by Andrews, Jo
“We need this like we need a hole in the head,” growled Gregor, waving Kihain impatiently through the door.
Kihain went out, hunching his shoulders disconsolately and giving them all a nervous look.
“So. Do we trust him?” Ian asked dryly as they watched Gregor shepherd the boy toward the barn.
“I don’t know.” Abel was clearly not happy. “It’s a plausible story. He sounds on the up and up, but…”
“Yeah.”
Sierra was reluctant to intrude on Shifter business, but she couldn’t help asking. “You guys think it’s a con. Why?”
“He could have been sent to spy on us.”
She hadn’t thought of that, but it did make sense. “If you think that, why take the risk of letting him stay?”
“Disinformation,” said Abel and Ian as one, then Ian laughed and waved a hand to let Abel continue. Abel grinned at him and did. “Gregor will stick close to him, making sure he doesn’t hear anything he shouldn’t, then feed him misleading info he’s welcome to pass on to Arrhan if that’s what he’s up to. In the meantime, Gregor will pump him for all he’s worth.”
“Now I feel naïve.” Sierra sighed and they laughed.
“I’ve got to go,” said Abel. “Keep a close watch on the kid, will you, Ian? I wish we didn’t have to dump him on you. I’d be happier if he were at the Lowes’, but if he’s legit he’d be a sitting duck there. Truth is, I’d be happier if he’d never turned up at all. He’s given us some new intel, but nothing that’s really useful so far.”
“He might loosen up over the next few days. He’s more likely to feel comfortable with another lion, so maybe Gregor will get something out of him.”
“Let’s hope,” muttered Abel.
“But he’s really only a spear carrier, Ian,” Sierra remarked after Abel had gone. “Would Arrhan confide anything important to him?”
“Small details can add up. Do you think he’s telling the truth, Sierra?”
“I’m not sure,” she said, pleased that he wanted her opinion. “That’s so difficult to judge without evidence. But when he talked about not having the courage to defy Arrhan, it was hard for him to confess. He was ashamed. So I think his sympathies really did lie with the ones who rebelled. And I felt he meant it when he spoke of honor.”
Ian nodded. “The day Nick and I took him down, I noticed he was sensitive about that. The other three didn’t give a damn, but he meant it. That’s why Nick just creased him, thinking we might bring him around to our side.”
“Maybe you have. He was impressed with Kurt.”
“Yeah, I think he was. I find myself liking the boy. We’ll give him some rope and see what he does.”
“Do you think he can adapt to this world?”
“He’s a bright kid. Did you notice how he went to the library? Arrhan might do that, or this mage, Iseya. But I doubt if any of the others would. Kihain wanted to learn about this world and he figured out where he could get the info.”
“It must have been frightening for him. He can’t be used to cars and electricity or maybe even houses.”
Ian grinned. “Cars and electricity, yeah. But if you’re thinking life in that world is like life on the Serengeti, you couldn’t be more wrong. Only the nomads live in the wild and even they build shelters in winter. The pride-lords live in manor houses that have to be large because the whole pride lives with them. There’s books and human food and good wine, everything to cater to both the human and the animal sides. Sure, we hunt. It’s part of our nature. But that doesn’t mean that we don’t enjoy the civilized luxuries. It’s not primitive, Sierra, just different.”
“I wish I could see it. Would you like to go there?”
“To visit, sure. To see what it’s like. But not to stay. Home’s here.”
“Poor Kihain!” said Sierra. “For him, home’s there. He really is outcast now. From his whole world and everything he knew. I hope he’ll like it here with us.”
But Kihain didn’t seem to. Mostly he stayed out of sight, doing whatever chores Gregor could find for him that would keep him away from the other hands. Sierra saw him at meals. He hardly spoke to anyone and was always with Gregor who ran interference for him. The glances he gave the hands laughing and talking around him were at once guarded and disdainful. She got the impression that humans made him uncomfortable. But then he seemed distrustful of Gregor as well. And he kept staring at Sierra.
“How are you settling in?” she asked, stopping beside him a few days later.
Breakfast was just over and the hands were outside, heading for their horses. Kihain was still sitting at the table, waiting for Gregor who had gone over to talk to Ian. He gave her a wary look, then lowered his gaze to his empty plate.
“It is very strange. So many… All these…”
“Humans?” she asked, smiling, and he flushed.
“Yes.”
She sat down beside him. “You don’t have humans in your world?”
“Oh, yes, but they are in their own part of the world. Separate. I have never seen one before.”
“No contact between the species?”
“Trade. Commerce. But not much association. We keep to our own sides of the border.”
“To avoid conflict.”
“Yes. It was learned long ago that such clashes are disastrous for both parties. You are a feeble species. No fangs or claws, no strength or speed. But you are clever and so you create distance weapons to compensate.”
“Despicable of us,” she said dryly. “But what other recourse do we have?”
“You are weak,” he agreed scornfully.
“I thought guns didn’t work in your world.”
“Not guns, but spears, bows and arrows, catapults. They are all effective. With them, you could decimate us. But we would overrun you.”
She could see what would happen. “Heavy casualties on both sides. The cost would be too high.”
“Yes.”
“So you learned to live in peace.” She gave him a level look. “There is no separation possible here. There are billions of us and only a few of you. You will have to live among us, cheek by jowl. Can you do that?”
“I will do what is required. I must, since there is no other choice.”
“You have friends here. The Lowe pride…”
He glanced at Gregor, then shook his head, his shoulders slumping a little. “I do not think so. I do not think they will take me in after all this is over.”
“There are other prides.”
“They will know what I am, what I have done.”
“You mean because of Alison Lowe.”
A spasm of pain crossed his face and he looked away. “I did not harm her. I came only in time to see the killing blow. I would never have hurt an innocent. If I had been there earlier, perhaps I might have…” Then his lips tightened. “No, I do not know what I would have done. I do not know if I would have had the courage to stop them or even to protest.”
Sierra said nothing for a moment. Alison’s death had been a truly vile happening, but to be fair, any attempt by him to interfere would have been futile and would only have gotten him killed.
“Would it have done any good if you had?”
“No. But I would have kept my honor.”
“Honor can be regained,” she said gently.
“I hope so.” He gave her a surprised glance. “You understand.”
“Humans have honor too. It may be a little different from yours, but the concept is not limited to Shifters.”
“This becomes apparent.” He looked sideways at her shyly. “You are being very kind. Why?”
“Why not? I like you. I think we could be friends.”
“Friends,” he repeated, as if it were an unfamiliar word.
“Didn’t you have friends in that other world?”
There was a small silence. A shadow flicked through his eyes.
“A long time ago,” he said and turned his face away.
Oops.
<
br /> “Anyway, if you ever need anything, you just have to ask me, okay?” she said quickly. “Or Ian. He’ll help too.”
He looked toward Ian, talking to Gregor by the door. “He is leopard.”
“Does that make him less honorable?” she asked sharply.
“No, he has honor,” he said sadly, then frowned a little. “Why did you kill Eliara with that distance weapon?”
A little surprised by this apparent non sequitur, she said simply, “Ian and Arrhan were fighting and she attacked as well. Two against one is not honorable in my eyes. I couldn’t let Ian be killed, so I shot her.”
“She should not have attacked,” he agreed. “It was not honorable. You had reason to challenge and no way to match her without the distance weapon. So you do not lose honor for having used it.”
“That’s why you asked, huh?” She rubbed her forehead. “This honor thing is giving me a headache. It seems to get very complicated.”
“Not so. He is your bedmate. You would have lost honor had you not defended him against a double attack.”
Sierra’s whole face flamed. “B-bed…”
He gave her a perplexed stare. “It disturbs you to be known to have honor?”
“The bedmates part is what disturbs me! Is it so obvious?”
“Yes, of course. His scent is all over you.”
“What?”
“You smell of each other all the time.”
“Oh my God! You mean all you Shifters know…?”
“Is something the matter, Sierra?” Ian asked, suddenly at her side. Gregor was right behind him, glowering at Kihain.
“I do not know what I did wrong,” Kihain said hurriedly and defensively. “I only said that the two of you smell of each other. Of course a bedded pair would be scent-marked. But she did not take it well.”
Gregor choked, then started to laugh. Sierra went hot all over. She glared at Ian.
“Do you mean to tell me that every Shifter around knows we’re sleeping together?” she demanded furiously.
“I’m afraid so, Sierra.” Ian wasn’t laughing openly, but sudden creases slashed down his cheeks in amusement.
“Did they not wish it to be known?” Kihain asked Gregor in a lowered voice. “But how can one avoid it?”
“One can’t. Come on.” Grinning, Gregor jerked a thumb toward the barn. “It’s a human thing. I’ll explain it to you later.”
“I’m never going to live this down,” muttered Sierra as they went, covering her hot face with her hands.
Ian was unable to hold back a chuckle. Then he squatted down on his heels in front of her and took her wrists, pulling her hands away from her face.
“Sierra, the whole town already thinks we’re involved.”
“Yes, but they don’t know it. All the Shifters do. It’s embarrassing! And that we smell of each other is so damn personal!”
“Guess it is,” he agreed, straight-faced.
“Must you be so reasonable?” Then she giggled involuntarily, her sense of humor finally surfacing through her embarrassment. “I suppose it is funny.”
“Animals have a heightened sense of smell, remember? Why do you think pet cats rub against your legs or push their faces against yours? They’re scent-marking you, telling the world you belong to them. Shifters don’t have a lot of your human hang-ups about sex and it doesn’t bother us that everyone knows who’s sleeping with whom. That scent-marking in ordinary felines is to warn any rival who might be thinking of making a move that he’d better be ready to fight for the privilege. Works the same with us.”
She gave him a sideways glance under her lashes. “Would you fight if some other guy tried to put the moves on me?”
“Think I wouldn’t? Don’t fool yourself, sweet. I nearly ripped that Peter wimp of yours into shreds back on your prom night.” He gave her a dangerous smile that showed all his teeth when her eyes widened in shock. “Only thing that kept him alive was that you chose to be with him.”
“Ian…”
“I wanted you then. I want you now. If you don’t want me anymore, tell me. I’ll go. But until then, anyone who tries to move in on you is looking for big trouble.”
“Are you implying that I belong to you?” It was a scarily exciting thought.
“No.” A flicker of something that looked like pain flashed through his eyes. “You’re not mine, Sierra. I know that. But for what it’s worth, I’m yours.”
She flinched. That was so much what she wanted that she didn’t dare believe in it.
“For now,” she said, because otherwise it didn’t make any sense at all.
“For now,” he agreed expressionlessly. “That’s the way you want it, isn’t it?”
His face was turned up to her as he crouched at her feet. She should have been able to read it. But the hard, beautiful planes were resistant and uncommunicative, and his eyes were shuttered. He had distanced himself once again.
One corner of his mouth twisted upward mockingly. “What am I to you, Sierra? Just sensation?”
Her lips tightened in exasperation and anger. He kept making it seem as if all this was her fault when it wasn’t. It was his.
“All those Shifter females,” she flung back. “Wasn’t it just sensation with them? Don’t ask more of me than that!”
“Have I ever demanded anything more of you than you are prepared to give?” he retorted quietly and rose to his feet.
Leaving her feeling inexplicably guilty yet again. Sierra bit her lip.
Kurt and Abel had worked out an organized search pattern and Ian went to help the Lowes with that. Once more, the sheer size of the ground they had to cover defeated them and he came back tired and irritable that evening.
“It’s futile,” he muttered as she kept him company while he ate the meal Annie had left for him. “Even Nick is starting to understand that it’s impossible to catch a clever and fast-moving quarry in an area this large. Arrhan’s a cool customer. He hasn’t made a mistake yet. He’s doing all the things I would if I were in his shoes.”
“Why not just take a defensive position and wait him out?” Sierra asked.
“And have more attacks like the last one coming at us out of the blue when we’re least expecting it? Whatever he and that mage think up next might work. If only there was a way to trap him,” he said, staring into space.
“Not with yourself as bait!” she said sharply and caught the betraying glance he shot her. “No, Ian! You’ll only get yourself killed. He won’t put himself at risk for either of us. He’d just send a bunch of his thugs. The only reason he’d step out of cover himself would be to fight Kurt. The Lowe pride would never let that happen because it would be such an easy victory for Arrhan.”
Ian nodded. “And how much you wanna bet he’d cheat even then?”
He was probably right. Arrhan had too much riding on it to fight fair.
“Think about it tomorrow,” she said firmly.
“Yeah,” he groaned, pushing his empty plate away and rubbing the back of his neck. “I’ve been thinking about nothing else all day. Feel like a hamster on its wheel, chasing around and around and getting nowhere.”
Sierra got up and came around behind him. “You’re all knotted up.”
Under her hands, his shoulders were as rigid as iron. She felt him stiffen, then when she began to knead his muscles, he sighed and leaned back against her.
“That feels good.”
“So relax.”
She massaged his shoulders and the cords of his neck, finally felt the tension begin to run out of him. He tipped his head back between her breasts, his eyes closed.
“You’ve got great hands.”
“Then why don’t you like me to touch you?” she said under her breath and felt him go suddenly still.
“Oh, I like it. It’s the backlash I don’t like. Like yanking on an elastic band. Hurts like a bitch when it snaps back.” He was laughing, but the laughter had an edge to it.
“Ian…”
“Tha
t one step forward, two back is starting to get to me.” He took her forearm and drew her gently but firmly to one side, then pushed back his chair and rose. “Gonna go take a shower. Wanna come scrub my back?”
This time it was mockery, not affectionate teasing. Not the laughing invitation that it had been before, but a derisive sending up of the inhibitions she was never able to completely discard.
Well, why not? she thought, watching him head upstairs. He can’t stop me touching him if I’m scrubbing his back. They had reached some kind of unspoken impasse and she had to find a way to break it.
She rinsed off the plates and cutlery he had used and put them into the dishwasher. Then she went after him.
The bathroom door was closed when she got to her bedroom, but she could hear water running in the shower. She stripped off quickly, gathered up her courage, then walked naked into the bathroom. Ian looked around in surprise as she opened the shower door and stepped in. The shower stall was spacious—there was plenty of room for two.
“Well, you did invite me,” she said as his eyes widened. “Or have you changed your mind?”
He looked her over from head to toe with a mocking, lazy relish that brought the hot color up into her face. But the way his eyes darkened and began to smolder gave her hope that it was just a cover-up and he was more vulnerable to her than he wanted to reveal.
The corners of his mouth twitched in wry amusement. “Getting brave, are you?”
“Yes, I think I am,” she said seriously and held out her hand for the soap. “Turn around.”
He handed the soap to her, then obediently turned his back. She reached up and ran the soap over his shoulders. He tensed at the touch.
“What brought this on?” he asked.
“I missed you.”
“I haven’t gone anywhere.”
She soaped his right shoulder blade and with her free hand rubbed the suds in. His body tightened even more and she could feel him pulling away into himself, even though he hadn’t physically moved from his place in front of her.
“Yes, you have,” she said. “You go away. Into your head somewhere where I can’t reach you. You’re doing it right now.”
“It’s safer. Isn’t that what you say? Isn’t that what you do?” His voice was suddenly hard with repressed anger. “Go away behind that wall of yours where I can’t reach you even when I’m inside you?”