by Noelle Adams
He returned his attention to Alyssa. “I have to talk with Miss Samantha when she’s finished with your brother.”
“But they’ve been talking for a one hundreds of minutes already. Is Jason bad? Does he have a timeout?”
Bryce crouched down to her eye level and held her hands. “No. They’re just talking about some very important stuff.”
“Like what?” She shrugged her shoulder.
Bryce studied her face. She seemed unaffected by her parents’ absence. She hadn’t even asked for them since he’d arrived. Where did she think they were?
Bryce stood to his feet as Alyssa stuck her thumb into her mouth and walked over to Kaya. She stared at her baby sister then announced around her thumb, “That’s not the way Mommy feeds her.”
“No? How did your mommy feed her?” Kaya asked as she finally pulled the empty bottle from Anastasia’s mouth.
“With those.” Alyssa poked a finger into Kaya’s breasts, one at a time.
She flinched, twice, then stated with a stiff upper lip, “Well, this is how I feed her.”
Bryce watched on, curiously amused as Kaya’s cheeks turned a bright pink. She kept her head down, not daring to glance his way. She had the same uncomfortable look as before when they’d discussed nipples in the nursery. Was she that inexperienced? That innocent?
“Why don’t you use those?” Alyssa jabbed her again.
And again she flinched. “Because I’m an aunt and not a mommy. Only mommies feed babies that way.”
Her voice was as unstable as the rhythm of his heart.
“When is my mommy coming home?” Alyssa asked.
Finally. Bryce held his breath as he looked on silently.
She took a moment to hoist Anastasia over her shoulder before she responded. “Alyssa, remember we talked about your mommy and daddy being in heaven on vacation?”
So that’s where she thought they were.
“Uh-huh, but when are they coming back?”
“Not for a long while.”
“Why? Don’t they love me no more?”
“They love you. They love you a lot. They didn’t want to go to heaven just yet, but they had to.”
“Why?”
Kaya finally glanced his way, her large brown eyes pleading for help as she tried to coax a burp from the baby. He couldn’t help her. What was the point of prolonging the inevitable?
“Because God wants them to spend some time with Him,” Kaya told Alyssa.
Bryce rolled his eyes. Yeah, sure, bring God into it.
“’Cause He loves them?” Alyssa asked?
“Yes. Because He loves them.”
Lauren and Michael had never spent a day away from their children, so Bryce understood the look of confusion on Alyssa’s face at the idea that her parents would go to heaven on vacation without her. Bryce wanted to go over and tell the child that her father and mother weren’t coming home—not because God loved them, but because her father had been too damned proud to accept his help. There, he’d thought it.
According to Steven, Lauren had gone to pick up Michael from the lodge when his truck wouldn’t start. The authorities speculated that while on their way home, Lauren’s SUV might have hit a patch of black ice and careened off Route 80 into a deep ravine.
They were still waiting on the coroner’s report for the causes and times of death.
Bryce balled his hands into fists. In the past two months, Michael had called him four times for a jumpstart—twice at the ski lodge, once at the supermarket, and once when he’d gone to get Alyssa from ballet. For his birthday, just a week and a half ago, Bryce had bought Michael a brand new truck. But his friend refused to accept it. It was too much, he said.
Bryce wondered if his scripture-quoting friend’s last thoughts were “pride goes before a fall”. Damn him for causing his children so much heartache.
He was mad at himself, too. If he hadn’t allowed the small-town paparazzi to chase him into the Alps after his recent breakup with his latest lover, he would have been home to respond to Michael’s call for help. He would have gladly laid down his life for these children.
“I’m hungry, Auntie Kaya. Can I have a cookie?”
Bryce walked over to the table, and taking Alyssa by the hand, he sat down and lifted her onto his knee. “How about Uncle Bryce order some pizza?”
“I just want a cookie.” She pointed to the loon-shaped ceramic cookie jar on the counter.
Lauren kept it filled with homemade cookies. She always baked an extra batch for him. Many times in the past five years, he’d drowned his pre-dawn nightmares in a glass of milk and chocolate chip, or oatmeal-raisin and walnut cookies. “You can have a cookie after you eat some pizza,” he told Alyssa.
“Okay. Can I have extra cheese and pepperoni?”
“You can have whatever you want.”
“Can Snoopy have sausage? He doesn’t like pepperoni. It makes him burp. Right, Snoopy?” She nodded the beagle’s head.
Bryce chuckled. “Okay. Sausage for the dog.”
Alyssa wrapped her arms around his neck. “I love you, Uncle Bryce.”
Bryce held her close and closed his eyes as he drew comfort from her warmth, her trust, her innocence. He knew he shouldn’t have favorites, but this little one held a very special place in his heart, perhaps because if his own child had been given a chance at life, he or she would have been the same age as Alyssa. They would have cut their first teeth together, taken their first steps around the same time, started preschool this very year. If only he’d protected his family… If only…
“Bryce.”
Bryce opened his eyes to find Samantha watching him. From the empathy in her eyes, he knew she’d picked up on his thoughts. She was the only person who understood his special affection for Alyssa.
Four years ago, when his loss was still very fresh, Samantha had encouraged him to deepen his bond with the newly born Alyssa. Surprisingly, it had eased his grief over Pilar’s death. He’d trusted Samantha then, and he trusted her now to help Jason through his pain. He set Alyssa on the floor and stood up. “Go ask your brother what he wants on his pie, sweetheart?” he said, smiling down at her.
“Okay, Uncle Bryce.”
Bryce pulled out a chair for Samantha. “Can I get you something to drink? Tea, coffee, water?”
“I’m fine, Bryce. Just sit.”
Bryce reclaimed the chair he’d vacated. “So, what’s your prognosis on Jason?” He was never one to beat around the bush.
“The pain for a young child losing a parent is horrendous,” she began. “Jason has lost both, and he’s finally accepted that they aren’t coming home. It’s a start in the healing process. The next few days are going to be volatile. He may cry a lot. He may become distant, or he may have sudden outbursts of anger. It’s different for each child. But given Jason’s strong psychological and emotional background, I have no doubt that he’ll eventually adjust to life without his parents.” She looked from Kaya to Bryce. “You two have to be there for him.”
Bryce’s gazed locked with Kaya’s across the table. Was that a hint of uncertainty he saw lurking in her eyes? Her hands seemed a bit unstable as she rubbed Anastasia’s back. She was displaying the same nervousness as she did this morning in Steven’s office when she talked about Jason. What had gone down between the two of them?
“There are some issues that need to be addressed immediately,” Samantha said, placing a pair of reading glasses on her nose. She pulled a pen and an appointment calendar from her tote bag.
“What kind of issues?” Bryce asked.
She opened the calendar. “I’d rather not discuss them now. I would like to see you both in my office in the morning. Uh… around ten. Is that possible?”
They both nodded, their eyes locking in silent combat.
“Good.” Samantha glanced at the empty feeding bottle. “She’s eating.”
Just then Anastasia burped loudly, pulling chuckles from all of them.
“Well, t
here’s my answer.” Samantha reached over and ruffled Anastasia’s head of curly black hair. “At least this little darling is spared the pain of grief. One day you’ll have to tell her about her parents.”
“I’ll do that,” Bryce said, his gaze capturing Kaya’s again. “I knew them better than anyone else. I will fill the void Michael’s absence has created.”
“I can’t think of anyone who’s better suited for the job. They’re lucky to have you, Bryce. And you too, Kaya.” Samantha sighed. “Well, I think I’ve done all I can here for the night.”
“Thanks for the house call, Samantha.” Bryce rose to assist her.
“No need to thank me, Bryce. I’ll do anything to help these little ones cope. Their parents were faithful members of our church.” She picked up her tote and slid it over her shoulder. “Oh, I forgot to tell you that I called in a mild sedative for Jason. The pharmacy will be delivering it shortly.”
“A sedative?” Kaya exclaimed. “Is that wise?”
“I understand your concern, Kaya, but I’m a board-certified psychiatrist, and I did discuss it with the pediatrician who’s covering for Dr. LaCrosse.”
“I don’t mean to question your qualifications. It’s just that he’s only a kid.”
“I only prescribe sleep aids for children in extreme situations. This is as extreme as it gets. Jason hasn’t slept in two days. He told me that whenever he closes his eyes, he pictures his parents in the ravine screaming for help.”
“But didn’t he think they were in Europe with Bryce?” Kaya asked.
“Ah, the mind is an intricate entity, Kaya. Jason knew his parents were dead. He knew how they’d died. He just didn’t want to accept or believe it, at least not until he was with someone he felt comfortable with, someone he trusted as much as he trusted them, someone he knew loved him, and would be there to catch him when he fell apart.” Samantha gave Bryce a knowing nod and a smile, though grim.
Bryce understood exactly what Jason was going through. He’d almost gone crazy the first few weeks after Pilar’s death. He didn’t eat. He was afraid to sleep because of the nightmares.
“We’ll talk more tomorrow.”
“I’ll walk you out.”
“No need, Bryce. I know my way. Go check on Jason.”
All was silent in the kitchen after Samantha left. Bryce stared out as the last bits of light faded into darkness. Night had descended upon them. Figuratively and literally.
Kaya stood up with a sleeping Anastasia over her shoulder. “I’ll put her down then take care of Alyssa while you tend to Jason.”
Bryce watched her closely. Were those dark circles under her eyes and worry marring her brow? Maybe she’d back down now that she understood the magnitude of the responsibility that had been dropped in her lap. “I’ll order the pizza,” he said. “Anything special you want on yours?”
“I’m not hungry.”
Neither was he. They were going through the motions, keeping their wits about them, and being tolerant and understanding of each other for the children’s sake. But when all this was over, one of them would walk away with only a handful of memories.
*
Kaya was finishing the laundry Lauren had started the night she died when the house phone rang. Recognizing Jack’s number on the caller ID, she grabbed the receiver on the first ring. She’d asked him to call the house phone since she seemed to have misplaced her cell. She just hoped Bryce didn’t pick up another extension in another room.
She pressed the receiver to her ears. “Hi, Jack.”
“Hey, babe. Sorry for calling back this late, but I was held up at work.”
“At this hour? It’s almost midnight. I thought one of the perks of management was that you don’t have to work late.” She walked to the door of the laundry room and leaned against the frame with her face in the direction of Jason’s room. She didn’t want Bryce sneaking up on her like he’d done in the nursery that afternoon.
“I was busy,” Jack said.
“You’re too busy to call the woman you asked to marry you.”
“Hey, I’m calling now. Quit badgering me.”
“I’m not badgering you.” Why was he so irritable?
“I’m sorry, babe. I guess I’m just tired. How are things going up there?”
“A little better.” Before leaving to see Steven that morning, she’d brought Jack up to date on the children. He knew she had a half-sister because he’d met Lauren at their father’s funeral, years ago, and she’d shared the contents of Lauren’s recent letters with him. “Jason just met with his therapist and Anastasia is eating, finally.” She refrained from mentioning Bryce, that he was the children’s godfather, or that he played a crucial role in their lives.
“When are you coming home?”
“The funeral is on Saturday, so maybe in a week or two.” She crossed her fingers.
“Okay. That should give me enough time to move my stuff into your place. It doesn’t make sense for us to continue paying rent on two places. Since you have a two-bedroom apartment in a nicer area of town, I think it makes sense for us to live at yours. Don’t you think?”
Kaya swallowed back the bile that rose to her throat. She pressed the receiver to her chest and closed her eyes, searching for the right way to tell Jack that she was a mother. That marrying her would be a package deal, and not to pack his stuff up just yet since they would have to find a bigger place to live. She took a deep breath and put the phone back to her ear. “Jack, my sister made me legal guardian of her kids. I’m bringing them to Florida with me.” There she’d said it.
A long silence ensued, during which a numbing sensation settled in Kaya’s belly. “Jack, say something.”
“Do they come with money?”
“What?”
“A trust fund, an insurance policy, an inheritance?”
“No, Jack. They have no money. Their parents died bankrupt.”
There was another long silence. “So how are you going to take care of three kids, Kaya? Do you know how much money kids cost these days? You have a good career and all, and it would be enough for both of us, but taking on the responsibility of three more mouths to feed—”
“They’re my sister’s children, Jack. They’re my family.”
“Look, Kaya, one of the reasons I asked you to marry me is because you said you never wanted kids. Now, we had a deal. No kids. So make a choice. Them or me.”
Kaya gasped at his cold cruelty. Was this the man she was contemplating marrying? “Jack, I’m not going to abandon them.”
“Then you’ll have to find yourself another sugar daddy.”
Sugar daddy? Was he serious? The man couldn’t even afford to buy her an engagement ring. He worked at a tire warehouse for crying out loud. “Jack—”
“Look, babe, I gotta go. Think about what I said. It’s me or them. I don’t want my own kids, and I’m sure not going to bust my ass trying to raise somebody else’s.”
Click.
Kaya slid to the floor, hugging her knees to her chest. She couldn’t believe Jack had just blown her off so heartlessly. She knew he never wanted kids of his own, but when you love someone, you go to hell and back for them. You do things you wouldn’t ordinarily do. You change your mind and your rules for them. You support their decisions, even if they don’t correspond with yours. You sacrifice.
How could she not have seen this side of Jack before? She’d known him for most of her life. Had he been that good at hiding his true self, or had she been too naïve to see the real man behind the mask?
One thing became crystal clear to Kaya as she hunched in the quiet darkness of the laundry room: Jack Grainger never loved her. She’d always been alone. Truly alone.
*
“Stay where you are, or I’ll blow her brains out!” The woman aimed the gun at him for a split second then jammed it back to Pilar’s head.
Her petrified whimper ripped at his heart. Stark fear glittered in her green eyes.
Big drops of sweat
raced down his armpits; his hair stood on end. “Victoria, give me the gun.” He reached out his hand.
“Tell her that we’re in love, Bryce. Tell her you’re divorcing her. You promised we would always be together.”
He swallowed a mouthful of anger. “I never promised you anything, Victoria.”
“Shut your mouth! Shut your lying mouth!” She pointed the gun at him again.
Good! If he could just keep her wrath centered on him… “You’re a deranged psychopath, Victoria. I wish I’d never met you!” He began walking cautiously toward her as he spoke. “You are crazy, and sad. Pathetic…”
Victoria played into his game and released Pilar to steady the gun with both hands.
With his head, Bryce motioned for Pilar to get out. He willed her not to bolt and spook Victoria.
She stood frozen to the floor, staring at him, all the love he would ever need in this world, rushing across the distance between them. He implored her with his eyes, even as his heart longed to run to her, to hold her, to tell her how sorry he was to have let this happen.
As Pilar began inching away, he returned his attention to Victoria’s icy stare. He prayed she’d miss if she fired at him. “I never loved you, Victoria—”
“One more word and I’ll blow a hole in your heart!”
He raised his hands to distract her attention from Pilar as the love of his life eased around a table laden with crystal ornaments. Any moment and she’d be safely out the room.
“I’m sorry if I misled you, Victoria. I never meant to hurt you.” He changed his tactic and pacified her now that all he had to worry about was his own safety, his own life. Pilar would live.
“Does she know we were together in Seattle just weeks after your wedding? Does she know we spent the night making love, and that’s why you didn’t call her? Does she know, Bryce?”
A gasp echoed in the air. Glass shattered on the tiles. The chilling blast of a gunshot ricocheted in his ears. A body slapped to the floor. Blood splattered against the walls.
“No! No! Nooo…”
Five