Rebekah narrows her eyes, and her lips curl into a wicked smile. She struts across the room, shoulders back, an air of indifference.
I choke back tears and march out of the room, Leigha close behind. God, I hate how weak I have become.
I yank open the locker door and slam it shut a few times before I drop my robe and pull on my clothes. "I have to go."
Leigha places her hand on my shoulder. "Are you sure you don't want to get your massage? We can stay in here until they're ready for you."
"No." I shake my head. "There's no way for me to relax, knowing she's here. I really don't want to run into her again. If you want to stay, I understand. I can call Thomas to pick me up."
"Hell, no. If I see that cunt again, I may cut a bitch." She grins, and there's a twinkle in her eyes.
I wrap my arms around her. "Thanks."
"Sure thing, sister. We gotta stick together, right?"
The ride home is silent. Fatigue overtakes me, and misery spreads through my limbs. "Rebekah says Alex feels trapped in our relationship. Do you think that's true?"
"Are you kidding me? No way. Alex loves you."
I shrug. I want to believe her, but nothing feels the same these days. I don't recognize myself most of the time. How on earth can I expect Alex to love a woman who only partially resembles the one he fell in love with?
Leigha swings into Alex's driveway and comes to a stop near the front door. She turns in her seat and looks me straight in the eye.
"Kylie, listen to me. While you were in the coma, Alex never left your side. One day, I stopped by for a few minutes, and I stood in the doorway and watched him. He was stroking your face and begging you to come back to him, to give him another chance to be the man he was supposed to be. He kept saying how sorry he was for failing you. God, it broke my heart."
Tears sit on the rim of my lower eyelids. I swallow hard over the lump in my throat.
Leigha takes my hand in hers and gives it a squeeze. "I swear I have never seen a man more in love with a woman as Alex is with you."
I nod, open the door, and get out of the car. "Thanks for that."
"Anytime, sister. That's what I'm here for. Love ya."
"Love ya back."
I slowly trudge through the garage to the door. My legs are heavy, as if my feet have become cement blocks. Nothing compares to the heaviness I feel in my heart.
Alex is slipping away.
And Rebekah's words ring in my ears.
Alex is trapped. He doesn't want to stay, but he can't leave.
* * *
* * *
I enter the house and immediately check the coffee pot, grab a mug from the cabinet, and drink half the cup before I track down Alex. In the past, he would've met me at the door, usually with a coffee mug in hand, and ask me about my day.
Things are different now. That was my old life. The one where I was one of the best criminal defense attorneys in the state. I had a job I loved and was good at. I was smart, and strong, and never let anything hold me back. I was confident and knew what I wanted.
I crave my old life and hate what is happening to us. I resent John was hellbent on keeping Alex and me apart and unhappy. And detest his success in ruining our lives. Alex and I share a house, but we are not sharing our lives, and are nowhere near as happy as we once were.
I check Alex's study and stop dead in my tracks. Alex is embracing a woman. Her head is buried in the crook of his neck, and he's running his hands up and down her back.
My heart stops. I can't breathe. My lungs are suddenly working twice as hard to pull in half the air. Nothing feels real around me, almost as if I’m in a dream.
The woman lifts her head and gazes into his face. "I don't know how to thank you, Alex. It means so much to me that you want to do this."
My chest is on fire. I want to run away, scream, or attack them. Instead, I stand, paralyzed, and watch them embrace. Smiling as they gaze into each other's eyes.
Alex looks over at where I stand. He steps away from the woman. "Kylie, I didn't realize you’d come home."
Heat flushes through my body. "Well, you seem to be preoccupied."
The woman faces me, and bile rises in my throat. Lisa, my former assistant and Jake's girlfriend—or so I thought.
"Hi, Kylie. How are you?"
My stomach twists into a knot. My skin tingles, and I'm dizzy.
What the hell is going on? Why is Lisa here, in Alex's arms, gazing at him like a lovesick puppy?
Alex walks behind his desk and sits. He runs his hand through his hair, clears his throat, but doesn't make eye contact with me. "Lisa just came by to talk to me about law school."
Pressure builds at my temples and my head pounds. I fold my arms across my chest, and cock my head to the side. "Law school?"
Lisa sits, crosses her legs and immediately uncrosses them. "Alex pulled some strings, and I was able to start this fall."
Alex straightens his tie, his gaze darting over to mine. "It was nothing. The dean was very agreeable after I explained your circumstances."
"Well, I owe everything to you…getting me in, and paying my tuition."
Silence. Alex fidgets with his collar, and swallows.
Lisa shifts in her seat. "I'm sorry I haven't been over to visit, Kylie. This is really the first free day I've had. I knew there would be a ton of studying, but never realized just how much until I was in the weeds. Anyway, I hope to have some free time over Thanksgiving. Maybe we can get together and get caught up?"
I plaster on a fake smile. "Sure. That'll be great."
She stands, clutching her purse, and nods at Alex. I watch her walk down the hallway to the foyer and wait to hear the door close.
"So, that's an interesting bit of news. I had no idea she got into law school—or that you're paying her tuition."
"She deserves to go. You've said yourself she's smarter than most of the lawyers at the firm. I simply called in a couple of favors."
I snicker and shake my head. I will never understand why Alex continues to keep me in the dark. I always find out, and it forces that evil voice in my head to chant, "you can't trust him."
It feels as if we are at sea, the surf choppy, and the shore a million miles away. Every time we get close to each other, within arms’ reach, a wave surges, crashing against the side of the boat, jostling and throwing us across the deck, and separating us from one another. Leaving us farther and farther from the shore, always adrift.
I hate when he hides things, especially little things that mean nothing on the surface, but become an implied act of betrayal when I discover them.
And it had to have taken more than a couple of favors to get her accepted that quickly. "What new building will bear your name at the law school in the coming year?"
"Library expansion…but it will have your name on it, not mine." He comes around the desk, pulls my arms from across my chest, and wraps them around his neck. "You're the brilliant legal mind in the family. Plus, you have a love affair with libraries of all kinds. You should be the one immortalized there, not me."
The heaviness in my limbs subsides and they start to tingle. There is a fluttering in my belly whenever Alex gives me that innocent boy grin. I try not to smile, but my lips curve up at the corners anyway. "Don't be sweet to me. I'm still mad at you."
His eyebrows squish together. "Why?"
"For not telling me about having a meeting with Lisa today. Or that she's in law school."
Clutching my hips, he pulls me closer, and rests his forehead against mine. "I'm sorry, baby. I wasn't trying to keep it from you. The law school arrangements were made while you were in the hospital. I thought if you knew Lisa was coming by today, you would skip your therapy session, and it was more important for you to see Dr. Watson and relax with Leigha than visit with Lisa. Did you have fun?"
"Most of the time."
He narrows his eyes and grimaces. "What happened?"
"Nothing worth talking about right now." The last thing I
want to do is bring up that bitch Rebekah and what she alleges—if for no other reason than to delay Alex inadvertently confirming her claims through his facial expressions or something. I've been on an emotional rollercoaster all day, and really don't need another accelerated drop into hell. Especially since I’m feeling both elated and guilty about the secret meeting between Lisa and him.
Alex caresses my cheek and gazes into my eyes. "Are you still mad at me?"
"No, I'm mad at myself - for jumping to conclusions when I walked in and saw you with another woman." I take a deep breath. "I thought the worst of you, Alex—thought you were betraying me. I trust you—I really do, but we seem so disconnected lately."
He wraps his arms around me and gathers me back against him. His lips press against the side of my head. "Baby, we're fine. There's no disconnect, I promise. I love you, Kylie, and that will never change. Please stop worrying."
His heart is beating a mile a minute. I want to scream I'm desperately trying to believe him, but his actions speak louder than words. He's avoiding any form of intimacy with me, and I'm not sure how the love we had can survive without it.
Meanwhile, the hollowness inside me just keeps growing and I wonder if my heart can endure the icy tendrils of doubt running through my veins.
* * *
* * *
I've been reading the same page in this new mystery for the last ten minutes. I close the book and place it on the nightstand. My lack of focus is not going to return tonight. Spending night after night alone while Alex shuts himself up in his study is wearing on me.
I stroll towards the kitchen, slowing as I pass Alex's door. The TV is on, and some financial analyst is talking about the stock market in China. I tap on the door and poke my head inside. It's dark, the only light coming from the TV. It takes me a minute to see him sitting on the couch, sipping from the glass of scotch in his hand.
I step just inside the door. "Hey, I was going to get some ice cream. Maggie bought a brand new tub of mint chocolate chip today. Want to join me?"
"Hmm, tempting, but I think I'll have to pass, baby. I'm waiting on an email proposal to come in and I need to act on it quickly once I receive it."
My shoulders slump, and I swallow hard over the disappointment. "Okay, just thought I'd check." I back out of the study, close the door, and sag against it. My heart feels as if it’s shrinking. I close my eyes and drop my head into my hands. Hopelessness wraps around me like a heavy wet blanket I can't shrug off.
My appetite's gone. I fall onto the bed, pulling over Alex's pillows, and breathe in his masculine scent. I close my eyes, and try to imagine his arms wrapped around me, the feel of his lips on mine, the way he growls when I nibble his neck. I miss it all. I miss him. I miss us.
The bed shifts, and I open my eyes. Alex is sliding next to me.
"Where's your ice cream?"
I pull myself up and sit back against the headboard. "Um, I decided not to have any. It's no fun breaking into a new tub alone."
He covers my hand with his and gives it a squeeze. "I'm sorry I'm neglecting you, baby. I've just been swamped with this new deal and it's taking up more of my time than I thought."
"It's okay, Alex. I understand. I know how important this deal is—I just miss you. But I guess I can share you with your business for a little while longer.”
"How about we make a deal? You give me tonight to work out the kinks in this deal, and I will make some time for us this weekend."
"Really?" I ask, my heart jumping for joy but my head wary.
Alex nods. "It just so happens Paul and I need to meet in New York on a joint venture we’re pursuing. If you come with me, we can stay for the weekend and spend some time with Paul and Ryan."
Seeing my two best friends again is exactly what I need. Ryan will be able to help me figure out what I should do, and Paul will force me to be happy just being in his presence. They are my chosen family, always there when I need them the most—and I frantically need them now.
Alex nods and that beautiful smile I first fell in love with spreads across his face. I snuggle against his chest, the beating of his heart drumming against my ear. "I would love that, baby. Thank you."
"Anything for you." He runs his fingers through my hair and—for a moment—it feels like old times.
I take a deep breath. "Do you ever think things will get back to the way they were before John—"
Alex stiffens. "No. Things will never be that way again."
My blood turns to ice. Tears blur my vision and I suppress a sob threatening to break free from my chest. My world is spinning out of control around me. My worst fears have been confirmed. Alex will never love me like he did before the shooting. The boat we are on pitches violently and I'm tossed overboard into the cold, dark, unforgiving waters. I'm drowning and I can't seem to grasp a lifeline.
“Things have changed since that night, Kylie. We will never be the same people we were, but it doesn’t mean I don’t love you more than I ever thought possible.” Alex scoots to the edge of the bed. "I have some work to finish up. I shouldn't be too long, but you should get some sleep. I doubt you will get much rest in New York."
The door closes behind him, and tears stream down my face. I pull my knees to my chest, drop my head, and cry. I have no idea what to do. I can't imagine my life without Alex in it, but I may not have a choice.
I refuse to stay in a relationship with a man who no longer loves me. If I can't get back on the boat with Alex, I will have to save myself and swim to shore. Or drown in the process.
5
Alex's corporate helicopter soars through the New York City skyline. I reach over and pinch Alex on the leg.
"Ow. Would you stop doing that?"
"Just making sure I'm not dreaming this."
"You knew that after the first pinch. There should be no doubt with the third one. Besides, you’re supposed to pinch yourself—not me."
We hover above a building, and slowly descend until it makes contact with the roof. A man ducks under the whirring propellers, and slides open the door. He sticks his hand out to help me out, and I'd love to accommodate if I could unbuckle my seatbelt.
I glance up at the young man. "Why is this so hard for me?"
He reaches in, pulls the lever, and releases the strap around my waist.
"I'm not always this challenged." I slip my hand in his, center my foot on the step, and hit the rooftop. A hand rests on my lower back as I dart across the open space, and I glance over my shoulder. Alex pulls open the door with his other hand and nudges me through. The door closes with a loud, metallic thud which reverberates through the enclosed space.
Alex steps over to the elevator and punches the keypad on the wall next to it. The doors slide open, and he guides me inside.
"How long have you had an apartment up here?" Until a couple of days ago, I had no idea Alex had his own place in the city. I assumed he stayed at the Plaza or some other luxury hotel.
"A few years. I used to come up here for business frequently, but now I think Ellie gets more use out of it. She stays there on her buying trips for the store—at least that's what she tells me she's doing. I have a sneaking suspicion she uses it more as a crash pad after hitting all the clubs with her friends."
Ellie, the youngest of the Stone siblings, and the most vicarious, lively person Kylie has ever met.
"Yeah, that sounds more like Ellie. It's sometimes hard to believe that free-spirit came from the same parents as you."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"She's the complete opposite of you. It's fascinating."
"Fascinating?"
"I didn't grow up with siblings, remember? So, yes, your relationship with your sisters and brother is an interesting study."
"And what have you discovered through your research, Miss Tate?"
"That underneath your dark Armani business suits, you're just as warm and fuzzy as the rest of your family."
"Hmm, well, don't spread that around."
The elevator doors slide open, and we step into an alcove. Alex unlocks the tall, black entry door, and leads me through an alcove into a large living room. Floor to ceiling windows line both ends of the room, one side offering views of Central Park and the other the southern Manhattan skyline. I cross to the windows and look at the people walking through the park. They look like ants meandering along the paths, completely oblivious I am watching them, like a bird high in a tree, mesmerized by their movements. I've visited New York on many occasions since Ryan and Paul moved here, but I have never seen it from this vantage point.
Alex comes up behind me, resting his hands on my hips and his chin on my shoulder. "What do you think?"
"It's breathtaking…and a little scary. It feels as if we could tumble right out of these windows."
Alex's fingers dig into my hips. His lips press against my ear, his breath heats my skin, and tingles surge through my chest, deep into my belly. "I will never let you fall, baby."
I drop my head back and rest it against his shoulder. I miss these little moments between us. I can pretend the events of the last couple of months never happened. Pretend we are exactly where we left off the night Alex finally told me he loved me, and I believed I would be happy forever.
Alex's cell phone buzzes. He pulls away from me and digs the phone from his pants pocket. I feel the loss of him immediately—cold and loneliness replace the warmth—and I know it may be a while before we are this intimate again.
"Hey, Paul," Alex says. "Yes, we just arrived a few minutes ago…"
I can hear Paul's voice on the other end but not what he is saying, but Alex chuckles at it. I love that Alex and Paul have become so close over the past few months, even going into a joint business venture. So, why is there a sudden tightness in my chest? A burning swell of resentment Alex can relax and have fun with Paul, but is so distant and serious with me most of the time. It wasn't like this before.
Revenge Page 3