Turning it off, he came to me with curiosity on his face, like he wasn’t sure if he should be concerned. I reached for him, needing to feel his warmth and to breathe the comforting scent of wolf. I craved him, realizing how badly I missed him and how quickly those vampires stripped away the side of me that was all wolf. It was what I had been for so long. The thought of losing it, of being consumed by the vampire inside, it horrified me.
“What’s going on, Alexa?” Shaz was deadly serious, the lighthearted glimmer absent from his jade eyes. “You’ve been bit. And, you smell like Kale.”
I kissed him with an aggressiveness that welled up from within.
The animal hunger for him was all wolf. I didn’t know what to say about Kale. I was ashamed, and I didn’t want to relive the events of the night by telling him right now. I just wanted to taste the Were blood that raged through his veins and feel his weight above me as he claimed my body.
There was no resistance as he kissed me back. His lips moved on mine, persistent and commanding. He tasted like heaven, that combination of wolf and pine that I loved so much. He kissed me like he couldn’t get enough. When he pulled back, I was breathless.
“Now,” he said, holding me tight and peering deep into my eyes. “Start talking.”
My mind raced but nothing coherent formed. What could I say? “Arys has been with Harley the past two nights. I saw them tonight. At The Wicked Kiss. They were … tag teaming on some girl.” Why I chose to say that, I don’t know. I felt stupid the moment the words left my mouth.
Shaz studied me, his eyes on the bite I wore. “So this was payback?” He gestured to the wound but didn’t touch it. He sniffed lightly, smelling my blood.
“No. It was just an irrational reaction. It hurt so bad to see that. I can’t get the image out of my head. It’s no excuse though. I know.”
“Whatever you get from Arys, you know you can’t replace that with Kale. And, Lord knows that Kale has enough problems. You can’t be what he needs, Lex.”
I hadn’t expected Shaz’s reaction. He wasn’t pissed off or judgmental, just matter of fact. Still, I hated hearing it. Everything was so fresh. It all stemmed from that moment that the door had opened and I saw them. I was overcome with the urge to rage my pain. I stifled it by kissing him again, tearing at my clothing as I did so.
“Please,” I murmured against his lips as I unlaced my corset. “I need you to touch me, to fill me. I’ve got this ache, Shaz. Help me ease it.”
“Don’t be crazy. These vampires are making you lose your mind. It makes me want to take you away from it all where there is nothing but you and me. All wolf.” He groaned when I tossed the corset onto the couch and slid out of my skirt. “You smell like prey, but you feel like a predator.”
“I am a predator. I’m also a woman that’s been betrayed by someone I was stupid enough to trust. And, the only person who can bring me true comfort is you.”
Shaz’s hands on my wrists stopped me before I could remove my thong panties. “Then stop trying to find it in these goddamn vampires. It’s not good for you. I’m afraid it’s going to destroy you, and this, what we have, won’t mean anything anymore.”
“Never!” I shook my head vehemently, shoving his hands away so that I could abandon the thong. “What we have is the only thing that keeps me who I am. Sometimes I wish … that I never had this kind of power. That I was nothing more than any other werewolf. That you and I could just be, without all of this interfering.”
“You can’t live that way, Lex. Regret steals time from you. It gives nothing back. I love you and that means all of you. Even if I don’t always understand it.” Shaz peeled his shirt off, revealing hard abs and a smooth chest that taunted my desire. “The influence of vampires like Arys and even Kale, it scares me when I see what it does to you. But, don’t think for a minute that I would change anything about who you are.”
The sweetness of Shaz brought tears to my eyes. Maybe we could just run away and leave all this behind. Was that so unrealistic? Neither of us had any reason to stay. Yet, even as I thought it, I knew Arys would never let me go. If I skipped town, that vampire would be hot on my trail. I could tell myself he wouldn’t care, but that wouldn’t make it true.
Standing naked before Shaz, I could easily forget about everything else, so I did. I let it fall away and reached for him. Running my hands over his bare chest, I closed my eyes and breathed in his musky, manly scent. The urge to shift forms and run was expected and welcome. I didn’t do it though. No, I wanted to savor him in this form, perfect as he was.
Shaz captured one of my hands in his, bringing it to his lips. He kissed my fingertips gently before sucking my pinky into his mouth. The moist warmth felt good, the promise of more to come.
“I love you like I love nothing else on this earth.” My words came naturally. It was true.
A bashful smile tugged at his lips, warming my heart. He reached to pull the pins from my hair, watching it fall in a mass of blonde tangles. Dropping the pins on the coffee table, he buried his hands in my hair and peered deep into my eyes. There was no further need of words. The emotion conveyed in his touch was more than enough.
His kiss was soft, the barest brush of his lips on mine. The tip of his tongue flicked out to trace my upper lip before delving between my lips, into my mouth. It was breath taking. Shaz kissed me with absolute love. Our tongues entwined, dancing together with a natural ease.
No matter what I had with Arys, he could never run by my side beneath the silver light of the moon. Only Shaz could do that. What we had was beyond special.
I threw my whole heart and soul into our kiss. If I conveyed even half of the emotion that no words could possibly say, it would be enough. Arys had hurt me with his recent absence and his filthy actions, but I could deal. If ever Shaz were to do such a thing, it would destroy me. Knowing that told me so much more about myself than I’d ever wanted to know.
The thought had me feeling desperate, needing to cling to him. I shoved the thoughts from my head and hugged him to me. Love was something I didn’t allow myself enough of. I drank it in like a forgotten flower tasting the rain again as if for the first time.
As Shaz and I made love, I began to loathe the part of me that also felt for Arys. I wanted to be rid of it once and for all, to cut it out of me and never feel anything again for him but disgust. Even as I prayed for that, I knew it was a request that would never be granted.
So instead, I sought true solace from the living, breathing man beneath me, my mate. He wasn’t part of the world I felt trapped within. For that, I was grateful. The shelter of Shaz’s embrace was the only thing that kept me from falling apart.
“Shaz,” I breathed, his name barely audible on my lips. “Don’t stop. I need you. Again.”
Shaz continued our love making with a renewed fervor. Then, I felt it, a firm, persistent nudge in my mind. Arys.
No fucking way, I thought. The bastard locked me out of his thoughts. He had a lot of nerve to try accessing mine now. Maybe a glimpse of what I was up to would show him what he was missing. Was that too low?
I dropped the mental wall in my mind, letting him see and feel what I saw and felt. My sexual awareness was instantly heightened. I concentrated on all of the emotion I felt for Shaz.
Arys didn’t use words to communicate, but I could feel both his lust and his envy in response to what I showed him. He lingered in silence so long that I contemplated slamming my mental door on him. Before I could decide, I felt him slip away, leaving me alone again with my thoughts.
Even when trying to lose myself in my white wolf to escape Arys, I couldn’t. My dark vampire always found me.
Chapter Thirteen
“Ok, spill it. I want to know everything, and I have been dying for this moment since I found you two all over each other.” Jez grinned before taking a sip from her fruity cocktail. “You were all over each other, weren’t you? Because from the looks of that bite you had, you guys had something hot going on.”
“Shh!” I glanced around anxiously, fearful that we would be overheard. “I don’t want anyone to know about that. It was nothing.”
Jez raised a fine eyebrow and assessed me. “Right. It was nothing. Then tell me what happened. You can’t withhold details like that. It’s not fair.”
I stirred the ice cubes in my drink with a straw and sighed. I’d known this interrogation was coming. I hadn’t anticipated that it would be in Lucy’s Lounge when Kylarai and Julian were at the bar ordering drinks.
“Jez, there has got to be a better time for this.” When she said nothing but stared with that feline expectance, I continued. “Kale was there during a hard time. I was upset because of Arys, and Kale was this source of comfort, of power. That’s all.”
She pursed her lips and studied me so hard I squirmed in my seat. “So you and Kale didn’t sleep together?”
I shook my head vehemently, my eyes straying to where Ky and Julian stood in line waiting. “No. Most definitely not.” I didn’t bother to add that if Jez herself hadn’t interrupted, I likely would have. The thought both shamed and embarrassed me.
“Well, maybe you should bang Kale,” Jez said, catching me by surprise. “Lord knows the guy needs it. He is pretty hard up for you, and don’t try to say that isn’t true. You know damn well it is.”
I bit back the defensive retort that had been ready on the tip of my tongue. “Whatever Kale feels for me, it’s all power based. And, that includes sexual attraction.”
Jez threw her head back and laughed. “Right. Whatever you say, Alexa.”
She flashed me a smile and a secretive wink that instantly raised my suspicions. Oh, I didn’t like that at all.
“Do you know something that I don’t?” I asked sharply. I loved the girl dearly, but she was a major gossip and enjoyed being in the know when others were out of the loop. If she knew something, if Kale had confided in her, I wanted to know.
She shrugged and quickly looked down into her cocktail glass. She was so obviously hiding something. “I don’t know anything, just that maybe some things go deeper than power alone.”
“Did Kale tell you something, Jez?”
I knew she wanted to spill it. The need to tell was practically oozing off her. I waited, knowing she would break faster if I stopped pestering her. I continued to sip my drink as casually as I could muster, as if whatever she knew didn’t really matter much.
“Ok,” she finally relented. “I already grilled Kale about you guys. He also said that you didn’t sleep together. He then said it was none of my business.”
“Uh huh.” I nodded, impatience causing me to drain the last of my whiskey in one large gulp.
“But, he did add something.” She fiddled with the slice or orange adorning the side of her glass. I narrowed my eyes in annoyance. “He said that he didn’t think he could ever sleep with you, even if it was just for kicks or for some power play. He said that if he did, he was sure he’d fall in love with you.”
I felt like I’d been hit over the head with a cast iron frying pan. The only thing missing was the sound of the impact reverberating in my ears. I looked to my empty glass for help. Damn, I needed a waitress. Stat!
No, no way in hell was Kale feeling things like that. I refused to accept it. I said as much, and Jez rolled her eyes at me. I grew frantic in my search for a waitress.
“Did you at least tell him how stupid that was? Or, that he was out of his mind, and no way in the world can he ever possibly have feelings like that for me?” I sounded desperate, and I grimaced.
Jez caught the eye of a passing waitress and beckoned her over. After we ordered another round, she turned to me. “You are nuts, you know that? You never just eat this stuff up. You always stress it.”
“Um, yeah. Of course. This isn’t something to celebrate.”
“Well, you didn’t bang him yet, so who cares? Stop freaking out so much.” Jez’s eyes landed on someone behind me, and she lowered her voice. “Incoming.”
I busied myself by digging in my purse for cash as Kylarai and Julian took a seat at our table. Julian looked relatively uncomfortable, and I allowed myself a moment to enjoy that.
I was determined to have a relaxing evening with my friends, Julian excluded. The past couple nights had taken their toll on me. I chose an evening out at Lucy’s for a few reasons, one of them being that Shaz was there, even though he was working. Another was that I needed to occupy myself with something normal, something that didn’t involve a trip to The Wicked Kiss or hunting and killing.
I’d been tempted to lie around at home and stare blankly at the TV. However, that was just too lame for words, and I refused to let Arys impact me on that level.
“It feels so good to have a night out,” Kylarai reached over to give my arm a squeeze. Her sweet smile was dazzling, and it was easy to see what drew Julian to her. If only he were actually worthy.
I didn’t realize I was holding my breath until the waitress returned with a tray laden with drinks. When she set three in front of me, I thought I was overdoing it until Arys walked through the door. Then, I almost choked in my rush to down one.
I ignored him, refusing to look at him. Instead, I focused on Ky as if his presence meant nothing. “You should go on a trip or something, Ky. You work so much. A holiday would be nice, wouldn’t it?”
Both Jez and Ky raised an eyebrow at me, expecting me to react somehow to the vampire’s arrival. Julian swigged from his beer with a nonchalance that he wasn’t smart enough to feign. He was clueless, as I preferred it.
I looked pointedly at Ky, encouraging her to continue the meaningless small talk. She glanced at Arys where he lingered near the door, then back to me with a small shrug.
“Yeah, I’d love to take a trip to Maui. Every time I think about going, I find an excuse not to.”
Even though I wasn’t looking at him, my full attention was on Arys. Julian made a comment to Kylarai about how she was a workaholic, but I could barely follow.
Arys’s presence hurt me in a physical way, the kind of pain that came with the sting of betrayal and abandonment. In my peripheral vision, I saw him look my way before heading over to the usual table where his card-playing buddies always sat. Of course, it had to be directly in my line of vision.
He pulled out his wallet and tossed a handful of bills down on the table. As the appointed dealer dealt him some cards, he made a show of looking them over carefully. Then, he looked up at me.
I told myself to look away, avoid those blue eyes so they couldn’t pull me in. However, this was Arys, and if there was one thing I couldn’t do, it was deny the way I reacted to him. He was part of me now. It took all the strength that I possessed to stop myself from going to him and throwing myself in his arms. Since I couldn’t slap my own face the way I wanted to without looking absolutely insane, I tossed back some more whiskey.
His stare was heavy, forcing my eyes to his. I slammed my glass down in frustration, causing some liquor to splash out onto the back of my hand. Arys watched as I raised my hand to my lips and slowly gave the splash a lick. What was I doing?
A slight smirk adorned his face, and he winked before looking back at his cards. The conversation at my table had continued, and I shook my head, trying to focus on what they were saying.
Who the hell did Arys think he was to walk in here as if nothing had happened? I could still see the visuals in my head, the things he’d shown me. The women he’d killed, getting off on their pain and their begging. I was riled, filled with both anger and jealousy.
“So then she calls me and says that she forgives him after all and wants to change her mind about the entire divorce.” Kylarai’s laugh drew me out of myself. “I mean, that’s her business, but she’s still getting a bill for my wasted time.”
“How the hell can she just up and forgive him after what he did to her?” Jez’s reply was laced with bitterness. She gave me a look that wasn’t lost on me.
“I don’t know.” Ky shook her head
almost sadly. “It’s sad what some women will put up with in the name of love.”
I’d heard Kylarai talk about her profession as a divorce lawyer plenty of times. Yet, I couldn’t help but feel she’d brought up this particular story on purpose. And, Jez was doing her best to hammer it home. Yeah, I got it: Arys was an ass that deserved my drink in his face. I didn’t need to be told that, did I?
I threw back my drinks so fast that the alcohol seemed to hit my bloodstream all at once. The warm glow that enveloped me was false security, but I clung to it. Ordering another double whiskey, I shoved my chair back and announced that I was going to the ladies’ room.
“Oh no, you don’t.” Jez all but jumped to her feet. “I’m coming with you.”
I had to pass Arys’s table to get to the ladies’ room. I was a little surprised at her strong reaction. In my defense, I really did need to pee.
I detoured wide around Arys’s table, refusing to look at him as we went by. I could feel his eyes on me though, following me until I was out of sight. I was breathing hard by the time I shoved through the washroom door.
“Fuck, Jez! Fuck.” I didn’t know what else to say. I went to a stall and found myself grateful to be locked in the little metal box alone.
“It could only happen to you, Alexa,” came her reply from the other side.
“I don’t know what to do. Can you believe I want to sneak out the back way so I can avoid him?”
“Fuck that. You are not pussying out. What you should do is play him. Make him sorry he fucked with you.”
“Did he though? Because I keep feeling like this is all my fault.”
When I emerged from the stall and went to the sink, I found Jez’s reflection glaring at me in the mirror as she touched up her makeup. I used washing my hands as a means to ignore her judgment.
“How is it your fault that he is so insecure that he won’t allow you to get the help that you need? And, now he’s fucking around with the same person he wanted you to stay away from. Don’t make me shake you, lady. You are not the one in the wrong here.”
Trina M. Lee Page 70