by Cathryn Hein
‘Looks like it.’ Bunny actually sounded serious. She’d made plenty of past attempts to get Vanessa to take on another rescue horse, but mostly it was only as a joke. In the other serious cases, homes had been found.
Vanessa pursed her lips. ‘What about Claudia? She might tread on her.’
‘Claudia could do with the company. Horses are herd animals. They shouldn’t be on their own. It’s stressful for them. I’ve told you that before.’
‘I don’t know . . .’
‘You’ve more than enough space and feed. And Teagan to give you a hand. She knows her way around horses. Nick said she’s a bloody godsend. Can’t praise her highly enough.’
Vanessa sighed and held up a finger. ‘Only as a last resort. And only temporarily.’
Bunny grinned, happy she had her way. ‘So how is our blue redhead?’
‘Fine, fine,’ said Vanessa, unwilling to comment further in front of Mark. ‘She’s off helping Nick with the evening feeds and rugs. Toby had an appointment and couldn’t make it. Stacey would’ve helped but apparently Olly’s being a complete horror.’
Conversation was suspended by a ute pulling in the drive. Lucas alighted looking even fitter and more casually sexy than usual in a pair of jeans and a snug-fitting polo shirt, his golden hair tied back in a neat ponytail. The darling boy really was keen. If only Teagan could learn to trust, she’d have the catch of a lifetime.
Lucas bounded up the steps, pausing by Mark to slap him on the shoulder. ‘Dunks. Didn’t expect to see you here. How’s it hanging?’
‘Good. You?’
‘Not bad.’ He winked at Bunny before crossing to kiss Vanessa hello and help himself to a drink, before nonchalantly looking around. ‘Teagan having a swim, is she?’
‘Still at Belgravia.’ At his downcast expression Vanessa added, ‘I’m sure she’s not far away.’
Discussion drifted to the formation of the Falls Union Progress Association, which had become the talk of the village. The association was, it was deemed, a joke with only two members so far that Bunny knew of, although Kathleen and Colin were working hard at recruiting more and being cheeky about it. Bunny’s receptionist, Janice, had already twice kicked Colin out of the surgery after catching him trying to stick a poster in the window. Tony de Vitis had done the same at the newsagency. The doctor and chemist were too busy to argue, and decided it was simply less painful in the long run to let Col have his way.
Vanessa had just returned from mixing another jug of cocktail when Teagan turned up. She hid a smile as anticipation lit Lucas’s eyes. How sweet. He was suffering even worse than Mark was with Bunny.
Feeling smug at her matchmaking efforts, Vanessa regarded her friends with indulgence, only to be gripped seconds later with the realisation that in pairing them off she’d condemned herself to playing gooseberry. A sudden clench of sorrow and longing wrested her heart. The intensity of it surprised her, leaving her reaching for her drink to ease the thickness that had also affected her throat. Even when things were dire, she wasn’t one to wallow in misery. Life was far too short. One skipped through it, not waded.
Yet without someone to share the joys of it with, what was the point?
Tossing the thought aside, she drank and joined in the chatter. Before long she was laughing at Bunny’s quips and watching Lucas’s and Teagan’s hesitant moves around each other, silently egging her damaged niece to seize the evening and beyond. To take a chance on love and its potential wonders.
Even when Tony and her other admirers arrived to join in the fun, Vanessa still felt the loneliness. And her mind kept drifting to Dom.
Knackered didn’t begin to express how Teagan felt. But it was a good kind of tiredness, the sort that came from a productive day’s work and sense of achievement. Belgravia was hosting a dressage clinic that coming weekend, which meant catering for a large number of floats and horses, and having all the facilities pristine. She and Nick had been flat out, which was why she’d stayed behind even longer than normal to assist.
After a week on the job, she knew her way around and each day had Nick passing on more responsibility, trusting that Teagan could be relied on to complete any task with efficiency and diligence. It was still labouring though, and an underutilisation of her experience and skills, especially when there were 400 acres that needed better management. She might not be tertiary educated but Teagan had always prided herself on her self-learning. Farming had been her life and she’d studied the science of plant production and animal husbandry with the intensity of an agriculture honours student. Perhaps if she’d channelled that passion more broadly things would be different. But it was early days in her new position and as Lucas said, there was a good chance more would come with time.
The house was quiet. Ness was in the city for the day, and except for its menagerie of strays, Falls Farm was empty. Her aunt had disappeared into the CBD last week, too. Teagan wondered what Ness did there, who she saw. It was an onerous drive into the heart of Sydney, even in a sporty car like the Alfa. A solid hour, and that was only if the traffic behaved.
Teagan supposed she should play tourist around the harbour one day. Take in Sydney’s famous bridge and Opera House. Venture up Sydney Tower and soak in the view. See what all the fuss was about. But she’d never been one for cities, nor was it something she thought she’d enjoy alone. Plus right now she preferred the numbing escape of work. Which is how she intended to spend what remained of the afternoon, as soon as she’d grabbed a belated bite to eat.
With the warming September weather, Vanessa’s kikuyu back lawn had begun to sprout. The grass was ankle high, the thatch spongy. Vanessa’s mower was a modern 4-stroke, but even it was struggling to cope. Teagan couldn’t understand why until an inspection found the blades probably hadn’t been sharpened or changed since purchase. A search of the shed for a steel file proved fruitless, leaving Teagan little choice but to labour on.
She tried to keep her mind blank as she pushed and puffed and sweated, but Lucas kept leaking in. He’d called into Belgravia that morning, and though she’d had more tasks to complete than she had time for, Teagan couldn’t prevent herself from hovering nearby. She hadn’t seen him since Friday night, when Bunny and Mark had provided most of the entertainment, and Lucas had kept throwing Teagan looks that had made her pulse jitter. For some reason Ness had been reserved that night, too. But when Teagan had asked the following morning if anything was up, she’d merely waved her hand and said something about feeling old.
Hard to believe. Ness had too much life in her to ever feel old.
Lucas was reshoeing one of the centre’s expensive showjumpers when she’d caught sight of him. Elsa had had charge of the lead, although loosely and with the barest attention on the horse. Her focus was Lucas. The young woman’s overt ogling and flirts made Teagan’s skin burn, which only made her more annoyed. She had no claim on Lucas. She didn’t want one either.
Except that was a lie. The hyper-awareness she experienced whenever he was near, the fantasies that kept slipping into her daydreams, the longing that tugged whenever he looked at her, revealed how much she did want something with him. But why start a relationship that was only stupid anyway? Lucas would have his fun and then move on, and the ensuing hurt would sap what little strength she’d managed to stockpile since arrival. A risk she couldn’t take.
Convinced it was for her own good, she’d slipped out of view before he could discover her watching. Now, in the heat of a lonely afternoon with her longing pulsing harder through her body than the mower’s vibration, she wasn’t so sure.
Teagan had just finished using Vanessa’s equally poorly maintained brushcutter to trim the house’s rear lawn edges and was scowling at the machine’s rust-pitted blade when she heard a car door slam, followed by the rattle of heels on timber as someone ran up the steps.
The screen door opened and banged closed. Vanessa’s voice hailed through the open French doors. ‘Teagan! Darling!’
‘Out the back,
Ness!’
Her aunt’s heels clacked as she made her way through the house and strode out onto the back patio. She looked stunning in a tight-fitting cobalt-blue pencil skirt, enormous heels and a fitted white silk blouse.
‘I thought you weren’t meant to be back until late?’ Teagan said, setting the cutter against the deck and making a mental note to ask at the ag store for brushcutter blades.
‘I hadn’t planned to be, but my meeting finished early and then I had a phone call.’
She halted near the pool, her face in shadow. Yesterday, while Teagan was at work, Lucas had helped Ness set a sail cloth over it, angled to let the morning sun warm the water yet keep the pool shaded when the UV was at its worst. The weather had heated up enough for the sail to come out of winter storage, and being a pair of pale-skinned redheads, both Ness and Teagan needed the sun protection.
‘Have you finished, darling? Ready for a drink?’
Her voice had a strange quality. Sort of shrill and not quite right. Teagan studied her aunt. One hand was on the back of a chair, French-manicured nails tapping restlessly. Her posture was erect, her neck stretched as though stiff with tension. Something was up.
‘Sure. Anything the matter?’
‘I’ll make us some gin and tonics, shall I? See you in a jiffy.’ In a waft of expensive scent, Ness clacked back into the house.
Vanessa pushed a tumbler her niece’s way. There was no easy way to do this, but a drink first might help ease the shock.
Goodness knows she needed one herself. If Vanessa hadn’t had to drive, she would have ordered a fortifying cognac in the restaurant and downed it in one. No doubt Dom would have enjoyed that. Any excuse to delay her return to The Falls. She would bet her Alfa that his next move would have been to invite her to his Tamarama apartment. Perhaps indulge in another glass of wine while she enjoyed the ravishing view over the creamy beach below. Stay for the sunset, and more. The man was ridiculously transparent.
To be fair, she’d enjoyed their lunch. Dom was excellent company and possessed an astute business brain. It was a relief to discuss her property holdings and investment strategies with someone with no agenda. Vanessa had financial advisers that she respected, but they still earned commissions. Dom’s only goal was to get her into bed.
After the strange feeling of need and loneliness she’d experienced the previous Friday night watching Lucas with Teagan and Bunny with Mark, she might well have taken him up on his offer. But the phone call had put paid to that.
Now she was back at Falls Farm about to turn her niece’s world upside down again. Just when the poor darling’s life was beginning to settle.
‘Shall we go out onto the verandah?’ Vanessa smiled, but it was shallow and false and Teagan caught it.
‘Ness, what’s up? You’re making me nervous.’
Her reply was an expression of dismay she couldn’t conceal.
Teagan clutched her arm. ‘Did something happen in town?’
‘Please, darling,’ she said, taking Teagan’s elbow and steering her towards the door. ‘Let’s do this outside.’
Teagan swallowed, her eyes wide and frightened, but she nodded. As they settled on the edge of their seats, Vanessa whistled for Saffy, hoping the dog had managed to keep herself clean for once. She needed the animal’s furry loyal comfort.
Saffy bounded out of the scrub and leapt up onto the verandah. Vanessa stroked her golden head and tutted at the burrs in her coat, relieved to find her dirty but unstinky.
‘Please, Ness. You’re scaring me.’
‘In a minute, darling. Have a drink first.’ She twitched her mouth into what she hoped was a more genuine smile, relieved when Teagan took a good gulp of her gin and tonic. Her niece winced at the potency of the mix but bravely took another long draught.
Teagan placed the tumbler down and rested her curled fists on either side of her seat. ‘Now will you stop stalling and just tell me what’s wrong?’
Vanessa sighed and let the silence hang for a moment as she formed her words. ‘I had a phone call this afternoon.’
Teagan looked at her, her bottom teeth pulling on her upper lip as though trying to hold back tears. Her fists balled tighter, her elbows braced.
‘From your mother.’
Rising fear made Teagan’s voice high. ‘Is she all right? Is it Dad?’
‘No, no. They’re both fine.’
Teagan’s hand flew to her mouth. ‘Not Owen. Please not Owen.’
‘No! Everyone’s fine.’ Vanessa took a breath. This was going to hurt. ‘I’m sorry, but . . .’
‘But what?’
She closed her eyes for a moment.
Teagan’s voice turned harsh. She thumped her fist on the table. Saffy whined at the sudden aggression. ‘But what, Vanessa?’
‘Penny has left Graham.’
‘She left Dad?’ Teagan slumped back, blowing air out between her lips. ‘Well, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. I would’ve left him too after what he did. So where’s she going to go?’
‘That’s the delicate issue,’ said Vanessa, shifting nervously and taking another slug of gin. She really should have made her drink stronger. ‘Your mother is coming to live here.’
Teagan held her head back and looked at the sky in despair, blinking away the sting of tears and swallowing the coarseness that scraped her throat. Falls Farm was meant to be her escape. Her chance to heal, to recover from the injustice she’d suffered, away from her parents. A place to stop being angry. To find peace.
But since her aunt’s announcement a few days prior the little peace she’d found had been lost to a storm of temper and anguish.
‘You all right?’ asked Nick, staring at her worriedly.
‘Yes, sorry.’ She coughed and turned away to hide her shiny eyes. ‘Bit tired.’
‘Tell me about it.’ He sighed heavily and went back to connecting the arena rake to the quad bike’s towbar. Belgravia was quiet now in the haze of an orange sunset. Horses stamped and snorted in their stables, sounds echoed by the dressage clinic horses that had been left overnight in the yards. Further behind, where the forest trails started, birds squabbled and called as they roosted for the night.
Teagan dragged a hose as she continued checking the water buckets of the yarded animals, caressing velvety muzzles and affectionately tussling forelocks as she paused to fill those containers that needed topping up. The horses, with their simple needs and kind, long-lashed eyes helped control the worst of her despair. Life was so simple for them. Eat, drink, perform, sleep. No messy families. Nothing to worry about except the next meal.
She wasn’t meant to be working – not this late – but after Vanessa’s revelation she’d been avoiding her aunt. She’d been avoiding everyone, including her own thoughts. But they kept sneaking back, catching her unawares. Stinging her eyes with their unfairness.
She bit her lip against the ache and wished she could talk to her friend, Emily, but Em had her own troubles. Jasmine was an option, but Teagan had a feeling that Jas wouldn’t give her the sympathy she craved. Teagan’s own fault. Her intransigent attitude towards Jasmine’s affair with a married man had affected their friendship and even Em’s attempts to heal it had failed. Though they were still friends, the closeness they once shared was lost. Lucas crossed her mind, but she didn’t want to lay her angst on him. Plus she was likely to bawl or say things she’d regret.
She filled the last bucket and coiled the hose. Nick was still raking the arena in preparation for tomorrow’s lessons. She checked each of the stables, looking quickly over the half doors to check the animals were calm and resting with their haynets. Nothing much else to do. It was well after six on a Saturday night and past Vanessa’s cocktail hour. Surely she was safe to return to the farm?
Teagan looked towards the sun as it made its final drop below the hills. For several seconds shadows laid claim to the land and goosebumps prickled her arms as the air suddenly cooled. A click and hum and the automatic lights came on, blazing
the facilities in light once more. She picked up a yard broom and began to sweep.
‘Go home,’ ordered Nick as he switched off the quad bike’s engine. ‘Vanessa will skin me if you stay any longer, and tomorrow’s going to be just as bad.’
Teagan didn’t work Sundays, but Nick had offered to pay double time. She’d accepted before he’d barely finished speaking. Come tomorrow anywhere would be better than Falls Farm.
She yawned and pushed the broom one more time before putting it back into its shed, hesitating before she let the handle go. Teagan forced her hand to release. Hiding here all night wasn’t an option, and while she might be screwed up, she wasn’t weak.
She drove to the farm slowly, eking out the minutes. The road wound narrowly and she passed the turnoff to Lucas’s. Unable to help herself, she glanced up the drive towards the pretty cottage on the hill. The windows were dark. A little burst of hope that he’d be at the farm flickered before she extinguished it. What was the point? It was all too saccharine chick movie to be true. Men like Lucas didn’t happen to women like her, and even she had enough self-awareness to know she wasn’t good company for anyone at the moment.
She wasn’t even good company for herself.
She turned into Falls Farm and rode the gullied track to the house. At the sight of Dom’s sleek Mercedes she let out a breath. Good. Ness would be too occupied with him to force her into another of her ‘little chats’.
It wasn’t Vanessa’s fault. Teagan understood that. Her mother was Vanessa’s sister long before Teagan existed. Of course her loyalty lay there, but it still hurt, the desecration of her sanctuary.
She parked and stepped out. It was evening now and quiet, apart from a few late settling birds and calling insects. She swung her backpack on her shoulder and took a few steps towards the house, then changed her mind and took the side path towards Claudia and Mouse’s paddock instead.
Ness had caved in to another plea from Bunny and the tiny pony had been duly delivered on Friday evening. After regarding her new companion with boggling eyes, Claudia had adopted her as though Mouse was her offspring, much to everyone’s relief. The Shetland had simply carried on stuffing her stomach as if the attention was all she deserved.