by Jean M. Auel
It was fortunate she was looking at her son. Her action focused attention on Durc who had been overlooked at the first shock of her appearance. Expressions and gestures, some not so discreet, made it clear what they thought of her son. He would not have had to look like one of their babies; if he resembled her, they could have accepted him better. Regardless of what Brun and The Mog-ur said, Ayla was one of the Others; her baby could have fit into the same mold. But Durc had enough Clan characteristics to make his modifications seem to be distortions. He was a grossly deformed baby that should not have been allowed to live. Not only did Ayla’s worth drop, Brun lost more ground, too.
Ayla turned her back on the suspicious stares and gaping mouths, and she and Uba went to look at the cave bear in his cage. When he saw them approach, the huge bruin lumbered over, sat up, and reached through the bars of the cage for the expected treat. They both backed off at the sight of the monstrous paw with its thick, rather stubby claws, more adapted to digging the roots and tubers that made up a large part of his normal diet than to hauling his huge bulk up trees. Unlike brown bears, only the cubs of cave bears were agile and small enough to climb. Ayla and Uba put their apples on the ground just beyond the stout poles that had once been reasonably mature trees.
The creature, raised like a well-loved child and never allowed the least bit of hunger, was entirely tame and comfortable around people. The intelligent animal had learned that certain actions invariably brought additional choice tidbits. He sat up and begged. Ayla would have smiled at his clownish antics if she had not remembered to control it in time.
“Now I know why clans say their cave bears talk,” Ayla motioned to Uba. “He’s asking for more; do you have another apple?”
Uba gave her one of the small, hard, round fruits, and this time Ayla went to the cage and gave it to him. He put it in his mouth, then moved closer to the bars and rubbed his huge, shaggy head against a projection on one of the tree trunks.
“I think you want to be scratched, you old honey-lover,” Ayla gestured. She had been warned never to motion bear or cave bear or Ursus in his presence. If he was called by his real names, he would remember who he was and know he was not just a member of the clan who raised him. It would make him a wild bear again, void the Bear Ceremony, and ruin the whole reason for the festival. She scratched behind his ear.
“You like that, don’t you, winter sleeper,” Ayla motioned and reached to scratch behind the other ear he had turned in her direction. “You could scratch your own ears if you wanted to—you’re just lazy; or do you want attention? You big furry baby.”
Ayla rubbed and scratched the huge head, but when Durc reached for a handful of shaggy hair, she backed away. She had petted and scratched the small wounded animals she had brought to their own cave enough to sense that this was just a bigger, tamer variety of the same thing. Protected by the heavy cage, she quickly lost her fear of the bear, but her baby was another matter. When Durc reached his tiny hands for a fistful of hair, the huge mouth and long claws suddenly looked dangerous.
“How could you get so close to him?” Uba motioned with awe. “I’d be afraid to get that close to his cage.”
“He’s really just a big baby, but I forgot about Durc. That animal could hurt him with a friendly nudge. He may seem like a baby when he’s begging for food or wants attention, but I’d hate to think what he could do if he ever got angry,” Ayla said as they walked away from his cage.
Uba wasn’t the only one surprised at Ayla’s fearlessness, the whole Clan had been watching. Most visitors shied away, especially at first. Young boys made a game of dashing up, reaching in the cage and touching the bear to show off their bravery, and men were too proud to show fear whether they felt it or not. But few women, outside the host clan, ever went very close, and to reach through the bars to scratch him at first look was unexpected from a woman. It didn’t exactly change their opinion of Ayla, but it made them wonder.
Now that they had all gotten a good look at Ayla, people were drifting away, but she was still conscious of surreptitious glances. The outright stares from small children didn’t bother her nearly as much. Theirs was the natural curiosity of the young for anything unusual and didn’t carry connotations of suspicion or disapproval.
Ayla and Uba headed for a shady spot under an overhanging rock on the outer fringes of the large, sloping, cleared area in front of the cave. From that discreet distance, they could watch the activities without discourtesy.
There had always been a closeness of a special quality between Ayla and Uba. Ayla had been sister, mother, and playmate to the younger girl, but since Uba had begun training in earnest, and especially after she followed Ayla to the small cave, their friendship shifted to a more equal relationship. They were close friends. Uba was almost six and had reached an age where she was beginning to show an interest in the opposite sex.
They sat in the cool shade, Durc lying on his stomach on top of the carrying cloak between them, kicking and waving his arms, and lifting his head up to look around. During the trip, he had begun to babble and make cooing noises, which no Clan baby ever did. It worried Ayla, yet in some inexplicable way pleased her. Uba commented on the older boys and young men, and Ayla teased her about it in a friendly way. By unspoken agreement, no mention was made of possible mates for Ayla though she was of a far more matable age. They were both glad the long journey was over and speculated about the Bear Ceremony since neither had been to a Clan Gathering before. While they talked, a young woman approached, and in the formal, silent, universally known language, shyly asked if she could join them.
They welcomed her; it was the first friendly gesture they had received. They could see she had a baby in her carrying cloak, but it was sleeping and the woman made no move to disturb it.
“This woman is called Oda,” she motioned formally after she sat down, and made a gesture that indicated she wanted to know their names.
Uba responded. “This girl is called Uba, the woman is Ayla.”
“Aay … Aayghha? Name-word not know.” Oda’s common dialect and gestures were a little different, but they understood the essence of her comment.
“The name is not Clan,” the blonde woman said. She understood the difficulty the rest of them had with her name; even some in her own clan could not say it quite right.
Oda nodded, lifted her hands as though she was going to say something, then changed her mind. She seemed nervous and uncomfortable. Finally she motioned toward Durc.
“This woman can see you have an infant,” she said, rather hesitantly. “Is the infant a male or a female?”
“The infant is a male. The infant’s name is Durc, like Durc of the legend. Is the woman familiar with that legend?”
Oda’s eyes had a strange look of relief. “This woman knows of the legend. The name is not common with this woman’s clan.”
“The name is not common with this woman’s clan, either. But the infant is not common. Durc is special; the name is suitable,” Ayla motioned with a hint of proud defiance.
“This woman has an infant. The infant is female. The name is Ura,” Oda said. She still seemed nervous and hesitant. A strained silence followed.
“Does the infant sleep? This woman would see Ura if the mother would allow,” Ayla finally asked, not knowing what else to say to the woman whose friendliness had such a hesitant quality.
Oda seemed to consider the request for a while, then, as though making a decision, took the baby from her cloak and laid her in Ayla’s arms. Ayla’s eyes flew open in stunned amazement. Ura was young—she could not have been born much more than a moon before—but it wasn’t the newborn look that surprised the tall woman. Ura looked like Durc! She looked enough like Durc to be his sibling. Oda’s baby could have been hers!
Ayla’s mind reeled with the impact. How could a Clan woman have a baby that resembled hers? She thought Durc looked different because he was part Clan and part her, but Creb and Brun must have been right all along. Durc wasn’t differe
nt, he was deformed, just like Oda’s baby was deformed. Ayla was at a loss; she was so upset, she couldn’t think of anything to say. Uba finally broke the long silence.
“Your baby looks like Durc, Oda.” Uba forgot to use the formal language, but Oda understood her.
“Yes,” the woman nodded. “This woman was surprised when she saw Aayghha’s baby. That’s why I … this woman wanted to talk to you. I didn’t know if yours was a boy or a girl, but I hoped the infant would be male.”
“Why?” Ayla signaled.
Oda looked at the baby in Ayla’s lap. “My daughter is deformed,” she gestured without quite looking at Ayla. “I was afraid she would never find a mate when she grows up. What man would have such a deformed woman?” Oda’s eyes pleaded when she looked at Ayla. “When I … when this woman saw your infant, I hoped he was male because … it will not be easy for your son to find a mate, either, you know.”
Ayla hadn’t thought about a mate for Durc. Oda was right, he might have trouble finding a woman to mate. She understood now why Oda had approached them.
“Is your daughter healthy?” she asked. “Strong?”
Oda looked at her hands before she answered. “The infant is thin, but the health is good. The infant has a weak neck,” she gestured, “but it’s getting stronger,” Oda added fervently.
Ayla looked more closely at the baby girl, asking permission with a questioning look before removing her swaddling. The infant was more stocky than Durc, closer to the build of Clan babies, but her bones were thinner. She had the same high forehead and general shape to her head, only the brow ridges were much smaller. Her nose was almost petite, but it was clear she would have the prognathous, chinless jaw of the Clan. The female baby’s neck was shorter than Durc’s, but definitely longer than normal for Clan babies. Ayla lifted the girl, automatically supporting her head, and saw the familiar early efforts of the baby to support her own head.
“Her neck will get stronger, Oda. Durc’s was even weaker when he was born, and look at him now.”
“Do you think so?” Oda answered eagerly. “This woman would ask the medicine woman of the first clan to consider this female infant as mate for her male infant,” Oda asked formally.
“I think Ura would make a good mate for Durc, Oda.”
“Then you’ll ask your mate if he will allow it?”
“I have no mate,” Ayla replied.
“Oh. Then your son is unlucky,” Oda gestured with disappointment. “Who will train him if you are not mated?”
“Durc is not unlucky,” Ayla insisted. “Not all babies born to unmated women are unlucky. I live at The Mog-ur’s hearth; he does not hunt, but Brun himself has promised to train my son. He will be a good hunter, and a good provider. He has a hunting totem, too. The Mog-ur said it is the Gray Wolf.”
“It doesn’t matter, an unlucky mate would be better than no mate at all,” Oda motioned with resignation. “I hope you’re right. Our mog-ur has not revealed Ura’s totem yet, but a Gray Wolf is strong enough for any woman’s totem.”
“Except Ayla’s,” Uba interjected. “Her totem is the Cave Lion. She was chosen.”
“How did you ever have a baby?” Oda asked with astonishment. “Mine is the Hamster, but he really fought hard this time. I didn’t have so much trouble with my first daughter.”
“My pregnancy was hard, too. Do you have another daughter? Is she normal?”
“She was. She walks in the next world, now,” Oda motioned sadly.
“Is that why Ura was allowed to live? I’m surprised you were allowed to keep her,” Ayla remarked.
“I didn’t want to keep her, but my mate made me. It’s my punishment,” Oda confessed.
“Your punishment?”
“Yes,” Oda nodded. “I wished for a girl when my mate wanted a boy. It’s just that I loved my first baby so much. When she was killed, I wanted another girl just like her. My mate says Ura is deformed because I had the wrong thoughts when I was pregnant. He says if I had wished for a boy, my baby would have been normal. He made me keep her so everyone would know I am not a good woman. But he didn’t give me away, maybe because no one else would have me.”
“I don’t think you’re such a bad woman, Oda,” Ayla gestured with a look of compassion. “Iza wished for a girl when she was carrying Uba. She told me she asked her totem for a girl every day. How did your first daughter die?”
“She was killed by a man.” Oda flushed with embarrassment. “A man who looked like you, Aayghha, a man of the Others.”
A man of the Others? Ayla thought. A man who looks like me? She felt a chill crawl up her spine and a tingling at the roots of her hair. She noticed Oda’s discomfiture.
“Iza says I was born to the Others, Oda, but I don’t remember anything about them. I am Clan now,” she said encouragingly. “How did it happen?”
“We were on a hunting trip, two other women and me besides the men. Our clan lives north of here, but that time we went farther north than we ever went before. The men left camp early; we stayed to collect wood and dried grass. There were lots of blowflies and we knew we’d have to keep a fire going to get the meat dried. All of a sudden, these men ran into our camp. They wanted to relieve their needs with us, but they didn’t make the signal. If they had made the signal, I would have assumed the position, but they didn’t give me a chance. They just grabbed us and threw us down. They were so rough. They didn’t even let me put my baby down first. The one who grabbed me tore off my wrap and my cloak. My baby fell, but he didn’t notice.
“When he was through,” Oda continued, “another man was going to take me, but one of the other men saw my baby. He picked her up and gave her to me, but she was dead. She hit her head on a rock when she fell. Then the man who found her made many loud words, and they all left. When the hunters came back, we told them, and they took us back to the cave right away. My mate was good to me then; he grieved for my daughter, too. I was so glad when I found out my totem had been defeated again so soon after losing her. I didn’t even have the woman’s curse once; I thought my totem was sorry I lost my baby and decided to let me have another to make up for her. That’s why I thought I might have another girl, but I shouldn’t have wished for a girl.”
“I’m sorry,” Ayla said. “I don’t know what I’d do if I lost Durc; I almost did once. I’ll talk to The Mog-ur about Ura; I’m sure he will talk to Brun, he’s fond of my son. I think Brun might agree, too. It would be easier than trying to find a woman of our clan to mate with a deformed man.”
“This woman would be grateful to the medicine woman, and I promise to train her well, Aayghha. She will be a good woman, not like her mother. Brun’s clan has the highest status; I think my mate will agree. If he knows there is a place for Ura with Brun’s clan, he might not be so angry with me. He’s always telling me my daughter will be nothing but a burden and never have any status. And when Ura gets older I can tell her she doesn’t have to worry about finding a mate. It can be difficult for a woman if no man wants her,” Oda said.
“I know,” the tall blonde woman replied. “I’ll talk to The Mog-ur as soon as I can.”
After Oda left, Ayla was pensive and preoccupied. Uba sensed her need for quiet and didn’t disturb her. Poor Oda, she was happy, had a good mate and a normal baby. Then those men had to come and spoil everything. Why didn’t they just make the signal? Couldn’t they see Oda had a baby? Those men of the Others, they’re as bad as Broud. Worse. At least Broud would have let her put her baby down first. Men and their needs! Clan men, men of the Others, they’re all alike.
As she mused, her mind kept going back to thoughts of the Others. Men of the Others, men who look like me, who are the Others? Iza said I was born to them, why don’t I remember anything about Others? I can’t even remember what they look like. Where do they live? I wonder, how does a man of the Others look? Ayla remembered the reflection of herself in the still pool near their cave and tried to imagine a man with her face. But when she thought of a man, the
image of Broud came to her mind, and with a flash of insight, the confused jumble of ideas spinning around in her head fell into place.
Men of the Others! Of course! Oda said one of them relieved his needs with her and she didn’t have the curse even once after that. Then she gave birth to Ura, just like Durc was born after Broud relieved his needs with me. That man was of the Others and I was born to them, but Oda and Broud, they’re both Clan. Ura is not deformed any more than Durc is. He’s part me and part Clan, and so is Ura. Or rather, she’s part Oda and part that man who killed her baby. Then Broud did start Durc—with his organ, not the spirit of his totem.
But the other women with Oda didn’t have deformed babies. And as often as men and women do it, if a baby is started every time, there’d be nothing but babies. Maybe Creb is right, too. A woman’s totem has to be defeated; but she doesn’t swallow the totem’s essence, a man puts it inside her with his organ. And then it mixes up with the essence of a woman’s totem. It’s not just men, it’s women, too.
Why did it have to be Broud? I wanted a baby, my Cave Lion knew how much I wanted a baby, but Broud hates me. He hates Durc, too. But who else would have? None of the other men are interested in me, I’m too ugly. Broud only did it because he knew how much I hated it. Did my Cave Lion know Broud’s totem would finally win? His essence must be potent; Oga already has two sons. Brac and Grev must have been started by Broud’s organ, too, like Durc.
Does that mean they’re siblings? Brothers? Like Brun and Creb? Brun must have started Broud inside Ebra, too. Unless it was some other man; it could have been any man. Probably not, though. Men don’t usually give the signal to the leader’s mate, it’s discourteous. And Broud doesn’t like to share Oga. On the mammoth hunt, Crug always used Ovra. Everyone could see his need, and Goov was more considerate. Even Droog did once or twice.
If Brun started Broud, and Broud started Durc, does that mean Durc is part of Brun, too? And Brac and Grev? Brun and Creb are siblings; they were born to the same mother and probably started by the same man. He was a leader, too. Does that mean Durc is part of Creb, too? And what about Iza? She’s a sibling. Ayla shook her head. It’s all too confusing, she thought.