by Lexy Timms
Shit.
I want to scream, “No way! How is this possible?” But I hold back. I only let out a loud sigh. I can’t do this now.
“Wow,” I sigh, rolling off her and onto my back as I stare at the ceiling cursing my luck.
“Justin, we still can, you know…” she trails off.
No, we can’t; I can’t be the one to take her V-card. Too much responsibility in that, then she’ll get all clingy and that’s the last thing I need right now. I know how I operate. Once I’ve had her, after a couple of months I’ll tire of her and move on. That’s how it’s always been, for as long as I can remember. I don’t want to do that to Sloane, especially if this is her first time. Man, hold it together. I need to think with my big head, not my little one.
Sloane rolls onto her side and teases me by dragging her fingertips down my chest, down my abs and then takes me in her warm, soft hand.
“Come on big boy, let me finish you off. Show me the way,” she purrs.
“How is it possible that a girl that looks like you, with a body that moves like that, is still a virgin?” Her eyes cast down and she looks embarrassed by my question.
“I just want to really feel for the person I give my virginity to. Is that such a crime?” she asks.
Hey, don’t get me wrong here. I’ve always had a soft spot for my little sister’s friend. I always thought she was cute and sweet. Heck, I knew she was crushing on me. Then she showed up that day at the beach party and damn, she had grown up into one tantalizing woman, sexy-as-sin in her skimpy bikini, which left me rock hard. All the guys noticed her that day. I saw them eyeing her all afternoon. None dared approach her but me.
“Sloane, I can’t do this.”
“You can’t or you won’t?” she throws back, looking wounded.
“I have to think about it.”
Who the hell just said that?
“Don’t think, just feel,” Sloane says seductively as she rolls on top of me, lifts off and starts kissing her way down my chest.
My cock twitches and I know I’m in trouble.
I feel her long, black hair tickle my abs as she ventures down lower and lower, until I feel the heat of her breath moving along my shaft, teasing me slowly before she flicks it with feather light quick strokes up and down along its ridges. Just when I think I can’t take another minute of this torture, she takes me deep into her warm mouth.
“Ahhh,” I groan. She’s working me into a frenzy. I want to push her head down further onto me, but I manage to resist. It’s dear, sweet Sloane after all. Now she moves back up my body and is straddling me, her face next to mine.
“I want this. I want you,” she says, as her warm breath caresses my ear. Her pert nipples graze my chest and I desperately need to be inside her, rocking her world right now. But a voice of reason keeps me from diving off the deep end and into her.
“No, Sloane, I’m not what you want. I can’t give you what you want.”
I try to talk some sense into both of us before we take the plunge.
“Oh, but I think you can,” she murmurs, her voice thick with want.
No, I know she wants more than what this would be for me.
I can’t let this happen.
I would never want to be the one to break her heart, the virgin’s heart I remind myself.
“Get off me, Sloane,” comes out of my mouth and it sounds harsh, almost cruel. I didn’t mean for it to come out that way.
She climbs off me and out of bed.
She looks beyond hurt, and a little pissed.
She starts searching for her clothes.
“Take me home,” she barks out in an unrecognizable voice and she won’t even look at me.
I feel like such a chump, but trust me, she’ll be thanking me later.
I drive her home in silence. What’s there to say?
We pull up to her building and she gets out without a word, slams the door and doesn’t look back.
Am I a fool to let that nice piece of ass walk away?
Damn, she’s more than a piece of ass and you know it.
She’s Sloane, she’s special and you know you’re not man enough for her.
She needs to be treated right.
I remind myself of this so that I will stay away from the temptation of Sloane Hart.
CHAPTER THREE
Sloane
Once Justin drops me off from the world’s most humiliating date in history, I get into my bedroom, throw myself onto my bed and have a good cry.
I was so elated when Justin called and invited me out for dinner. This was going to be a real date with Justin, the boy turned Adonis, who I’ve had a crush on for as long as I can remember. Can you imagine how I felt inside? While getting ready for the date I was giddy with excitement.
Things were going so well, we were getting along and I was having the best time. Everything just felt so right. To me, anyway. Once he got me back to his place, we started fooling around, and he practically had me begging for it with his tongue alone. I was going to give him my virginity tonight.
I was afraid to admit that I was indeed still a virgin. But I got so nervous when he was about to enter me that I couldn’t stop myself from saying something. When I did, his whole demeanor changed, and he threw it back in my face. What guy does that?
Maybe I wasn’t sexy enough for him. Maybe my inexperience showed. I get up and stand in front of my full-length mirror and stare at my body, then I cup my breasts. They seem decent sized. What didn’t he like? I’m going to bed now. I can’t try and figure out what he likes and doesn’t like; all I know is he doesn’t want me and it hurts.
The next morning I wake up, my eyes still swollen from last nights crying fest, but it’s a new day.
“How was your date with Justin?” my roommate Emily asks. Then she takes one look at me with my swollen eyes and says, “That good, huh?”
“Yeah, he didn’t want me,” I admit.
“How is that possible? Just look at you,” she says, trying to be nice.
All I can do is shrug. “Go figure, I give up. I’m throwing in the towel on this one.”
“It baffles me, honestly,” she says.
“Hey, it is what it is,” I say, pouring myself a mug of coffee.
“Man, if this is what happens to you with your beauty and body there is no hope for me…ever,” she half jokes.
“Stop it Emily, you’re freaking adorable.”
“Yeah, yeah,” she replies with a wave of her hand.
“What makes it worse is that I have to see him again today, I promised Kylie I would come down for a barbeque this afternoon. I so hope he’s not there. I will feel so embarrassed and humiliated.”
“Sloane, you have nothing to feel embarrassed about, you go down there looking smoking hot like you always do and find some other guy to have a good time with. Do you hear me?” Emily says, trying to lift my spirits like the good friend that she is.
*****
Emily and I arrive at the Harlow house at the appointed hour. I brought Emily for moral support. I see Justin’s car parked in the driveway and my heart sinks.
“Come on Sloane, you can do it,” Emily says to me as she sees me staring at Justin’s car.
“God, why does he have to be here?” I pout.
“Because it’s his house.” Emily states the obvious.
“Let’s head down to the beach, Kylie texted me and said that’s where they all are right now.”
There’s a good crowd this afternoon, the usual suspects and a few I don’t recognize. I find Kylie and give her a hug, and she greets Emily. I look around for Justin and he’s playing volleyball with three other guys.
“Come on, let’s go lay out and work on our tans,” Kylie says and we follow her to her umbrella and beach chairs set up by the volleyball court.
I take off my dress and adjust my string bikini so nothing is hanging out and everything is covered appropriately before I lie down on my towel, just as a ball lands right next to me, spra
ying my face with sand.
“Hey,” I object.
“Sorry about that,” a deep, masculine voice says apologetically. I look up into the most incredible blue eyes I have ever seen. Who is this?
“No worries,” I stammer out, and Kylie giggles at me. The guy trots off back to the court.
“Stop laughing, and WHO is that?” I don’t hesitate to ask.
Maybe Emily was right in that I should find someone new to have a good time with.
“Pretty hot, isn’t he? He’s a friend of Justin’s from work. His name is Connor Love,” Kylie replies with a straight face.
“You’re joking about his name right?” I say half laughing.
“No, seriously, that’s his name. Kind of funny, isn’t it? But from the looks of him, I bet he could dish out some serious love,” Kylie teases. She’s right on that one. “I see him looking at you.”
“Stop it, he is not.”
If he is, then I welcome the attention.
I definitely need the ego boost after last night’s debacle.
I’ll die if Justin tells his buddies how undesirable I am and that I’m still the dreaded virgin.
As the sun goes down and Andre, the Harlow’s personal chef starts getting the fire burning. We gather around the picnic tables by the fire pit and I put my dress back on and a sweater, as it’s starting to get a little chilly. I catch myself stealing glances at Justin. I eye his chest and his delicious abs in particular, remembering kissing his smooth skin, and the way his tongue felt down there. Stop it, Sloane; he doesn’t want you, get over it.
“Hi, I’m Connor,” Mr. Blue Eyes says, coming up alongside of me with all the confidence in the world.
“Hi Connor, I’m Sloane,” I say, in a friendly tone, even though he makes me a bit nervous.
“So, you’re friends with Kylie?” he asks.
“Yeah, we’ve been friends forever,” I reply. “How long have you been friends with Justin? I haven’t ever seen you at one of their parties before.”
“We met at Goldman Sachs, we started together. Do you want to take a walk before dinner?”
“Sure,” I agree and we break away from the group. Then suddenly Justin is in our face.
“Where are you two going?” he says almost confrontationally.
“Hey man, just for a walk before dinner. Is that a crime?” Connor says, not backing down.
“Don’t be gone long, dinner is almost ready,” Justin huffs out, and lets us by.
“What’s his problem?” I ask Connor as we walk away from the group.
“He seems a little oddly possessive of you. Do you know why?”
“I have no idea, we’ve known each other forever. Maybe it’s a big brother protective thing going on,” I say, trying to play off that angle. That must be what it is, because I know he couldn’t possibly be jealous. You only get jealous when you want that person and I know for a fact he doesn’t want me.
I learn that Connor went to Cornell and just moved out here to start with Goldman Sachs as an investment banker. Looks and brains, I like that combination. He sounds like he’s doing well. We head back and join the group. I’m famished by now. We fill our plates and Connor sits with us girls.
I barely look at Justin, although I sense he is nearby and staring at us. After dinner, I’m in the mood for s’mores, my absolute favorite dessert.
“Come on Sloane, let’s roast the marshmallows for our s’mores.” These are the first words Justin has spoken directly to me since I’ve been here. I’m pissed with him, I don’t even respond. He hands me two marshmallows and the skewer. “Come on,” he coaxes again and I can’t be rude so I get up and follow him.
We sit down next to each other companionably, even though I’m feeling anything but companionable towards the man who rejected me last night.
“Look Sloane, I’m sorry about last night,” he says softly.
I just continue to stare into the fire, refusing to look at him. The feeling of humiliation is washing through me again. I don’t want to talk about last night.
“I don’t want to talk about it. Forget it,” I clip out.
“You should be thanking me anyway,” he continues.
“Yeah, whatever.”
“I’m saving you from heartache,” Mr. Egomaniac goes on.
“Yeah, I know you’re God’s gift to women. Thanks for saving me from you,” I say full of sarcasm that I didn’t know I had in me.
“That’s not what I mean,” he says defensively.
“Look, I get it. You don’t find me desirable, that’s fine. But must you rub my face in it?”
Why am I even engaging in this conversation?
“Sloane, you don’t get it,” he stews.
“Enlighten me, then.”
“Not here, not now,” he replies.
“Whatever, be cryptic then.”
My marshmallows are done and I stand up to go and find the chocolate and graham crackers. He follows me; I just can’t shake him. Once we put our s’mores together he says, “Come walk with me.”
“No.” I refuse to be humiliated and ridiculed yet again by him and his words of explanation as to why he finds me undesirable and not good enough sleep with.
“Sloane, don’t be like that. I want to explain where I’m coming from and you will thank me. I promise.”
“Justin, don’t bother making any promises to me. Just don’t bother with me at all anymore. Deal? All you do is make me feel bad about myself…” I say, looking down at the sand while I’m trying to enjoy my s’more.
He takes my hand in his and starts pulling me towards the ocean. I don’t want to make a scene, so I go along grudgingly. We walk along in silence, eating our s’mores. I calm down a bit and I think how nice this feels for a brief moment, knowing this will never be real. He’s about to explain to me why he doesn’t want me. Once we get out of view of the party he stops. I keep my eyes cast down, watching the water as it rolls in and out to sea. I wish I could roll out to sea, rather than having to be here and listen to what Justin has to say to me.
“Sloane, look at me,” he says.
I swallow and let my eyes meet his. I’m still crushing on him in spite of what happened last night, in spite of the rejection.
“Look, all I know is that once I sleep with a girl, it never lasts much past a couple of months. That’s just how I’m wired. I realized once you told me you had never let any guy have you, I knew you deserved way better than I can give you. So I’m saving you for the right guy, does that make any sense?”
I stand and stare at him pondering his words. Even if it’s just a couple of months I’ll take it, but I don’t dare say it out loud. I still want him, what hot-blooded female wouldn’t? Look at the guy.
“I guess I knew you don’t really do long term relationships. Maybe I’m not looking for long term.”
Did I just say that?
“Trust me, Sloane, you don’t want me and what I have to offer.”
“Maybe I do.” Shut the hell up, Sloane. Stop begging, walk away now. “Forget I said that, let’s just…” I stammer.
His lips are on mine, taking a kiss from me, and I surrender into it, hating myself for it.
“Damn it Sloane, you’re irresistible and I realize that I don’t want anyone else near you.”
“Really? You sure were able to resist me last night. You wanted me off you if I recall correctly.” His words still sting. Why am I still standing here, letting him heat me up yet again and tease me just to push me away?
You’re a first class fool Sloane Hart. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. Walk girl, start walking away. I turn to leave and he grabs me by both arms and pulls me in for another hard and desperate kiss. My lips part for him and that talented tongue of his. I want his tongue on my most intimate places again. I break away and wipe his kiss off my lips with the back of my hand.
“Stop, I won’t be a fool again, Justin. Just leave me alone, stop teasing me. You don’t really want me,” I s
pit out at him.
He grabs my hand and presses it to the steel pipe in his shorts.
“Does this feel like a man that doesn’t really want you?”
God, I have the sudden urge to drop to my knees this minute and suck him in. He’s turning me on and making me so wet between my legs. The temptation is unbearable. He knows exactly what he’s doing. But I let out a wicked laugh.
“What is so funny?” he asks, letting me pull my hand away.
“Any guy can get hard from a kiss. Look, let’s go with your first instinct Justin and that was for me to ‘get off you’. Let’s leave it at that, shall we? Go find some other girl to relieve you tonight, because it won’t be me.” I stalk off and this time he doesn’t stop me.
Boy, he was right to save me from him and all of his delicious heartache. We haven’t even slept together, just some fooling around and my heart is already breaking. Imagine if I did give him my virginity; I would be an absolute mess when he was through with me.
He’s right. I should be thanking him.
CHAPTER FOUR
Justin
Why does she have to look so smoking hot today in yet another barely there bikini that shows off all of her amazing attributes?
When she showed up, all of my buddies jaws dropped and the volleyball game ceased for a few minutes, at least until she took off her beach cover up, then they were literally drooling out of the sides of their mouths.
My hands clenched into fists.
Not a single one of these dogs better try anything with Sloane. She is strictly off limits to any of these bad boys.
Then Connor goes and tosses the ball in her direction, making it land right by her. I’m sure he wanted to get an up close and personal view of her incredible curves.
Pisses me off.
“Hey come on Connor, knock it off. Let’s play,” I call out to him from the other side of the net.
“That’s exactly what I am trying to do bro, ‘play’,” Connor throws back at me with a knowing smile.
Burns me.
“Ok, come on then, serve the damn ball,” I reply heatedly.
As the sun goes down, Andre starts the fire and gets dinner ready for us.