“Well, my feelings for Sytrius are a rather personal matter, aren’t they?” I snapped, despite my natural aversion to any kind of confrontations, I was beginning to get annoyed and had to put a stop to his prying.
“Yes and no,” Andras replied undeterred. “You see, with our personal memories fading, we have no choice but to believe whatever information is relayed to us by the Council. For centuries now, we have been told that humans are only capable to experience two rather opposing emotions towards incubi: either an intense arousal or just as intense terror.”
I smiled sadly; that was very true for my emotions during the majority of my time in captivity, at least until Sytrius came along.
“I can see a strong attraction inside of you, but there isn’t any intense arousal at the moment.” Thank Goodness there wasn’t, I thought with relief. It was bad enough that my other feelings were being scrutinized with surgical precision. I didn’t need anyone to look at my ‘intense arousal’ and discuss it too. “Neither is there any great feeling of terror. However, you know exactly what he is and what he takes from you. You are a living proof, Alyssa,” continued Andras with passion. “A proof that many more emotions are possible. I wanted to meet you as soon as Sytrius mentioned your name. I couldn’t believe that a human woman would follow an incubus demon across the ocean voluntarily. I needed to see you with my own eyes to make sure you exist. Think about the possibilities! What if it was possible for other humans, male or female, to develop the same strong feelings for other incubi?”
Suddenly, I understood where he was going with it.
“Are you hoping to get a personal, willing Source for each incubus?” I said accusingly. The idea sounded appalling, but then what exactly was I for Sytrius if not a willing Source myself?
“Willing is the key word here, Alyssa. We have existed for centuries, firmly believing that our very nature – our only purpose – is to take. No one would continue to give willingly to us, so we had to kidnap and force in order to continue to take. But here you are, willingly giving him your most beautiful emotions. Look at him! Sytrius looks better fed than any of us, better than any member of the Council! All because you have been giving him the most potent, most powerful energy created by you just for him. And you have been doing it willingly!”
He paused and tilted his head at me, squinting his eyes, like he could see a solution to an important puzzle somewhere deep inside of me if he only looked close enough.
“What have you been getting in return from him? We all know Sytrius can’t give you anything. No love. No family. No future. Why then? How is he getting you to continue to give?”
I stubbornly refused to join this discussion with him and remained silent, so he continued after a short pause.
“I hope you will get comfortable around me enough to talk about this one day, Alyssa. I really do. Imagine if there were human partners agreeing to have a relationship of some permanence with each of the incubi. There would be no more wars, no more unfair treaties and no more kidnappings of unsuspecting women.” He saw immediately that he touched a nerve in me and continued to build on it. “Moreover, all the women who are currently held in captivity could be released.”
“I suspect the condition for it would be to wake all incubi who are currently in Deep Sleep too?” I asked skeptically.
“That would be one of my goals, yes,” Andras said truthfully, even though he could see through me clearly and must have known with certainty that it was not the answer I wanted to hear.
Honesty seemed to be the common trait of incubi. As manipulative as they could have been if they only chose to be due to their ability to see human emotions in plain light, they still had an ingrained aversion to lying.
“If I had a choice, I would not have anyone go through the horrors of Deep Sleep ever again,” he added solemnly. Andras, obviously, did not share the belief that incubi were punished and cursed to suffer. Even if he did, he was actively defying it.
As appealing as the idea of harmonious symbiotic relationships between humans and incubi was, I could not take upon myself the responsibility of helping to implement it.
For once, the idea did not take into account the volatile nature of human emotions. Even if my feelings for Sytrius were not unique, and the relationships between humans and incubi were possible, what would happen when some relationships wouldn’t work out and would inevitably fall apart? Would a human woman be free to leave an incubus whenever she wanted? Would some of them still end up being forced into it against their will? How can you fight a demon who is infinitely stronger and much more powerful than you in many ways? You can’t. I knew it, because I’d tried.
Also, did I alone have the right to make decisions affecting the future of thousands of women? Did I have the right to authorize the release into the human society hundreds of demons who were currently incapacitated by Deep Sleep? As long as the majority of them remained asleep, only a few women were taken to sustain both Councils and those employed by them.
In this case, however, even by doing nothing I conceded with the mentality of sacrificing a few for the good of many. Didn’t I? The same mentality that the select humans used when they, literally, handed me to the demons.
My mind was tearing itself apart with doubt.
“You don’t have to agree with anything here, Alyssa.” I heard a soft soothing voice just above my ear, and I turned around to see Sytrius’s concerned face.
“All I’m asking for right now is for you to think about it,” hurriedly added Andras. “I can’t promise that the questions I would ask you for my proposal would always be tactful enough or even appropriate. Some of them you might find outright offensive. I’m not familiar enough with human culture and customs to not cross the line here and there. I apologize in advance. But I promise you would have an absolute freedom in choosing which questions to answer. Any input from you would be highly valuable and greatly appreciated. Please, think about it, Alyssa.”
I nodded at him, still too cautious to voice my promise out loud, but I already knew that I would think about this because I simply wouldn’t be able not to. The idea of even a slightest possibility of a legitimate win-win solution was too tempting to leave my mind at this point.
“Why do you think that the Council would accept whatever changes you propose to them?”
“For the same reasons that I think Eastern Council will have a more sympathetic ear for Sytrius’s case. There is a strong interest in facilitating changes among the members of Eastern Council. They know that changes are necessary but are not sure how to proceed. Abolishing all rules immediately would potentially put many humans at risk. However, our Grand Master has been allowing certain liberties, or if not allowing then at least turning a blind eye on them. For example, we now can feed on our own. This is why all of us are not in Deep Sleep right now. We are not currently employed by the Council, we aren’t even in the same country as the Council, but we are still functioning.”
“How do you feed?” I asked, more curious than suspicious. At this point, it would have been impossible for me to believe that there could be several women chained in the basement of his house, for example. Andras may not be one of my favourite demons right now, and I did not appreciate his aggressive pushing for information, but I could sense a firm integrity in him and an admirable inner strength.
“We go out looking for happy crowds of people to skim their emotions every night. Like I said, it has not been officially sanctioned by the Council, but so far they have done nothing to stop us either.”
“What guidelines do you follow when you feed?” asked Sytrius. He didn’t look surprised by the news. They must have discussed some of it during my nap.
“No touching, just skimming.” Zander joined the conversation. So far he and Alfarr had been sitting silently at the table. They both had finished their dinner and hardly moved at all since. I wasn’t even sure if they followed our conversation. They remained unnaturally still, probably to preserve the energy. Either th
at or they were so hungry at this point that it simply hurt them to move.
“Stay away from sexual energy of any kind,” added Alfarr.
“The guidelines are self-imposed,” clarified Andras.
I noticed that he looked and functioned considerably better than the other two incubi, and I wondered if his own self-imposed guidelines were a little looser than the ones followed by Zander and Alfarr.
As if addressing my suspicions, he continued. “We are very careful in maintaining self-control. We are afraid to lose the little liberties we currently have, especially if a conflict with humans develops as a result of our nightly feedings.”
“Would you like to come with us tonight?” Alfarr asked me unexpectedly. “We can show you some of the city…”
“I would love to!” I smiled and looked at Sytrius. “We can come, can’t we?”
He didn’t answer immediately, and then Andras spoke again.
“Alyssa, that leads me to the second favour I meant to ask of you. This one is more immediate than the first. Would you follow me downstairs please?”
Chapter Thirty Two. Lucius.
“His name is Lucius.” Andras was standing in front of the door leading into one of the rooms inside the house. “He missed a couple of crucial nights of feedings and fell into Deep Sleep before we could prevent it. We could take him out in a wheelchair tonight, but he needs to be awake in order to feed, and we need at least one positive human emotion to wake him up.” He pushed the door open and asked, “Would you wake him up, Alyssa? Please?”
I entered the room with Sytrius by my side and with Zander and Alfarr following us.
My initial answer was going to be no. I really didn’t feel like sharing any of my emotions with anyone except Sytrius. With him, it was no longer just his taking and my giving; it had become more like a true sharing of my feelings and experiences with him.
However, the memory of leaving Ivarr’s motionless body alone in the dark, abandoned house in the middle of nowhere still haunted me, making me wish I could have done something for him. Maybe helping Lucius would make me feel a little better about not being able to do anything for Ivarr?
The darkness of the room had the same feel like Ivarr’s small bedroom. The windows weren’t boarded here, but the tightly closed heavy curtains must be preventing any sunlight from entering in here just the same during the day. The sun had set by now, and the darkness inside the room matched the night outside.
“Are we allowed to have lights on in here?” I whispered to no one in particular.
“Yes, sorry.” I heard Alfarr’s voice behind me before the room was flooded with light with a click of a switch.
Like the rest of the house, the room had dark wooden paneling on the walls. A single bed with a man in it was pushed against one of the walls. On the first glance, the man appeared to be sleeping peacefully, but I knew to look for details. Just like Ivarr’s, Lucius’s face looked sickened by hunger, his skin appeared almost transparent, and his hands were clenched into fists with enough power to break bones in a human.
His features also reminded me of Ivarr, further reinforcing the parallel between them. Like Ivarr, Lucius was fair. His long blond hair was spread on the pillow and around his shoulders in soft waves. Unlike Ivarr, though, and unlike the rest of the incubi, who I had met so far, Lucius looked more lithe than bulky. His exposed arms on top of the cover displayed long lean muscles that lacked the brawn of the other men.
I made a few steps forward, approaching the bed when Sytrius stopped me by hooking his arm around my waist.
“Let’s be careful, Alyssa,” he said softly and turned to Andras. “You will have to hold his shoulders. You and Zander. I don’t want him to attack her.”
“Right,” Andras agreed. He sat on the bed close to the headboard and placed one of his forearms on the left shoulder of Lucius, leaning on it with most of his weight.
At the same time, Zander walked behind the narrow headboard and leaned over it to hold Lucius’s right shoulder with both hands.
“We’re ready,” called Andras.
I sat on the side of the bed next to Lucius’s hip, facing him, and lifted one of the gloved hands off the cover. Sytrius stood next to me, so close that his thigh was pressed to my arm.
“I hope I even have any positive emotions in me right now,” I said nervously.
“Your compassion, Alyssa,” replied Andras. “You have plenty of compassion. Just try to keep sadness out of it, as much as you can.”
I smiled to myself at his request. “I’ll try…”
Unable to pull the leather glove off the firmly fisted hand of Lucius, I placed my hand, palm down, on the inside of his wrist instead.
I watched the face of the man lying in front of me change before my eyes. The peaceful expression disappeared instantly, like if blown away by a gust of wind. The expressive long eyebrows pulled together into a frown, marring the smooth forehead with deep lines. He threw his head backwards and bared the perfectly white teeth, drawing in a lungful of air with a loud hiss of pain.
“Lucius,” I called softly, struggling to keep hold of his wrist. “I’m sorry it hurts, but I need to wake you up.”
Sytrius was sitting on the bed right behind me now, with both arms wrapped around me, ready to pull me away at any moment. Zander and Andras leaned in, keeping Lucius’s struggling body from sitting up.
“You’re an angel?” Lucius hissed in a low raspy voice before arching his back again with a blood-curdling scream of pain rushing past his lips. “Don’t leave me, angel!” His other hand suddenly shot out and grabbed my own wrist, holding on to it with the force that threatened to break all bones in my arm.
“No!” I felt Sytrius pull me to him, but he couldn’t pry my arm out of the leather-clad fingers, short of breaking my wrist.
I sensed the numbing chill spreading up my arm from the spot where my palm was pressed to Lucius’s wrist and tried, unsuccessfully, to pull it away. He pushed his arm into my palm, holding my hand in place with his other hand, taking more than what was his to take.
“Get him off her! Alfarr!” I heard Sytrius snarl, and then I saw another pair of gloved hands trying to wrestle my wrist out of the deadly grip.
The cold numbness had taken over my entire arm now and was spreading through my chest. I had no strength left to struggle much longer, and the room already looked fuzzy through the haze in my eyes.
Alfarr must have ripped Lucius’s hand off me at that point or Lucius came to his senses and let it go, I wasn’t sure. I felt dizzy and dropped my head onto the hard shoulder behind me closing my eyes.
I heard Sytrius shout in a thunderous roar.
“Don’t you dare to touch her again! Any of you! Ever!”
Then came the remorseful voice of Lucius, very different from the hissing raspy one he talked to me earlier.
“I’m sorry! So, Sorry! Please forgive me!”
And then Sytrius’s much louder one still raging.
“It was your stupid idea, Andras! Solve your own problems from now on!”
I felt the familiar arms picking me up and carrying me away. I lifted my hands to his shoulders and nuzzled my favourite spot at the base of his neck. “It’s not so bad, Sytrius, I’ll just rest a little and be okay again.”
“Damn right you’ll be okay!” he growled. Anger was still simmering deep inside him. “I will make sure you are okay. I am not listening to the idiotic ideas coming from that demon ever again!
Chapter Thirty Three. Run, Alyssa!
“Sorry, Alyssa. I should have warned you.”
“You have warned me, Sytrius. Remember what you told me about Ivarr?”
We were lying in bed together. My back to his front. His arms around me. My head was still spinning slightly when I stood up so we were staying in the house for the night, letting the other guys go out without us this time. As much as I wanted to see with my own eyes the process of independent self-feeding that incubi in Munich claimed to follow, it was hard
to be upset about staying at home when Sytrius was lying next to me in bed like that.
“Not enough. I should have explained better… No, I should have just stopped it before it began…”
“Hey, how about my free will?”
“No.” He shook his head with conviction. “Not in this case. I should not have let you do it. I’d rather have you angry at me but alive!”
“Oh, Sytrius! Just when you were doing so well at letting me make my own decisions!” I giggled and lightly slapped him on the forearm in front of me.
The loud sound of the heavy metal door closing came from the ground floor at that moment and reverberated through the house, reaching our room at the very top. The demons must have left the house to feed.
“Wow, I thought they’d be a little more stealthy! Being incubi and all.” I laughed.
“They probably refrain from walking through walls for the neighbours’ sake.” He chuckled at my shoulder. “Imagine the complains to the municipality if somebody saw them walking out through the door without opening it?”
I smiled lazily and then remembered what I wanted to talk to him about since dinner.
“Sytrius, you mentioned that your memories were coming back. How far can you remember? Do you remember everything now?” I felt the same excitement that I did when I first heard him talk about remembering more of his past.
“Not everything, but much more than I ever had. You see, memories never followed any specific timeline in my head. I always had pieces of some and remnants of others… Now, the pieces are longer, much brighter. With times and places attached. Gaps have been filling in. So my past is becoming much clearer in my head now…”
“Tell me about what you remember, tell me about your past. How old do you think you are?”
“Around 800 years, I think. Maybe older… I remember fighting in the crusades in the 1200s…”
“Crusades against who? The Turks?” I turned around in his arms to face him.
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