Arys’s expression didn’t change but something inside him did. I felt it.
“You’re threatening to destroy me, too, Alexa? If I was going to kill your wolf, I would have done so months ago. Do you even know me at all?”
My lower lip trembled, and I bit it hard, tasting blood. “I thought I did. Before all of this nonsense started. Now, I don’t know what to think.”
Shaz picked himself up but remained at a distance, watching pensively. The room was thick with tension and unspoken words. I didn’t know what to say. I just wanted to make everything ok again.
Arys had me pressed against the wall, his body holding mine firmly. It was both threatening and sexual, causing my wolf to protest in confusion. Since I didn’t know what to say or do, I rambled like an idiot.
“Kale is taking over the club. I already pulled the legal strings necessary. I’m not letting any more bullshit go on here. It’s over. No more vampire spawn.”
“Is that all you wanted? Don’t you think there was another way? How could you do this to me?” In a sudden burst of anger, Arys grabbed the whiskey glass from my hand and threw it so it smashed against the far wall.
I expected him to throw me next. So when he shook me so my teeth rattled, I braced for my flight. It didn’t happen. As if the entire scenario wasn’t already completely fucked up, it quickly rose to a whole new level when Arys backed away, his eyes filling with blood red tears.
Shaz subtly moved to the doorway, turning his back on us to create the illusion of privacy. Arys sat heavily on the end of the bed, staring at what little remained of Harley. Twin drops of blood streaked their way down his alabaster cheeks, cutting me deeper than I’d dreamed possible.
I stood where I was against the wall, frozen and fearful that if I moved or spoke, I would just do more damage. I didn’t regret killing Harley, and I wouldn’t take it back if I could. Regardless, seeing my dark vampire broken in a way I could never have imagined, I regretted that.
Arys wiped away the tears before another could fall. His pain lived inside of me, as surely as it was in him. It wasn’t so different from what I’d felt after Raoul died. I’d lost a man that I both loathed and loved, and now, so had Arys.
Common sense told me to leave him alone, but love drove me to my knees before him. I took a chance, knowing he may push me away. I took his hand, bringing it to my face. It was cool and smooth. This hand had touched me in many ways, aggressively and intimately with care. I wasn’t sure I knew how to love someone like Arys. I just knew that I did.
My voice was barely a whisper. “I’m sorry.”
I wasn’t apologizing for my actions but for his pain. I felt helpless, knowing that I was the cause and unable to take it away.
After a long silent moment, Arys shook his head. “Don’t be. You’re right. I should have let you kill him the first time you had the chance.”
We both knew that though his words carried truth, he didn’t entirely believe them. I said nothing. What more could I say?
I’d watched once as a man ceased to love me the way I longed for him to love me. My stomach turned, sick at the thought of Arys pulling away from me like that. What’s done was done. If this destroyed what he felt for me, I’d have no choice but to live with it. For eternity.
Chapter Nineteen
The wild young vampire fell at my feet, bursting into dust. I didn’t feel nearly as satisfied as I had hoped. Another one spawned by The Wicked Kiss, now unable to wreak havoc on the city I claimed as my own. These newborn vampires were running amok, thanks to Harley and those that called the Kiss home. Jez, Kale and I had been tracking them down and wiping them out one by one. Easy kills, lacking creativity and challenge.
Tonight the three of us had nabbed four of them. I had to shake my head at the waste of life. Though, we couldn’t turn away and allow the bloodlust to drive them to slaughtering innocents in the streets. I knew that hunger well, and a newborn vampire had little to no control over the urge. I could barely control my own.
“These kills are just too easy,” Kale commented from behind me. “Doesn’t it make you long for the rush of one that really gets you going?”
I shrugged and wiped at the blood spatters on my face and clothes. “It did at first. Now, I just want to be done with them all.”
I hadn’t seen or heard from Arys in almost two weeks. Every night that came and went was like another nail in the coffin. I couldn’t accept what it meant. I just couldn’t. Harley’s death haunted me. It lingered like a bad scent or a painful memory. I couldn’t escape it because it had cost me Arys.
“Let’s go for drinks.” Jez approached, a bloody stake in her hand. “I’m buying.”
It was tempting. Drowning my sorrows in a bottle of whiskey was right up my alley. It was also false comfort. Still, Shaz was working his last night at Lucy’s Lounge, and my house was empty. Why not?
“What did you have in mind?” I looked from Jez to Kale, an eyebrow raised in expectation.
“Let’s hit the casino for shits and giggles. I bet Kale can find himself a drunken young thing to play with. We’ll get loaded, win some or lose some, and wake up with a hell of a hangover.” Jez put her arm around me, steering me toward Kale’s Camaro at the end of the block.
Two hours later, I’d lost two hundred bucks and won a pathetic twenty. It wasn’t looking good for me. I allowed Jez to drag me from the slot machines to the craps table. I followed her lead, having no idea of what I was doing. My biggest concern at that point was the waitress and my next drink.
I watched as Jez won more money than I’d even dared to gamble. Kale lingered near the blackjack table, occasionally trying his hand. He didn’t seem to be doing any better than I was. I became convinced that Jez was stealing our thunder.
She was so caught up in her winning streak, she didn’t even notice when we took our leave from gambling and moved to watch the cover band that played a series of top 40 songs. I certainly had no problem letting her foot the bill for the evening. Even though a part of me couldn’t stop thinking about Arys, wondering where he was and what he was doing, I felt content to be out with my friends attempting to have a good time.
I was more than a little tipsy but not to the point of raging drunk. I let Kale order me another drink as we listened to the clang of slot machines all around us. The flashing lights and loud people were both annoying and welcome.
“So,” Kale began after a few minutes had passed. “How are you really doing? You’re so good at putting up a strong front, but you can’t be without feeling.”
“I’m existing.” I heard the words spoken in my voice, but they didn’t feel like mine. “Does it hurt that Arys is MIA? Hell yeah. But, can I do anything about it? No. He’ll come around when he’s ready or maybe he won’t and that’s that. It’s over.”
Kale leaned closer so as not to have to raise his voice quite so loudly over the music. His scent filled me, but my wolf lay quiet, taking no interest in him. It was always the vampire coiled like a snake in my soul that thrilled at Kale’s close proximity. I sighed and ignored the unbidden thoughts that danced in my head.
“Arys left town over a week ago. Please tell me you had some idea. I don’t want to be the first to tell you.”
I met Kale’s eyes, finding sympathy and hating it. I wasn’t an emotional charity case. I searched the dance floor before us, watching a young couple gyrate to a recent hit song. Anything to divert my attention from that look Kale was giving me.
Of course, I hadn’t known Arys skipped town, but the thought had occurred to me many times. Shaz had tried to assure me the vampire wouldn’t do that, but I knew his reassurance was false, as had he.
“I’ve had my suspicions, but you’ve just confirmed it for me.” I cast a sidelong glance at my vampire companion then. “Funny how you and Arys rarely interact, and yet you know so much about each other.”
“Oh?” Kale raised a brow, looking uncertain. “Why do you say that?”
I thought back to Arys tel
ling me that Kale was in love with me. He’d been so sure of it. I debated keeping it to myself. Kale was family though. We definitely had our odd moments. Good Lord, he’d almost screwed me on my own desk, but he was a true friend regardless of anything else. I knew that.
“He told me that you’re in love with me.” I forced myself to meet his eyes when I said it. I felt the blush that stole over me, my cheeks growing hot. I didn’t say another word about it, simply left that statement to linger between us amid the constant clang of jackpots being won and money being dropped into slots.
Kale’s gaze dropped, and it was in his sudden inability to look me in the eyes that I knew Arys had been right.
The band came to the end of a fast song, launching into a slower melody that had dancers coupling up. I was vaguely reminded of school dances back in junior high. A song like this would drive girls and boys to the opposite sides of the gym. It was so different in adulthood.
The warmth of Kale’s hand was startling as he slipped his fingers between mine. He said nothing, merely flashed me a soft smile and tugged me onto the dance floor. I barely had time to abandon my drink before he pulled me into his arms.
I felt awkward in his embrace. I couldn’t find my rhythm, and I felt like a total fool stumbling along with him. He held me so that our bodies touched, and I cringed when my heart raced, knowing he would sense it.
Drawing my arms up around his neck, he leaned close and murmured, “Relax.”
Calm swept through me, followed by the awareness that he was doing it, manipulating my energy with his. Gradually, I began to move with him to the music in a fluid, natural motion. Kale’s energy taunted me, enticing my hunger for his power as it often did. I had more control now. It tempted, but it didn’t command my attention.
He held me protectively, the way friends do before they become lovers. I don’t think Kale knew how much I appreciated him. He was one person I didn’t doubt I could count on no matter what. That kind of friendship was priceless. I wouldn’t let anything change that.
“You’re amazing, you know that?” I dared to lay my head on his shoulder, ignoring the itch to sink fangs into his pale throat. “I hope you find someone as amazing as you are. You deserve it.”
His response was to tighten his hold on me, pressing closer. He said nothing, but I knew he’d heard me. I couldn’t keep doing this. It wasn’t fair to Kale that I sought solace in him when Arys left me hanging. It wasn’t right that he allowed me to.
I longed to shove the storm of emotions deep down inside me. I didn’t want to feel tonight. Everything from love to anger and pain, even guilt, I just wanted to escape it all, but doing so in Kale’s arms was not the way. It was too easy. More importantly, it was wrong.
Knowing that, I still let him press a warm kiss to my temple. I didn’t stop him when he tipped my head up and pressed his lips to mine in a gentle gesture. However, Kale knew better than to take it too far. The kiss was nice but chaste. It ended as quickly as it started. He really was a terrific friend.
After a second slow song, the band picked up the tempo and launched into something faster. Jez bounded up to us with a grin from ear to ear. She grabbed my hand and dragged me into the center of the dance floor, motioning for Kale to join us.
“I won two thousand bucks, baby!” She shrilled. “And, I got the number of the hot redheaded waitress. It’s a good night.”
I smiled, genuinely happy for her. “That’s kick ass, Jez. Watch out for those redheads. I hear they’re a feisty bunch.” I flashed her a wink and couldn’t help but laugh at her enthusiasm. It was infectious.
Kale looked hilariously out of place in the midst of a crowd of people dancing to a trendy new song. I laughed so hard at the look on his face, and it felt so good to do so. I wasn’t surprised when he offered to go get us drinks. He’d have done anything to get off the dance floor.
He blew us a teasing kiss and disappeared from sight, leaving us to lose ourselves in the music and the people surrounding us. I gladly followed Jez’s lead and focused on nothing but the music, my friends and having a good time.
I knew that come morning, nothing would have changed. Arys would still be gone. I would still feel like it was my fault, and I’d still be out the money I’d lost tonight. For now, however, nothing mattered but the music and the freedom of letting the rest go. If only for tonight.
* * * *
My darkened bedroom greeted me when I opened my eyes late the following afternoon. It was certainly a major benefit of choosing the downstairs bedroom for my own. It had been vampire friendly for those times Arys stayed over, and with my primarily nocturnal hours, it was perfect.
I’d expected a throbbing headache to assail me upon awakening. I was pleasantly surprised to discover I felt pretty good after partying with Kale and Jez until just before sunrise. I took my time stretching before rolling out of bed and reaching for my robe. The large house was quiet, empty, but I expected Shaz to come by sometime this evening.
With a yawn, I pushed my tousled hair back from my face and headed upstairs to the kitchen. My focus was on the coffee pot on the counter, and I frowned when I realized I’d forgotten to make coffee and set the timer before going to bed. Then I saw it, the large black shape looming outside the patio door.
Adrenaline slammed through me, far too strong and sudden for having just woken up. It took me a moment to recognize the ebony wolf staring in at me with crystalline blue eyes: Zoey Roberts.
I stared at her long and hard, my tired brain scrambling to make sense of what I was seeing. It was surreal, seeing her sitting there on the other side of the glass that she and I had both crashed through, thanks to Arys. I remembered that night as if it were yesterday. I’d stood by helplessly while she killed Raoul, her own father. It was all so fucked up, yet here she was.
I took a tentative step toward the patio door, hesitant to open it. I didn’t fear her in the least. If she’d come, it was because she had accepted my offer. Perhaps it was time for both of us to let the past go. We’d loved and hated the same man, albeit in different ways and with different reasons. Now, he was gone, and we were still here.
I reached for the door but paused, caution reminding me that I was alone. Though I wasn’t afraid, it was better to be safe than sorry. I went to the phone and called Kylarai, leaving a message on her voice mail to come by when she had a chance. Shaz would be here soon. I was safe.
Zoey didn’t move the entire time, she merely peered at me with those amazing blue wolf eyes. Again, I was reminded of how much she resembled her father. Only those eyes set them apart.
The click of the lock on the sliding door was loud in the silence of the large house. Only when I began to slide the door open did Zoey move. She lowered her head and slowly backed a few feet away. She was being submissive, trying to show me that she meant no harm.
Regardless, I was ready for her if she tried anything. I had enough power ready to down her in one blast if it came to that. I opened the door just enough so that I could slip out onto the patio with her.
I felt awkward. Of all the people in my life, Zoey was unlike any other. I really didn’t know what to say to her. We couldn’t just stand there and stare at each other. I glanced to the left and right, finding neither of my neighbors out in their backyard. Definitely a good thing.
We stared anxiously at one another, me with uncertainty and her with quiet complacency. I took a deep breath, hoping she was coherent in there. I had to assume so.
“Zoey … I’m glad you came. Obviously, your speech is limited so let’s just cut to the chase. If you came here because you want to be back in your human body, turn in a circle.” I shrugged, knowing how stupid that sounded. Still, I had to know we understood each other.
She gave me a long, lingering look. I imagined she was thinking what a dumb ass bitch I was. Oh well. After a moment, she turned in a slow circle, sitting so that she faced me again, her head tilted to one side.
Something in her gaze, an irritation, told me s
he wasn’t happy with having to come to me. However, she didn’t have any other options. After spending six months trapped in wolf form, she had to be more than ready to be rid of it.
“Ok,” I nodded, crossing my arms over my chest. “You can come inside. I don’t need the neighbors seeing a wolf in my backyard. But, don’t try anything, or I’ll lay you out cold. And, bear with me. I’ll do my best, but I can’t guarantee anything.”
I opened the sliding door, indicating that she should go first. I noted how she hesitated. Her eyes strayed to the pane of glass in remembrance. We’d both been thrown through it. I relived that memory, too. I couldn’t say I blamed her for never forgetting.
When we were inside, I shut the door and pulled the curtain closed. I quickly set about making coffee, needing my caffeine fix. I said nothing to Zoey while it brewed, moving about the kitchen while she watched me with cold eyes. I could feel her judging me. The energy rolling off her grew heated, furious. Finally, I slammed my coffee mug on the counter and spun to face her.
“Look, I know what you’re thinking. This house rightfully belongs to me now. He left it to me. Ok? Besides, he left you a load of cash. So stop thinking whatever awful things you’re thinking about me. Either we find neutral ground or you leave. I don’t have to help you. I’m doing this for Raoul.”
I downed my first cup of coffee in a few swallows. I couldn’t get the caffeine in my bloodstream fast enough. Pouring a second cup, I steeled my nerves and tried to get in the right zone to do this. A flurry of fearful thoughts flashed through my mind. What if I couldn’t do it? What if I failed or made it worse somehow? Only one way to find out.
I didn’t entirely know what I was doing, but I relied on the wisdom Harley had shared with me to guide me. I had nothing else to go by.
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