by Bry Ann
I’m not sure if I’m more nervous about the fact that the man I’m marrying is in the mafia and last month insisted our wedding was heavily guarded, or the fact that my parents are here.
I haven’t seen them since that day at the house.
“Laceyyyyyyy!” Jamie comes running in, wrapping his hands around my legs. “You look so pretty.”
He looks me up and down, his eyes all excited.
“Thanks, Jamie.”
I lean down in my dress and hug him tightly.
“I missed you, tyke.”
“Missed you too, Lacey.” Tears prick my eyes.
“Lacey?”
My head pops up. I look up to see two small figures in the doorway. I straighten up, fixing my dress. I stretched a little when picking it. There’s no sweater, jacket, or hoodie involved, but it is long-sleeved. It covers me. Adam requested that it have lace, which is so cheesy since my name is Lacey, but I couldn’t deny him that, so it has a lace overlay. “Mom. Dad.”
My mouth forms a firm line, but I hide the coldness in my voice, because, one, it’s my wedding, and two, Jamie’s here.
“You look beautiful.”
My mom’s voice is shaking, like it is physically paining her not to touch me. It takes so much energy being angry. So much, and it’s not helping anyone.
I walk over. The closer I get, the more terrified they both look. They’re not scared of me, they’re scared of my forgiveness. So long as I am mad at them, they have something to hold over me. But if I forgive them —forgive, but not forget— then I am truly the bigger person here. And the gravity of what they did can weigh down on them like a sinking ship. Not that I want that. I just want it all gone.
I wrap my arms around my mom.
“I don’t forgive you yet. I can’t. But I love you. I’ll always love you both.”
I pull away. I feel lighter and stronger. My heels make me taller, and in this moment, I feel I am rising above them. Finding a strength they wish they had and creating a life for myself.
Jamie wraps his arms around as many of us as he can.“We’re not fighting anymore!” He squeals.
I fiddle with his crazy brown hair.
“You all seen Rose yet?”
“Not today,” Jamie pouts, lower lip jutting out.
I look up at my parents. They’ve never met her.
“You want to meet her?”
“Is it… can... I mean…” My father can’t even get the words out. I feel myself softening bit by bit.
“I’ll have Mirial get her.”
I grab my phone and text Mirial. I’d go get Rose myself, but I don’t want to risk Adam seeing me in my dress. He never sees me in pretty things. Not to mention that I’m terrified for all the people in my new life to see me dressed like this. Revealing myself to Sven that day in the training room helped me a lot. He didn’t judge me. I figured if anyone was going to tease me or make an offhand remark about my skin and how ugly I am, it’d be him. But he never did. Not once. Not even a passing glance. I’m not gonna lie. I went in the closest bathroom and cried. It wasn’t even mine, it was just in the hall. I was accepted. It was the first time that I realized I may not have to hide forever.
Not even two minutes later, there’s a knock on my door. Mirial walks in with Rose squirming in her arms. She immediately sets her down. Rose quickly crawls over to me. She looks down from my feet, smiling up at me.
“Hi, baby.”
I scoop her up in my arms and bounce her up and down. She can drool all over my dress. I don’t care. Some things are worth it.
“Wanna meet Grandma and Grandpa? Jamie’s here, too, angel.”
I prop her up on my hip and spin around. A guard drops down over my eyes. I’m nervous, but I won’t let them hurt her like they hurt me. I simply won’t let it happen, so there’s nothing to be afraid of.
“Mom, Dad, this is your granddaughter.” They both look at my daughter with awe. If they looked at her with anything less, I’d be done. I’d wish them a nice day and they could go and leave me alone forever. As it stands, they are looking at her like she is the most beautiful baby. It’s how they used to look at me. It’s how they looked up until I was pulled from my childhood home.
“Hi, doll.”
My mom pokes Rose’s little nose and pulls a funny face. She lifts her head to look at me after playing with Rose for a bit.
“She’s adorable, honey.”
“Don’t let her fool you. She’s her father’s kid too.”
“Every girl needs a little fire inside her, or she can make grave mistakes from her own lack of courage.”
A grim silence settles over the room, but I don’t let it stick.
“Yeah, well, she doesn’t just have a fire inside her. She’s a living explosion. Aren’t you, angel?”
I give her butterfly kisses.
“Pretty beautiful explosion there, Lace,” my father says.
I’m no longer talking about little Rose when I look back up at my father.
“Yeah, well, destruction always hides under beauty.”
He clears his throat. “Yeah, you got a point there.”
“Señorita,” Mirial clears her throat and looks at me a bit sheepishly, clearly feeling out of place. “I need to finish getting little Rose ready.”’
After planting a kiss on her cheek, I reluctantly hand her over.
“Can I go help get her ready?” Jamie says, bouncing on his toes. I know he’s trying to give our parents and me a moment alone, but I’m not ready for that. Mainly because there is a certain question I am avoiding.
“Sure, tyke. Go on ahead.”
He runs out. Inside, I’m taking deep, calming breaths. The silence that ensues with his absence is deafening.
“So, uh, who’s walking you down the aisle?”
I love Dad’s attempt at sounding nonchalant.
“I’m walking myself down the aisle,” I say, throwing my shoulders back.
“Lacey,” my mom gasps, “that’s so depressing!”
I feel my face morph into a glare. “I don’t see it that way. I’m the person who’s had to take care of me. I get to give myself away, because there are really only four people who have had my back. One’s on the altar, one’s with my daughter, one I’m so furious at I can’t see straight, and the other is dead. I’m the one giving myself to Adam. No one else deserves that honor.” Both of them say nothing.
“We should go find our seats.”
“Probably.”
With an awkward nod, we part ways.
“How’s it feel?”
A calloused hand trails my cheek.
“Weird. I’m married… We’re married!” I squeal.
I glance around the fancy white room. We’re on a private island, one of the few places I feel safe. I didn’t just magically get over my agoraphobic tendencies. There’re so many places I’m scared to go. Almost everywhere that’s not home or close to it, I’m scared to be, but I’m a functioning person now. That said, so many honeymoon spots we looked at overwhelmed me. A private island seemed perfect. Plus, Adam could let loose, too. Between the security team he brought and the privacy of the island, he’s the loosest I’ve ever seen him. Right now, he’s in cargo shorts with no shirt. It’s so unlike him, and so sexy I can barely take in the other sights around me. He has all my attention.
He walks over predatorily, forcing me against the wall. His arms come around, caging me in.
“How do you feel about taking my last name? I know you’re independent.” “My last name never fit me.”
“Lesser? Fuck no. It absolutely did not. Ruston sounds much more appropriate, don’t you think?” “Yes,” I grin. “Can people know it? They’ll know it’s yours, too.”
“Tell ‘em. Fuck it. I care more about you not being called Ms. Lesser. Let them know what my last name is. I’ll take precautions and be sure there’s no public record linking it to my first name.”
“But…” “Shhh…” His fingers slide over m
y lips. “We have a lifetime of discussing this little shit ahead of us. I want to enjoy this moment, here.”
He kisses me softly. My arms wrap around his torso, urging him closer.
“I love you.” “I love you, too, Lacey Ruston.”
I didn’t know it was possible for a smile to be as bright as mine is right now.
“But Lace?” “Hmm…” I say, eyes hooded, as his hands trail my sides under my t-shirt.
“We’re on a private island. The long sleeves and pants…” He nips at my ear. “Gotta go. We’re on a beach.”
I don’t know why, but my heart still picks up. Since his hands are under my shirt, he feels it. He pulls away, taking his hands right off me. He grabs my shoulders and leans back, looking at me with concern.
“It’s just me here. I’ve seen it all and I really fucking like it.” He pauses and grins. “Seduce me, little dove.”
He winks, taking the tension right out of both of my shoulders.
“Seduce you, huh?”
He laughs. “I think I’m the one who needs to do the seducing, since your clothes are still on.”
A laugh bursts out of me.
I don’t give myself time to doubt myself. I’m not one to take control of intimate moments. Usually, Adam ends up undressing me, but I want to do something special for him. As his wife. On this private island. A secret between me, him, and who I really am.
I throw my clothes off and walk right into his arms and kiss him. His eyes widen. His hands hesitate before wrapping around me. Staying in control of the situation is hard with him. Possession is pretty much ingrained in his DNA, but the more time goes on, I think it’s ingrained in a little bit of mine too.
I grab his shoulders and dig my nails into his skin, racking them down his chest.
“What are you doing, La—”
“Sit on the edge of the bed.”
My voice doesn’t sound as strong as I’d like, but that doesn’t seem to matter to Adam at all. He smirks and casually strolls to the edge of the bed with a confidence I wish I possessed. I walk over to him, stark naked. I’m shaking, but I want to do this.
“You have no idea how sexy you look right now.”
That lightens me up a bit. He notices and smirks. Control. He always has some. Asshole. I’ll show him.
I crawl between his spread legs, and place my hands on his strong thighs.“Woah, what are you doing, Lacey?”
He genuinely sounds panicked. I duck my head and smile.
“Trust me.”
“I do. I—”
“I know what I’m doing.”
He growls. “God, I fucking love you. Alright.”
I smile. “Pants off, Ruston.” He maintains eye contact with me as he slides his pants down his legs. I sit back and take a deep breath. I can do this. I’ve done much harder things.
I dig my hands into his thighs, and take him in my mouth, slowly.
“Jesus…. Fuck! Lacey.”
His hand grabs my hair as I continue to pleasure him. It’s nerve-racking. I don’t really know what I’m doing, but I seem to be doing it right. Adam’s muscles get increasingly tight and his grip on my hair becomes unrelenting.
“Fuck. Lacey, I’m gonna come.”
I work double-time. His thighs stiffen beneath me, until he absolutely does come and I swallow every last drop. Then, and only then, do I pull away.
“Get up here. Now”
Adam’s eyes are dark with pure lust.
“I’m in charge here.”
He lets out an audible breath, fighting for control.
“Then what do you want, Lacey?” His voice is a low rumble. My core clenches.
“Lie back.”
He crawls on the bed and lies back, like I said. I move up toward him and swing a leg on each side of his waist. His hand trails my c-section scar.
“That one doesn’t bother me,” I whisper. “I got something beautiful out of it.”
“Please do something here, Lacey. I’m trying to let you lead.” I like that he’s struggling with control, because of me. I scoot down a bit and slowly guide him into me. I’d been doing so well up until this point, but a short moment of panic hits me, like it always does when I have sex. It gets better, but it never really goes away.
“Hey, Lacey. It’s all you, but I’m here, too. You’re safe.”
I lean down and kiss him. I mean for it to be sweet and innocent, but I get swept away in passion and the kiss deepens with him still inside me. I go slow and steady, only picking up the pace at the end when we are both on the edge, needing that final push. Once we are both satisfied sexually, we both go clean up and crawl back into bed.
“What now, Mrs. Ruston?”
I smile to myself, hiding it in my pillow.
“Hold me.” Not a second is wasted. His hands reach out quickly and wrap around my waist. He pulls the little ball I tuck myself into right up against his chest.
“What a great surprise.” “I kind of suck at that, but…”
“You absolutely did not suck at any of that. I hope we have a repeat of that first part. Often.”
I snort and snuggle in closer.
“I’m so glad you can admit when you’re wrong, Ruston,” I whisper.
Or we would have never stood a chance. His hand tightening hard on my hip is the last thing I remember before falling asleep on my wedding night.
Despite the abnormality of my crazy life and the walls I live in, Adam gives me normalcy, and he gives me safety.
Sven
I’m not even up for the bullshit today. I feel oddly defensive of Lacey since she invited me to box with her, which is… weird. I don’t overthink shit, though.
All that said, things are good right now. I’m back to normal, mostly. Boss is married. Lacey’s getting more of herself back every day. Their baby is freaking adorable. There’s a flow to the house and our jobs, and someone is trying fuck that all up. Safe to say, I’m not in the mood for another war. Not now.
I storm into his office. The sound of the door crashing against the plaster reverberates throughout the room. My contact gasps and jumps out of his chair, throwing his left hand over his heart. He gave me the information I asked for a while back, but only some of it. Not all, so he’s not in the clear. Not yet. Maybe not ever. He’s trying my patience.
“I need that information now, Cortez! Time’s up. You have it or I shoot you.”
I slam the gun on the table.
“Sven…”
“Shut up! Don’t try me. You’d be the last person to garner sympathy from me. Talk.” “Sorry, mi amigo, I’d rather die by your gun than Miguel’s hands.” He shudders. “The man’s fucking loco.”
I smirk and tilt my head to the side.
“I said I’m going to shoot you. Who said that’s how I’ll kill you?” Terror crosses his face.
“You watched Savannah die, and said nothing. You laughed. I have plans for you. Not to mention, my Boss will want in on this since it involves a threat to his family.”
His face goes white as a sheet.
“You and your Boss are screwed, mi amigo.”
The grim set of his face puts me on alert.
“You better clarify.”
“You thought the Castellos were powerful before? Miguel rebuilt them, twice the size. Everyone will turn against you.”
“Miguel’s just a kid. He was, what, fifteen when we went in?”
We can’t kill him. He’s just a kid. Jesus.
“Sí, fifteen when you murdered his father. Fifteen is plenty old enough to hold a grudge. Plus, think, mi amigo. Miguel was raised by his father, boss of the Castello family. He’s no normal fifteen year old boy.”
It takes everything in me not to slam my fist in his face. I cock an eyebrow.
“Want to make a lot of money?”
Cortez is greedy. I know this about him. He’ll overlook or do almost anything for the right price.
“What do you have in mind?”
“Spy
on Miguel. Tell me what he’s up to.”
He rubs his fingers down the hair on his chin.
“It’s risky, brother. What’s the price?”
I almost smile and shake my head. People have no idea what a weakness greed is.
“Depends on what you get me.” I lean against the wall. “I promise at least a mil by the end of this.”
“A million dollars?!” His eyes go wide.
“Sí.”
“What do you want to know?”
My eyes darken.
“Everything from the name of the men working with him, down to where he shits.” “Okay, my friend, a million dollars minimum and I’m in. I will raise my price if this gets riskier.” “As you should. I’ll see you soon. Someone will give you a way to contact me.”
I’ll get one of my men on that. I jump back in the Cadillac, heart pounding. I grit my teeth. I’m the one who let Miguel walk the day we stormed in to retrieve Lacey. He was scared as shit, and just a kid. I jerked my head and walked off. Boss won’t be mad. He doesn’t kill kids either, but still. I don’t like knowing I made a call with repercussions this serious. I have a bad feeling about all this. A very bad feeling. This is gonna be huge. Big enough that Boss won’t be able to keep it all from Lacey. She’ll be in danger again, and she won’t be able to handle it. And then there’s their baby.
I slam my hand on the seat. The driver jumps.
“Everything okay, sir?” “Hurry back. I have an appointment to get to.”
I grab my phone and text my therapist, who I’ve listed as Anon in case anyone gets their hands on my cell.
Me: I need to meet.
Anon: Sven? Alright. Now?
I’ve never texted her before, or shown any obvious interest in therapy, so she knows this is serious.
Me: Yes.
Anon: On my way.
I twirl my phone in my hands. Boss is on his honeymoon. I hate to ruin it with depressing ass news, but he would literally kill me if I kept something like this from him. It’s not like he’s ever “off work” in his position.