“No. Thank you for offering it, but no.” I got up from the bed, puling my hand out of his. “You’re right, I can’t help the way I feel, but this jealousy is unreasonable. It is highly impractical to tie you to me as your only source of food. We are on the run. We… we will separate eventually. Things can happen, I don’t want to be responsible for your hunger, or suffering, or decreased performance, or anything that you may experience from the lack of food if I’m not around. Just… eat when you can. I’ll deal with it. It’s not like you’re on a diet.” I managed a smile. “I’ll go have a shower now if you don’t mind.”
I was lying in bed dressed in the grey pajamas from the incubi base for the lack of any other spare clothes. I made a mental note to ask Sytrius if we could go shopping tomorrow morning.
I hated to ask him to spend more money on me, but at the very least I would need more than one pair of underwear before leaving for overseas. Besides, the down-filled parka and snow boots might have looked appropriate for Yukon, but they looked already out of place in Toronto at the end of March. It was almost April, and I was positive I would not be able to wear them in Munich at all. Sytrius would just have to add it to the rest of the money that I owned him already, I thought with a sigh.
Instead of a shower, I ended up having a long bath that made me sleepy, and I climbed under the covers intending to have a nap before dinner. It was Sytrius’s turn in the bathroom, and the soothing sound of the running water in his shower made me even sleepier. It was nice to be stretched in the cozy hotel bed after sleeping in the car last night.
My brain was going through random fragments of thoughts and events in no particular order as it always did while I was sinking deeper and deeper into the sleepy haze.
This is how it always worked for me when I was overloaded with work or school. My brain would file away things or ideas that were too much for me to process immediately in order to pull them out from the depth of my subconscious one by one at some point later.
Sifting through the events of the past few days in my mind, waiting to fall asleep and then thinking about the dream I had in the motel, my brain latched onto something that Sytrius said then. Something I didn’t pay much attention to at the time but definitely needed a clarification on now. He said that one of the rules for incubi was not to invade people’s dreams. He then also said that he broke those rules with me…
Suddenly, I wasn’t sleepy anymore. That dream felt unusually vivid and real. What did he mean by invading dreams? Did he make me dream it or did something actually happen between us that night? I sat on the bed, wide awake now when the bathroom door opened, and Sytrius walked in freshly showered and fully dressed.
“Can you come here please?” I asked, pulling my legs to my chest and patting the bed next to me.
“I thought you were having a nap.” He sat next to me on the bed, his hair wet. “Did I wake you up?”
“No, not really.” I reached for the neckline of his t-shirt. “Do you mind? I just need to check for something.”
He didn’t object, and I pulled the t-shirt away from his neck, revealing the clear mark from my teeth on his shoulder. It still looked red with a darker tint of bruising on his otherwise flawless skin.
“So, it wasn’t a dream after all.” I exhaled, not sure how to feel about this discovery.
“No. It was a dream.” He sat very still now, letting me hold his t-shirt away from his shoulder. “It was your dream, but then you summoned me, and I came to you…”
“Is that how you invade people’s dreams?”
“Not exactly. Usually, I can choose to enter a dream or not. It’s not allowed, but it is an ability that all incubi have. I did not choose to invade your dream that night, Alyssa. I could feel what you were dreaming about, and it was… extremely tempting, I wanted to enter it so badly, but I didn’t. Until you summoned me by name. I have no choice when I’m summoned by a human, especially by you. I came when you called. ”
“It was you after all. I should have known: my imagination is not that great to come up with the body like yours on its own.” I smiled.
The privacy of something as sacred as my dream had been invaded, but I just couldn’t find it in me to feel indignant or ashamed right now. Instead, I had the feeling of wonder that the dream was more real than I thought. I liked that whatever I experienced then was actually shared with him. At the end, my dream turned into our joined fantasy.
“Is that why you only touched me then in the same way you did when we were in the arena? You… um, didn’t go any further.”
“Yes. All the things I wanted to do to you… I couldn’t. You were asleep, and it wouldn’t have been fair to… go any further.” His voice dropped a few notches down, bringing out that velvet rumble that I loved. “I couldn’t resist tasting your skin though. I wanted to do it every day when we were at the base.”
I ignored the flash of heat his words ignited in me and gently traced the angry red bite mark on his shoulder with my fingertips.
“Does it still hurt?”
“Yes,” he answered truthfully.
“Sorry, I got carried away…”
“It was worth it,” he dismissed with a smile.
“So, immortal doesn’t mean invincible, does it? I would’ve thought all wounds would heal immediately on a you.”
“All wounds do heal, eventually, without any real damage or scars on me, but they take time to heal, and they hurt while healing, just like a wound on a human body would.”
“Whoever it was who created you didn’t want you to miss out on any pain or suffering, did they?” I had moved my fingers away from the mark but didn’t remove them from him. Instead, I slid them up the side of his neck and traced the edge of his jaw, feeling the slight prickling of the stubble there.
He closed his eyes, leaning into my touch, then lowed his face and kissed the inside of my hand. The same spot he kissed earlier on the hand of the woman downstairs. The difference was that this time he wasn’t flirting. He wasn’t playing with me. He was surrendering, fully submitting to my touch and to whatever feeling it elicited inside of him.
“Alyssa.” His voice suddenly grew rough and low. He swung a leg onto the bed and slid his hands up my arms then pulled me closer to him; my bent knees pressed into his stomach.
“Alyssa,” he repeated in a whisper.
My hands linked behind his neck, and I felt his breath in my hair as his hands ran down my back. I held my own breath, afraid to move, and allowed myself to fully enjoy this just for a second without guilt, without worrying. The closeness of him. The scent of the man whom I could never resist. The warmth of his bare hands sliding under my shirt and up my back. The soft kiss of his lips, just above my ear… He was my drug of choice and I was getting my fix, just for a short moment…
Finally, I took a bracing breath determined to fight the addiction.
“Sytrius…” I searched with my shaking hand for one of his, blindly. I found his bare hand at my waist and squeezed it in desperation. “Sytrius, please… Take it,” I begged.
He knew right away what I meant. I couldn’t do it on my own. I was too far gone in my constant need for him. He had to take these feelings away from me to make me stop.
He stopped kissing me and held my hand in his, but the calming cold sensation never came. I turned my face to his and met his eyes. They were dark now, with the pupils fully dilated.
“Take it, please,” I implored him. “I can no longer stop on my own, and I can’t fight it. Why do I feel so strongly about you? Why do I want you so much?”
“I don’t know, but I don’t want you to stop, Alyssa. Please, let me make you feel better…”
I shook my head in panic, realizing what he was asking of me. “No, just take it. It will make me feel better.”
“It won’t last.” He shook his head. “If I take your desire now, it will only come back. Please, let me give you the release… please, I don’t want to stop touching you.”
Was he begging for
me or for himself now? I couldn’t separate the two any longer. Exhausted by the constant fight with myself, I imagined what it would be like to just give up and let go, to enjoy the skills and the perfect body of this man, to surrender to his demonic temptation.
What difference would it make? I wouldn’t be the first woman to have sex for the wrong reasons. I wouldn’t be the first to have my heart involved into what was supposed to be only sexual. I never could separate sex from the heart. Most women can’t, and those who say they can are mostly lying to themselves.
However, sex without the heart was not even an option for me. Some time since I woke up in that cave, or maybe even before that, my heart did get involved. I might have remained mostly just a food source for Sytrius, but he had become more to me than just my companion, more than my friend and my rescuer.
My feelings for him were there whether there was a sexual relationship between us or not, and I was only kidding myself if I thought I could retain any modicum of control of the situation.
He was looming over me, motionless, wound tight like a spring, or a tiger hiding in the tall grass, ready to pounce on me as soon as I’d give a sign. I closed my eyes, inhaled deeply as if getting ready to step off a cliff…
“Touch me, Sytrius,” I whispered in complete surrender, flying straight into the flame, hoping against all odds that I could still emerge on the other side of it unscathed. “Touch me any way you want…”
He made a noise deep inside his throat, not unlike a tiger’s roar, and grabbed me by my arms then lowered me into bed gently.
“No gloves.” I hurriedly whispered my last condition, my only condition.
“No. No gloves,” he repeated in a hot whisper.
“No mask.” He placed his knees on either side of my hips.
“No hard suit.” He lowered his lips to my face and placed hot tender kisses along my hairline above the ear and down to my neck.
“No one else. Just me.” His hands found the buttons of my top and opened them quickly, one by one. “…And you.” His palms landed on my stomach and moved up to my chest, removing the shirt and then cupping my breasts, making my back arch and push closer into his touch.
“I wanted this for so long…” His mouth landed on my breast, the warm tongue circling a nipple, sucking, pulling, driving me mad with need. “…So long, it feels like centuries,” he said against my skin as his hand slid under my back and then moved up until he buried his fingers into my hair on the back of my head, propping himself on his elbow directly over me.
“I touched, but I couldn’t feel…” His other hand kneaded my breast. “…I wanted to feel this so much.” He rolled my nipple between his fingers, making my hips jerk under his as I gasped and moaned. “…I wanted to taste this…” His mouth moved down, covering with kisses the skin along my stomach as he shifted his whole body downwards. His hand left my hair and moved down between my back and the mattress until he cupped my backside. “…And this.” He whispered as his other hand slid under the elastic band of my pajama pants, pulling them down.
His hot wet mouth landed between my thighs and his tongue dipped inside me, tormenting me with sweetest sensations.
“Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God…” I chanted breathlessly. Only there was not a god in that bed with me but the demon unleashed…
I curled my fingers into his hair, desperate to hold on to him in the approaching whirlwind of emotions as the full force of orgasm hit me, shuddering my whole body, my very soul…
My head rolled on the pillow, lips parted in ecstasy, while Sytrius continued to slide his tongue up and down, slowly chasing the last ripples of pleasure out of me…
Through the fog of post-orgasmic glow, I felt his hand move up to my breast again, beginning to knead it gently, as his thumb stroked the tight bud of my nipple. His mouth was now raining short little kisses on the sensitive skin inside the crease between my thigh and my core. The kisses were getting more and more persistent and his mouth was getting more demanding…
I released his hair and fisted the bed sheet, feeling the familiar sweet pressure building inside of me.
“Sytrius,” I called breathlessly. He looked up at me – his hair completely disheveled from my fingers, the bright red glow deep inside his eyes – and smiled a happy smile.
His mouth hovered mere millimeters from where I needed him most, and he whispered, “Again, my angel,” before lowering his mouth on me once again.
Chapter Twenty Six. The Attack.
It was nice lying like this, naked in a comfy bed with the bulky bicep of Sytrius under my head, his bare chest at my back, his other arm covering me, his body cradling me, his scent mingling with mine. It was more than nice, actually. It was heaven!
We ended up spending the rest of the time before dinner in bed, with Sytrius doing wicked thing to me with his lips, his tongue, his fingers… forcing me forget everything and making me come over and over again. I felt like I was lost at sea, only the sea was made of warm thick honey with wide languid waves of sweetness and pleasure, and I didn’t want to be found ever again.
The knock on the door came sharp and sudden, like a ring of an alarm in the early morning. It startled me at first, and then I giggled at interruption.
“Room service.” Sytrius pushed himself off the bed, wrapped me tightly into the bed sheet, smiling at me brightly, and then went to open the door.
Only then I realized that he was still fully dressed. Well, his boots and socks were off, but he still had his t-shirt and his pants on.
I couldn’t recall a time when I spend over an hour in bed with a man giving me multiple orgasms while keeping all of his clothes on himself. Of course, I had never been in bed naked and one-on-one with a hungry incubus before. No matter how it might have felt to me, Sytrius wasn’t making love; he was feeding. Technically, there was very little difference between what we just did and what was happening back at the base every night. Women were pleasured, and demons were fed.
However, the difference was there for me. A huge difference! Unlike the past feeding sessions in the arena, this time he asked for permission, and I gave it to him. This time, I knew what was happening. I knew who and what he was. I cared for him, and I wanted him.
I lacked a suitable frame of reference to put it into perspective and to properly figure out what was right and wrong as far as Sytrius and my feelings for him were concerned. And again, I decided to listen to my own inner self instead of worrying about how my friends or the rest of human society would have assessed it.
It felt good spending time with Sytrius, very good in fact. I liked being near him more than being away. I felt safe and protected when I was with him, cherished when he touched me. I felt appreciated. He may not be able to love me, but he made me feel as if I was loved. For now, it was enough.
We ate dinner sitting in bed together, our backs against the headboard, propped by pillows. Well, I was eating dinner; Sytrius was just drinking his ice water.
“It’s really good!” I said, waving the fork over the tray in my lap. “Are you sure you don’t want to try anything? You ordered it.”
He shook his head and took another drink of water. “I’d rather not. Human food makes my stomach feel heavy,” he confessed, making me laugh. “Sometimes I like the smell of a certain dish, and then I feel like tasting it, but mostly water is all I like.” He leaned his head on the headboard turning it to at me and added, “Except for you now. You are the most delicious one.”
“Well, I don’t know what to say here, Sytrius. It’s hardly a compliment to be compared to a dish. More like an insult, to be honest.” I couldn’t hide the teasing smile on my face.
“Of course it’s a compliment!” The corners of his mouth rose in a smile too. “Even if it isn’t in the human world, it should be. There are very few human emotions comparable to the strong feeling of enjoyment people feel from good food.”
“Mmm, I know what you mean. Catch me eating a box of fine chocolates one day and you’d get so
much enjoyment out of me! You would never need to get down on me ever again!” I teased and laughed again. “Better than sex, they say!”
He leaned to me and brushed his lips against my temple. “Nothing,” he said, bending down slightly to place a light kiss on the ridge of my cheekbone. “Is better.” Another light kiss went below my ear now. “Than sex.” He nibbled on my earlobe before pulling back to look at me. “Whoever said that didn’t have you in their bed,” he said with conviction.
Well, I didn’t entirely share his opinion here and just scoffed at the notion.
“They didn’t have me there either.” He winked at me. It would have been cocky if it wasn’t absolutely true. Still, I laughed because it sounded so cheesy, and simply because I felt happy. Sitting like this next to him, eating tasty food from the kitchen of a good hotel and laughing made me feel happy.
“Listen, Sytrius. Whatever happened to the pretty sparkles in your eyes? Why aren’t they there?” After the multiple orgasms that he gave me earlier, I was too satisfied to feel anything sexual right now. Even sitting next to him wrapped only in a bed sheet didn’t excite me in that way. However, I was literally overflowing with good humor and was sure to have all kinds of positive emotions that he could be skimming. I just got so used to seeing that pulsating silver-blue light inside his eyes whenever we were talking that it felt unusual and even disconcerting not to see it there for once. “You’re not hungry anymore?”
“I’m always hungry, Alyssa,” he said as a matter of fact. “I… I don’t know.” He shrugged his shoulders as the white-blue lights began to sparkle in his eyes again, catching up. “I just got distracted, I guess.”
We watched TV for a little while after dinner. Sytrius told me that he learned most of what he knew about the human world from reading books and, lately, from watching TV and listening to the radio. He loved to read but began finding it mentally draining trying and failing to create a mental image of what he read about. Due to the centuries of isolation and with his earliest memories disappearing from the constant near-starvation, he couldn’t fully appreciate all metaphors or understand most comparisons made by the authors.
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