by Linda Kage
I’d already told her too much so I sat there miserably as she shook her head.
“But that makes no sense. Even if we had…you know, had sex or whatever, she has no reason to get jealous. Doesn’t she know she can’t possibly be your only…customer?”
“Of course she knows,” I muttered, not about to tell her exactly what kind of bone Monica had to pick with Reese specifically. So I said, “But you’re obviously not a customer. She might feel slighted if she thinks I gave you a…” I waved a hand, thinking quick before blurting, “You know, a freebie.”
“Wow.” Pulling back in obvious insult, Reese lifted her hand. “Okay. But wow. Not only is this the strangest conversation ever but, wow. A freebie?”
“You know what I mean,” I mumbled.
But Reese only laughed. “Just convince her I paid for it then, that I’m, you know, a client too, just like her.”
Huh? “What?” I asked. “You don’t want me to tell her we’re not fooling around at all?”
With an immediate blush, Reese averted her gaze and waved a hand. “Or that. That…I mean, sure, the truth would probably be best. Yeah. Let’s stick with the truth.”
God, she was cute. How the fuck could she make the worst thing feel fun? “Except she won’t buy it,” I said, forcing myself to remember the gravity of the situation here. “And she knows you can’t be a client.”
“Hey. Why couldn’t I be a client?”
Damn, she was perfect. I loved the young, innocent naïve parts of her just as much as I loved her spunk and verve. “Reese, you just admitted you couldn’t afford the same kind of shoes as her. There’s no way you could afford me.”
“Oh, really?” She arched an eyebrow and set her hands on her hips. “Just how much do you cost, Mr. Ego?”
Going for shock value so she would stop making such light of this, I leaned in and whispered, “Three grand,” into her ear.
Her mouth gaped open before she squeaked, “Okay, yeah. I couldn’t afford that. But… Wow, I don’t know.” She waved a hand. “Don’t you have a payment plan or something? Reduced prices for the lower income?”
I laughed. How was this girl even possible? She was about as intuitive as she was clueless. The mix charmed me as much as it worried me. She seriously needed protection from every Monica and Patricia of the world. They’d eat her alive. And that would probably destroy me.
“No,” I said. “I do not offer payment plans. Are you for real? I play the expensive way or I don’t play at all. I don’t do this for my health, you know.”
“Then why—”
“Because being a decent, moral upstanding citizen didn’t keep the eviction notices away,” I exploded. “It didn’t get my sister a new wheelchair. It didn’t put food on my mother’s table. It didn’t keep the electric company from turning off our power in the middle of the hottest day of the year. And it sure as hell didn’t get me enrolled in college this semester. This is all about the money. Only about the money. Got it?”
When she shied back, I realized I’d gone too far. Felt like I’d just slapped a damn kitten.
“Got it,” she said, trying yet failing to smile. She waved a hand. “Actually, that explanation makes you sound kind of noble, you know, with you falling on the sword of absolute depravity to save your family. You’d probably make a good Saturday afternoon movie.”
I’d been trying to warn her here—she could get into all kinds of different trouble from hanging around me—and yet she was trying to make me look like some kind of selfless, noble martyr. Had she missed the part where I got paid to fuck people?
When the hell had I slipped in a rabbit hole where everything I thought to be true was backward?
“You’re…insane,” I murmured, not sure what else to say. Because it was either that, or I’d gone insane. But in a good way. I may not ever want my lucidity back if crazy was always like this.
Reese flashed me another one of her adorable nose-wrinkles. “Only on Thursdays.”
Okay, that was it. One genuine conversation with this girl and I think she owned me. I was hooked. I liked her crazy, her sass, her sweet, her perception, and even her ignorance. She was strange, and interesting, and fun, the perfect bit of escape from my morally depraved, life-sucking existence.
Momentarily forgetting all my worries, I ate another tomato, feeling lighter and brighter, just from being in her company. Everything that had been weighing me down just kind of took a back seat.
“So, you don’t give out freebies?” she asked in a conversational tone, as one might use if she wanted to borrow a pen. “Like ever?”
I stopped chewing, my mind going places I’m sure it shouldn’t, but there it went anyway. “Are you…asking for one?”
The scary part of that question was, I’d give her one. If she said yes, she wanted me, I would drop every bit of ethical beliefs I had left and I’d—
“What?” Her eyes went huge as she cried, “No! God, no.”
Well, okay then.
Ouch.
Her rejection was definitely for the best, but still. A simple no would have sufficed. She was the only girl I would’ve done this for, after all.
But then she glanced away, blushing, making me wonder if she was lying. Hope flared back to life inside me. Not that I actually wanted her to say yes, but it would’ve been nice if she secretly wanted me as much as I wanted her.
“I’m not—” She broke off abruptly, making me wonder what she’d almost said, before she forcefully repeated, “No! I’m not like that. I need to be in, you know, a committed, monogamous relationship, and…in love, and stuff, before I…I sleep with someone.”
In love.
Hearing her say those words made me jealous of anyone she’d ever slept with. I wondered what it would feel like for this girl to love me.
My curiosity—and, okay, some jealousy too—got the best of me. I eased closer. “Have you ever been in love?” I had to know.
She gaped at me. “Are you asking if I’m a virgin? Because I’m not—”
Whoa! What? I lifted my hands, instantly retracting. “That’s not what I’m asking.”
“Oh.” She relaxed, then cleared her throat and glanced away. “Well… I don’t… I’m not sure what I was, if it was stupid, too-young-to-know-better infatuation or what, but it definitely wasn’t love. And I’m not about to make the mistake of not knowing the difference ever again.”
That answer shouldn’t please me. She’d pretty much just confessed that some guy had hurt her, but all my stupid brain could compute was that she’d never given anyone else her heart. And so I heard myself saying, “Good,” before I could properly think my words through.
Reese gave me an odd look before blatantly changing the subject. “So, if it’s common knowledge around here that you’re really, you know, what you are, then how have you never been arrested before?”
“It’s not common knowledge. It’s a common rumor,” I corrected her, hating that she only wanted to talk about that, even as I felt a certain relief that—finally—I had someone I didn’t have to be so deceptive around. Plus, talking about it made it a blaring reminder that I could never have her. It was a good thing to keep out there in front of both of us, so I wouldn’t cross any lines.
Still. It bothered me how filthy and depraved she must think I was. Because I had done some pretty kinky shit I wasn’t exactly proud of, shit I wouldn’t have done unless someone was paying me a lot of money. Which… Probably only made me an even lower life form than before. Jesus.
“You’re not going to leave this alone, are you?” I asked, ready to move past the memories of every despicable thing I’d done in the name of paid bills.
And yet, Reese merely grinned as if this was all just entertainment to her. “Hey, it’s not every day I meet a gigolo.”
I choked on the tomato chunk I’d just taken a bite of, my eyes growing wide over how loudly she’d announced that.
With an apologetic wince, she hunched her shoulders and nearly wh
ispered, “Can you blame me for being curious? I have, like, a million questions. But… Only if you’re cool with answering them.”
I stared at her, not sure what to say. She was so blasé about the whole thing. It was relieving not to be judged, just as much as it was maddening, because I kind of wanted her to care. I wanted her to be as interested in me as I was in her, therefore she should be resentful of my secret life. It was a strange, contradictory wish, I know, but so was everything else in my life these days. I always felt pulled in two polar opposite directions.
Deciding to be amused, I sniffed out a laugh and shook my head. “You read a lot of Nancy Drew mysteries when you were a kid, didn’t you?”
She wrinkled her nose. “No. I’ve never even read one. Harry Potter is more my style, and yeah, his curiosity got him into trouble a lot too. As you well know.”
But, “No,” I countered, shaking my head. “I’ve never read Harry Potter.”
Gasping, she pressed a hand to her heart. “Are you kidding me? But… Everyone’s read Harry Potter.”
“Not me.”
“But…but…they’re so…amazing. Don’t worry.” She patted my arm and nodded in reassurance. “I have all the books in the series sitting in my apartment. Next time I babysit Sarah, I’ll bring the first one over for you to see what you think.”
God, I liked it when she touched me. And what was worse, she didn’t remove her fingers after the friendly pat. Her flesh began to burn against mine with the most delicious kind of heat. And all I could seem to think about was how good it’d feel if we were touching everywhere with no clothes between us.
I wanted to find out what that would be like with her.
Which was weird. These days, I never had sexual fantasies about women. I mostly just wanted to avoid them. But this girl with her eclectic moods and quirky way made me want.
“I don’t do freebies,” I reminded myself—unfortunately aloud—slowly pulling my arm out from under her hand. “Ever.”
Meaning, I couldn’t do her. And hell, I shouldn’t even talk to her.
“But I wasn’t…” she started, only to roll her eyes and pick up her fork to stab at her salad savagely. When she petulantly muttered, “Whatever,” I realized how she’d probably interpreted my words.
I hadn’t assumed she’d been coming onto me when she’d touched me. I should probably tell her that. But if I let her think I was an ass, maybe she’d keep her distance, because that was safer for both of us.
“What about your personal life, though?” She went on a second later as if I hadn’t just hurt her feelings. “What about dating and—”
When I laughed and shook my head, she scowled at me. “What’s so funny?”
I lifted my eyebrows. She really didn’t get it, did she? “Dating? Personal life? Are you serious? The only girls who sniff around me are willing to pay or they’re looking for free services rendered, which only pisses me off.”
“But—”
“And all you monogamous, relationship-conscious ladies stay as far away from me as possible for obvious reasons.”
She wrinkled her nose. “That can’t be true. I’m sure plenty of—”
“Reese.” I lifted my eyebrows. “Honestly, would you date a…person of my occupation?”
With an apologetic cringe, she mumbled, “Good point.”
“Yeah,” I sighed. “Exactly.”
“Well, that’s just sad.” She looked at me as if she wanted to touch me again and comfort me. “You can’t date or have recreational…fun or even fall in love just because you went to drastic measures to save your family?”
“I was eighteen when I fell into this,” I tried to explain. “At the time, I was too young and stupid to think about how it would impact my future…so...” I shrugged. “There you have it. Now I’m stuck.”
“No.” She must be an eternal optimist because she sent me an encouraging smile. “You can’t be stuck. Surely there’s something else you could do to make money. Something legal and…and…”
“Moral?” I suggested dryly.
She pointed, nodding encouragingly, like some kind of life coach. “Yes, and moral. And...”
I laughed and then did the forbidden. I reached out and briefly let my fingers barely drift across the surface of her cheek. “You’re cute, Reese,” I said, mentally making this my farewell speech. “Cheerful. Optimistic. Funny. But completely deluded.” I stood up, forcing myself to finally go. “Thanks for making my sister smile. And thanks for the tomatoes. I’ll see you around.” And I took off before I could mess anything else up.
Confession #13: I usually messed shit up worse when I tried to fix my mistakes.
I didn’t look back as I walked away, and it felt really shitty and lonely. She was such an unusual girl, a breath of fresh air; I wanted to turn around and go back to sit in her company longer.
But I remembered I needed to see a teacher about a girl.
I wandered the halls for about fifteen minutes before finally winding my way down a back corridor and glancing inside an open doorway before I found her.
Dr. Janison sat at a desk in an office that was roughly the size of a cardboard box and didn’t even have windows. Watching her studiously read the screen of the computer in front of her, I shook my head. How could a woman from Willowbrook Terrace be a teacher at a community college? Granted, Waterford was well funded and probably one of the nicest schools in the area, but still… The two didn’t add up.
She had said she’d married her husband for the money. Then again, in that case, there was no reason for her to work at all. Unless she just liked her job. I scratched my head. Community college English professor didn’t exactly scream dream job to me. But what did I know? To each their own. I didn’t care about her whys; I just wanted her out of my life and out of Reese’s firing range.
“I told you I wasn’t available next Thursday,” I said, making her jump and snap her attention up.
She blinked at me a moment before running her gaze down my jeans and shirt and smiling in pleasure.
“Mason,” she finally said, her voice full of ownership.
I narrowed my eyes.
Letting out an amused chuckle, she waved me forward. “Come in. Shut the door.” She sounded like a freaking professor who actually wanted to talk to a student about their homework.
I glanced down the hall both ways, unease creeping up the back of my neck. Maybe I shouldn’t have confronted her here. But I hadn’t wanted to wait too long or she might contact Patricia. And I’d already wasted precious minutes talking outside with Reese.
It was time I did some damage control.
Feeling like every other clueless idiot out there who’d made a deal with the devil, I stepped into her den and sat stiffly in the chair on the other side of the desk. Then I forced myself to slump back so I wouldn’t look as uneasy as I felt.
With a low laugh, she watched me, shifting her gaze around my face before letting it travel south and land on my jean-clad knee that was slowly swaying back and forth. “You look like every other student who comes in here to be advised.”
“I am a student,” I said.
She shook her head. “I don’t see why. You’re already quite prolific at the trade you’re in. Why change?”
Like I was going to open up to this woman?
When hell froze over.
“Look.” I sat forward, resting my elbows on my knees and meeting her gaze. “I told you I couldn’t do next Thursday, and yet you asked me again outside just now like you thought you suddenly had something on me that would force me to change my mind. But you don’t, okay? So… We don’t have any kind of deal.”
I started to stand, ready to leave it at that. But I should’ve known better. There was no way she was going to let her opportunity to get what she wanted slip by.
And she didn’t.
Typical.
“Then why did you tell me yes?” she challenged.
I glared. “You know why.”
It
irritated the hell out of me how smugly she smiled. “Because you didn’t want your little Reese to realize we were talking about sex?”
My molars ground together so hard I’m surprised they didn’t fuse.
She met my glower with a smile. “Sit back down, Mason.”
I sat.
Why the fuck did I sit? I could’ve just called her bluff and walked. But dammit, I was too afraid of what she might do to Reese. Reese didn’t deserve any repercussions because of my stupidity.
It felt as if I suddenly had Gidget’s dog collar back around my neck, tightening snugly.
Clasping her hands together on the top of her desk in an eerily professional way, Monica sat forward, watching me. “She’s not what I expected. I pictured you going for something more…polished. You know, sophisticated and worldly. Not so immature.”
She was probably trying to describe herself. In which case, that was the very opposite of what I wanted.
I said nothing, refusing to give anything away.
I could tell it bugged her. Her smile faded. “I mean, she’s cute enough, I guess, if you prefer the girl-next-door type. But she’s just so…gauche. I remember her in class. Her laugh is freakishly loud and ostentatious.”
Oh no, she didn’t. She dared to attack the laugh? The very laugh I loved? Those were fighting words right there.
The urge to defend Reese rose, but I managed to remain stonily silent.
“Patricia would chew her up and spit her out without breaking a sweat.”
“Patricia doesn’t need to know anything about it,” I ground out.
Dammit. I broke.
I had given my feelings away. Defeat spiked through me as victory shimmered in Monica’s eyes.
“She’s no one,” I said desperately, forcing out a confused laugh and lifting my hands as if I had no idea why we were even having this conversation. “I don’t know why you think this is newsworthy or something to gossip to your friend about, but it’s not. I barely even know that girl.”
But the woman already had my number. “Then why did you even come here, intent to protect her? Why did you say her name when you were inside me? Why did she have her hand on you like you meant something to her? And why did you just sit there and let her touch you?”