emotional letting go was going to be so much harder.
A nerve pulsed in his rigidly clenched jaw. ‘I think you’re a fool. You know that, don’t you?’ he bit out coldly.
She gave a choked laugh. ‘I think I’m a fool, too, Nick,’ she said self-derisively—she was a fool ever to have thought Nick might one day love her! ‘But sometimes our choices are—limited by other people.’
And in this case he and Jemima hadn’t given her a choice!
‘I’ve already told you that Danny is—living with something else,’ he reminded her tautly.
She sighed at the way he constantly returned to his brother. ‘My decision isn’t based on anything Danny is or isn’t doing,’ she told Nick flatly. ‘I’m doing this for me.’ And an innocent baby who, in Gemini’s opinion, didn’t deserve either of the parents she had been given!
He looked at her searchingly for several minutes, and then he sighed heavily. ‘I see,’ he acknowledged flatly. ‘There’s no arguing with that, is there?’
‘No,’ she confirmed firmly. No amount of arguing, or anything else for that matter, on Nick’s part, would change her mind now.
‘Where will you go?’ He looked at her with narrowed eyes.
She gave an indulgent laugh. ‘I do have friends of my own, you know, Nick!’
‘I know you do,’ he bit out impatiently. ‘I just—I don’t like to think of you—out there, on your own.’
‘Out where?’ she scorned. ‘I lived on my own for twenty-eight years, Nick; I’m used to it.’ Although after living her with Nick for over a year she knew she was going to find it much harder to be on her own now…
‘I suppose you are,’ he acknowledged with a sigh. ‘I just—I never thought it would actually come to this, Gemini.’ He looked at her regretfully.
She raised dark brows. ‘I don’t think either of us did, Nick—otherwise there would have been no point in our marrying each other in the first place!’ She reached out her hand to touch him as he sat across the table from her. Instantly she realised what she was doing, and quickly withdrew it again, clasping her hands together beneath the table; she mustn’t do that again. To touch Nick could be her undoing. ‘But sometimes—events change things,’ she added dully. And Jessica’s parentage had certainly changed things for her.
‘Gemini, there’s no reason for you to move out until you have somewhere else to go—’
‘Oh, I think there is,’ she cut in determinedly. If she didn’t leave now she might weaken in her resolve, and that would only complicate things even more.
Nick’s mouth twisted. ‘Much as I found last night—enjoyable, I’m not about to force myself on you if you stay, Gemini.’
‘I didn’t think you were.’ Heated colour warmed her cheeks at the remembrance of their lovemaking. ‘I just don’t think it’s a good idea.’ Because she might force herself on him!
Strangely, nothing had had happened in the last twenty-four hours had changed her love for him, and
if her rival weren’t her own sister, who had borne him a child, then Gemini knew she might have still tried to fight for her husband. But she knew Nick well enough to realise that if he had become involved with Jemima again, then he must obviously love her. And that was something it was impossible to fight any more.
‘He won’t be there for you, you know, Gemini,’ Nick told her grimly. ‘He’s never been there for anyone but himself,’ he added bitterly.
‘If we’re talking about Danny again,’ she scorned dismissively, ‘then I already know that!’
‘Of course we’re talking about Danny!’ Nick stood up forcefully, moving away from the dining-table to stand in front of the window looking out—although Gemini was sure he saw nothing of their garden outside, his thoughts all inwards. ‘Gemini, there are things about Danny that I think you should know—’
‘I’m not interested, Nick,’ she assured him lightly. ‘I’ve already told you that Danny, and what happened in the past, makes no difference to me now. I—I just know I have to follow my heart. And my heart tells me that our marriage is unfair to everyone concerned,’ she added emotionally. ‘I know that neither of us ever meant to hurt the other, Nick.’ She looked across at him with tear-wet eyes as he turned back to face her. ‘But, nevertheless, we’ve done so. It’s time all that hurt and deceit was put to an end,’ she added determinedly.
His shoulders slumped. ‘Perhaps you’re right. I—I’m going to miss you, Gemini,’ he told her gruffly.
He was going to miss her? She felt as if her heart were being physically wrenched from her chest! But through all the pain she kept seeing Jessica’s trusting face, and she knew that no matter how it hurt to walk away from Nick she was doing the right thing.
She gave a strained smile. ‘You’ll soon get used to it, Nick. Within a few weeks it will be as if I was never here.’ Especially if Jemima moved in here with the baby!
His mouth tightened. ‘I doubt that very much,’ he bit out sharply.
Maybe the memory of last night might be a little difficult to forget, for both of them—there was no denying it had been beautiful—but the rest of their marriage would quickly fade. Until last night there had been nothing momentous to remember!
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