by Noelle Adams
***
A heel. That was what Dare felt like as he lay on the bed staring up at the ceiling. It had been over twenty minutes since Erin left his villa and still he had not moved. The look on the girl’s face, the sight of her dejection had floored him.
Had he made a mistake? Had he been wrong in how he’d judged her? It couldn’t be. She’d come on to him at the pool and just like he’d expected she’d found a way to conveniently bump into him again, this time at the bar. She’d even jumped at his invitation to dinner. And even more telling, she’d had no objection when he had taken her to his place. She’d given him every indication that she was after something and he’d been right to cut her loose.
Then why did he feel so low? Was it because of the panic he’d seen in her eyes? Was it the way she’d clung to him each time they made love? Was it the hurt he’d seen in her eyes?
Dare shook his head. No, she couldn’t be feeling hurt at his rejection. Anger, maybe. Disappointment. But not hurt. She’d gone into this with her eyes wide open, knowing the risk of trying to seduce a man. She must have been prepared for either outcome.
This was what his brain was telling him. He just wished that other side of him, that weaker part that dealt with his emotions, would just shut up and accept. He’d been right in doing what he did. The girl needed to pay.
So why did he feel like such a jerk?
Four
It was just after six in the morning when Erin sneaked into the villa, quiet as a cat, and hid herself in her bedroom. Thank God the girls were still fast asleep.
She went into the bathroom and locked the door and there, in the privacy of that space, she slid down to the rug on the floor, hid her face in her hands, and wept.
She had never been so humiliated in her life. To think that she had trusted this man, had felt an emotional connection with him, and then he’d turned out to be the same as the jerks she’d known all her life. She would never trust a man again. Life was infinitely better when she was alone.
With a sniff, Erin got up from the floor. She stepped out of her shoes then stripped off her dress and underwear, removing from her body all memories of the night before. From here on Dare would be a distant memory, just someone stored away in her collection of experiences. That was all. She stepped into the tub, turned on the shower and submerged herself in the cleansing flow.
Erin was relieved when the girls got up later that morning and seemed to have forgotten about her date. They must have come in late last night, half drunk as usual. They seem to have totally forgotten that she’d even gone out. Only Robyn seemed to be regarding her with some interest. Finally, as Erin was packing the plates back onto the room service trolley, she spoke.
“So,” she said, dragging out the word as she eyed Erin from across the room, “how did it go with lover boy last night?”
“L…lover boy?” Erin’s heart sank as she realized she hadn’t escaped. Robyn wanted answers and what Robyn wanted Robyn got.
“Yeah, your date. What? Did it bomb?” The girl looked almost eager to hear bad news.
“Yes. Yes, it did.” Erin seized on the direction the conversation had taken. All Robyn wanted to know was that she’d had a terrible time and then she’d leave her alone.
“Aww, that’s too bad.” Tisha went over and put her arm around Erin’s shoulder. “Don’t let it get you down, though. We can still have some fun tonight.”
Tonight. For her there would be no fun. It would be their last night on the island before heading back to Vancouver and she planned to spend it hidden away in her room.
If she’d spent her time as she normally did, alone and lost in an art history text, she would not have fallen into the trap set by the devil himself. She’d learned her lesson. Home was the safest place to be.
She said none of this out loud, though. She kept her thoughts to herself and pasted a brave smile on her face. “Sure,” she said brightly. “There’s always tonight.”
After breakfast Maria, Tisha and Robyn went down to the beach to take advantage of their last opportunity to tan under the hot Caribbean sun and dip in the ocean. It was also their last chance to preen in front of the many available college guys who had come to the island looking for fun. When they’d hounded Erin to come along she had flatly refused. She would not risk running into Dare again.
As long as she stayed in the villa she would be safe. Thank goodness she’d never told him her last name. He would have no way of finding her. Not that she thought he’d be looking. She had absolutely no desire for him to even consider looking for her. That was what she told herself but the puddle of pain at the pit of her stomach was testament to the lie she’d been feeding herself. She was hurting and there was no denying that.
After a night of packing and contemplation Erin left the Island of Santa Marta early the next morning relieved that she would never lay eyes on this confounded place again.
***
From her seat in the crowd of black-gowned students Erin looked over at the sea of faces - friends, family and well-wishers who had come from far and near to celebrate the special occasion. Within less than an hour the ceremony would be over and each graduate would leave, ready to move on to the next stage in life.
Erin was smiling as she watched the happy faces but even as she celebrated with her batch mates she couldn’t help feeling a twinge of sadness. How she wished she had someone, anyone, to celebrate with her.
There’d been a day when she’d had a mother and a father who loved her dearly. They would have been here today to share in this rite of passage but it had been nine years since they’d been torn from her life, the victims of a motor vehicle accident caused by a drunk driver.
With her only living relative being an aunt who lived and worked in South America as a missionary Erin had ended up in foster care, moving from family to family from the age of twelve until she was eighteen.
She’d won her freedom then. By working hard throughout high school she’d won a tuition scholarship to a college of her choice and now, four years later and with thousands of hours of part-time work under her belt, she’d made it. Now to face the real world. She was eager to step over that threshold and start making some real money.
Armed with her degree in liberal arts Erin sent out resume after resume to museums, government agencies, schools and non-profit organizations, hopeful that she would land a job within a few weeks. She had enough money to last her about a month and a half. So this was what it felt like to be just one paycheck away from the homeless shelter. She had to find a job and fast.
But things did not go as Erin planned. Three weeks into her job search she still had not been called for a single interview. It was all due to the recession, the career office told her, coupled with the fact that the market had just been flooded with thousands of new graduates competing for the few limited job openings. Erin acknowledged that might all be true but that knowledge didn’t help her situation, now only about three weeks away from starvation. And how was she going to pay next month’s rent?
And if that weren’t bad enough she’d suddenly been attacked by a stomach virus. Two days in a row she’d woken up to a bout of nausea and had had to rush to the bathroom where she’d emptied the contents of her stomach. When the third day turned out to be more of the same Erin knew she had to make the sacrifice and dip into her meager savings to get the money to visit a doctor. Her college health insurance coverage had expired so all medical costs were now her responsibility.
At the medical clinic she grudgingly handed over the eighty-dollar fee then went to sit in the waiting lounge. She picked up the latest copy of Cosmopolitan then put it down again, unable to concentrate. There was just too much on her mind. There were so many things she needed to do. She needed to start pounding the pavement, she had to find a job. Dear God, how was she going to survive?
She glanced at her watch for the fifth time. Why hadn’t the doctor called her yet? She couldn’t afford to waste all this time just sitting around. She had
to get back to her job hunting. Unable to sit still any longer she got up and went over to stare at the goldfish swimming serenely in their colorfully decorated house of glass. She envied them.
“Ms. Samuels?”
At the sound of her name Erin turned to see the medical assistant standing in the doorway, smiling at her. She gave a sigh of relief. Finally.
Dr. Saunders greeted Erin warmly and listened attentively as she described her ailment. After a quick check of her blood pressure, heart and lungs he gave a nod. “Everything seems to be in order. Will you have a seat, please?”
She slid off the examination table and went back to sit in the chair across from the doctor’s desk.
“Ms. Samuels,” he said with a gentle smile, “is there any possibility that you are pregnant?”
“Preg…pregnant?” The words came out in a shocked whisper.
“Yes, pregnant,” the doctor said patiently. “Are you sexually active?”
“N…no. I mean, yes. I…” she could not go on. Pregnant? The thought hadn’t even crossed her mind.
“So which is it?” the doctor chuckled but there was no sign of judgment on his face. “I need you to do a pregnancy test today. If it’s negative we’ll run some other tests but let’s start there.”
In a daze Erin took the lab requisition from the doctor then with a nod of thanks she turned toward the door. Could she really be pregnant?
As she sat in the waiting room she relived the night she’d spent in Dare’s arms. Three times they’d made love and all three times he’d used a condom. They’d been careful. Pregnancy could not be the cause of her problems. She began to breathe a little easier at the thought. Then she thought back to the last few months since she’d left the island. She hadn’t had a period since her return but that was normal for her. She was one of the lucky souls who only had a period three or four times a year. Her gynecologist had told her it would in no way affect her ability to have children so she hadn’t been concerned. Until now.
The gravity of the situation was like a slap to the face. If she were really pregnant how in heaven’s name was she going to manage? She could barely feed herself let alone a baby. And where would they live?
She covered her face with her hands, trying to control her emotions. It would not do to burst into tears right there in the middle of the waiting room. But, dear God, what was she going to do?
It took only thirty minutes for Erin to receive the verdict. She was indeed pregnant. And she was expected to give birth in twenty-four weeks. With that news her world crumbled around her.
Erin spent the rest of the afternoon feeling sorry for herself. Then, as she always did when facing a crisis, she began to plan her course of action.
First, she had to find a way to start earning money immediately. Looking for jobs in her field of study was not working and it didn’t make sense to continue down that path. She would set her sights lower, take anything she could get, just as long as it was available now and provided a steady income. Next, she would move to a smaller place, probably somewhere farther away from the college since apartments in that area tended to be more expensive due to the high demand. She would probably even have to seek a roommate. She wasn’t thrilled at the idea but under the circumstances she had no choice.
Then she would start checking out the thrift stores. As much as she hated the idea of dressing her baby in recycled clothing it was better than no clothes at all. She sighed and sat down to write her list. A crib, bedding, clothes and a stroller. At minimum she would have to have those. Oh, and a baby car seat. She’d need that the day she took him…or her…from the hospital. Even if she told them she’d be taking a taxi home the hospital staff would never let her leave without a car seat for the baby.
Her plan in place, Erin began to pound the pavement. Literally. Next day she was up with the sun. She’d dressed carefully, applied a little make-up, and with her resume adjusted to suit the marketplace she took the bus to the heart of the city and began to walk. She’d printed one hundred copies of her resume and before the week was out she planned to have dropped off every one of them.
By the end of the first day Erin had submitted applications at twenty-one establishments including Subway, Mc Donald’s, Whole Foods and Tim Horton’s, the most popular coffee shop chain in the country. She knew that if she was lucky enough to get a call from one of them the pay would be small, probably little more than minimum wage, but at least most of the restaurants offered employees free meals. Food was one thing she wouldn’t have to worry about.
Next day Erin was out again by seven in the morning. She didn’t get back home until the sun had already set. Still, she was satisfied she’d beat the previous day’s record, submitting twenty-five applications that day. By the end of the third day she’d reached sixty-six in total. Completely exhausted, she only had the energy to shower and climb into bed with a prayer that her hard work would soon bear fruit.
The fourth day dawned and despite the feeling of nausea that attacked her Erin pulled on her walking shoes and headed out to begin her daily trek. She didn’t feel as energetic and her spirit had begun to flag. Still, she pressed on, knocking on every door where she felt there was any possibility of her finding work.
She was speaking with a receptionist at a small family restaurant when her phone rang.
“Excuse me.” She gave the woman an apologetic smile and turned away to take the call. “Ms. Samuels?” It was a male voice, deep and gravelly and very formal.
“Yes, this is Erin Samuels.” Her heart leaped in anticipation. Was this the good news she’d been praying for before?
“This is Mike Mason from Benny’s Restaurant. You dropped off an application on Monday.” There was the sound of papers shuffling in the background. Then he continued. “I was wondering if you could come in to meet with me tomorrow?”
“Yes, of course,” she said, breathless. “What time would you like me to come in?”
They made the arrangements then Erin slid the phone shut. Her first interview. At the thought her face broke into a wide smile. She couldn’t help it. Thank you, God.
Then, remembering where she was, she quickly composed herself and walked back to the reception desk where she proceeded to enquire about job openings. She had to keep searching. Who knew what tomorrow would bring? She was keeping her fingers crossed that she’d nail it. But until then she would keep on looking.
Next day Erin arrived ten minutes early for her first interview. She’d worn her navy blue power suit and her curly hair was pulled back into a neat bun. She announced herself to the greeter who invited her to a small office where she could wait for Mr. Mason.
Perched on the edge of her chair with her purse clutched tightly on her lap Erin surveyed the room. It was a small, neat office with very little furniture except for a huge antique desk that dominated the room. The restaurant, too, had been neat and clean. She’d observed that as she was following the girl to the office. She liked that. The place had a homely atmosphere that made her feel almost comfortable, as if she worked there already and had been doing so for years.
“Ms. Samuels.”
Erin turned toward the voice and her eyes widened in surprise. The man was huge, big and brawny but with a friendly face and a wide smile. He reminded her of Yogi Bear.
“Mr. Mason?” she asked as she rose and extended her hand.
“The same,” he said with a nod. His hand was like a bear’s paw, swallowing hers whole. Then he released her and waved his hand. “Sit, sit. Make yourself comfortable.”
Erin sank back into the chair and watched as he ambled around the desk and dropped into the leather chair. Now she understood why the desk was so massive. Mr. Mason would never have been able to fit behind anything smaller.
With his beefy hands he shuffled through the papers on his desk then he grabbed a sheet and held it up. “Here we are. Quite an impressive resume,” he said and gave her a smile and a look that made him seem genuinely impressed. “ Summa cum laude. Wow.
You must be genius material.”
Erin blushed, grateful for the compliment but a bit uncomfortable with his praise. “I study hard, that’s all.”
“And you know what that tells me about you?” Mike said, slamming the paper on the table. “You’re a hard worker. You’re the kind of person we want here. Now when can you start?”
“Wh…what? That’s it? Aren’t you going to ask me any questions?” Erin stared at the man, wondering if he’d gone mad. What kind of interview was this?
“Nope. I read your resume, now I’ve seen you, and I like you. That’s it.” He shrugged then leaned back in the chair and locked his fingers across his paunch. “So do you want the job or not?”
Erin knitted her brows in confusion. “I…do want the job.” She gave him a bright smile. “I can start right away, Mr. Mason.”
“Good. We have a party of twenty-two coming in this afternoon and that’s in addition to our regular customers so it’s going to be busy. Sally will get you a uniform and you’ll be good to go.” He pulled out a sheet of paper from a folder and slid it across the desk toward her. “Now let’s talk money.”
Erin didn’t bother to hide her smile. She liked the sound of that. A lot.
Her luck had finally turned and now she could breathe again. She’d work hard and tuck away as much money as she could. She guessed she could hide her pregnancy for another three months, tops, and then, God help her, she’d be on her own. Mr. Mason seemed like a nice man but how would he react when he learned of her condition? She could only pray he’d be sympathetic.
But she had to prepare for the worst. As she signed the papers she thought of the tiny life growing inside her. ‘Don’t you worry, little one,” she whispered silently. ‘You and me, we’ll make it together.”
***
“Dare. Are you with me, man?”
Dare dragged his eyes back into focus and stared across his desk at the grinning man.
“You’ve been out of it lately,” his long-time friend and business associate said with a laugh. “If I didn’t know you I’d say you were in love.”