by Alexa Riley
Even knowing it’s a lie, I try again, not caring how pathetic it is. “Please don’t make me go. I promise I’ll be better.” My voice drops a little before whispering the rest, even knowing everyone will hear it anyways. They’re all wolves, they hear everything. “I won’t sneak into your room anymore. I’ll stay in mine. Please don’t make me go.” I feel the tears hit my cheeks.
Oddly, this is the first time I’ve cried. Even when I finally shifted out of bear form, I didn’t cry, and it felt like my whole body was on fire. Somehow this hurts more. How I’ve become so attached to him so fast, I don’t know. But I am. The thought of leaving him steals the breath from my lungs.
A low growl leaves his chest, and I can hear everyone take a step back, but I don’t. No. I step closer. I like the sound. It seems to scare everyone else, but it makes me feel safe. Even if the growl is directed at me. I want to lay my head on his chest and hear where the growl emanates from.
Stone takes a step back from me, then another.
He’s going to do it. He’s leaving me here.
“I’ll come back tomorrow to check on you, Winnie.” Then he turns, making his way back to his truck. Gwen steps in front of me, pulling me into her arms and whispering in my ear. “You have the phone. You can call me anytime. I’ll come tomorrow to see you, too. I’ll make sure you’re settling in okay.” She pulls back, looking down at me with the same blue eyes as Stone. Like everyone around here, she’s way taller than me. I guess bears just aren’t tall, or maybe it’s just me.
“We’ll find your family.” She tries to reassure me, but it’s not reassuring.
I’m a bear shifter, which I’ve been told is rare. Not only that, but I’m a female and there aren’t many female bear shifters left. Stone told me we would find my family fast, being as I’m so rare, but that has yet to be seen. I don’t feel rare or special. All I feel is unwanted.
She fully releases me, following Stone and getting into the truck. I watch them pull away, and I can’t bring myself to move until I feel a warm hand on my shoulder. I look up at the woman, who looks to be in her thirties. Her blonde hair matches the younger girls’, who I’m guessing are her daughters. It’s hard to tell with shifters.
“Come inside, dear. I’ll show you to your room.”
“She smells like a bear,” one of the girls says. Her face scrunches up like she’s smelling something terrible.
“I’m not sharing a room with it,” the other girl says, making an equally grossed-out face.
“You’ll do what you’re told. The alpha said we’re to take care of her and that’s what we’ll do,” the father finally says. The woman’s hold on me tightens at his words, her nails digging in a little. She’s clearly not happy with the alpha’s orders.
“Come inside.” This time her tone is annoyed as she starts to pull me towards the house. I want to yank from her hold, but I don’t. What choice do I really have? When we pass the two girls on the porch, they both give me a look that could kill. Gone are the nice girls who were making sweet doe eyes at the alpha when he was standing there.
When I get inside, I’m pulled up two flights of stairs until we reach the attic. Then the woman finally releases me, unlocking the door and showing me the space. The room is a mess, a bed in the center of the chaos.
“You’ll need to get this cleared up and habitable. I’m sure the alpha will want to see it when he comes back here tomorrow. Make sure it’s done right.” She turns and makes her way down the stairs. “Dinner’s at seven. Most of this better be done by then, or you won't be eating,” she calls as she descends. “…Not that you need it,” she adds in a murmur.
I sit down on the bed and look around the attic. I feel more alone now than when I was running through the woods without any memory of anything. At least then I didn’t have anyone to miss.
Prologue
Stone
Past…
“You’re making a mistake.” Gwen’s words sting. We both know they’re true, but I don’t say anything in response.
Putting the truck in gear, I pull away from the Stocktons’ house and feel my chest ache. Gripping the wheel tighter, I force myself not to look back as I drive away. Just a few more minutes and then I can run. I just need to get back home.
Gwen and I ride in silence all the way back home. Thankfully, she doesn’t keep telling me what I know to be true and just lets me suffer in silence.
It’s the right thing to do. It’s what had to be done. I feel like if I keep telling myself that over and over again, it will be true. It’s like if I keep repeating it, then I’ll somehow believe the lie.
I pull up to the house, jump out of the truck, and head for the woods. Hearing the gravel crunch under my boots, I don’t look back when Gwen calls my name.
“Stone! Where are you going?”
Once I get out back behind our house, I pull off my shirt and throw it on the ground. I keep stomping as I make my way to the tree line, kicking off my boots and taking off my jeans as I go. As I leap into the air, I shift before my paws hit the ground, taking off in a full run towards the protected lands.
Feeling my muscles burn and ache is what I need right now. I need to make my body feel the pain that is eating away at my heart. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I stop this feeling, this need?
Pushing harder, I run as fast as my wolf can take me. He’s angry and needs to be in control. I run for miles until I’m beyond the borders of our small mountain town in Gray Ridge, Colorado.
Our shifter community is secret, but strong. And finding another shifter wandering in the woods is unusual. We have other packs around us, and we’re all friendly. So when our town sheriff, Dominic Wolf, found a stray bear cub, I reached out to all the neighboring packs but came up empty-handed.
The first time I saw her, Dominic was carrying her out of the woods. She was fully shifted into a little brown cub, and she was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. Her head turned in my direction when I approached them, and her big brown eyes met mine.
In that moment, I felt something inside me change.
I’d known my whole life what it meant for me to be the alpha. My father was the alpha of our Gray Ridge wolf pack until he died suddenly when I was eighteen. He was out for a run one day, and had a heart attack. The doctors did all they could do, but he didn’t make it. I was young and angry, not wanting the responsibility of the pack to fall on my shoulders. But I was born of pure alpha blood, and I had no choice but to lead.
I knew what taking on this role would mean, and I knew one day I would be destined for a mate. I had always assumed it would be another wolf and someone of similar bloodlines. What I didn’t expect was to have some kind of connection to a stray cub that was far too young.
What I feel isn’t what people have described to me as the mating pull, but it’s something. I feel very protective of her and would do anything to keep her safe, but I feel that if I don’t distance myself from Winnie, I might regret it. What if I end up mating someone else? Then these feelings would betray my true mate, and that’s not fair.
I finally stop near a small creek to drink some water and catch my breath. My lungs burn from the run, and my legs are shaky as I bend down to take a drink from the cool spring.
The second I saw Winnie for the first time, something in me changed. I’d been angry about the responsibility of the pack weighing down on my shoulders for so long that the first time I saw her, I felt light. I felt as if looking into her scared eyes broke something inside me wide open, and I can’t seem to close it again.
That day in the woods, I took her from Dominic’s arms and carried her back to my house. The little cub was shivering with cold and fear, but as soon as she was cradled in my arms, she stopped. It was like our connection was made, and from that moment on, I didn’t leave her side.
After three days I finally was able to talk her through shifting back to human form. It took her a long time, and I know it must have been painful, but she was so strong. I was so
proud of her, and after it was complete I wrapped her up in a blanket and just held her in front of the fire. She looked so young, maybe around fourteen, and I didn’t want to scare her with questions or make her start talking if she wasn’t ready. I just wanted to keep her safe.
Winnie. That was the first word she ever spoke to me, and it was all she could remember.
I had let her sleep in my bed with me when she was a cub, but after she shifted, I let her sleep in the guest room. I’d lie there in the middle of the night, feeling so lonely without her. There wasn’t ever any sexual attraction, to her. Male shifters can’t even get hard until their mating heat hits. No, what I felt for Winnie was different. It was a strong pull, and I didn’t know how to explain it. I couldn’t tell anyone, and I damn sure couldn’t talk to Winnie about it.
When she crawled into bed with me that first night, I pretended to be asleep. But as soon as she dozed off, I pulled her to me and held her close while she slept. I never did anything other than hold her and make sure she was safe. I never admitted how happy I was that she felt the need to be near me.
Every night she would sneak in my room, and I would hold her while she slept. After almost a week, I knew it needed to stop.
I started to get anxious if I was separated from her for too long, and when her scent started to fade from me, I tried to find ways to accidentally brush up against her and get it back on me. I was becoming obsessed and I knew it.
Peter Stockton was one of our pack’s best hunters, and I knew he had two young girls about Winnie’s age. When I asked him to watch over Winnie and protect her as he would his own family, he agreed. Gwen didn’t like my decision, but she’s young and doesn’t understand the way the pack works. He’s a part of us, and he will do his duty just as I will do mine.
I have a responsibility to protect everyone, and I can’t let myself be pulled in another direction by a lost little cub. I can’t spend my days pining for something that isn’t mine and won’t be mine. I can’t put the safety of the pack in jeopardy because I feel protective. That’s not what my life's about. My life is about duty and honor, and in order to fulfill those, I have to let her go.
I’ll always watch her, but I can’t allow myself to dream of things I can’t have. It doesn’t matter what I want. The pack is my ultimate responsibility.
Pushing away from the stream, I turn and make my way back home. One day Winnie will mate with someone and I’ll be able to move on. My wolf growls at the thought, but I ignore him.
Maybe one day I’ll be able to fill the void she made in my heart.
Chapter 1
Winnie
Present…
“You okay?” Gwen looks at me with concern in her big blue eyes. I hate how much they remind me of Stone. I can hardly look at her without thinking of him. It’s not a reminder I like because each time it nicks away at my heart. No matter how many times I try to push past my feelings for Stone, I know I’m just lying to myself. Just when I think they’re gone, one small thing sends them all flooding back. I figure if I keep lying to myself enough, maybe I’ll start to believe it.
Gwen always seems to have that look on her face with me. I know she cares, but lately it’s making me feel a little pathetic. If anyone should be asking how someone is doing, it’s me to her. She just found her mate and is already expecting two little girl pups.
Gwen invited Ruby and me over to hang out and catch up. Dominic, Ruby’s mate, tagged along, and X is here as well. With both Gwen and Ruby expecting babies, their mates never seem to be far from them. The male shifters tend to hover over their mates during pregnancy. I wonder if my mate will do that. What am I saying? I don’t even know if bears mate.
“Yeah, just kind of sad. I still can’t remember anything. And I’ve been all over the place today,” I admit to her. I feel like my hormones are going crazy. Maybe it’s because my only two friends are both pregnant and it’s giving me an itch myself. Seeing them so in love and happy makes me ache for the same.
Being a bear in a town full of wolves, I have no idea if mating is different for us. But lately I’ve been trying to find out. For the longest time I tried to remember the life I had before I came to be a part of the Gray Ridge pack. But after a while I just let it go, thinking that one day it might come back to me. It hasn’t yet, and it’s been almost four years.
Now I’m back to pushing myself to remember and I still keep coming up with nothing. Even being close to Gwen, I still don’t feel like I belong, and I’ve been tossing around the idea of leaving the pack. To go where, I have no idea. College? Maybe. Something has to give because I feel like I could crack. I’m starting to think I might feel more accepted in the human world. It’s not like I even shift anymore. I haven’t since Stone found me.
“You’ll know when it happens. You’ll feel it,” Gwen tells me, reaching out to hold my hand. I know she’s talking about coming of age. Since I don’t know anything about before I came to Gray Ridge, my age has always just been estimated.
Gwen seems to think I’ll be like a wolf and won’t find my mate until I’m eighteen. Whether that’s true or not, no one really seems to know. What’s even weirder is when I talk to Stone about finding out about bears mating, he gets all awkward.
Awkward is not a word I would have ever thought I’d use for Stone, but it’s what he does. Hell, I’m awkward about it, too, but my need to know pushes me past that, so I keep asking him. He keeps giving me the brush off, and it’s hard to ask a man you have a giant crush on when you can finally get the sex on.
“From what Dominic says, you feel it when it happens,” Ruby chimes in softly, smiling at me. I really like Ruby. She seems to fit with me more than anyone else. She has wild red hair and a curvy body like I do. All the shifters around here are tall and lean. I kind of stick out, but since Ruby is human she doesn’t carry their traits, so we kind of have that in common, too. Well, except for what her mate Dominic gave her during mating.
Like me, Ruby is an outsider who was invited into the pack. I feel like she gets me a little better than most, but if you ask me she still seems to fit better than I do.
“Yeah. You’re right. I’m just super emotional today. I keep crying. Sorry,” I tell them both, trying to give the best smile I can. I don’t want this to turn into a pity party. I came here to have a good time, to get my mind off things, and mostly to get away from my stepsisters. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think I was pregnant,” I joke about my tears, making everyone laugh.
“Tell me about it. The last time I was this crazy with hormones I was—” Gwen pauses for a moment as if a thought hits her. “Winnie, you don’t think—”
She’s cut off by the front door bursting open, making me jump to my feet, to reveal Stone standing in the doorway.
Xavier and Dominic are in front of us in under a second, both half-shifted as if ready to fight.
Stone stands there, breathing hard and looking like he just ran a hundred miles. He’s nearly rabid as he looks past X and Dom, glaring at me. His snarl echoes through the room, making my heart thunder in my chest. I don’t feel fear, though. No, it’s something else. Then one word leaves his lips.
“Mine.”
He’s on me before anyone can move, lifting me to his body. My legs go around his waist, and my hands go to his shoulders as I try to keep myself balanced. My back hits a wall, and I don’t even register moving. Before I can say anything, Stone buries his face in my neck, and I feel his teeth. The sharp fangs are on me before I make a sound and he bites. Hard.
I expect to feel pain as my body tenses with anticipation, but instead white-hot passion like nothing I’ve ever felt rips through me. My eyes fall closed as a moan pours from my mouth. My body jerks, grinding against him as the pleasure shoots through my body all the way down to my toes.
When I sink back to reality, I feel Stone’s tongue swipe the spot he just marked, and my eyes pop open.
“Mine,” he says against my skin.
I see everyone in t
he room just staring right at us. It’s then I realize I just came in a room full of people as Stone claimed me as his.
Gwen’s eyes look like they’re about to bulge out of her head, and both X and Dom look like they’re not sure what they should be doing. I think they’re waiting for me to say something, but I’m not sure what to say.
I thought when mates found each other, they were all over one another. Well, Stone’s all over me, but all I want to do is push him off me. I feel my heart start to beat faster, and I’m sure everyone in the room can hear it.
Stone seems unconcerned with everything as he continues to lick and nuzzle at my neck as everyone stares at us.
How long have I wanted Stone’s attention? How long have I begged him to see me, to let me stay? Now it seems I have it, and now I don’t want it. As part of me wants to welcome it, the other part reminds me he’s only picking me because he has to. Nature made him do it.
The thought makes a sob rip from my throat.
Stone freezes at the sound, and a growl from deep in his chest fills the room. He quickly places me on the floor and turns like he’s going to protect me, not knowing he’s the cause of the sounds.
“You need to calm down, Alpha,” I hear Dom say. I can’t see anything around Stone’s big body. I try to slide out from behind him, but he backs up, pinning me in so I can’t retreat.
“Mine,” he says again, like he doesn’t know another word. I’ve never seen him like this. So out of control.
“No one is saying she’s not yours. I can just smell her blood,” Dominic tries again.
My hand reaches for my neck to touch the spot where he bit me.
Stone turns to look down at me, running his hungry eyes up and down my body, making me feel naked. My traitorous nipples harden his stare.