This was a novel feeling, playing Cupid. She’d never done it before, and she grinned like the Cheshire cat as she walked back into the restaurant. She liked Paul, and despite her new aversion to dating professors, he seemed like a truly nice guy. Just the fact that he was asking out grown women instead of students… Maybe Olivia’s standards were low, but that seemed like a good place to start.
For herself, though…she wasn’t even sure she wanted a nice guy. Jamie was a truly nice guy, and that was part of the problem. Everyone liked him. And he liked so many. Maybe she needed somebody grumpy. Somebody who would never cheat on her because he didn’t have an ounce of charm in his body.
She was weaving her way through the tables when her neck prickled with awareness. She looked toward Jamie, certain he was staring at her, but he was making notes on a napkin. Curious, she glanced around at the other tables. When she caught sight of the person staring at her, Olivia jumped in surprise. It was Victor, seated at a table in the far corner. His eyes burned into her, until he was distracted by the movement of the woman with him. Allison stood, her movements jerky with anger as she tossed her napkin down and grabbed her purse. Victor made a halfhearted effort to reach toward her, but she pulled back and stalked away from him. Away from Victor, but straight toward Olivia.
Olivia tensed up, expecting a confrontation, but the girl only glared for a moment before storming past, her cheeks streaked with tears.
“Oh,” Olivia murmured, at a complete loss. She looked helplessly around and caught Jamie’s wide-eyed gaze. He grimaced in sympathy as she walked toward him. She did her best not to look in Victor’s direction.
“Yikes,” Jamie said. “What was that about?”
“I’m not sure. I guess we chose the wrong restaurant.”
“I don’t want to start anything, but did you notice—”
“Crap! He’s coming over here.”
“Victor?” Jamie glanced over his shoulder, then rolled his eyes. “Speak of the devil.”
Olivia watched him approach, keeping her face as neutral as she could. There was no denying the small glimmer of satisfaction after witnessing that scene. The girl might be young, but she wasn’t malleable, apparently. Not like you were, the voice of Olivia’s mom whispered in her ear. She scowled.
“Victor,” she said. “You remember Jamie.”
Victor’s smile was all false joviality. “Nice to see you again. Olivia, how have you been?”
“Wonderful. And you?”
“Great,” he answered, as if his girlfriend hadn’t just raced out in tears. “I’ve never seen you here before. I thought you weren’t crazy about Italian.”
“It’s not my favorite, but I’m trying new things. Getting out of my comfort zone.”
His eyes slid to Jamie, and she tried not to smirk. Yeah, she was trying all sorts of new things with Jamie.
“The pizza was wonderful,” she said, trying not to ooze too much satisfaction onto Victor’s expensive loafers.
“How’s the summer semester going?” he asked. His words were always meant as blades, she realized now. Sometimes they were used to shape the situation around him, and sometimes—such as now—they were meant to cut. He was either reminding her that she was forced to work more hours because she’d left him, or he was pointing out that Jamie was, technically, her student. On second thought, it was likely a double-edged sword, meant to wound on both sides.
“Great,” she answered brightly. “It’s laid-back. Everything is very quiet.”
“Good.” He stood for another uncomfortable moment. When it stretched on too long, Jamie gestured at their to-go boxes.
“Can I offer you a slice of pizza?”
The fact that Jamie had spoken seemed to jolt Victor back to reality. “No. Thank you. I just wanted to say hello. Have a good afternoon.”
Olivia held her breath as he walked away. After a few seconds had passed, she let it out slowly. “I’m sorry. That must be weird.”
Jamie shrugged one shoulder. “It’s fine. But I know it’s upsetting for you. Seeing her…”
Olivia frowned. Actually, it hadn’t been upsetting. Not this time. In the past she’d always burned with a terrible mix of betrayal and discomfort and hatred, but now… Now she just felt vaguely ashamed of him. And of how much she’d given up for him. “No,” she said. “It was just…fine. I didn’t feel much at all.”
“Mmm,” he said, his eyes darting toward the pizza boxes, then toward the front door. He didn’t meet Olivia’s gaze.
“Jamie? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I already paid, I just need to sign the slip.”
“Okay, but, why are you being all shifty? Are you having a fling with my ex-husband?”
He barely cracked a smile at that, so Olivia reached to touch his wrist as the hair stood up on her arms. She didn’t like this feeling. He was lying, and this kind of obvious lying foretold disaster when it came to charming men.
“What’s going on? The truth.”
He sighed and set down the pizza box he’d been rearranging on the table. “This is just a theory. I shouldn’t even say anything.” His gaze was soft with worry when he finally looked her in the eye.
“What kind of theory?” Olivia asked, easing her body back into her chair to brace herself. “About what?”
“Did you notice…?”
“What?”
Jamie cleared his throat, and his eyes darted around one last time. He slumped a little and sighed in defeat. “When Allison walked past, she was moving so quickly that her dress sort of blew back into her body, and her stomach looked…” He gestured toward his belly, forming a little round bump with his hands.
Shock slammed into Olivia so hard that she gasped. “No fucking way.” She hadn’t meant to curse, and she hoped the words had run together enough that she didn’t offend the couple next to them. “I mean…are you sure?”
“No, I’m not sure, but…let’s put it this way. If I saw you looking like that about five months from now, I’d shit myself.”
“Holy crap,” Olivia breathed. She racked her brain for the memory of what Allison had worn to that last party. A red dress. Gorgeous and low cut, but it had been rather flowy from the bust down. “Oh, my God, do you think it’s possible?”
“It depends on whether they’ve consummated their courtship or not, I guess.”
Olivia couldn’t believe it, but she managed a smile at that. Jamie really was an amazing man.
“If it’s true…will you be okay? I mean, were you two trying…?”
“What? Us? No, we weren’t.” Olivia was a bit lost, trying to figure out the answer to his first question. Would she be okay? Did she have a choice? If Victor had a child with another woman… If he remarried… In the end, all she could find within herself was a feeling of pity for everyone involved.
“You know what? I think I would be okay. But the question is, will Victor be okay? We weren’t trying to have kids because he didn’t want them.”
“Do you?”
She wasn’t sure if that was an honest question or a test, but she chose to tell the truth. “If I could, then yes, I’d like kids. But I’m not a man, and I’m about to run into a big brick wall.”
“Are you talking about your age? Thirty-five is still pretty young for starting a family these days.”
“It might be young society-wise, but it’s not young to Mother Nature.” Once she’d realized her marriage was over, she’d done a little reading. “I’d need to know where I stood. What my future would look like, long term.”
“And what does it look like?” Jamie asked softly.
She took a deep breath and set her shoulders. “It looks like I’m going to be a successful businesswoman.”
He answered her smile. She looked for relief in his eyes, but found none. “What about you? I never asked. Do you have any kids?”
“Me?” That one loud word echoed incredulity through the restaurant. “No. No kids. I suppose I’ll have some one day, but I ha
ven’t thought much about it. I feel like I’m still raising my little sister, though she’d strongly disagree.”
“Because she’s twenty-seven?”
“Whatever.”
“I think you’d make a great dad.”
“Hell, who knows. I’ve never even been in a long-term relationship.”
Another shocking revelation. Olivia wasn’t sure why she felt a sharp stab of pain at that. Had she begun to fantasize that he’d be her boyfriend and they’d fall in love and go steady forever? Pitiful. “Not one?” she managed to ask lightly.
“Yeah, I know. I’ve just…” He shrugged, his eyes sliding away again. He offered a distracted smile to the waiter when he brought the credit card slip.
“Well, at least you weren’t living a lie,” she said. “Most men want to have their cake and eat it, too.”
“I watch those guys at the brewery. It looks exhausting to me. Who has the energy to lie to so many people at once?”
That was the biggest difference between Jamie’s charm and Victor’s. Jamie promised nothing but pleasure and a smile. If a girl fell for him, it was her own damn fault. Olivia would do well to remember that.
Victor, on the other hand… “I bet that’s why he’s been so…”
“So what?” Jamie asked.
“He’s been in touch. Bothering me.”
His open face snapped to a frown. “How so?”
“Nothing scary. He came by to yell at me after the party. And I think he might have told my department chair that I was sleeping with a student.”
“Me? Oh, shit. I’m sorry. Are you in trouble?”
“No, you’re not under my purview. You don’t get a grade, so there can’t be favoritism or manipulation. It was just embarrassing.”
“I’m sorry,” he said again.
“Come on. I was the one who asked you out, remember?”
“The last time, yes. I’ll give you that. So, what does her possible pregnancy have to do with all this?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know. If she’s pregnant, I’m sure he wants out.”
“What a dick,” Jamie murmured. Then, “Sorry.”
Olivia laughed at his apology. “Well, it doesn’t matter what the hell he’s doing. It’s none of my business anymore. So, back to what is my business. Can I stop by and pick up your notes on my way home?”
“Stop by?” The briefest frown flashed over his face. Did he not want her dropping in on his place? What did that mean? But then he smiled. “Yeah, of course.”
“Great. I’ve got to grab a few things from my office, and then I’ll drive over. Unless you had other plans?”
Another brief twist of displeasure took his mouth, but he vanquished it with a smile. “Great,” he said again.
He was lying about something, and her heart lurched. But Olivia told herself she didn’t care. She didn’t have to trust him for this, whatever it was. She’d take what she needed from him. He’d take from her. And this time, nobody would get hurt.
BARE FEET PLANTED against the warm wooden planks of his deck, Jamie glared at the closest forsythia bush. He’d tried everything, but the plant refused to grow. Last year, he’d told himself it was still in shock from being transferred, but this spring it looked worse than ever. It didn’t like it here. Neither did Olivia, apparently.
He was pouting. He knew he was pouting, but that didn’t stop the urge. He’d started the day assuming he’d spend it with Olivia, as he’d spent his last four days off with Olivia. He’d opened his eyes this morning with a damned smile on his face.
He liked her way more than was healthy. There was enough chemistry between them to light a city, but it wasn’t just that. He liked the way she took things too seriously. He liked that he was the one who could make her face melt from serious to soft. He liked the way she laughed as if she was trying not to.
But best of all was the way she made him want to try. He’d given up trying long before. The night his parents died had taught him a brutal lesson and he’d learned it well. Sometimes the bad did outweigh the good. Sometimes you were just a fuckup who ruined everything. Everything. Even when you were trying to fix your mistake, you only made it worse.
After that night, he’d accepted that about himself. He wasn’t a good, upstanding son who always gave his best. He was the one who screwed up no matter how hard he tried. So why try? Why be responsible and committed and serious? He was a party guy and a clown whose irresponsibility had killed his parents. The fact that he’d been trying had only made it worse.
So he’d given up. At sixteen he’d thrown in the towel and accepted what he was. But now it was time to try again. Not just with the brewery, but with his siblings. And with Olivia.
She didn’t see him any differently than he’d seen himself. She thought he was a young, happy-go-lucky bartender with only a few simple things on his mind. She thought of him as a boy. But he was a man and it was time to show her that.
Which would’ve been much easier if she were here.
He stretched out his bare feet and crossed his legs at the ankles. That damned forsythia bush was still in his line of vision and he knew right then that he’d have to get rid of it. It was the only thing about the backyard that he didn’t love. If he moved it to a quiet corner with less sun, maybe it would take off.
Originally, he’d started working on the yard out of necessity. The lot was large enough, but it was separated down the middle by a high fence. The right side belonged to the resident of the second floor. The left side belonged to Jamie. After the construction of the house, he’d been looking at a deep, narrow rectangle of packed dirt, with only an ancient oak at the back and a few sprigs of wild grass. He’d sketched out a few halfhearted ideas for grass and bushes and a deck, but the trip to the garden center had inspired him.
Somehow, Jamie Donovan, playboy bartender extraordinaire, had found himself studying landscaping books and outdoor design magazines. A plan to sod his backyard had been transformed into a xeriscaping design, complete with walkways and water features and a two-tiered deck with an enclosed hot tub.
It had changed something for him. Maybe it had changed everything. He’d done every bit of it by himself, with his own two hands. He’d finished it. He’d tried. And it was beautiful. Peaceful. Damn near perfect.
And yet, he hadn’t shown it to anyone. Oh, some people had seen it. His sister had come over a few weeks ago and noticed the garden for the first time, but for some reason, instead of giving her a tour and showing off his accomplishments, Jamie had downplayed it. After a few minutes of unresponsiveness on his part, she’d stopped asking questions and dropped the subject.
Relief had swelled through him, though he hadn’t known why. Now he understood. It had been the trying. The vulnerability of that. He hadn’t wanted Tessa to know that he’d cared enough about this place to put everything he had into it.
His gaze slid to the hot tub nestled behind trellised walls, and he found himself smiling. He’d done another great thing with his own two hands. Olivia. And he was pretty sure he cared enough about her to try his very best.
Pushing to his feet, he started toward the small shed to grab a shovel. He’d move the bush today and get it over with. He could run over to the garden store and get a new one, and he wouldn’t have to think about it anymore.
As he opened the metal door, the faintest female voice touched his ear. Freezing, he tilted his head.
“Jamie?” the woman called. It might be Olivia. If it was, maybe she’d like to help him. They could dig and replant and head out to the store together. He could walk her around the yard and show her everything he’d done.
“I’m in back,” he called out, slamming the shed door and stepping toward the side gate. It started to open and he smiled in welcome. But his sister was the woman who walked through.
“Oh, jeez,” she said. “At least pretend to be happy to see me.”
“I’m busy,” he snapped.
“Is someone here?”
&n
bsp; “No.” He was proud that he kept the petulance out of his voice.
Tessa looked around as she walked toward him. “You don’t look busy. What are you doing?”
He was about to lie and say, “Nothing.” He wanted her to go away, mainly because she wasn’t Olivia. But he also wanted her to leave because of that old desire to keep this place to himself. But there was no reason to do that. She was his sister. She loved him. He could let her see what mattered to him.
“I’ve got to dig up a plant. It’s not doing well and it’s screwing up the look of the yard.”
“Oh.” She looked confused.
“Want to help?”
“Um.” Tessa glanced around, still confused, but then she nodded. “Okay. Sure. I’ve never done much to Mom’s old garden, though. I’m not sure how much help I’ll be.”
“It’s simple. Come on. I’ll show you.”
He found a new spot for the bush, and explained to Tessa how to dig the hole. How deep to make it, how much improved soil to add. He showed her the drip system and explained how it worked with the xeriscaping as he added a small line to the new location.
“Maybe I should have you come over to my place,” she said. “With all those huge bushes, I must be using a ton of water.”
“No, Mom’s garden is established, and those trees are fifty years old. The roots are deep and they don’t need nearly as much water. The grass gets a lot of shade from the mature trees. If you installed all that landscaping today, you use ten times as much water to keep it alive.”
She paused in her digging to wipe a hand across her sweaty forehead. “How do you know all this stuff? Is this from when you mowed lawns that summer in high school?”
“No.”
Tessa rolled her eyes. “No? Just no?”
Jamie stared hard at the narrow black tube he was trimming to just the right size. He cleared his throat. “I taught myself a lot while I was working back here.”
That seemed to satisfy her. She stared out at the garden before beaming a smile in his direction. “This is really neat, Jamie. I can’t believe you have this…” a wave of her hand took in the whole yard “…this secret life I know nothing about. You never said a word. Heck, I didn’t even know you were buying this house until you had to take time off for the closing.”
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