by Linda Kage
Jesus, Pick had been obsessed with Eva since she’d stopped by the bar last week with Reese. But I was studiously trying to forget that night had ever happened, so it irritated me to be reminded of it.
“She’s Reese’s cousin,” I bit out. “And yep, still pregnant.”
I had no idea why Pick was so interested in her, although even I had to admit Eva had mellowed a lot and become considerably less obnoxious since her parents had kicked her out and disowned her, leaving her pregnant, broke, and homeless. It still bewildered me why Pick seemed to like her. Then again, to me, no one could show Reese up, so… To each their own, I guess. But he was kind of strange about his curiosity; he alternated between not remembering who she was if I mentioned her to being the one to bring her up. I think he was trying to hide just how much he thought about her.
Pick nodded and opened his mouth as if he wanted to ask more but held himself back for reasons unknown. Then he turned away, and I swear he said, “Just take care of her for me.”
I exchanged a glance with Ten, who lifted an eyebrow as if he also thought that was a freaky strange sentiment.
So I turned back to Pick. “What?”
He shifted his attention to me. “I said, take care, man.” Then he waved, smiling tightly. “Have a good night.”
“Yeah.” I blinked and scratched my head. “Okay.”
That hadn’t been what he’d said at all, but I waved him goodbye, anyway, and then nodded to Ten, who just shrugged, mumbling, “I swear, the whole fucking world’s gone weird,” as he went back to watching his roommate as if he were ready to jump over the bar and smack Dr. Kavanagh’s hand if she dared to touch his roommate the wrong way.
Glancing toward the lovebirds, I felt the need to see my own soulmate, so I hightailed it out of there. I’d been bad about that these past few days, constantly checking on Reese to reassure myself she hadn’t left me. I’d become increasingly clingy and yet distant all at the same time. I know, being torn in two polar opposite directions should be familiar for me, but this felt extreme. I was just so ashamed about the event that happened last week that I wanted to burrow away in humiliation and hide from Reese, all the while this need to linger near her warred within me.
But honestly, ever since Patricia had come to Ellamore and walked into the bar last Thursday, trying to proclaim to the entire world that I’d gotten her pregnant, I couldn’t control myself. I’d been freaking the fuck out.
I had been so certain we’d left her behind for good when we’d moved away from Waterford. She’d ruined everything when I’d looked up and seen her standing inside the nightclub just on the other side of the counter. These last few months here had been nice; I hadn’t even cared about how quickly I’d gone broke again.
Reese made it all okay.
Except how could things really be okay when my past was still trying to haunt us?
And that made me not okay. Not at all.
The apartment was quiet when I walked in. Instant fear covered me. Shit. Had Reese left and taken her annoying cousin with her?
I hurried down the hall to our room and nearly sagged against the doorframe in relief when I found her sitting cross-legged on our bed, her laptop on the mattress in front of her as she rested her elbows on the covers and typed away, probably working on that paper she kept stressing over.
When she noticed me, she glanced up and started to brighten, until I detected a hesitation in her expression. “Hey. Did you find it?”
“Yep.” I held up the wallet to show it off. “Under the counter at work, right where I thought I left it.”
She smiled sadly, watching me toss the billfold on top of our dresser next to her nearly empty bottle of sweet pea body spray. “Thank goodness. It would’ve been a pain in the ass to have to replace everything in there.”
I nodded, and an awkward silence followed. Before last Thursday, I would’ve gone to her and stretched out on the bed beside her, hoping she’d give me a back rub…or a front rub. Or I’d at least have gone to her to kiss her hair before letting her get back to her homework. But today, I shifted uncomfortably, not feeling as if I had the right and yet itching to just touch her for my own sanity.
Ever since Patricia had shown up, her clothes stuffed full of padding to make her look pregnant as she claimed the baby was mine, I’d been seriously fucked up in the head. She must’ve assumed I hadn’t told Reese the truth by now and that Reese still believed I really had slept with her back in September. And that freaked me out, because... What if it made Reese question everything she thought she knew? What if she wondered whether I really had done shit with Patricia after all? I didn’t want her to ever question that, and it killed me to even think she might. There was no way I could actually talk about it with her either: I was too afraid to see doubt and loss of faith in her eyes.
The whole thing messed with everything we’d worked so hard to build together, and I didn’t know how to dig myself out of this rut I was creating between us.
Scratching the back of my neck and not sure what to say, I glanced down the hall and frowned. “Eva around?” She was being unusually quiet if she was.
“Yeah, I think she’s in the kitchen making a snack.”
My eyebrows shot up. “Really? I wonder if she’s fixing anything good.”
Reese grinned affectionately. “Good luck getting her to share any of her food with you. I swear, preggo E is like a starving dog at its food bowl. She’ll likely snarl and bite your fingers off if you go anywhere near the kitchen right now.”
I pressed a hand to my heart. “Ah, but you know me, Sweet Pea.” With a wink, I backed out of the doorway. “If there’s food around, I must try to steal it.”
She rolled her eyes. “Well, good luck with that. Feel free to come to me to kiss your boo-boos all better when she smacks your hand black and blue.”
“Count on it.” I blew her a kiss and left the doorway, feeling guilty about leaving her even as I wanted to escape. I just couldn’t stop feeling slightly off around her, even though there was nowhere else in the world I’d rather be.
“What’re you making?” I asked as soon as I stepped into the kitchen and found Eva studiously smothering carrots, apples, and celery with peanut butter.
And seriously, what was wrong with me? Why was I opting to be around Eva right now, instead of Reese?
Eva glanced up and narrowed her eyes, pointing the butter knife in my direction. “You,” she hissed.
Then she grabbed my arm and tugged me close, way closer than I was comfortable being to her.
“Hey.” I tried to pull free, but she was having none of it.
“This has to stop,” she growled, glancing warily toward the opening of the kitchen as if making sure Reese wasn’t behind me.
“What?” I cried innocently. “I just walked into the kitchen, for God’s sake.”
Finally pulling loose, I scowled and made a production of dusting myself free of all things Eva.
She sniffed. “As if. Your nonstop moping is sucking the life out of Reese. I hope you realize that.”
Ah, shit. Even Mercer could see what was going on. That couldn’t be good. But, “What the hell am I supposed to do about it?” I snapped right back. “I can’t stop what happened. It already happened.”
“Yes, it did,” she agreed calmly. “But it’s over and done with. All you can control now is how you react to it. And you’re having a really bad reaction. It’s dragging Reese down with you.”
Dammit, that was the very last thing I wanted. Reese should always be happy. Life wasn’t right unless she was happy.
I hated that it was my fault that she wasn’t happy.
I hated all of this. And I hated getting a lecture from Eva for it, too.
“Don’t you think I know that?” I snarled. “It’s killing me to see her every day with all that pain in her eyes. But I don’t know how to stop it. There aren’t enough apologies on earth to make up for what happened. And there’s no way to fix it. No way to—”
“Just stop right there.” Rolling her eyes, Eva shut me up by slapping her hand over my mouth. “You’re thinking about this all wrong. Looking for forgiveness from her is not what you need, because newsflash, numbnuts: she’s already forgiven you. That’s the amazing thing about Reese. She forgives. And an even more amazing thing about her is that she moves on. Just think about it. Could you guess that her ex-boyfriend had tried to kill her and nearly succeeded just four months before you met her? No, because she has this superpower of being able to get past awful, disturbing, traumatic events. It’s all part of the beauty of who she is. She would’ve gotten past this last episode with Mrs. Garrison too, but you’re not letting her. Every time you pull away, or refuse to meet her eyes, or dodge a conversation, it kills her.”
I closed my eyes, feeling shitty. Eva was right. I was only making things worse. Covering my face with both hands, I swallowed down the panic and then blew out a breath, trying to calm myself.
“I swear to God, Eva,” I choked out miserably. “The last thing I want to do is hurt her, but I just can’t help it. God! I don’t know how to get past this. I don’t deserve her forgiveness. I don’t… How the hell do I touch something so pure and amazing when I’m so fucking filthy?”
Eva’s lashes fluttered, and I swear I saw tears of sympathy in her eyes, but no way would she ever cry for me. Then she turned away nonchalantly and picked up an apple slice, taking a bite and swallowing before wiping her mouth and clearing her throat.
“So, I’ve been reading all these new-mommy, expecting-your-first-baby articles online lately,” she started conversationally, “and they’re really cool. They go week by week through your pregnancy, telling you how big your baby is compared to a piece of fruit.” Rubbing her hand over her swollen stomach, she smiled affectionately. “Baby Girl’s about the size of a pineapple right now, by the way.”
Okay. I had no idea what to say to that, so I just waited as she went on, hoping she had a point to this.
“The advice that helped me stop freaking out the most was about dealing with all the mistakes I’m going to make as a mother… They say it’s inevitable, you know… No matter how great I want to be, I’m going to mess shit up. And I’m going to worry that I’m destroying my child’s life. But I read this thing that said as long as I love her and try to make her happy, the rest will fall into place. Discipline, temper tantrums, all of it. Instead of drowning in my mistakes, I’ll learn from them. And the more joy I bring to her life, the more I’ll bring to my own.”
Reaching out, she took my hand and squeezed.
“Are you listening to me, Mason Lowe? Just love Reese and make her happy. And when you bring joy to her life, it’ll bring joy to your life. Instead of wallowing over everything you did wrong, you’ll forgive yourself and move on from this, because making her happy is the ultimate priority. Everything else is just bullshit.”
I gripped her fingers back, appreciating everything she’d just said, even as I shook my head. “I want to do that,” I promised her. “I do. I just want to show her how much I love her and bring a smile to her face, but I…” God, this was hard to admit. “Right now, I can’t even imagine what I could do to accomplish that.”
Instead of sympathizing, Eva smiled wide. “I’ll tell you what you’re going to do. You’re going to dig out that engagement ring you have hiding in the bottom of your shirt drawer, and you’re going to propose to her. Tonight.”
“Wha…?” My mouth fell open. I sputtered a moment longer before glancing behind me to make sure Reese wasn’t listening in on us. Then I turned back to Eva and hissed, “How the hell do you know what’s in my shirt drawer?”
Eva laughed and waved an unconcerned hand. “Oh, please. If you want to hide something from your girlfriend, next time put it in a better place than you did. Reese loves wearing your shirts when you’re not here.”
She did? Shit, that was an awesome thing to learn.
“She found the ring months ago.”
Wait. What?
“She…” I shook my head, trying to process. I’d really wanted to surprise her with the ring. But now I couldn’t.
“You should’ve heard her,” Eva went on. “I’d just fallen asleep when this scream ripped through the entire apartment. I thought someone was killing her. By the time I scrambled into her room, she was dancing around and trying to put it on, but her fingers were shaking so badly she kept missing. She was so happy she was crying. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen her that ecstatic before in my life.”
My breath caught and tears filled my eyes. “She liked it?”
“Liked it? Hell, no, she didn’t like it. She freaking loved it. And FYI, Lowe, you have immaculate taste in jewelry. I mean, holy God, who knew you’d pick out such a beautiful ring? I’m seriously impressed.”
A grin exploded across my face. “Really?”
Coming from Eva Mercer, that was a true compliment right there. I remembered her back when she’d been a spoiled little rich girl, and she had liked the bling. Big-time.
“Yes,” she said, punching me merrily in the shoulder. “So dig that bad boy out and make it official already, will you? That, I know for certain, will make my ReeRee happy.”
I nodded. “Okay.” Turning away as if to go fetch the ring that instant, I faltered when reality intruded. “Wait.” I spun back to Eva. “I can’t. I still haven’t planned the perfect proposal yet. I keep thinking I need to take her to a fancy restaurant and somehow have the waiter bring it out with her food, or—”
“Don’t you dare be so cliché. This is Reese we’re talking about. She’d prefer something simple, yet private, just between the two of you. Maybe a picnic—oh, hey. She loves that park across the street as much as I do. There’s this big-ass tree by the lake. You could spread a blanket out under it, feed a couple of the ducks, eat a romantic little snack, and then, you know…do your thing.”
From that point on, our conversation became a blur. I freaked out, excited yet nervous, wondering if this would really work, if this could actually fix the distance I’d pushed between Reese and me. But Eva just coached me through my nerves.
And she freaking talked me into going through with my proposal, tonight. Just as I agreed with her and actually meant it, Reese walked into the kitchen, asking what we had to eat. I jumped out of my skin and spun toward her guiltily.
Pausing, she glanced curiously between me and Eva, the suspicion and hurt in her eyes absolutely slaughtering me. I wanted to blurt that nothing bad had happened, but it seemed as if that would make it look as if something really tawdry had just transpired between me and her cousin.
Thank God Eva took over and told Reese that Reese and I were going to go off somewhere by ourselves for a while, because I had a feeling I would’ve butchered anything I’d said in that moment.
Reese remained on guard, but when I finally managed to speak, Eva and I were able to convince her in no time that it would be a good idea.
“Great,” I said, relieved beyond measure when she finally agreed. This might just work after all. I hoped so, because I wanted my Reese back. And I wanted the awkwardness between us gone. “I’m just going to grab my…” ring. “My hat from the bedroom. Be right back.”
Smacking a quick kiss to her forehead, I took off down the hall and nearly ripped my entire shirt drawer from the dresser in my rush to open it. The box was exactly where I’d hidden it. Opening it to make sure the diamond and band were still inside, I snapped it shut again and slid it into my pocket.
It was go-time.
Nerves raced through my system, but at least they were excited and hopeful. And okay, maybe a little sick with worry.
Reese was still in the kitchen, talking to Eva when I returned. “About ready?” I asked, hope blooming across my face and into a smile.
“Yep,” Eva answered for her cousin as she slipped a bottle of wine into a large canvas lunch bag and closed it before thrusting the entire picnic she’d just packed at me. “I think you guys are good
to go. Have fun. Don’t come back until it’s late, and feed the ducks for me while you’re there.”
I nodded and grabbed Reese’s hand. But as soon as I managed to get her out of the apartment, she immediately pulled us to a stop, frowning at me. “Okay, what’s going on?”
I cocked her a curious, petrified glance. “What do you mean?”
She sniffed out a hard, bitter laugh. “Mason, you’re not wearing a hat.”
“Huh?”
“Inside, you said you were going back to the bedroom to get your hat.”
“Oh.” Oh, shit. I’d completely forgotten to grab a hat. Patting my hair, I cringed, caught in my lie.
“Oh, baby.” She sighed and shook her head. “You’ve been a mess lately. Ever since that bitch showed up at the bar—” She broke off when I flinched, and her eyes filled with misery and empathy. “You’ve just been so quiet, preoccupied, withdrawn and…and scatterbrained.”
“I know.” Squeezing my eyes shut, I pressed a fist to my forehead and clenched my teeth. “I’ve been an ass. I’m sorry.”
“You haven’t been an ass,” she argued loyally, stepping forward to wrap her arms around me. “And stop being sorry. It wasn’t your fault she showed up.”
I sank against her gratefully. “But it was,” I said softly. “I let her control me for so long she’s still convinced she can. And I have been an ass. But I want to make things right with you. Tonight.”
“You’re finally going to talk about it?” she guessed, her eyes widening with hope.
I flinched but admitted, “If that’s what it takes, then yeah. I’ll tell you every messed-up thought in my head if that helps me get out of this funk so we can both move forward.”
She nodded as if proud. “Good. Let’s get to the park and start this picnic, then. I’m curious to see what kind of food E put in here because those peanut butter apple slices she was eating looked seriously tempting.”
I smiled and took her hand. We were fairly quiet the rest of the way to the park; I think both of us were too anxious to reach our destination to attempt conversation. We didn’t have a blanket to spread on the ground so we found an empty picnic table and sat on the same bench seat next to each other, hip to hip, as Reese unpacked the lunch bag.