I sent a letter away immediately saying Grandad was very ill and could we postpone the wedding till later but also saying I was looking forward to seeing him.
His letter arrived on Hogmanay and it was short.
I think we should part company, Ann. I’m sorry to hear about your grandad but your life is never your own. The family all seem to come first and I’m a poor second. I’ve become friendly with a girl down here and, although we are just friends, I want you to know about it as it wouldn’t be fair to be seeing someone else while we are engaged. That’s why I’m breaking the engagement to let us both have some time to think things through and to lead our own lives.
I sat for ages with the letter in my hand and tears streaming down my face. In my heart, I knew I couldn’t blame him for wanting to go out to dances and social occasions, which he often mentioned in his letters, but another girl – that was something else.
Thankfully, I had opened the letter in my small cupboard of a bedroom just before grabbing some sleep before setting off for the shop. Granny and Lily were bustling around the kitchen and I didn’t want them to see me upset. Granny had enough to worry about without my added problems. I managed to get into bed and tried to weep silently. It wasn’t easy. I thought of all the years Greg and I had known one another but now we were just another two casualties of this dreadful conflict. Daniel was growing up without a father, as was Peter. And, as for me … well, it looked as if I would never have children of my own – or a husband.
Later, as I made my way to Connie’s shop for the last afternoon in another year, I managed to hide my distress and put on a face. Granny gave me some strange looks but I said I was tired – it was nothing else but exhaustion.
Then, at midnight, we sat with a small glass of sherry and listened to Bella as she gave us a rundown on her latest illness. ‘It was the flu, Nan, and I really thought I’d had it. In fact, I’m still so weak my legs can hardly hold me up.’
Granny and I were so tired we could hardly keep our eyes open never mind give an answer to Bella’s flu. Grandad then took another bad fit of coughing and we hurried over to help him while Bella lapsed into silence.
Then Hattie and Graham arrived. They had been to a New Year’s dance and Hattie was dressed in a lovely blue evening gown. She looked so out of place in the kitchen with Grandad coughing and a silent Bella.
She sat on the edge of the bed and took Grandad’s hand. ‘You’ll be fine, Dad. Just wait till the better weather is here and you can get out for your walks along the Esplanade.’
He gave her a weak, watery-eyed smile. ‘Aye, Hattie, I will,’ he said before lying back on the pillow with a sigh.
Hattie and Graham left with Bella. Graham offered to see Bella home and she accepted with a gracious smile – much to Hattie’s annoyance.
Thankfully, Lily was staying with the Pringle family while Dad, Rosie and Jay had all paid a visit earlier that afternoon. Everything was quiet in the close as all the neighbours knew of Grandad’s illness. Sometimes a short burst of sound carried up from the street but it was short-lived. Grandad drifted off into a fitful sleep while Granny and I gazed at one another in dismay.
I think Granny knew something was wrong with me but she said nothing and the two of us brought in another New Year in silence and misery. Both of us on the verge of losing the men we loved.
8
Granny was resilient and she took Grandad’s illness in her stride while I was quietly disintegrating by degrees. One thing was clear – he was getting worse with each passing day and, although we were now in the warmer days of spring, it didn’t help his cough or his breathing.
The only thing he still enjoyed was his cup of tea but it took him ages to drink it. He managed to sit up for a short time before collapsing back on to the bed, looking absolutely drained and breathless.
We were still in our routine of sitting up every night with him and Granny and I still took it in turns to do this. I was managing only a few days at work but Connie said she understood and that I was to take as long as I needed off.
I had to admit that I enjoyed my few hours away from the sickbed, catching up on all the Hilltown gossip and I was even listening with a different ear to Joe.
He seemed pleased by the way the war had turned. ‘I told you, Connie, didn’t I, that the German Army would have to retreat from Russia and look what’s happened. They’ve been defeated at Stalingrad. Hitler seemingly told the army commanders they were forbidden to surrender but they did surrender. It’s all right for his nibs in his cosy command room to forbid anything but it’s not him standing up to his oxters in snow – and starving as well.’
Connie and I were hopeful that the end of the war could now be in sight but it still rumbled on and on. It was as if all the victories and defeats in different parts of the world were still not enough to bring about the peace we all longed for – not just in our country but everywhere. Then there was the rationing, and food supplies were being cut further and it was difficult to keep going – especially for those with big families.
Grandad sometimes enjoyed a small piece of toast with his tea and Granny added a cup of hot Oxo to his menu. Its beefy aroma seemed to perk him up while Granny swore by its health-giving benefits.
We were hardly ever in the flat in Roseangle now. While I stayed with Granny, Lily was now living with Rosie, Dad and Jay. This was a big help as it saved us cooking for her which was a big consideration when one of us was up all night. Also, Lily was spared the worst of witnessing Grandad’s bad bouts. When she visited us, he was usually sleeping and quite peaceful-looking which was a blessing.
However, it was becoming clear that Grandad needed a lot more care and the doctor advised Granny to let him admit Grandad to the hospital. This was something she was totally against so we carried on, taking one day at a time. But we did have some help. Maddie offered to sit up at the weekends and let us have a rest – an offer we accepted so swiftly that we were both ashamed of ourselves.
Granny had been dubious to begin with, however. ‘You’ve got wee Daniel to look after, Maddie. He’s now at an age when he’s into everything and you’ll need eyes at the back of your head just to look after him.’
Maddie nodded. ‘Oh, yes, he can be a little monster at times but my mother will look after him to let me help out. After all, he’ll be asleep during the few hours I’m here.’
As I said, we accepted with speed.
Hattie also did two days a week which was a big help because it let me get to my work and I was grateful to them both because it also let Granny catch up on some badly needed sleep.
I would stay up with Maddie for a couple of hours when she did her stint and we’d sit by the banked up fire, holding hot cups of tea in our hands.
Maddie, being a nurse, was excellent with Grandad. She was able to make him eat a tiny breakfast before leaving in the morning. Then she gave him a blanket bath some mornings and this seemed to settle him for the rest of the day. He was now sleeping quite well during the night because Doctor Bryson had given him a big bottle of medicine and we were grateful he wasn’t suffering from the racking cough and pain he had during the earlier days of his illness.
One lovely night in early June when it hardly seemed to grow dark, Maddie and I sat by the side of the bed and chatted quietly.
‘I just wish that there was a cure for Grandad,’ I said, looking at the thin figure under the blankets.
Maddie gave me a sympathetic look. ‘You’ll all have to steel yourselves for the fact there will be no betterness for him, Ann. I’m sorry.’
I nodded. ‘Aye, the doctor warned Granny right at the start that his lungs were damaged beyond help but he’s had bad doses of bronchitis before and I keep hoping against hope that there will be a miracle cure.’
She said nothing.
‘Granny hasn’t said any more to me about his condition, Maddie.’
Maddie slowly sipped her tea and gazed at the embers of the fire. ‘Perhaps she doesn’t want to worry
you. She knows you always get all the family’s problems and she’s shielding you from this extra worry.’
Looking back on that night, I’ve often wondered why I wasn’t totally shocked by the thought of Grandad’s imminent death. It was as if I had accepted this fact over the many sleepless nights during the past months.
One night I told Maddie about Greg’s letter and the broken engagement. ‘I’ve put the ring back in its box, Maddie,’ I confided, ‘and I’ll send it to him when this war is over. I don’t like to send it through the post.’
Maddie was silent and I knew we were both remembering when Danny had broken his engagement to her – that awful time when he couldn’t forget how his late father had been part of a firing squad that had shot and killed a young deserter in the Great War. How Danny had anguished over that before finally coming to his senses and getting back with Maddie.
‘Is he really serious about this girl he’s met?’ she asked.
‘I don’t know, Maddie.’
‘But you were always such a lovely devoted couple – everyone said so.’
I tried not to sound bitter but it somehow crept into my words. ‘Well, it just goes to show how appearances are wrong. He couldn’t have cared for me very much if a simple letter asking him to put the marriage on hold for a while because Grandad is ill is enough to make him break our engagement and throw him into the arms of another girl.’
Maddie looked unhappy. ‘Write to him to explain how bad your Grandad’s illness is – he’ll understand.’
I was horrified. ‘What? Plead with him to have me back? Oh, I don’t think so, Maddie.’ I’d uttered brave words but I felt far from brave – in fact, I was almost on the verge of tears.
Maddie gave a loud sigh. ‘When is this terrible war going to end, Ann? Daniel is growing up and he’s never seen his father. Maybe Danny doesn’t even know he has a son.’ She was tearful as well.
I took her hand. ‘Danny knows he has a son, Maddie – I’m sure of that.’
Her face brightened up. ‘Oh, I do hope so! Do you feel that in your mind, Ann?’
I nodded. I did feel close to Danny some days but I was now wishing I had held my tongue. Why did I persist in coming out with statements based on thin air? At this rate, I should be sitting on the end of a pier with a crystal ball in my hand, charging sixpence a time for fortunes told.
Suddenly, Maddie laughed.
‘What are you laughing at?’ I asked.
‘I’m thinking about Hattie and Graham.’
I smiled. ‘She seems to be dotty about him. Granny says she’s in love.’
Maddie became serious. ‘Does she know anything about him Ann?’
‘Only that his house and office were both bombed in the Clydebank Blitz but surely your father knows something about his background?’
She shook her head. ‘He knows him professionally but knows nothing about his personal life.’
I smiled. ‘Och, well, as long as they’re both happy … I think we should all grab our chance of happiness if we get offered it during these dark times.’ I was thinking of Greg when I said this. Was he grabbing his chance of happiness with someone else?
I took the two cups over to the sink and washed them. It was time to go to my bed in my tiny room in the lobby. I had promised to do the early morning papers for Connie, to give her a Sunday off and a well-earned rest.
Granny and Alice appeared about six o’clock that morning and I left them with Maddie. It was a glorious morning as I quickly walked to the Hilltown. The sun had risen over the river as it met the North Sea, turning the water and the sky into a golden glow. I wished Grandad could see it with me.
Once again I marvelled at such peace in a world torn apart by warfare. The streets were almost deserted on this quiet Sunday, most of the workers no doubt having a long lie in after a busy working week.
Joe was waiting for the shop to open. Suppressing a feeling of irritation, I smiled.
‘How’s your grandad, Ann?’ he asked, lighting up one of his homemade cigarettes and coughing harshly from the smoke.
‘He’s still the same, Joe – no change.’
He followed me into the dim interior of the shop and gave me a hand to lift the bundles of papers on to the counter.
‘I’ll have my Sunday Post and Sunday Pictorial as usual, Ann,’ he said, throwing his cigarette end out of the open door. ‘I see the Allies are winning the U-boat war in the Atlantic – that’ll send them packing back to their own waters.’
Quite honestly, I was tired of hearing about the war but I tried to be polite and listen to him. I knew he was a lonely old man and he liked nothing better than a good chat with Connie every morning and I was her stand-in today so I was getting the chat.
I nodded vaguely while writing the customers’ names on the corners of various papers. The paper boy was late but I was a bit slower than Connie so I was grateful for the extra time.
I found myself wishing that Joe would go away but he seemed quite happy standing there and spouting about the headlines in the papers. ‘Aye, it’s just like I said – Allied shipping losses down to 18,000 tons last month and seventeen U-boats sunk – that’ll learn them.’
I wanted to tell him that the world was losing sons and husbands, no matter which country they belonged to. But I thought Joe would be shocked if I showed the tiniest bit of sympathy to those boats lost at sea. It didn’t matter what nationality – if you were drowned, then that was that. What a world.
Joe finally left and I managed to get well ahead before the paper laddie came in. He was rubbing his eyes when he appeared. ‘Sorry but I slept in.’
He picked up the canvas bag and dragged himself out of the shop into the brilliant morning sun, muttering about the weight of the bag – a complaint I totally ignored because the bag wasn’t as heavy as it used to be because of the restrictions on paper. He would have had something to complain about before the war when the papers were much thicker.
Then Lily appeared and she wasn’t looking very happy. When I asked the reason for her solemn face, she said, ‘It’s Jay. He throws his porridge all over my frock and I have to get changed.’
‘So Jay’s learning to feed himself?’ I said, trying to keep a straight face.
Lily nodded glumly. ‘I wish we were back at Roseangle, Ann. It’s not that I don’t like being with Rosie and Dad and Jay but I would rather be with you.’
‘When Grandad’s better, Lily, then we’ll go back to Roseangle. I promise.’ I didn’t mention that there was no getting better for poor Grandad.
To cheer her up, I said, ‘What about taking Jay for a trip on the tramcar to see Kit?’
Her face lit up. ‘I’ll run up and ask Rosie if we can take him this afternoon.’ She was gone in a flash only to reappear a few minutes later, slightly out of breath. ‘Rosie says we can take him out later, Ann.’
‘Right, then, I’ll see you at three o’clock.’
The shop normally closed early in the afternoon every Sunday so I just had time to hurry back to the Overgate and help Granny with the chores and Grandad’s dinner.
Dad, Rosie, Lily and Jay arrived soon after and we set off for our trip to Lochee. We left Rosie and Dad sitting by the bed, trying to have a conversation with Grandad – which wasn’t easy because he kept dropping off to sleep.
We left the sad faces behind and headed with the toddler towards the tram stop. Jay was excited when he saw the tramcar and he kept twisting around in my arms. Trying to see everything and everyone. It put me in mind of Lily when she was that age. Now she was growing up and would soon be at the secondary school after the summer holidays. She had passed her qualifying exams with flying colours and now Rockwell School beckoned along with a new chapter in her life.
As usual, Kit was pleased to see us and I was both surprised and delighted to see Kathleen. She was looking as lovely as ever in a soft powder blue jumper and smart navy blue skirt. There was no sign of Kitty.
Kit explained, ‘George has taken her out
for a walk. What a pity we didn’t know you were coming with Jay. He could have gone as well.’
Jay, however, was quite content to toddle around, picking up Kitty’s books and thrusting them into Lily’s hands.
‘All right, Jay, I’ll read you a story but you have to sit down first,’ she said cheerfully.
We left them in their corner and sat down with our tea at the table which I noticed Kit had now moved to the window. A shaft of sunlight fell across its surface and I also noticed the room was much smarter than during the bad old days of unemployment. What a difference a couple of wage packets made to people’s lives.
We were having a great gossip until we saw Maggie on the street. By the way she was hurrying, it was clear she was heading for Kit’s house.
Kathleen groaned out loud. ‘For heaven’s sake, not another lecture.’
But Maggie was more irate than that as we were about to discover. She flounced into the room and, barely taking time to draw breath, she rounded on Kathleen. ‘What’s this I’m hearing about you giving up your house in Louis Square, Kathleen?’
A momentary glint of anger appeared in Kathleen’s eyes but her voice was quiet when she spoke. ‘So you’ve heard then, Maggie? Gossip fair gets around this part of the world.’
Kit looked embarrassed but said nothing.
Meanwhile Maggie was furious. ‘I’ve heard you’ve got a flat from that photo fellow and that he’s setting you up like some kept woman.’
At this point, Kit exploded. ‘Look here, Maggie Malloy, let’s get one thing clear – Kathleen is trying to get a better life for herself and Kitty and not end up like you and me. She’s not any kept woman but just a young mother earning a living. And another thing – she’s paying rent for her flat. She’s no’ biding in it for free.’
This was all news to me and I was puzzled by all the accusations flying around, as was Lily. I wished she hadn’t been in the room but it was too late to do anything now. Her face was a picture as she tried to read to Jay but look at the warring women at the same time. Maggie’s tirade won and even Jay fell silent.
The Sun Will Shine Tomorrow Page 10