by Linda Kage
Reese shook her head and resisted. “I need to clean up the bathroom. I think there’s still water in the tub, and the towels are everywhere, and—”
“Don’t worry about that either. I’ll clean the bathroom later. Just…come and sit down for a second. You look like you need to get off your feet.”
She looked at me again, more tears trembling in her eyes, so I dragged her to the kitchen and poured her a glass of water.
When I held it out, she merely looked at it as if drinking anything would cause the waterworks to gush harder.
She looked up at me, her eyes pleading. “Are you sure she’s going to be okay?”
I shook my head, smiling softly, loving how much she cared about Sarah. “You know, your eyes look really big and blue when you’ve been crying,” I heard myself say.
Incredulous shock filled her expression. She plopped into a chair, staring at me as if I’d lost my mind. “Wha… How can you possibly think about eyes at a time like this? Your sister just—”
“Shh.” I got rid of the cup and took her hands, tugging her right back up from the chair. “Come here.”
Confession #19: I really wasn’t a great friend, was I?
I finally hugged her as I’d been aching to do since I flew through the front door. She sank gratefully against me, latching onto the back of my shirt as if it were a lifeline. When she buried her face in my shoulder, I swept my hand along her spine and pressed my cheek to her temple, wishing I could always be this close to her.
“She’s going to be fine,” I murmured. “She is fine.”
She looked up at me as if I were actually someone to trust. “How do you know?”
I smiled and brushed the backs of my knuckles across her cheek. “Well, I have this theory. If you love someone enough, you can make them invincible. Like your feelings for them are so strong, they work as a magical shield, protecting them from all harm and pain.”
She sniffed, her lips trembling into a half smile. “Like the protective spell Harry’s mom used to save his life from Voldemort? Her love protected him.”
I kissed her nose. “Yeah. Kind of exactly like that.”
“I like that theory.” She placed her cheek back on my shoulder. “I wish it were really true.”
I brushed her temple with my lips and exhaled sadly. “Yeah. So do I.”
I’d protect her from Patricia and strangers who took knives to her. Nothing would ever hurt her again if it were true.
We continued to stand there and hug, quietly soaking in comfort from each other until she stirred as if waking from a lovely dream.
“Thank you so much for coming home.”
I brushed my fingers through her glossy dark hair. It was so silky soft. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“I don’t know,” she answered. “I was… I was worried you were busy. With a woman.”
Ah, fuck.
For a moment there, I’d forgotten about that. Forgotten what I was. I’d been so focused on her and this moment, real life seemed like a distant nightmare.
Returning to reality, I untangled my fingers from her hair. “No,” I muttered reluctantly. “I don’t get off work at the club until after eleven. I was still there.”
“Oh.” As I looked away, she continued, “Well, thank you anyway. I don’t know what I would’ve done if you hadn’t calmed me down.”
I shifted backward, out of her arms, and into the cold loneliness where I belonged. “You handled it just fine.” Gruffly trying to get my head back in the game, where we could never be together, I added, “You found a safe place for her and got help. There’s not much else to do when she’s having an episode.”
I felt her watching me but I couldn’t meet her gaze. Not until she said, “I’ve missed you.”
I swerved her a shocked glance, trying to ignore the sudden accelerated beating of my heart. Mocking confusion, I shook my head slightly. “I haven’t gone anywhere.”
She wasn’t swayed. “You know what I mean,” she accused, crossing her arms over her chest and not letting me off the hook. “I thought we were friends.”
What? I shook my head. That accusation really did confuse me. “We are.”
“Oh, really?” She lifted an eyebrow. “Well, friends don’t avoid friends. You’ve been avoiding me. On purpose. I still sit at the exact same table every day for lunch. And we still keep getting calculus assignments to work on.”
“I know.” Dammit, now I felt like a heel. I’d been so determined to do what was right for her that I hadn’t even considered what she’d think about it all. “I know. I just…” Gritting my teeth, I squeezed the bridge of my nose and met her gaze. “We got a little too close that night. I still want to be your friend, Reese. I will be your friend. I just… I need some time and space to…” God, how did I explain this? How did I make it okay. “To control my…my horny guy urges,” I blurted.
Except I think I made it too okay with that explanation, because her face lit up, and she rushed toward me, so close that I stumbled backward away from her until my back hit the wall. But she didn’t stop there, she continued to lean in.
I drew in a sharp breath, not sure how to react. I wanted this. Fuck, yes, I wanted it. But I knew I should behave.
If she initiated it, though, that seemed like a whole different story; it felt as if it’d be okay to kiss her back if she kissed me first, or touch her back if she touched me first.
“Jesus,” I whispered when she stopped only an inch from my mouth, neither kissing nor touching me.
“So you thought we got too close, huh?” she asked, her eyes sparkling with interest, physically demonstrating just how much closer we could get.
I looked at her mouth, wanting it against mine. “Yes,” I breathed.
“I see. And you haven’t had enough time or space to control those pesky urges yet?”
I swallowed noisily. “Not…quite…yet.”
Damn, was she going to kiss me or not?
She cooed sympathetically. “Gee, I’m sorry to hear that.” She tapped my chin dimple. “Make sure to let me know when they’re gone, okay? I’m ready to have my friend back.”
I reached out—almost grabbed her by the hair and yanked her against me—only to clutch the edge of the kitchen counter for dear life. “You are so evil. If I didn’t like you so much, I’d take you right now.”
Oh, God. What had I just said? I hadn’t planned on saying that.
Holding my breath, I waited for her to slap me and call me an ass.
But the only response I got was the lifting of her eyebrows, as if she were curious. “Really?” she said, interested. “How?”
Heat covered me from head to toe, the hottest part settling in my shorts. “Probably hard and fast against this wall.”
“Hmm.” She bit her lip, pleasure sparking in her gaze while she studied the wall I was leaning against as if picturing the whole thing in her mind. “That sounds…fun.”
Fuck, yes, it would be.
Just when I started to wonder if maybe she’d give in and take me up on the suggestion, she broke into a grin as if she’d been teasing me the entire time. “I guess since we’re friends and you’re not going to take me, I’ll give you that time and space you need then.”
I wanted to cry. I seriously wanted to sink to the floor and bawl.
Time and space was the last thing I craved. So when she took a big, deliberate step backward, away from me, I sighed in extreme disappointment but played along, tsking and shaking my head. “Evil, evil, evil.”
She shrugged, grinning mischievously. “Would you really have given me a freebie just now?”
“Just say the word,” I answered, meaning it with every fiber of my being.
Except she didn’t say the word. All she did was smile as if pleased with herself, and she nodded. “Cool.” Then she abandoned me there in the kitchen so she could fetch her purse from the table and disappear into the hallway, only to return with her phone she’d left on the floor when she’d called me during
Sarah’s seizure.
I fell into a chair to sit with my elbows resting on the tabletop, my face in my hands.
“I guess I’ll see you around,” she said softly.
I glanced up to watch her slip the phone into her purse. “Are you seriously going to walk out of here right now after I just confessed my soul to you, cool as a cucumber, without reciprocating at all?”
She blinked once, only to roll her eyes. “Mason Lowe,” she teased, ruffling my hair affectionately, “if you don’t know by now that I’m attracted as hell to you, you’re freaking blind.”
I shouldn’t have been relieved by that. It shouldn’t have made everything better. But it did.
“There,” I muttered. “Was that so hard to admit?”
The brat stuck her tongue out at me. “Good night, Hotness.”
Hotness? Was that her name for me? Her version of my Glowing Girl? I grinned and shook my head. Reese was definitely something else.
She started for the exit, and I watched her go. “’Night, Reese,” I whispered.
As soon as the door closed behind her, I rested my face back in my hands and blew out a long breath. But, fuck, this sucked. How could one quirky, carefree, childlike, express-every-emotion-she-felt-all-across-her-face girl get me so twisted up inside?
When I heard the back door squeak open, I surged to my feet, my breath catching. She had come back. She—
“So, Reese is the babysitter, huh?” Patricia said, slinking inside and leaning against the very bit of wall Reese had just backed me into.
I narrowed my eyes and pointed. “Get the fuck out of my house.”
“My house,” she said sweetly. “My name’s on the title, darling, not yours.”
With a snort, I glanced around the dilapidated kitchen. “Oh, you want to play the landlady card, huh? Then I have a whole list of repairs we need done around here.”
“Mason, Mason, Mason,” she sighed and slipped her hand up and down the wall behind her, right where I’d pressed my back only minutes ago, tainting the special memory I’d just made there with Reese. “We’ve already been over this. You know what you need to do in order to get those repairs done.”
“And you know that’s not ever happening again, not even if hell freezes over.”
Her pleasant expression dissolved, and she stepped away from the wall, narrowing her eyes. “What is your problem lately? Why are you resisting this so hard?”
“Why do you want it so bad?” I countered. “If you’re that damn horny, I can find you some willing schmuck who’d happily—”
“This has nothing to do with sex,” she cried passionately, which made me lift an eyebrow, because sex was the only thing she ever tried to get from me. Then she flushed slightly before frowning. “I tried others, but they’re just not you. They’re not as obedient, or respectful, or willing to learn.”
“I wouldn’t say I was ever willing,” I muttered, hating all her descriptions because I could honestly only argue the one. Sadly, the rest were true.
“You’re mine,” she argued. “That’s what you are.”
“What?” I blinked once and then sputtered, “The fuck if I am. You’re the one who sent me off to other women in the first place.”
Rolling her eyes and fluttering a hand as if that were not the issue at all, she said, “I was just borrowing you out, like loaning a scarf to a friend in need.”
“I’m not a fucking scarf,” I growled, baring my teeth at her. “And I’m not yours. I never was; I never will be. And all that shit you said just now to describe me… Well, it’s not true anymore either. You’ve fucked me over enough times, manipulating me into getting what you wanted, that I could no longer be a compliant little toy, even if I tried. You successfully killed that kid. Now get the fuck out of my house before I physically make you.”
I stepped toward her, rage seeping from my pores. I must’ve looked pissed off enough because her eyes widened as she skidded a step back toward the exit. But then her face darkened, and she suddenly stood her ground.
“No,” she snarled. “I made you, little boy. You are my creation. And we’re not done until I say we’re done. No one, especially that bright-eyed, bushy-tailed little cheerleader you’re drooling over, is going to get her hands on my property, without my permission. Now… Unless you want me to ruin your precious Reese—”
“Wow,” I interrupted dryly, rolling my eyes. “Threatening someone you think is close to me, just like you did with my mom. And my sister. And that coworker of mine from the Country Club you got fired because I hung out at his house one afternoon instead of answering your summons? Call me shocked. It’s as if you have no other weapon in your arsenal of evil except to threaten my friends. So, trust me, I know the drill well. You’ll ruin her and make her wish she were never born unless I do whatever you say. Sound about right? And not that it’s any of your damn business, but Reese and I are only friends. So you’re wasting your breath on her, anyway.”
When she opened her mouth, probably to refute my claim, I pounced. “Now get the fuck out of my house.”
Grabbing her arm tightly, I dragged her, stumbling and cursing, toward the door where I opened it with my free hand and shoved her out into the dark night. Then I shut and locked her out before turning away and re-entering the kitchen.
But holy fuck; that had felt good. That had felt freeing, and just…amazing. I’d always wanted to bitch her out just like that but I’d always been too cowed by everything she was threatening me with.
I guess I’d just met my limit of threats from her. Except, shit… Maybe I hadn’t. Because, suddenly, the doubt rolled in.
I thought about my friend, Thad, who really had gotten fired because of her. He’d never talked to me again after that. And I knew it was Patricia who’d called social services on Mom, telling them she was an unfit mother, which had caused all kinds of people to invade our house, investigating her, until they’d finally cleared her.
And I swore Patricia had intercepted some of our mail before, confiscating bills so that we’d been turned into a collection agency, which had trashed my mom’s credit score—making it basically impossible for us to try to move away and rent or buy elsewhere. I knew I was old enough now that we could rent under my name, but I didn’t want to go that route yet, not unless we had to or until I felt we were safe enough. And right now, I didn’t feel safe at all.
Because my bitch of a landlady was a nasty, spiteful woman, who kept me perpetually afraid. And I’d pretty much just unleashed her on Reese.
God, I sucked.
No longer feeling good or free about everything I’d just said to Patricia, I sank back against the kitchen table and buried my face in shaking hands.
Reese, I silently begged, please forgive me for whatever I just did to you.
Confession #20: I had a hard time listening to good advice, even when it threatened me.
Five days passed. I kept my distance from Reese, even though it probably didn’t matter what I did at this point. Patricia knew exactly who she was and how important she was to me.
But even if the wicked witch wasn’t part of the equation, I was not the kind of person Reese needed in her life.
Not that it mattered how far away I stayed, because the physical distance had become only a technicality. Now that I had her number in my phone, we started texting. Daily. And through those messages, I think we ended up actually growing closer than ever.
I knew I should’ve stopped. But I couldn’t seem to help myself. No one could make me smile like Reese did whenever she went and called me nonsensical names like goober or buzzkill.
So I found myself skimming back through and rereading our playful banter during a lull at the Country Club one night when a ball of brown fur darted toward me, yapping out a happy greeting.
I blinked dumbly at it before saying, “Gidget?” It had to be; she even had that same pink bow attached to her fur.
Holy shit, where had she come from?
I knelt beside the pooch
, and she licked my hand, panting up at me in adoration.
“What’re you doing here?” I asked in wonder as if I actually expected an answer, just as some guy came jogging up.
“I am so sorry,” he gushed. “She got away from her leash. Damn thing is way too big for her neck, but the wife adores it, so…”
I looked from the man’s brown loafers to his face just in time to catch a chagrined shrug. Transferring my gaze to a familiar bejeweled collar in his hand, I gave a painful swallow, remembering the thing squeezing my throat all too well not too long ago.
Yeah, it probably would be too big for a tiny little dog like Gidget if it had fit me just right.
“No problem,” I said, lifting Gidget in order to hand her over to her owner. “Here you go.”
“Thanks.” The man smiled gratefully as he took his pet back, only to crinkle his eyebrows and ask, “Hey, how did you know her name?”
I froze, no lie readily coming to mind. “I… I’m sorry, what?”
The man tipped his head to the dog as he slipped the collar back around her neck. “You called her Gidget. How’d you know that?”
“Oh.” Mind still blank, I just stared at him. “I…”
Don’t ask me that, I wanted to say. And don’t wear your red Speedo again until you wash it first.
“Oh, I told him,” a new voice said, causing both me and Gidget’s owner to glance over in surprise.
When I found Eva Mercer strolling toward us, I gaped at her badly. There was no earthly reason why she would come to my rescue, unless there was some kind of ulterior motive behind it.
Shit. I immediately wondered what her motive was. It couldn’t be good, that was for sure.
The man smiled. “Well, hey there, Eva. I didn’t know you were here.” He glanced past her. “Are you parents around too?”
She smiled and waved an unconcerned hand toward the front entrance of the club. “They’re inside, eating.” Then she touched my arm, making me jump as she drew me into the conversation. “Mason and I are old classmates. We were talking when you pulled up with Gidget, and I told him her name then.”