It was now time to visit Dad, Rosie and Jay. Rosie was bustling around when we entered the kitchen and I got the impression she was also near to tears. Dad looked so proud as he wished Lily well at the college and Jay was wide-eyed at this small domestic scene. Lily had always been close to him and even he felt the change in the air as she said her goodbyes.
As we were leaving, he ran over and hugged her legs. ‘Cheerio, Lily.’
She knelt down and hugged him back. ‘I’m just going to Glasgow, Jay. I’ll be back to see you all often and, in fact, you’ll all be tired of looking at me.’
However, I knew she was as near to tears as we all were.
When we got home, it was almost time for bed and I for one felt exhausted. On that note, we tried hard to sleep because we both knew the next day would be a busy one.
Mr and Mrs Pringle turned up with Joy soon after breakfast. They were both dressed in gabardine raincoats as the weather had turned wet. Joy stood beside them in her new royal blue coat that sparkled with raindrops and I was suddenly glad that Lily also had some new clothes to go away with. There was no way I wanted her to look like some poor relation.
Mr Pringle picked her suitcase up and I then realised I hadn’t seen Joy’s suitcase. I was on the verge of asking when he said, ‘We’ve got a taxi waiting for us, Ann. It’ll save us getting wet on our way to the station.’
Lily’s eyes lit up. ‘A taxi! The last time I was in a taxi was at Maddie and Danny’s wedding.’
Joy smiled. ‘Well, we’re going in another one, Lily.’
We all hurried downstairs and the taxi was at the kerb with the driver standing beside it. He was smoking a cigarette which he quickly threw away and stamped it out with his foot.
When we reached the railway station, it was quiet – just a few bored-looking businessmen and two smartly dressed women who looked as if they were off to Glasgow for a trip.
Fortunately we didn’t have long to wait for the train which was a blessing as I couldn’t have stood it if we had. The train appeared and Mrs Pringle and the girls quickly got into an empty compartment while Mr Pringle and I helped with the suitcases. He stowed them away on the overhead luggage rack while I stood awkwardly at the open door.
We just had enough time to say a quick goodbye and the train slowly steamed out of the station. Taking Lily to Glasgow and out of my life.
I knew I was crying but I didn’t care.
Mr Pringle took my arm. ‘Come on, Ann. I’ll treat you to a coffee at Draffen’s. I don’t have to be at the office just yet.’
We sat at the table and the waitress brought our cups. I had managed to wipe my face and hoped that any person, should they be remotely interested in me, would surmise my face was wet from the rain.
Mr Pringle said, ‘When we go down to see Joy you can come with us, Ann.’
I stirred my coffee listlessly.
‘It’s not that far away and the girls will be coming home for the holidays. Joy said they would be back for Christmas and the New Year,’ he said kindly.
‘I know, Mr Pringle, I know. Lily said the same. It’s just that I’ll miss her so much. We’ve been together for so long that I foolishly thought we would always be together.’
‘But you know she’s going to be a wonderful artist, Ann. She’s got a great talent and so has Joy but she hasn’t got Lily’s artistic touch.’
I felt so proud of her. ‘I know and I didn’t mean to be so downhearted.’
‘You be as downhearted as you like. It’s only natural.’ He then changed the subject. ‘Do you know Hattie is leaving us?’
I didn’t know and said so.
‘She feels now that Joy is away from home that there’s nothing left for her to do. And she now has Graham to keep her happy and busy. He’s buying a house in Broughty Ferry and I hear Hattie is giving up her house in Westport to go and live with him.’
I didn’t know what to say so I just said, ‘I see.’
‘Hattie told Fay that she didn’t care if Graham got a divorce or not. She was grabbing her chance of happiness now and she didn’t give a fig what other people thought.’
I wondered how Granny would react to this news. Then I thought she probably wouldn’t give a fig either. If there was one thing this awful war had taught us, it was to make people live for the moment as it could all be snatched away tomorrow.
He walked back to Roseangle with me. The drizzle had stopped but it was still grey and dreary-looking. After he left, I hurried up to the flat. I planned to have a quick snack and then make my way to the shop.
Connie was waiting for me, ready to offer tea and sympathy but, the moment I saw her, I burst into tears. Luckily the shop was empty and she made me sit in the back shop with my tea.
‘After you’ve drunk that, Ann, just you get away back home. You can start tomorrow.’
I was appalled. ‘Oh, no, Connie! I’ll be fine in a minute. It’s just the thought of not seeing Lily tonight. The flat will be so quiet.’
She nodded. ‘Aye, it will. Have you thought of taking in a lodger?’
I looked at her in amazement. ‘A lodger?’
‘A big handsome man with blue eyes and burly shoulders.’
I said, ‘Have you someone in mind?’
‘Joe,’ she said and we both burst out laughing. ‘That’s better, Ann. It’s good to have a laugh and, if there’s ever someone to laugh at, it’s Joe.’
‘Poor Joe! What has he done to deserve this character assassination, Connie?’
She snorted. ‘He dropped his cigarette end onto a pile of newspapers and burned a hole right through them. I’ve had twenty complaints today. The hole was right through the middle of the death column and, if there’s one thing the old folk round here hate, it’s the thought of missing a dead body.’
This cheered me up but then Connie always did that. She was on her way home when she suddenly came back through the door.
‘Honestly, I’ve got a mind like a sieve. I almost forgot. Guess who I had in this morning with his new wife?’
My mind was a blank and I said so.
‘Davie Chambers.’
‘The paper laddie who went into the navy?’ I remembered Davie very well. His mother was a widow who didn’t have much money. He would appear at the shop on cold mornings with short trousers and red-raw knees. I had got some good clothes that had belonged to Danny and they fitted him so, after I gave them to his grateful mother, at least he had been warmly clad on the winter mornings.
‘He’s a fine-looking man and his wife is small and very pretty. They’ve been staying with his mother for a few days. You’ll mind she got another house in Tulloch Crescent and a good job in the school kitchen at Rosebank.’
I did remember. It had been Mrs Chambers who had kindly lent the robe for Jay’s christening.
‘Well, he was asking for you, Ann. He’s away back to Portsmouth now. He’s still in the navy and they’ve got a flat in the city.’
I was so happy for him and his small and very pretty wife but, after Connie left, I felt down again. Everyone seemed to be getting married or moving in with their men.
The appearance of Joe didn’t help my mood. He was morose because of the earlier mishap. ‘Connie was furious with me,’ he said. ‘I never saw the fag falling on the papers till I saw the smoke.’
‘Och, don’t worry about it, Joe. Connie was laughing about it before she left.’
His face brightened. ‘Was she?’
He stayed for ages, chatting on and on about the state of affairs in the country. But I barely heard him. I was wondering if Lily had arrived at Sauchiehall Street with Joy and Fay Pringle and thinking about how she would cope with all the newness of a big city.
That night, instead of going back to an empty flat, I went to see Granny. Bella was there but there was no way I could backtrack through the door when I saw her. I put a big smile on my face and breezed in.
Bella looked sourly at me. ‘What have you got to smile about, Ann? Your sister is awa
y and you’ve no’ got a man in your life.’
Granny gave her a sharp look but either Bella didn’t notice it or she didn’t care.
‘And we see Hattie is going to bide with her fancy man. She’s giving up her house to live in sin with him – just like Kathleen and her fancy man. What is the world coming to?’
I didn’t answer her.
Granny said, ‘You can bide here the night if you want to, Ann.’
It was a very tempting offer until I realised I had to get on with my life. It wouldn’t be very long till Christmas as James Pringle had said. I would see Lily then and we would catch up with her news. I would get my life’s excitement second-hand.
I left Bella with Granny. As usual Bella was complaining of aches and pains, general tiredness and a few other complaints. I felt sorry for Granny but Bella was too much for me at that moment.
The street was still busy and I considered going to see Danny at his shop on the Hawkhill. Then I realised I didn’t want to discuss my loneliness with anyone, not even Danny – at least not that night.
I spent another sleepless night and wondered if Lily was also feeling the same. I hoped not.
October came in grey and miserable and it matched my mood exactly. My days were filled with mundane matters. Going to work, going home, going to bed, day in and day out. My only bright spot was Lily’s weekly letter with all her news and I devoured it like a starving man. I tried to make my letters cheery and usually wrote about the customers at the shop and any titbit of news that came my way but I have to say there wasn’t a lot of that.
Even the river view from the window failed to brighten my mood. It didn’t seem like the same view without Lily. Anyway, the curtains were pulled as soon as I arrived back at night and I sat down with only the wireless for company.
At the end of the month, on a Saturday evening, there was a knock on the door. I had just finished washing my hair and, thinking it was my elderly neighbour from next door, I opened it.
I almost fell down in surprise when I saw Greg standing on the doorstep. I was kicking myself for looking like a frump with a towel around my head.
Then remembering my manners I said, ‘Come in, Greg. What a surprise!’ As he stepped inside, I looked out at the landing, fully expecting to see his fiancée standing there. The landing, however, was empty.
Greg sat down on one of my new fireside chairs and, to cover my confusion, I went into the small scullery to put the kettle on.
I called out from my haven, ‘I thought you were in Oxford, Greg.’
He said, ‘I am but a job has come up for a chief librarian in Dundee and I’ve come up for an interview. Whether I get the job is another matter but I’m keeping my fingers crossed.’
‘Where is your fiancée, Greg? I hope she’s not waiting outside in the rain.’ I tried to make my voice sound neutral but I felt the words came out wrong.
He looked serious. ‘We’ve broken the engagement off.’
I must have looked stunned because he said, ‘It’s not really a big surprise. We were just company for one another when we worked together but, when her mother was killed in a buzz bomb raid, I somehow got into a situation where we both assumed we would get married – hardly the basis for a happy married life.’
‘Where is she now?’ I asked, aware that my voice was croaky.
‘She went back to London and, as far as I know, she’s got another man – someone she knew from years ago.’
My head swam with relief. Greg’s engagement was no longer looming like a sword of Damocles over my head.
‘How do feel about that? Are you sad?’ I asked.
He grinned and I almost cried at the sight of the old Greg. ‘Actually, I feel relieved.’
My mind was still reeling. I mustn’t look too keen, I thought. So, trying to sound nonchalant, I turned the subject away from his ex-fiancée, thinking he didn’t want to talk about her. ‘Lily and Joy have gone to art college in Glasgow. Hattie is going to live with Graham and Granny is keeping well.’
He nodded. ‘That’s good news, Ann. Lily will be a big girl now. It’s funny how quickly time has gone in. And what about yourself? Are you happy about Lily going away?’
‘Oh, yes,’ I said brightly. ‘I’ve got lots of plans and loads of friends to look up. And I’ve got my job at the shop and I meet lots of interesting people.’
He nodded seriously while I almost choked on all the lies I had just uttered. But still I babbled on. ‘Maddie and Danny have three boys now. Daniel and the twins, James and Patrick. Kathleen has gone to live in London with her boyfriend, Chris.’ I was aware I was babbling but I couldn’t stop myself. I knew, if I stopped speaking, I would throw myself into his arms and surely, after all this time, he would be embarrassed.
He sat on my utility chair and gazed quietly at me as I scurried from the room to the scullery and back, chatting like some insane person.
Then, to my utter dismay, he said, ‘I won’t stay for tea, Ann. I’ve got my train to catch in an hour.’
I tried to hide my intense feeling of rejection. ‘Of course, Greg – I forgot you’re just here for an interview.’ I walked to the door with him, trying desperately to hide my tears which threatened to erupt any minute now.
At the door, he said, ‘I’m glad everyone is fine and that the news is good on all fronts. I just wanted to come and see you and check you were all right after your ordeal on the hill in the summer. Mum and Dad said it was a miracle you weren’t killed. Another few steps and you would have fallen into that deep gully. It’s a dangerous spot.’
Just hurry up and go, Greg, I prayed, before I show myself up.
‘I would come to the railway station with you but, as you can see, my hair is still wet.’
He nodded. ‘It’s all right.’ He stood on the landing for a brief moment and then turned towards the stairs. ‘Well, cheerio, Ann. I’m glad I’ve seen you and that your life is happy and I like your new flat – it’s lovely.’
‘Thanks. Lily and I love it.’
Then, with a final wave of his hand, he was gone. I stood on the landing for ages, still aware of the faint trace of his presence. I was shaking with anger at myself. Why had I behaved like an idiot? I’d rabbited on and on about trivialities when there was so much I wanted to say to him. Still, if he had wanted to say something important to me, why hadn’t he done it? No, I thought, his visit wasn’t to say anything special to me but merely a social visit because he was in Dundee. Maybe he thought I would get to hear of it and be dejected that he hadn’t called.
Well, I wasn’t dejected, was I? Oh, yes I was. In fact, I was worse than dejected. I felt totally drained of any emotion and just wanted to crawl into bed and nurse my grief in the darkness.
I should have gone to the station with him. After all, that was the place where I said all my goodbyes to people I loved. Standing on a desolate platform.
The next day didn’t bring any relief from my misery and I mentioned Greg’s visit to Granny. ‘I should have told him how I feel, Granny, and maybe he would have stayed.’
‘Well, Ann, maybe he would have but what if he hadn’t? What if his visit was a courtesy call and you had poured your heart out to him? Have you thought of that?’
I nodded miserably. ‘I have Granny.’
It was back to work on the Monday morning as usual. The streets were quiet as I made my way to the Hilltown. The mill workers weren’t on the streets yet but it would all change in an hour or so.
Connie used to do this very early shift but I had being doing it for a while now, picking up the piles of papers and getting them ready for the paper boy and all the early morning workers. Joe didn’t come to the shop as early as this now. He had rheumatism, he said, and he liked to stay in bed a while longer on these cold and damp dark mornings.
I was looking forward to my weekly letter from Lily. She was full of the art college news and all the people she and Joy had met up with. It was a life full of interest and happy socialising. The students all
seemed to meet up at the weekends and have lively get-togethers to discuss art and the world in general.
I always tried to keep my letters cheery and bright, telling her all the local gossip from the shop and mentioning all the plans I had for hobbies. I was going to start a brand-new life tomorrow with all my interests. The only thing I didn’t mention was that mañana never arrived.
Connie came in during the afternoon and I set off for home. The weather was still damp and murky with spells of heavy rain and I hurried along the wet pavements. I was dying to get the fire on and have a cup of tea. Then I’d spend an evening with the wireless or maybe visit Granny or Rosie. Or maybe I would just sit by the fire like a zombie before going to bed. Or I could visit Danny and Maddie. Maybe.
I saw Lily’s letter on the mat when I opened the door and I went to read it by the window. The river was invisible on a dull afternoon like this. Damp mist hugged the pavements and it was like looking over a sea of greyness. I had barely read half of it when someone knocked at the door. It would be the coalman, I thought. Once a month he came later in the day and I paid for my weekly bags of coal then. Moving to the door like some middle-aged spinster with my purse in my hand, I opened it.
A young telegram boy stood on the doorstep and handed me a telegram. My heart almost stopped beating with fright. Please, not Lily I prayed. Please don’t let something be wrong with her. The boy turned to go and I carried the flimsy missive in my sweaty hand. I knew I was breathing heavily when I sat down by the window, beside Lily’s letter. Had something gone wrong between her writing to me a day ago and now?
Taking a deep breath, I tore the telegram open but shut my eyes, like some tiny child afraid of the dark. Then, steeling myself, I glanced at the typewritten words, ‘Sorry I was such a coward the other night. Will you marry me, Ann? Greg.’
For one dazed moment, I stared at the words – Greg was asking me to marry him. I jumped up and, if there had been anyone in the room, I would have kissed them.
‘Yes, yes, yes!’ I shouted at the wall. ‘Yes, yes, yes!’
I rushed out to the nearest post office to reply. I wasn’t even going to think about all that had happened over the years. Seize the day, Kathleen had said to me. She had certainly seized her day and I was about to do the same.
The Sun Will Shine Tomorrow Page 31