by Lila Beckham
Joshua hurriedly dressed and walked softly through the house toward the back porch. He had himself a case of the rather-be’s - at that moment, he would rather be anywhere but where he was.
He hoped to leave before Emma awoke, but when he walked into the kitchen, she was sitting at the table drinking coffee, and reading the unsolved files from the box he had brought home.
Without looking up, she said, “Coffee’s ready.”
He started to tell her that he did not have time, but he badly needed a cup. He poured himself a cup and then walked out onto the porch and lit a cigarette.
“You don’t have to avoid me,” Emma said from behind the screen door.
“I’m not. I’m sorry if I made you feel that way. I just have so much on my mind.”
“Last night was nothing personal, Sheriff.”
Nothing personal, thought Joshua. It could not get more personal than that!
“I have no designs on your affections or anything like that, and I don’t want you to be embarrassed or ashamed,” Emma continued. “Last night, I needed someone to hold me; to make me feel safe; to make love to me… someone experienced, like you are. When I wanted to stay on top and in control, in case I changed my mind, you let me.”
Joshua turned to look at her as she talked.
“Sheriff, I was a virgin when those men took me; and, I don’t know what they did to me, but… when, I’ve had an awful case of the heebie-jeebies ever since then. And I have these flashes of memories, memories of them doing things to my body, things that arouse me-I know that probably sounds disgusting-”
“No, not at all; you’re only human,” Joshua replied, but then he remembered she had as much as admitted that Tom molested her. Which was the truth? Was she molested, or was she still a virgin before they took her. She did not seem a virgin a few hours prior.
“When Earl tied me to that wheel and lightly rubbed that feather all over me, I wanted more,” Emma said, “I wanted something down there; but when he touched me with his hand, it disgusted me. Last night, I wanted to experience what it was like to be touched by someone I liked, someone I was attracted to, like you. Thank you for being patient with me and not forcing me to do things I did not want to do.”
Joshua did not know what to say, so he just nodded his head. He still wanted to know the truth about Tom, but that could wait. He told Emma that he had an early appointment and had to leave, but she was welcome to stay.
When he drove out of his driveway, he turned the radio on trying to drown out his thoughts. The song, ‘Nights in White Satin’ began playing as he turned onto Highway 98 and headed east toward Mobile. It was a tender, haunting melody. It provoked even more memories, especially of the previous night’s lovemaking. The singer sounded as if he was truly heartbroken. “Nights” was followed by Credence Clearwater Revival’s song, ‘Long as I Can See the Light’ and then Buffalo Springfield’s ‘For What it’s Worth.’ The lyrics stated ‘Stop children what’s that sound, everyone look what’s going ‘round.’ As far as Emma was concerned, it was definitely time to stop.
He thought to himself that he did not need a repeat of the night before, as he turned onto Glenwood Road and headed toward Collins Creek.
Joshua believed in messengers, ghosts, and such as that. Moreover, he believed that they came to you for a reason. After seeing the warrior on horseback the previous night, Joshua decided to go by and see if Carlos was back from the Reservation. He needed to ask him a few questions. He had a feeling that somehow Carlos would know something about his mother. When he drove up to Carlos’s house, the front door was standing open.
16
Confessions
Joshua sat there a moment debating his strategy when questioning Carlos on his knowledge of folks on the Reservation. He was not sure exactly sure how to broach the subject of his mother’s birth on the reservation and who her people were. However, now that he knew she was from the reservation, he felt if Carlos did not know anything about his mother that he still could help him find some answers.
From what he knew, the reservation was not that large and forty years before, it was probably not even as populated as it was now. Carlos’s wife Carlene came to stand in the door as he got out of his cruiser.
“Mornin’, Sheriff.”
“Good morning, Carlene. Is Carlos around?”
“No, Sir, he hasn’t come back from the Rez yet. I talked to him last night on the telephone. He said his mama was still hanging on by a thread. He says he swears he doesn’t know what’s keeping her alive; she has dried up to nothing.”
“I hate to hear that… do you have his mother’s address,” Joshua asked. He had decided to ride up to the reservation to talk to Carlos, do a little snooping around of his own if possible. It was only an hour or so drive; he could go and come in a day’s time.
“Of course I do… is Carlos in some kind of trouble or one of the boys?”
“No, ma’am. I…, I just found out recently that my mother was born on the reservation. I was hoping that Carlos could help me find the answers to a few questions I have about my ancestors,” he answered truthfully.
“I’m sure he’ll be glad to help you all he can. It might help take his mind off his own problems and ease some of his worry about his maw. Let me find a piece of paper and I’ll write it down for you.”
Carlene disappeared inside and when she came back, she handed him a slip of paper. “You shouldn’t have any trouble finding it. If you do, just ask someone. Everyone there knows Carlos’ people.”
“Thanks, Carlene. I appreciate it,” Joshua said, trying to smile although he was in no smiling mood at all.
“Good luck, Sheriff. I hope you find what you’re looking for.”
Joshua nodded his head, turned and walked toward his patrol car. He knew that he should not take his cruiser across county lines but he was not about to go back to get his pickup. On his way to the interstate, he saw Hook’s pickup parked in front of the Hickory Pit Café. He made a u-turn and pulled into the parking lot.
James and Ilene were walking out the door as he parked.
“What’s going on, Hoss” James yelled across the parking lot.
Joshua got out and stood with one foot still in the car. He told James that he stopped to see if he wanted to ride up to Atmore with him, but he did not know that Ilene was with him.
“Good to see you too, Sheriff,” Ilene said sarcastically.
“Sorry, Ilene, I just have a lot on my mind. Mornin’” a scolded Joshua replied.
“It’s alright, Joshua. Don’t fret it none; I got my big-girl panties on.”
“So, you finally decided to go find out for yourself,” James remarked.
“Yeah, Carlos is up there. I figured I could use him as a buffer to ask a few questions around the Reservation.”
“Well… I would go but I done promised-” Hook started to say and Ilene interrupted.
“You can go, James; as long as you are back in time to feed those damn goats of yours. I cannot stand feeding them! The damn things always want to butt me; it hurts!”
“Follow me to the house to drop Ilene and my pickup off, then we will be on our way,” James said quickly. Joshua could hear the excitement in Hook’s voice.
Ilene gave James a stern look and then smiled and shook her head. Joshua followed James and Ilene to their house off McCrary Road and pulled in behind them. James parked, kissed Ilene on the cheek and then hopped into the car with Joshua. When he got in, Joshua was smiling.
“What the hell are you grinning about, Joshua Stokes!” Hook exclaimed, punching him on the arm. “You haven’t ever seen a man escape prison before?”
“So that’s why you wanted to go; to escape the work detail today.”
“You damn right; that woman is a slave driver. She had some decoration project she wanted me to start on, and knowing her, it would not end with just one; she’d have a dozen more lined up before the day was over!”
Joshua laughed. He was glad he had sto
pped. Hook would be good company, and with his constant stream of conversation and antics, the drive time would fly by. Joshua went to light a smoke, fumbled with it several times, and then finally got it lit and took a long draw.
James noticed his clumsiness, “What’s up with you,” he asked. With that tiny opening, Joshua could not help himself, he spilled his guts; he told James everything. He told him about waking up in his bed naked, even though he didn’t remember going to bed in the first place, and that Emma was in his bed, snuggled up to him, nibbling his ear and rubbing him all over, and she was naked as a jaybird. He did not go into detail, but he even told him about their lovemaking.
“I bet you had an awkward morning then… I hate to say it, Hoss, but I told you so. I could see it coming as shore as I’m sittin’ here.”
“I know you did, but damned if I saw it coming,” Joshua replied. “And then to top it off,” he said, “this morning she tells me I don’t have to avoid her, and that it wasn’t nothing personal. It wasn’t nothing personal - how much more personal can you get with another human being?”
“I reckon that means, it was ‘just a sex thing,’ huh? I hear a lot of young folks saying ‘it ain’t nothing but a thang’ about a lot of thangs. Times are a changing, Hoss. We either have to change with them, or be stuck like old Don Quixote, tilting at windmills.”
“I reckon, Hook, but damn it, I hate change. Change means complications.”
They had made it to the Tensaw River and were coming into Maple Bayou by then.
“Well?”
“Well, what?” Joshua asked.
“Was the sex good?”
“Damned good, for someone who is not experienced… that’s another thing; she-do you remember that day at the cemetery, when Emma whispered in my ear?” Joshua asked.
“Yeah, I remember.”
“She told me that she was glad I killed him-talking about Tom. When she said that, I figured that Tom had been molesting her or something. However, this morning, she said that she was a virgin when those Dixon boys abducted her. Last night, she did not seem a virgin; she was a woman full-growed.”
“Hoss, I know you ain’t that dumb. There are ways he could have molested her without physically inserting his pecker into her… I wouldn’t put it past that son-of-a-bitch, Leonard, to mess with ‘em either. I even caught that sum’bitch one time.
We was all gathered up at his and Hannah’s place having a crab boil and drinking a few beers. Most everyone was out in the yard, and I don’t even remember what I went into the house for, but he had Addie’s daughter backed against the wall trying to feel her up; and, her little nubbins wasn’t much bigger than mine is!”
“What did you do?”
“I grabbed that bastard by the scruff of the neck and yanked him back. I told her to get outside with her mama and stay there.”
“You didn’t tell Addie about it.”
“Hell no; I didn’t know how to tell her. I even thought of telling Hannah, but I don’t know how to talk that talk with women. I couldn’t tell Hal; he would’ve killed him deader than a doornail! Leonard was about drunk, so I attributed his actions to that. I told him if I ever caught him messing with a little girl again, I would castrate him. I figured that was enough to keep him honest.”
“I hope so; I’d hate to think that he is messing with any of his nieces or any little girls for that matter.”
“If I ever find he has since that time with Susie, I will take that sum’bitch out in the woods somewhere and chop his fucking balls off!” James exclaimed.
They both lit a cigarette and rode the next several miles in silence. When they neared the exit for the Reservation, Joshua felt his stomach fill with butterflies. He did not know why he was so nervous. He had his doubts that he would find anything at all about his mother after all the years that had passed.
Once they exited the interstate onto Poarch Road, he pulled into a service station. He felt the need to get a pack of crackers and co-cola. It might not be much, but at least, it would be something in his stomach.
“I’m glad you’re making a pit stop, I got to go see a man about a dog. That coffee I drank at the Hickory Pit this morning has my eyeteeth floating.”
“Yeah, I could stand to go too.” Joshua replied. He shut off the ignition and pulled the key out. If he was around home he would not bother, but he had heard that the Indians living on the Rez did all sorts of stuff and got by with most of it because they were a tribal territory. If they broke the law, tribal police dealt with them. Their laws were made by counsel members and each tribe had a Tribal Code they followed. The Reservation had its own police force consisting of tribal members. County laws did not control them; however, they were held accountable to state laws and regulations.
17
Reservation Blues
The Indian man behind the counter had a smile on his face when they opened the door, but as soon as they stepped inside and he saw that they were outsiders his entire persona went solemn. He acted as if it would pain him to smile at someone. He looked as sad as the day is long. As they looked around the store, Joshua saw the man lean over so that he could look outside at their vehicle. They both used the bathroom. Joshua then purchased himself and James a co-cola each and a pack of cheese crackers. Hook bought a pack of cigarettes. After they paid for their purchases, the man asked if they were headed to Holman to transfer an inmate.
“Not this time” Joshua replied. “We just come to show our respect to Carlos Pack’s mother; we hear she is in bad shape. Of course we want to visit with Carlos while we’re here too.”
“Um,” the man said with a motion of his head, “Good people.”
“Yeah, they are.” Joshua replied. The man appeared to have a case of the ‘sad sack’ again; he had gone to straightening the area around him. They left the building.
When they got into his car, Joshua said, “He’s got them bad, don’t he.”
“Yep,” Hook replied. “One of the worse cases of the Reservation Blues I have ever seen! You wonder what makes them want to act like that,” he said. “Every time I have ever come up here for something they act like that, especially if they know you’re an outsider. I reckon they are afraid that if they appear happy, folks will have something bad to say about them or think they have it made.”
“No, I think they actually hate white folks and blame all of us for their being on reservations to begin with. ‘White mans Government’ did take their land but hell that was over a hundred years ago. You and me didn’t have a damn thing to do with it; the same as we didn’t have anything to do with black folks being slaves a hundred some odd years ago, but many of them blame all white people for their ancestor’s misfortunes.”
“You’re right, Hoss, but from what you said about your mama being from up here, you’re not an outsider. You have as much right to be here as they do; you’re half Creek.”
“Maybe, if both of Annaleigh’s parents were Creek.”
“At least you know one of ‘em was.”
Although surrounded by tribal land as soon as they left the interstate, there was just one road that led into the Reservation proper. Signs led the way to the main entrance. Most of the roads on the reservation were rough, bumpy, dirt roads.
The county maintained Poarch Road; it was the only paved road on the reservation. Once they made it to the tee at Mack Springs Road, various roads crisscrossed the Rez and led to different communities, much like any state or county. The reservation was more like an island surrounded by land, instead of land surrounded by water. Joshua pulled the piece of paper where Carlene had written the directions out of his shirt pocket and glanced at them.
He was expecting there to be guarded gates like those on either side of the highway that ran in front of Holman Prison, to keep the Indians in or the general public out, but there were none; however, the Tribal Police Department was right there.
Once they made a right turn onto Mack Springs Road, they were to look for Jepson Cemetery on the l
eft. According to Carlene’s directions, his mother’s house was just past the cemetery. She said that he should see Carlos’ car parked in his mother’s yard. Sure enough, it was. There was no mistaking Carlos’ 1962 Lincoln Continental. That hearse-like monstrosity of a road hog was as wide as a dump truck and near about as long.
Joshua drove up to the little unpainted house and parked behind Carlos’ rig. He no sooner come to a complete stop, than a Tribal Police vehicle pulled in behind him. As he opened the door and stepped out, Carlos came to the door. The Poarch Creek Deputy got out of his car.
“Sheriff, you do not have any authority here on the Rez,” the deputy informed him.
“No need for any today, Deputy,” Joshua replied. “I’ve just come for a visit with Carlos.” Carlos stepped out onto the porch and said, “That’s right, Tom-Tom; I’ve been expecting him.” Joshua cut a sideways glance toward Carlos.
“Oh, alright-tee then.” the deputy spoke in a condescending tone.
Joshua wanted to slap the smirk off his face. He hated conceit in all its forms. With a name like Tom-Tom, the deputy had nothing to be stuck up over. Tom-Tom meant he was little tom, a small drum to be slapped, which was exactly what Joshua wanted to do; Hook saw it too. He knew Joshua’s fuse was short these days. That was the reason he rode to the reservation with him, to try to keep him out of trouble.
“Howdy, Carlos, how ya been,” Hook said as he walked toward the porch.
Joshua gave Tom-Tom a go-to-hell look and turned to follow James.
The deputy cleared his throat and said, “Make your business quick, Sheriff. We don’t like nonresidents to hang around too long; they tend to cause trouble.”
Joshua’s shoulders stiffened. It was all he could do to not turn around and fly into the scrawny deputy. He did not look back for he knew if he did, and the deputy had a smirk on his face, he would probably shoot him!
“Come on in Sheriff, Hook, it’s good to see y’all.” Carlos’s tone was pleasant.