“That’s bull, and you know it.”
The silence settling in over the barn teased Leigh-Ann to say something. Defend herself. To Carrie, that was. Her chance to defend herself to Christina had already passed. Two years ago. Thinking about it gave Leigh-Ann a headache. “I don’t smoke a lot of pot now,” she muttered. She had been reminded of headaches, after all.
“You afraid you make stupid decisions when you get high?”
“Don’t know about that,” Leigh-Ann continued to mutter. “All I know is that apparently you and I both have had crushes on the same girl.”
“You never told me you were a bit queer,” Carrie said so nonchalantly that Leigh-Ann had to doubletake. “I mean, I kinda got that feeling from you, but you also told me you were straight, so…”
“What does it matter?” Leigh-Ann’s terse words made Carrie snap her head around. “Being gay, straight, bi… I don’t know. Don’t care. As far as I’m concerned, though, that experimentation failed. I’ve had at least one boyfriend since then, you know.”
Yes, she knew how desperate and sad that sounded, as if she had anything to hide from the only friend she had made since Christina dumped her by the lockers. So she wasn’t surprised when Carrie said, “So you care?”
Sighing, Leigh-Ann flung herself into a new pile of straw with a mighty huff. I need to change the subject. Throw this back at her somehow… No, Leigh-Ann wouldn’t be low enough to attack Carrie’s sexuality, let alone her confidence in it. So confident that she slept with the principal’s daughter… his married daughter. Go figure.
“Wait… you think your cousin is one of the firebugs setting arsons ablaze around town…” Yeah, that was a good point! Leigh-Ann was on a good roll here! “So you brought me to a barn that he might be targeting next?”
“I don’t know what he’s targeting, or if it’s him and or if he’s along with some of his buddies. All I know is that he’s up to no good, and now he’s dragging Christina into it.” Carrie shoved the bag of trash to the side before kicking some of the straw beneath her feet. “I didn’t move somewhere to start over only to have my cousin get rumors started that I’m the one doing it. I’ll own up to the shit I did back home, but I ain’t going to jail for him.”
“So what are you gonna do?”
Carrie glanced out the opened barn door. A light drizzle had come and gone while they were in there, but the sun was back out again. A warm sun? Not as much that time of year. Leigh-Ann should be appreciating the sunlight while she could, before the long, dark winter settled in and forced kids like them to take matters to their homes, where parents were always afoot and snooping in on what they were doing.
“I don’t know what I’m gonna do,” Carrie finally said. “Kick his ass is what I should do, but I need proof before I implicate him to his parents or any authority. Guess I’m here because I wanted to see if he was sniffing around.”
“With Christina?”
“I may or may not be pissed because she rejected me only to turn around and make out with my cousin. Whom I feel responsible with introducing to her because… well, it’s a long story, but it had to do with the party.”
“He was at the party? How could he be there and lighting the fire that night?”
“That’s what I’ve been trying to figure out.” Carrie plopped down next to Leigh-Ann. Her body heat was instantly palpable. Leigh-Ann attempted to not think about it, but the more she pretended it wasn’t there, the more she felt it. What was that feeling in her stomach? Nah. Those weren’t butterflies. She wasn’t throwing herself upon the altar of ultimate crushdom. Not so soon after talking about what happened with Christina. To the both of them! “Considering how quickly that deputy heard about it, I wouldn’t put it past him for lighting it and then coming straight to the party. The only question is… did he come to the party to have an alibi? Because I don’t think he’s that smart. I think he showed up because he wanted to go to the party.”
“Where you introduced him to Christina, and now they’re going out.”
“Man…” Carrie let out a pent-up sigh that sounded like it crushed her ribcage. Her breath brushed against Leigh-Ann’s cheek. They still weren’t quite touching – not with their bodies, anyway – but Leigh-Ann swore her friend got ever so much closer with every passing second. “I don’t want to talk about her anymore. I’ve only been in school for a month, and I’m already having a crush on the mayor’s daughter. The mayor’s straight daughter. Maybe I really can’t stay out of trouble.” She rubbed her face, the puff of her cheeks squeezing between her fingers. “No wonder people assume I’m the one causing trouble wherever it rears its stupid head.”
“I don’t think you like trouble,” Leigh-Ann whispered. “I think it finds you. That’s not the same thing.”
“What do you mean?”
“You have a very outgoing and confident personality. Troublemakers are attracted to that, because they think you’ll be like them. Or they think they can exploit it.”
“Like using me as a scapegoat?”
“Guess so.”
“Let me guess… you’re the exact opposite. You cause so little trouble that you could wander the hallways at school without a pass and not a single teacher would care.”
“I dunno about that. Haven’t tried it.”
“See what I mean? You don’t know because you won’t try it.” Carrie chuckled. “You’re a cool chick, Leigh-Ann. You’ve got a dope outlook on life.”
“I do?”
“Sit back and chill. Don’t worry too much about nothing. That’s the way to do it. Me, I’m always overthinking things. Getting into trouble while trying to stay out of it.”
“I often think that I need to be more outgoing. Maybe the reason I don’t really have friends is because I don’t put myself out there. I don’t know what I’m going to be doing after graduation. I’ve got some people telling me to go to college, and others badgering me about which bank I’ll apply to be a teller at for the rest of my life.”
“Sounds bleak,” Carrie said. “That’s the high school feeling, though. If you don’t already know for sure what you want to do, you’re likely to flounder around while all the adults tell you what’s best for you. Screw ‘em, though. Do what feels right. It’s not like they know what they’re doing, either.”
“Suppose you know better than most high-schoolers,” Leigh-Ann mused. “Do adults really not know what they’re doing?”
“Everyone’s making it up as they go. Sure, there’s conventional wisdom, like paying your taxes and how to raise your credit score, but other than that? Figure it out, man. That’s all you can do. If anyone tells you otherwise, they’re posturing.”
“What if doing what feels right has terrible consequences?”
“I can’t tell you what to do in that case! Shoot, do I look like a great example of a gal who makes good decisions?”
Leigh-Ann finally turned her head toward Carrie. She has such a nice profile… The slant of Carrie’s nose would be a delight to trace with a fingertip. Her freckles disappeared in the shadows, but the dark of her hair brought them out when in the sunlight. She always wore the same plaid shirts over camisoles and T-shirts, but the way she mixed up shorts and jeans meant some days Leigh-Ann stared at her hips, and other days she gazed at those legs as if they held the key to the meaning of her young life.
Oh, God. I have a crush on her. Leigh-Ann could hardly admit it the other day. Knowing what she did about Carrie now? Like their similar tastes in women? It felt more helpless. Confessing to her would be opening the can of self-reflection worms, and if Leigh-Ann were rejected again? I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.
Besides, Carrie was into girls like Christina. So pretty. Leigh-Ann didn’t stand a chance.
“I know what might feel right… right now…” Leigh-Ann looked away again. “I mean, when you said you wanted to meet me in a barn, after what I told you about them…”
Why was Carrie grinning? Why did her grin have to be so cut
e? “What? That it’s a make-out spot? And I invited you to one, though I’m gay and you might be a bit, too?”
Great. She brought it up like that.
“I don’t know a lot about myself yet,” Leigh-Ann managed to say with the tiniest squeak. “I don’t know if I’m bi or straight. I figure I’ve got time to work it out, right?”
Carrie cocked her head with a shrug. “Yeah, guess so.”
“But I liked kissing Christina. I don’t think it’s because she was my friend. Yet when she dumped me like that a few days later, I didn’t lose someone to kiss. I lost my best friend.”
“What she did was so stupid it makes me mad,” Carrie said. “She was a coward. Didn’t have the balls to ask to be friends and make sure you’d be cool with her dating guys. I’m sorry she did that to you, Leigh. Makes no sense, but it’s not your fault. She was in the wrong.”
Although Leigh-Ann didn’t disagree, it was difficult for her to look up and say, “You wouldn’t do that, huh? I mean… if things didn’t work out after a kiss…”
“Why, Leigh-Ann Hardy!” Although Carrie exclaimed that with her deepest Southern accent, she managed to still say Leigh-Ann’s name correctly. “Are you asking me to kiss you?”
“No!” Leigh-Ann turned away with so much shame deep in her gut that she feared it would give her the most embarrassing gas of her life. I ain’t gonna burp right now! I ain’t! There were plenty of humiliating moments in her life already. She didn’t need to go and kill herself right there. “I was asking if you would still be my friend if it didn’t work out good!”
“So we’re friends, huh?” Carrie tapped her finger against her chin with a knowing wink. “Good to get confirmation about that. I was afraid you might still be into your loner thing.”
“I got issues, all right?”
Leigh-Ann didn’t know what she expected, but she definitely didn’t anticipate Carrie leaning closer to her friend’s ear and childishly whispering, “I bet one of your biggest issues is that you ain’t kissing no girls no more.”
“That… that’s like three negatives in one sentence!”
“I knew you paid attention in English class.”
Leigh-Ann swung her head around, eyes wide enough to swallow Carrie’s face with one glance. “Why you gotta be like that, huh? Teasing me…”
“You’d rather I kiss you?”
“I! Well! I mean…” Leigh-Ann said the very first thing to come to her mind. “At least I’m eighteen, huh? Can’t say that about Christina Rath, now can ya!”
She didn’t know who kissed who first. All Leigh-Ann knew was that it felt damn good to wrap her arms around Carrie and kiss her so hard that she was nearly knocked out on the straw.
That kind of kissing wasn’t pretty, was it? It wasn’t like when she kissed Christina two years ago, in the comfort and intoxication of her childhood bedroom. Oh, no. This was dirty. Right there in somebody’s barn, where they could get in trouble for trespassing – especially in those days, when not only was someone setting fires to them, but Leigh-Ann was kissing the girl rumored to be involved. Damn, maybe I am like Christina… Who needed bad boys when a gal could have a bad girl, though?
Weird sounds. Weird feelings. Weird tastes. Leigh-Ann liked a little weird. She liked it more when Carrie boldly reached for second base after only two minutes of making out like that’s what they came there to do.
“Oh, my God!” Leigh-Ann so rudely interrupted the event, but only because a girl had never touched her chest before. Never mind a girl who knew what she was doing! She’s slept with soooo many girls, hasn’t she? She seduced a married girl, for God’s sake! What if… what if I suck in comparison? Ah, yes, the death of all confidence. Comparison.
“What’s wrong, baby-doll?” Although Leigh-Ann had never heard a name like that before, she couldn’t say she disliked it. Had a certain Southern charm to it, yeah? Enough charm that Leigh-Ann tilted her head down with a few giggles. Only then did she realize that Carrie was still touching her. “You gettin’ nervous? I can stop.”
Leigh-Ann almost said something. Yet why say anything, when it was so much more effective to grab Carrie by the plaid shirt and pull her in for another kiss? They could get to the sweet and dirty talk later. Right now, Leigh-Ann only wanted to kiss!
On one hand, she knew what they were doing was pretty hot. Carrie knew exactly how to kiss a girl so she sank down to the straw and grasped everything around her like she would completely lose control. Or maybe that was a result of Carrie’s hand making short work of Leigh-Ann’s zipper. How else was it supposed to go down her pants if a zipper was in the way? Leigh-Ann was mired in squeaks and groans of delight as a girl touched her for the first time. It’s happening so fast. Are we having sex? I’m a virgin! I think. Am I still a virgin if she touches me there? I don’t know what this means… Maybe she should stop thinking about it and instead find ways to give back to Carrie’s excellent skills.
On the other hand, though… it may have been hot, and it may have been distracting, but that didn’t account for the acrid smell of smoke filtering through the walls.
Leigh-Ann was so deep in the moment that she almost didn’t care if they burned alive.
Chapter 15
CARRIE
Carrie didn’t pat herself on the back for figuring out Leigh-Ann’s attractions so soon. Nor did she consider herself a veritable Dona Juanita when she had her mouth on Leigh-Ann’s and a hand down her pants.
Who had time for that when they both smelled smoke and the heat of encroaching fire?
Of course, it took them longer to notice than it might have otherwise. They were busy, after all. Carrie in particular was swept up in the thrill of having someone to fool around with. Someone pretty cool, you know. Leigh-Ann didn’t give herself enough credit. She was smart. She was pretty. She got Carrie’s stupid jokes and didn’t take things personally when there wasn’t enough time to hang out. Now that Carrie knew what it was like to kiss those lips and descend into madness with her hormones fueling a different kind of fire, the possibilities were endless, as long as Leigh-Ann would have her.
As long as we get out of here in one piece…
“Holy shit!” They both noticed the fire at the same time, but Carrie was the one to jerk back in alarm first. “There’s actually a fire!”
Leigh-Ann was as white as a ghost as she leaped up from the dried-out straw that would soon turn to kindling. “We’re still in here! Let’s get the hell out of here!”
No kidding! If the fire itself didn’t get them, then either the smoke pouring through the cracks or the compromised structure of such a large building would come crashing down upon them. Carrie grabbed Leigh-Ann’s hand and hauled her toward the exit, where they had left the door ajar so they could see someone coming. I thought I might see my cousin or some of his friends. She didn’t count on some country hooligans sneaking around the back and doing their dirty business from the outside. Where was the smell of gasoline, anyway? That was supposed to be the first big giveaway! Didn’t anyone hear them inside the barn? Carrie would take the utter humiliation of her cousin catching her fingering her best friend if it meant they weren’t caught in this situation!
Because the door was blocked by a fallen piece of smoldering wood.
“Oh, my God. What are we gonna do?” Leigh-Ann futilely grabbed her girlfriend’s hand. “We can’t get out!”
“It ain’t on fire!” The rest of the bar was turning to burning dust, however. Carrie had to think fast. No. No, that wood was not on fire. It looked hot, maybe a bit crispy, but she had sleeves long enough to cover her hands and act as a simple buffer between her skin and a hot piece of wood. “Stand back a bit!” She waited for Leigh-Ann to finally let go before barreling into the door and slowly inching it open. The corrupted piece of wood cracked beneath her weight, but it wasn’t budging, and it was too big to simply step over.
“Carrie!” Leigh-Ann cried. “I’m scared!”
“It’s gonna be okay!” Probably a goo
d idea to conserve their oxygen and their energy, but Carrie’s brief moment of rational thought reminded her that their chances of survival went up if they kept their cool instead of succumbing to whatever hell the flames soon engulfed them in. “Hey! Leigh-Ann! Come over here and help me get this thing out of our way!”
She knew that Leigh-Ann wasn’t the strongest girl in town. That honor also didn’t go to Carrie, who theoretically knew how to use what force she had to overpower the world around her, but it didn’t mean squat when the panic mounted and her fears became more pertinent to the situation.
“We’re not gonna die,” she asserted. “Come on!”
Leigh-Ann pushed against the door alongside Carrie, who kept one clouding, watering eye on the chunk of wood slowly giving way beneath their strength. Something collapsed behind them, slamming into the place where Carrie had begun making love to her new girlfriend. If that wasn’t a sign for them to get the hell out, she didn’t know what was!
Leigh-Ann shrieked. So did Carrie, not that she liked to admit it.
“This is your chance to kick some ass!” Carrie shouted, both to herself and to the blubbering girl beside her. “So kick it!”
She hadn’t meant literally, but that’s what Leigh-Ann did when prompted. Her foot shot out and slammed right into the open space leading to their freedom. It also landed on the piece of disintegrating wood, which was apparently weak enough now to succumb to Leigh-Ann’s weight. With a mighty splat, the wood combusted like Leigh-Ann had single-handedly thrown her arms around a mighty tree and felled it with one tug.
“Whoa.” Carrie only regathered her bearings because of the smoke spilling through the crack. She took Leigh-Ann by the hand again and led her over the debris, a few pieces of cracked wood brushing against her bare ankles. The pain was enough to concern her, but adrenaline was so high that she didn’t think of anything but escaping as soon as they were free.
The fresh air wasn’t enough to soothe their worries, though. As they darted across the small field between the barn and the highway, Carrie heard the tell-tale signs of sirens in the distance. We’ve gotta get outta here. We’ve gotta go before they implicate us. Trespassing was a slap on the wrist for kids around there, or so Carrie hoped. Being associated with a burning building they had been in? During a reign of fiery terror some stupid kids were conducting like it didn’t mean a thing? Bad optics. Bad times ahead of them.
September Lessons (A Year in Paradise Book 9) Page 11