*****
I blinked and looked around, heart still hammering and sweat dripping from my chin. To my right the Cadets were once again gaping.
The flame; it was still rampaging around my skull. It stomped its feet, thrashed around on the floor, wailing and crying, demanding, give me, give me, now, now!
I bowed my head and drew in deep, slow breaths. ‘Push it back, get the cage up, smother the heat. Done it before, do it again. There we go. Into the cage, shut your mouth. Leave me alone.’
My heart began to slow and the heat subsided. Steel bars clanked into place. The flame, giving one last howl, curled up and resumed its slumber.
When my eyes opened I realised one of my hands was massaging the wrist of the other. I stopped it. Delaney extended a hand, expression now casual. But I could only stare at it, uncomprehending.
“Shake it off, Clarence,” he said. “Another rather dismal failure. But at least you’ve shown progress. Some attempt at defence is better then none at all.”
I composed myself and stood, ignoring his hand. Indignance rose from me like steam.
“That was uncalled for,” I muttered.
“Beg your pardon, Clarence?”
“I feel that was uncalled for, sir.”
His eyes hardened. “Is that so, Clarence?”
“Yes, sir,” I retorted, holding the gaze, “those images are particularly disturbing to me, sir.”
“You think the common magical criminal cares about what is and isn’t disturbing to you, Clarence?”
“It’s not the common criminal I’m worried about at this moment, sir. I feel perhaps you enjoy making me scream in front the other Cadets, just a bit more then you aim to actually teach me defence techniques.”
His eyes widened. “The only thing you should be worrying about, Cadet, is that I have disabled you twice in as many days! Besides which, whatever images you did or did not see were generated by your own mind, and not mine. As is the nature of this particular attack!”
“Oh.” I deflated. “You might have perhaps told me that beforehand. So I could have been prepared, sir. At the very least.”
The hall fell into thick silence. The Cadets watched. Gradually Delaney’s face softened and his eyes fell to the floor.
“Perhaps you are right, Clarence. Would you like to visit the Mental Wellness Centre?”
“No, sir.”
He nodded and turned to the other Cadets. “Show’s over. Everyone get busy. Spread out, take it in turns, attack and defend. Attackers; draw up a specific image and force it on your opponent. Defenders; resist the image, stay calm and don’t panic.” The Cadets moved to obey and he turned back to me. “Care to go again, Clarence? I will push upon you only specific images. The previous you saw will not return.”
“I think I’ll need a few minutes, sir.”
“Very well. Understandable. How about you attempt attacking and I’ll show you a successful defend?” His voice was genuine. “I’m rather skittish around bees. Perhaps you could utilise that?”
I shook my head. “Thank you, sir. I’ll just observe.”
“As you wish.”
I spent the rest of the training session watching as Cadets took turns assaulting each others minds. Once or twice came a random yelp of fright, but each was followed by embarrassed laughter. It was soon clear that achieving Delaney’s level of horror required skill in abundance. When the lesson ended I turned to follow the others as they exited but Delaney was at my side.
“A shock to the system, isn’t it, Clarence? Seeing your personal horrors laid out before you so clearly.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Now you’ve experienced it, you are aware of your own weaknesses and understand how to better stay strong. That is the worst it can be, and there is no enhanced preparation I can offer. Though, this is the Accelerated Program, and we did not have the time to do so subtly. But that’s why you’re here, aren’t you, Clarence?”
“Yes, sir. I understand your point.”
He hesitated, clearing his throat. “Would you like to know what really scares me? I do indeed prefer to stay clear of bees, though.”
“If you would like to tell me, sir.”
“I tried a total of seven times to be accepted into the Accelerated Program, Clarence. On the eighth they didn’t even officially announce my rejection; the trainer simply pointed to the door. Not that they didn’t have room, you understand. The whole class was only five Cadets back then. I simply didn’t make the grade, and I accepted that.”
I shrugged, unsure of how to respond. “That’s unfortunate, sir.”
“Not at all, Clarence. Today I’m training that same Accelerated Program and proud to be doing so. In fact, I consider it an honour that I am recognised to have trained many of the finest specialists and Commanders that this city’s Departments have to offer. It would be embarrassing to me, Clarence, if someone less than fit passed through my hands and into a prominent position. Do you understand?”
“I do, sir.”
“Good.”
“Does that mean I don’t deserve a fair chance, sir? Is my competence not determined by an evaluation?”
He turned on me, face made of cold steel. “Of course. Everyone fairly admitted to the Accelerated Program deserves a fair evaluation. That’s how an Academic institute works.”
“Thank you, sir.”
“I’m glad we understand each other. You’re dismissed.”
Balance - Book 2 Page 18