by Holly Martin
‘You’re gross.’
‘Yep and I don’t care, you know why?’
I rubbed the ketchup off my face. ‘Enlighten me.’
‘Because the most beautiful woman in the world is in love with me. Warts and all. She loves me just the way I am. So I’m never going to change.’
‘What have I created?’
‘A monster, and there’s nothing you can do about it.’
I tucked into my lunch, starving after our little trip down the Thames. I loved Ethan and Victoria’s proposal, how matter of fact Victoria was about the whole thing. Harry’s proposal should have gone like that. We belonged together, everyone could see that. Everyone but us. But maybe we needed that journey around the world to make us stronger. What we had now was pretty damned perfect.
The phone rang between us and Harry snatched it up. He looked at me as the other person spoke, his eyes wary, and then he stood and walked out the room and downstairs so I couldn’t hear him.
He’d done that a lot lately. There had been quite a few secret calls.
I trusted him, but this coupled with Jules and Badger’s conversation from the night before was making me feel a bit uneasy.
Now, as I thought more about it, there had been a lot of secret meetings too. Harry had ‘popped out’ maybe ten times since the beginning of December. Every time he had been gone for an hour or more and every time he had forwarded all of our calls to his mobile. Some of the times he had supposedly gone to meet Badger, but maybe that had been a lie like the previous night too.
I needed to talk to him.
‘I’m popping out,’ Harry called up the stairs. But before I had time to ask where he was going I heard the front door close.
I bit my lip, staring at Harry’s half eaten sandwich, trying to ignore the feeling of anxiousness.
I opened up an email but the phone rang downstairs. He hadn’t forwarded the calls this time.
I quickly ran downstairs and picked it up before it rang off.
‘Hello Perfect Proposals?’
‘Oh hi, is Harry there?’
It was a woman, but this happened a lot in our line of work. If one of our clients had dealt with me or Harry then they would only want to deal with the same person if they rang back again.
‘He’s not I’m afraid, but can I take a message or can I help at all?’
‘No, it’s fine, I’ll be seeing him in a minute anyway. You’re his assistant right?’
‘Er not quite.’ She’d be seeing him in a minute?
‘Sorry I meant colleague.’
Unease gnawed in my gut. Why would she be seeing him in a minute? I closed my eyes as I spoke.
‘Colleagues, partners, fiancés. The lines are very blurred.’
‘You’re his fiancée?’ Her voice took on a tremor.
‘Yes.’
The phone went dead.
I stared at the phone in my hand. What the actual hell?
I phoned Harry straight away. He picked up after one ring.
‘Hey baby, you ok?’ He sounded calm, happy.
‘Where are you?’
‘Out.’
I gritted my teeth. ‘I know that, where?’
‘Just down the road.’
‘Why are you being so vague?’
‘Why are you asking so many questions?’
‘Why are you being an ass?’
He was silent for a moment. ‘What’s happened?’
‘Some woman just rang here asking to speak to you.’
‘So?’ He sounded suddenly nervous.
‘So she said she was seeing you now and rang off as soon as she found out I was your girlfriend.’
‘Fiancée,’ he corrected.
‘Harry.’
‘Kelly’s a client, no big deal.’
I racked my brain for a Kelly but nothing came to mind.
‘So why the secrecy?’
‘No secrecy and I don’t like the suspicion.’
‘I don’t like being lied to.’
He took a sharp intake of breath at the accusation. ‘I have to go.’
The phone went dead again.
Why was everyone hanging up on me today? I tossed the phone onto the sofa in frustration. I hated that I’d hurt him, but he was obviously hiding something.
*
By the time Harry returned home two hours later, I had worked myself into a right state – stupidly convincing myself of the worst. He was carrying flowers. Guilt flowers. As he opened the door I caught a whiff of strong perfume. He’d barely closed the door before I attacked.
‘What’s going on?’
‘Nothing is going on.’
‘Really? The secret phone calls, the secret meetings, saying you’re meeting with Badger when you’re not. You stink of perfume, you won’t marry me and there’s some big secret that I’m going to be gutted about once I find out.’
‘Who said that?’
‘I overheard Badger and Jules last night saying that I’d kill you once I found out.’
He laughed.
‘This isn’t funny Harry. Are you having an affair?’
As soon as the words were out my mouth I regretted them. Hurt sliced through Harry so visibly it pained me that I had been the cause of that look.
Without saying another word, he placed the flowers down on the hall table and walked out.
*
I tried to distract myself with replying to emails but I couldn’t get Harry’s face out of my mind. If he wasn’t having an affair, and it was quite clear he wasn’t judging by how hurt he was when I’d accused him of it, then what was he up to and why would I kill him when I found out?
I was determined to wait up for him, to talk it through, but hour after hour passed and he never came back.
I put the TV on and tried to filter out the pain by watching mindless rubbish, it didn’t work. I felt sick and that sick feeling had been present all day. I was tired and I just wanted to cry and I had no idea why.
I must have fallen asleep because I was woken when Harry lifted me into his arms.
‘Harry?’ I mumbled as he kissed my forehead.
‘Yes, I’m here.’
‘We need to talk.’ I could barely open my eyes.
‘We’ll talk tomorrow. I’m tired, you’re wrecked and I’m a little bit drunk. But I’m not sleeping in our bed without you.’
He carried me upstairs and lay me on the bed. I watched him get undressed and I wriggled out of my clothes as well, keen to reconnect with him. But although he pulled me into his arms when he lay down, he didn’t make love to me. As he fell asleep, I couldn’t help the tears that sprang to my eyes that this was the first time since we had got together that we didn’t make love before we went to sleep.
*
I woke the next morning to an empty bed. I groaned that he had gone without talking to me again. I felt so emotional and I didn’t know why. And I still felt sick from all the stress. Tears filled my eyes again just as Harry walked back in with breakfast.
‘Hey, what’s wrong?’
‘I thought you’d left again.’
Harry sighed and put the breakfast down on top of the drawers. He knelt in front of me on the bed, wiping away my tears. I leaned forward to kiss him but he stopped me.
‘We need to talk.’
I nodded, keen to get some answers.
‘Firstly, the comment you made about me not wanting to marry you, couldn’t be more untrue. I do. I can’t wait to marry you. I want a big, all singing, all dancing with the full bells and whistles affair. I want the big white dress and the candles and flowers, I want the music and the dancing afterwards.’
‘I don’t need any of that.’
‘Yes but I do. I want that. I want a big celebration of the day you become my wife. We are going to get married and it will be really soon, I promise you that.’
I reached down to take his hand and was gratified that he at least let me do that.
‘Secondly, there has never been another w
oman since we’ve got together. I’ve never even looked at another woman, why would I when I have you? I stunk of perfume yesterday because I was going to buy you some and I couldn’t remember the name of the one you liked so I tried on about thirty different perfumes to try to find the one that smells of you.’
‘You tried them on?’
He nodded.
‘You know you can get card swabs of the different scents.’
‘Well yes, the assistant did explain that to me after I’d tried on about ten of them but it was a bit late by then. And after I’d tried on twenty they all smelt the same, so I gave up that idea and bought you some flowers instead.’
‘Harry…’
‘It absolutely breaks my heart that you could think I would cheat on you. I never thought that you could hurt me but yesterday you did, you really did.’
Tears fell down my cheeks and Harry gently brushed them away again.
‘But I have lied to you, I’ve been lying to you for weeks. But it’s not something bad. I’ve been organising your Christmas present. That’s all it was, I promise. It’s taking a lot of planning and I didn’t want you to find out.’
‘Oh no Harry, you should have just told me that’s what you were doing.’
‘I probably should have, but I kind of presumed you would trust me.’
‘I did, I do. It was just everything all culminating together and then Kelly hanging up on me when I told her I was your fiancée…’
‘I realise how bad it all looks and it wasn’t fair of me to keep disappearing without giving you some explanation.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t be. My past is… colourful. I know I haven’t the best reputation and so maybe I need to gain your trust more.’
‘No Harry…’
‘There will never be another woman for me, never. You are all I need and I will spend every day for the rest of my life proving how much I love you.’
I couldn’t stop the tears now.
I leaned forward to kiss him and he stopped me again.
‘There’s one more thing you should know. As part of your present, your parents are flying over. They’ll be here the day after Boxing Day.’
I blinked at him, trying to clear my eyes to see if he was telling the truth. He clearly was.
‘How is that a good thing?’
‘I know, I’m sorry but they… wanted to see you.’
I arched an eyebrow at him. ‘Well, your dad wanted to see you.’
I smiled slightly, I loved my dad. ‘And my mum?’
‘Moaned about how far she would have to travel and that she detests England with an all-consuming hate.’
‘Did she say that?’
‘I think I got it word for word.’
I rubbed my face, smiling with relief that I’d got it so wrong. ‘You suck at presents.’
‘Oh I’ve got you something much better than the wonderful gift of your mum coming here.’
‘Is that what Badger and Jules said I was going to be annoyed about?’
‘No, well partly, but it’s the big present they think you won’t like.’
‘I’ll love it.’
‘I really hope so – you won’t get it till New Year’s Eve I’m afraid, but I promise you, every secret phone call or meeting I have over the next week is to do with that.’
I reached up to stroke his face. ‘I trust you, I do. I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions.’
He leaned forward to kiss me, cupping the back of my head. ‘Enough of the apologies.’
I knelt up to kiss him again, flinging my arms round his neck and he pulled me against him. ‘I missed this last night,’ I said, breaking away from his lips as I pulled his T-shirt over his head.
‘Breakfast will get cold,’ Harry said, already pulling at my T-shirt.
‘I don’t care.’
‘A girl with priorities, I knew there was a reason I loved you.’
*
Proposer’s Blog
Christmas Proposal 76: December 23rd. Rob and David’s Proposal. Location: The Ice Rink at Hampton Court Palace.
Rob and David have been together for two years and it was here at Hampton Court Palace that they first met. David was showing off his skating skills to his little niece and bumped into Rob, knocking him over and landing on top of him. Rob had joked that it was very forward, David had been mortified and offered to take Rob out for a drink to apologise. As David was babysitting his niece at the time, they ended up going to McDonald’s and making eyes at each other as David’s niece tucked into her Happy Meal. They’ve been inseparable ever since.
Ice skating at Hampton Court Palace is really romantic, I’ve taken Suzie there myself. It’s cold so there’s plenty of opportunity for cuddles, then afterwards you can warm up over a hot chocolate – or in our case, hurry back home to snuggle in front of the fire. The palace itself is lit up with coloured floodlights making it look ethereal and whimsical.
We had arranged for the local figure skating team to be involved in this one and we had arrived early, before the skating rink was open to the public, although Rob didn’t know that. The figure skaters were all skating round pretending to be normal members of the public when David led Rob onto the ice. As David manoeuvred Rob into the middle, our proposal started.
Seven couples suddenly transformed from bumbling members of the public to seamless, expert figure skaters who twisted, turned and jumped and lifted each other as they skated around them on the rink. Rob was clearly in awe.
As the music reached a crescendo, the skaters stopped, making the letters ‘Marry Me’ with their bodies.
Rob sobbed like a baby, threw himself into David’s arms and actually knocked him over, going full circle in their relationship. Suzie was sobbing by this point too.
Eventually when they stopped kissing, it was a very clear, very resounding yes.
*
Harry opened the front door to our house with his arm clamped round my shoulders. He hadn’t left my side all day and he’d only removed his arm when going through doorways became a problem. He almost seemed nervous to let me go. I had hurt him spectacularly and I guessed it would be a while before he relaxed again. I was mortified that something as lovely and as simple as a Christmas present had caused such a rift between us and he hadn’t even given it to me yet. I vowed, there and then, that whatever the present was, I was going to love it.
‘Shall I cook us a lasagne?’ Harry said, manoeuvring me towards the kitchen, with his arm still attached to me. ‘Might cheer you up.’
‘I don’t need cheering up. I’m fine, I promise.’ I snuggled into him to prove it.
‘You cried all the way home.’
‘Rob and David’s proposal was just so sweet. It was clear they loved each other a lot.’
‘And that was the only reason?’
I nodded, though come to think of it after over three years creating proposals it did seem a bit of an overreaction. I’d cried at all the proposals this week. I was turning into an emotional sap.
‘So lasagne?’
My stomach rolled at the thought.
‘I still feel a bit sick actually.’
Why was I feeling sick? I thought it was stress over the whole Harry situation but that had passed and the sickness remained.
‘What do you fancy?’
Crap.
Harry kissed my forehead, trying to get my attention.
Crap, crap, crap!
‘Suze?’
‘I don’t know.’
I did. I wanted ice cream but a sudden fear had worked its way to the surface and asking for ice cream for dinner would emphasise those fears.
‘Maybe some toast.’
‘Anything on top?’
Ice cream. Holy hecking crap.
‘Eggs.’ That seemed like a safe suggestion.
‘Ok. Why don’t you go in the front room and take it easy whilst I rustle up my special eggs on toast.’
I nodded, keen to get some space from
him for a second whilst I had mini meltdown.
I sat on the sofa and stared at the blank TV.
Crap.
I couldn’t possibly be pregnant. I was on the pill. But I was over emotional, tired, feeling sick. Maybe I was just coming down with something.
But then I remembered the last time I had come down with something – at the beginning of November. I had spent almost two days lying on the bathroom floor, alternating between the toilet and the sink. Was it possible that the pill hadn’t gotten into my system during that time? I’d not had a period during my last pill break but sometimes I didn’t.
‘Suze you ok?’ I looked up at Harry staring at me with concern. We’d talked about children but in a vague, sometime in the future kind of way. Could we really do this now? We’d only been together for six months, we weren’t even married. I looked down at my stomach, running a hand over it. Was there a little Harry growing in there? With ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes, chocolate brown eyes and that gorgeous smile. I couldn’t help the grin that spread across my face at the thought.
I had to know for sure before I said anything to him, he would be so excited. I didn’t want to be the cause of any more heartbreak if we then found out I wasn’t pregnant after all.
‘I’m fine, I wasn’t sure whether I was going to throw up or not but it’s passed now.’
I smiled my most convincing smile, though Harry seemed doubtful.
‘Dinner’s nearly ready.’
I nodded. ‘I’ll be right in.’
It looked like I had my own secret trip out tomorrow too.
Chapter Three
I lay on top of Harry’s chest with one of his arms tight around my back, the other hand was playing absently with my hair. In an obvious effort to prove how much he loved me and maybe to eradicate the fear that I was going to leave him, Harry had made love to me twice the night before and once this morning. I didn’t know what else I could do to dispel his worries. I guess we just had to carry on as normal, Harry would relax soon enough.
‘I have a last bit of Christmas shopping to do today, so you’re going to have to go to the proposals on your own.’ I said. ‘But I categorically promise that I’m not secretly having an affair and really running off with my lover.’
He laughed again and I sighed with relief at his happy rather than anxious mood.