“You did it!” he told her. “Nice job!”
He held out his hand for a high five and she slapped a glove against it.
“Good job Maggie,” I told her.
“Can we go again?” she asked us.
“Sure,” Zack said. “But first… Let’s go over stopping, okay? Now that you’re good enough to snowboard on your own, you’ll need to learn to stop on your own, all right?”
She nodded her head, so the next lesson began.
All in all it was a pretty adventurous day. After snowboarding Maggie wanted to go swimming again. We did that for about an hour and then we went out to dinner at El Chanate.
Maggie was pretty exhausted after that, especially since her lunchtime nap was hardly a nap at all. She was out like a light after watching ten minutes of TV with us that night. Zack did his best to get me to go to the spa that evening, but I was too happy being with him. I don’t think he felt like objecting anyways, and I could tell that he was glad I wanted to stay.
Saturday started out with another snowboarding session, but that time Zack wanted to take Maggie up one of the lifts. I almost objected because I worried she might get hurt, but he assured me that it would be perfectly fine. When Maggie sensed my hesitation, he even told her that I was a chicken. He did it deliberately, and she became pretty confident while she pepped me up with encouragement—especially because she was also afraid to ride the chair lift, and her focus on me helped her to get through it.
She did fine on the mountain, though. Out of taking the lift four times, she only crashed twice where Zack needed to intervene to talk her out of quitting. The other times weren’t a big deal—just sliding on her butt or falling on her hands—but the last time was when Zack was talking to me a little bit as we boarded just below her, and she pretty much wiped out and then went head over heels. She cried that time, especially because she had snow all down her back. I wanted to call it quits after that—because Maggie wouldn’t board anymore by herself, and I was sure she was getting tired. But Zack insisted that she finish the run without his help, even while she sat there crying that she didn’t want to do it.
“Well, then I guess we can’t get hot chocolate with marshmallows,” he told her.
I frowned at the threat because Maggie couldn’t see me. I was going to rebuke him for telling her such a thing; she’d already been promised hot chocolate with marshmallows.
“You said I get hot chocolate,” she even glared at him, folding her arms across her chest.
“No, I said once you finish this last run we could get hot chocolate. But you’re sitting here on your butt. The longer you sit here crying, the colder you’re going to get.”
“Zack,” I said quietly, upset that he was talking to her like that.
He ignored me completely and stood back up on his board. “Let’s go, queen of the mountain. Let’s show all of those eight-year-olds on the baby slope how this is done.” She kind of smiled, and before she could object he pulled her up and said, “To the hot chocolate!” and pumped a fist into the air.
Maggie laughed, and without further delay, began following him down the slope.
I guess all I could do was follow them too, and once we were inside the lodge again, and Maggie was licking the melted marshmallows off the top of her mug, Zack quietly said to me, “I’m sorry, but if she didn’t finish the run on a positive note, I guarantee it would take a long time before she ever tried it again.”
“I know,” I nodded. “I understand now.”
“You’re not mad at me for verbally abusing your niece?”
I laughed and shook my head. “No, not when you’re better with her than I am.”
He looked at me with surprise because I really meant it. “Taryn, that’s not true,” he said quietly. “You have the harder job because you’re full time. You do a great job with Maggie; why are you getting down on yourself?”
I didn’t respond right away because Maggie laughed and pointed to something across the room. It was a guy and a girl with matching jester hats.
“That’s pretty funny,” I agreed.
“And his is pink too,” she added with another giggle.
Maggie continued to watch people pass through the lodge and Zack turned his attention back to me. “What’s going on?” he asked quietly, putting his arm around me. “You’ve been pretty happy here, haven’t you?”
“Yes, of course I’ve been happy. But…”
“But what?”
“I don’t really want to talk about it right now. Maybe later.”
“Okay,” he replied, and that was that. He gave me a kiss, just as Maggie looked at us.
“That’s icky,” she said, wrinkling her nose.
“Why do you say that?” Zack asked her with a smile.
“Mommy said kissing is icky.”
We both paused for a few seconds, probably because Maggie had mentioned her mom, and then Zack said, “Well, she was right. Because if you kiss a person that you don’t care about, then that’s kind of icky. Kissing is for people that are really special to you.”
“So it’s okay to kiss someone?”
“Not just anyone. And you have to be older, like…twenty.”
I had to stifle a laugh.
“Twenty?” she asked, like it was older than she could imagine (which it probably was).
“Yes, twenty. And if any boys try to kiss you before then, you let me know and I’ll take care of ‘em.”
She giggled when he punched his fist into his hand as a threat.
“So Maggie,” he said. “You ready to see something really cool?”
“Yes,” she said, her eyes big and wide.
“Okay, but you’re gonna have to help Taryn take some pictures, all right? I want a picture taken just by you. Can you do that for me?”
She nodded her head decisively, and we were off to see something “really cool.”
Chapter Fifteen
Zack took us to watch some boarders working the halfpipe. Along the way he’d described it to her, but Maggie was beyond stoked when she actually saw what a halfpipe was and what they were doing on it.
“Whoa,” she whispered.
I was nervous because Zack still had his board with him, and I knew he intended to make use of it.
“Can you do that, too?” Maggie even asked him.
“Yep,” he smiled. “As a matter of fact, I’m gonna go join ‘em right now. You wanna watch?”
“Yes!”
“You don’t have to do this,” I said. “You know, if your leg can’t handle it or whatever…”
He smiled at me and said, “Nah, this is just for fun. This is a piece of cake.”
“A piece of cake,” I repeated. “Oh, okay.”
He chuckled and gave me a hug. “Just commentate my run so Maggie can learn something.”
I laughed as he kissed the side of my head. “Right. I think I can get one-eighty or three-sixty, but that’s about it.”
“Perfect.”
There were some other boarders there that seemed to know Zack—he was talking to them at least, and I even recognized Scotty. And when Zack started his run, Scotty came over to talk to us.
“Why do you look so freaked out?” he asked me with a smile. “He’s been doing this since he was four years old.”
“That?” I exclaimed, pointing to the tricks he was doing in the air.
“No, not the pipe,” he smiled. “He’s been on a board since he was about eight, I guess. The pipe I think he started a few years later. Backside 720,” he announced, just as I almost had a heart attack.
“Whoa!” Maggie exclaimed.
“See, she’s lovin’ it,” Scotty told me.
I remembered my camera just then, and after I took a few shots to get a feel for the action, I instructed Maggie to give it a try. She was used to taking pictures with me, so after she took a few, I let her watch Zack and I took a few more.
“That’s a nice camera,” Scotty said. “You’re a photographer, huh?
”
“I am. Do you want a photo shoot?” At first he thought I was joking, but I looked at him and said, “Seriously. I mean I’m sure you’ve seen enough of yourself, but what could it hurt?”
He shrugged and asked, “How much?”
I went back to watching Zack and said, “I’ll do the photos and send them to you. You send me a check.”
He laughed and said, “All right. That sounds cool.”
When Zack’s run was over, he joined us and said to Maggie, “Well, what’d you think?”
“Really cool!” she replied with a big smile.
“You think you wanna try it, too?”
She shook her head. “No way!”
“Okay, you ready?” Scotty asked me, motioning he was going to take on the pipe.
“Are you ready?” I countered.
He grinned and said, “Hell yeah. Let’s do this.”
Zack gave me a curious smile until I informed him I’d picked up an impromptu job.
“Ah, I see. But sorry to burst your bubble… I already told him I’m gonna use you for our product shoot.”
“Oh yeah? When’s that?”
“Probably next month or so.”
“Hmm, I’ll consider it,” I smiled, and I moved to a different spot to do my shoot.
It was another tiring day, but I was happy by the end of it. I was proud of Maggie and all that she had accomplished, and I was also proud of my boyfriend and how hot he was on a snowboard. He returned to the halfpipe a few more times after his first run, and I was able to relax a little more and enjoy watching his talent. Scotty had told me that Zack was a better boarder than he even was, and after seeing what he could do, I wasn’t sure why he didn’t return to boarding professionally again. I guess it wasn’t my place to suggest such a thing, because when I did, Zack barely smiled and said, “Not my time anymore.”
Zack had originally planned for just the two of us to go out to dinner that night while Maggie was going to go to the game room with Alison, a lodge employee. But I was too tired to go out anymore, and once we returned to our room, we were ready to stay there for the night.
Zack carried Maggie to her bed, and even though I wanted her to have a bath that night, we left her asleep and just enjoyed the quiet time alone. We were watching a movie on the couch when I sort of dozed off. I woke to Zack kissing me, and I smiled when he did.
“Should I carry you to bed now?” he asked.
“You might have to if we stay here any longer.”
“Hmm, I’m trying to weigh and measure my options here… Do I let you fall back asleep so I can carry you to bed, or do I take you there right now while you’re drowsy and very touchy feely.”
I laughed and said, “I am not.”
“Uh, yes, you are.”
“I am not.”
“Yes, you are. I had to kiss you to see if you were just grabbing me in your sleep.”
“I was really sleeping?”
“Apparently so.”
“Maybe I was just dreaming.”
“Oh? And what were you dreaming about? And who exactly was in it?”
With a laugh I wrapped my arms around him again. “Why would I dream about anyone but you,” I said as I kissed him.
He stood up from the couch and took my hand to pull me up and lead me to bed. Once we were there, I cuddled against him again and we remained that way for several minutes, kissing each other.
That’s the last thing I remember that night.
My feelings from the day before returned when I was packing to leave the next morning. Zack sensed this pretty easily when I was spacing out and barely aware of Maggie’s questions.
While I was packing our things, he came into the room and just stood there for a few seconds. He smiled when I did, but he stepped closer to me and asked, “What’s going on, Taryn? I know something’s wrong.”
“Nothing’s wrong, I just… I don’t know. It’s hard to leave I guess.”
“I told you you didn’t have to. You guys can stay. You know I’m not available this afternoon, but we can even stay another night if you—”
“It’s not a matter of staying here another night…”
He looked confused and I didn’t blame him. I wasn’t even sure if I knew what was bothering me.
He took the pants out of my hands and dropped them into the suitcase, and then led me to sit on the bed. “What’s going on?”
I sighed. “What am I even going home to?”
He didn’t respond right away, either because he didn’t know how to answer, or he thought I was going to say more. I looked at him to reveal that I wanted an answer.
“Uh… I don’t know, Taryn. What do you mean? I know you don’t mean the Halloween party, so you must mean that with Rachel gone, you don’t feel like it’s home anymore?”
I thought about that—it was partly true. “I just don’t want to go home. I’m not sure why. No, I don’t like being in that house without my sister; no, I don’t want to deal with anymore of the investigation; no, there’s nothing else for me to go back to. I don’t have a job that’s holding me down; I don’t have any family that’s keeping me there… There’s nothing.”
“I’m nothing?”
“You’re the only thing.”
“But that’s not enough?”
“No, it is enough. But you’ll still be here…”
“Just until tonight.”
“I know, but it’s just…a feeling, I guess. I can’t explain it. I know I’m going there to face reality again, and I just don’t want to. I know that sounds stupid because it’s just life, but I can’t get rid of that…dread. I don’t know what’s going to come up in my sister’s case, and when I do start getting answers, what are they going to be? What am I going to do for Maggie? What if I don’t give her what she needs—?”
“Taryn, you can’t do this to yourself. You’re doing an amazing job with her. There isn’t a better person than you to be raising her. You want what’s best for her? It’s you, whether you believe that or not. I understand your other questions—the investigation and what Maggie’s future is going to be like—but please stop questioning your role in her life. She’s meant to have you, and you need to start thinking that way. She’s yours now, and you’re also hers.”
“I do understand that,” I said softly. “It’s just…everything has just changed so fast and…”
He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and pulled me close. I laid my head against him and took a deep breath.
“One day at a time, then,” he said. “And you’re not alone. Just tell me what you need and I’ll help you with it. And I definitely have employment for you if that’s what you need—”
“I don’t need your money,” I said, almost annoyed. I’d even forgotten about the whole millionaire thing until that moment.
“I offered you work, not money,” he said gently.
“It’s the same thing.”
“How so? You’ve taken jobs from people you know. And you seemed okay with it earlier—”
“That’s different.”
“How?”
I sighed. “I don’t know, Zack. I guess just the timing.”
He barely nodded. “Okay, understandable. I’m sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry,” I sighed. “See? I do this and I drive everyone crazy until they can’t stand to be around me anymore.”
“You’re not driving me crazy. Well, not in a bad way,” he smiled.
That made me smile, but it wasn’t enough to easy my worries. “I just can’t do this. I am so bad at dealing with the things that stress me out that I can’t even enjoy the good things in my life.”
“What is it that you want right now, Taryn? I mean right now.”
“I want to turn back the clock.”
“To when?”
“To October 11th.
“The night that Rachel died? And what good will that do? It’s certainly not going to make your life easier, is it? You’d just be going back to the other f
rustrations that you didn’t know how to deal with.”
I hated hearing the truth, even though I knew he was right. I also understood his point: we can’t help some of the things that happen to us.
I returned to packing the suitcase, knowing we’d have to leave pretty soon. At that point I wasn’t focused on the most efficient way to fit everything and just ended up stuffing it all inside.
“I’m sorry if I upset you,” Zack finally said.
“You didn’t,” I replied.
“You won’t even look at me.”
I sighed when I did look at him, and then I decided to give him a hug. “I’m an insecure, immature, emotional girl sometimes. That’s a loaded combination.”
“Oh jeez,” he laughed. “I’ll give you the ‘girl’ part of it.”
“Wow, that’s generous and very forgiving of you.”
“Not all guys are that awesome.”
Laughingly I replied, “You’re right.”
“I’m kidding.”
“No, it’s true. You are pretty awesome like that.”
“Okay, so don’t forget it then. You can always talk to me, Taryn. You don’t have to feel insecure about what’s bugging you.”
“Okay.”
“So why don’t you guys just stay another night? I’ll talk to Maggie; I’m sure we can come up with a compromise for missing the party.”
I was just about to say yes when my phone rang. My heart kind of sped up when I saw Michelle Bronson’s name come up—the detective in charge of Rachel’s case—and a dozen possibilities came up before I even said a shaky hello as I took Zack’s hand.
She told me that they found some new evidence in the case, but they weren’t sure how it fit. She wanted to meet with me to see what I thought of it.
“Well, I’m out of town right now…”
“It’s important, Taryn. I have some letters, and some pictures…”
“Letters from who?”
“A guy named Spencer. Does that ring a bell?”
“Uh, no, not right off the bat. I think she dated a guy named Spencer in college maybe, but I’m not sure.”
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