“Did my dad lie about it?” he finally said. “His past with Rachel? I’m sure the police questioned him about every little thing at the very beginning. He kept it a secret? He lied to the police?”
“Did you know about Rachel?” I asked.
“What? No,” he scoffed. “I’m just…talking out loud. If this just came out, that means he covered it up at the beginning of the investigation. You said they were looking into anyone that Rachel could have been seeing, past and present, and I’m sure they questioned everyone she worked with—my dad included.”
“Yes, that’s as much as I know.”
He studied me for a few seconds and said, “I didn’t know anything about it, Taryn.” He sounded angry, and it surprised me.
“I-I didn’t say you did,” I stammered.
“You’re looking at me like I knew about it or…” He didn’t finish the sentence and he just sat on the bed again. I had no idea what was going through his mind until he said, “You’re afraid it has something to do with her death, don’t you? You think my dad had something to do with it and—”
“Jared, I don’t know anything, okay? That’s the bottom line! I know nothing! I don’t know what it means, I don’t know where this is headed… I don’t know what to say. Okay?”
“I’m sorry,” he said softly, and he leaned onto his knees. “This is just…” He was quiet for a long time as he held his head in his hands.
“That’s why I couldn’t get into it with you earlier. There are too many questions. I was just…afraid. I don’t know where this puts us.”
“I don’t want it to change anything, Taryn,” he mumbled into his hands. “Please don’t let it change anything.” He finally looked at me and he had tears in his eyes. “I don’t care what mistakes other people have made, but I do know that I love you, and I love Maggie. Nothing else should matter, okay? I don’t want to lose you because of other people’s choices. That’s not fair.”
I did agree with him, and I nodded my head. I wasn’t sure how I felt about my sister’s relationship with his dad, and as for Maggie’s paternity… I’d have to take that as it came.
“So what’s the plan for now?” Jared asked with a sigh. “You need to get to Washington?”
“Yes. The sooner the better.”
He nodded his understanding. “We’ll catch a flight in Phoenix then,” he said, standing up. “We’ll be there by morning.”
“What? We?”
“You don’t have to have me around if you don’t want, but I have some things to discuss with my dad. Uh, I’ll be right back,” he added. “Let me tell Joey we need an airport.”
I watched him walk through the bus to the front, and he stopped at the table where Maggie was playing cards.
“You creaming him?” he asked as he tugged on her pigtail.
“Nah,” she replied casually. “He cheats.”
Everyone laughed, including Jack, but Jared looked back at me with a sad smile and continued on to the front of the bus.
Later that night, when everyone was somewhat settled into a bed and Maggie was sound asleep on the edge of ours, Jared knew that I was hesitant to be affectionate with him. I’d been thinking about the possibility of his dad being a part of Rachel’s murder, and I just couldn’t handle it anymore. No I didn’t want things to come between us, but how could I be in a relationship with someone whose father may have killed my sister?
And then I began to think about Maggie. What if John Miller really was her father, and he really had done something to Rachel? It wouldn’t be fair to deny Jared that relationship with his sister. Was it?
But if I could use that logic for that scenario, why didn’t it work the same way when it came to my relationship with him?
Chapter Twenty-Seven
I was back to swimming in the sea of uncertainty. But this time, I’d reached a state of numbness that I wasn’t familiar with. I didn’t have the ability or the means to do anything from that point, and the only choice I had was to surrender to whatever was in store for me.
I was sitting in McDonald’s of all places. Maggie was drinking her milkshake, slowly nibbling on a chicken nugget. She had no idea of the things going on around her. “Reality” was her own temporary contentment. She lived in the moment with those that loved her, and that was her world. When does the switch occur? When does your way of thinking adjust to include the rest of reality?
Maggie had been swabbed for her DNA and she’d been lied to about what it was for. I told her it was just a little test, like a checkup, to see if she was healthy. When it was confirmed that yes, she was indeed healthy, she was pleased. At the same time, I watched the swab be secured and taken away to be tested. It was my future that I was watching, a little stick with the power to change people’s lives forever.
Detective Bronson gave us a ride to Maggie’s choice of dining. She had work to do though, and left when I assured her that I had a plan. I guess my plan was to sit there and wonder what my plan really was, because that’s all I did for thirty minutes while Maggie ate.
I knew where Jared was. He went straight to Miller and Harris to have it out with his dad. I hadn’t heard from him since, and I was too chicken to call. Maybe he found out that his father really had killed Rachel; maybe he was told that Maggie really was his sister. The possibilities weren’t exactly endless, but I was aware that the few conclusions that were available were powerful enough to alter many lives one way or another.
I had only one preference for how I wanted the situation to turn out. The only thing I wanted was for Rachel’s killer to be someone that wasn’t directly linked to my life. Jared didn’t deserve to be associated with his dad, but I truly felt that it should be against my code to carry on the way we were before. It just wasn’t a viable option, and I knew it would never work. It made me sick to think that way because I truly did love him. I just wasn’t sure I could ever go back to the way things were, and I selfishly prayed to God that things would turn out in my favor.
Whether or not John Miller was Maggie’s biological father was a toss up. I wasn’t sure if I cared one way or another who she belonged to biologically (unless, of course, he was a murderer), but I did care how it was going to affect Maggie’s life. I hoped that Mr. Miller would respect the fact that my family was happy to raise Maggie, and legally I hoped that nothing negative came from it.
It didn’t bother me that Jared could be her half-brother. Biologically he and I weren’t linked in anyway, so that didn’t affect me. I guess it could be weird to say that I’m Maggie’s aunt and I’m in a relationship with her half-brother, but those were things that were the least of my worries. Jared, on the other hand, wasn’t sure how he felt about it. On the flight home (while Maggie was asleep) he basically only said that he didn’t want the results to have a negative affect on our lives. He said that he wanted a life with me and with Maggie, and that DNA wasn’t the deciding factor for him. He admitted that being related to Maggie would indeed link him to her life for good, but he wanted that anyway, whether she was his sister or not.
It hurt to hear him out. We knew that things were different between us already, just because of certain questions, but I never confessed that he and I were no longer an option if it turned out that his dad was somehow involved in Rachel’s death. It wasn’t time to make that decision yet, and I hoped I never had to. Jared had kissed me goodbye as I headed for Detective Bronson’s car at the airport, and as I watched him in the side mirror as we pulled away, he slipped into a dark sedan that had arrived to pick him up.
On the plane we had discussed his dad a lot. Jared admitted that he thought he was an asshole, but he couldn’t believe he’d risk getting his hands dirty with other heinous crimes. I didn’t say out loud that people were capable of anything, even though Jared had said that himself in so many words. But I guess we decided to hold off on the speculation and wait for something solid.
“Aren’t you gonna eat?” Maggie asked, breaking my thoughts.
It t
ook a while to answer her because I was looking at her beautiful, innocent face for several seconds. Finally I replied, “No, I’m not hungry right now.”
“I’m full,” she said, pushing her food away from her. There was a chicken nugget left and a few fries still on a napkin.
I took the nugget and ate it and she smiled.
“What are we waiting for?” she asked.
“Hmm?”
“Are we waiting for Jared? Is he picking us up?”
I stared at her again and then said, “Uh, no he’s not. What should we do though? I don’t have a car.”
She thought for a few seconds and said, “Let’s call Jared.”
“Jared’s busy right now. He’s, uh, with his dad.”
“He has a dad?”
I studied her again. “Yes, he does. His dad was your mom’s boss at work. John. Do you know him?”
“John?” she asked. I nodded but she shook her head. “I don’t know Mommy’s work people.”
I sighed to myself. We’d been over this several times before, soon after Rachel’s death. She’d been told names, shown pictures, asked question after question… Nothing turned up. Out of all the things in a person’s life, I couldn’t believe that nothing pointed to the reason why she died.
“Who killed Mommy?” Maggie asked.
The question took me completely by surprise and I just stared at her. She didn’t seem very affected by it—I guess it was a fact and she just wanted clarification—but I didn’t realize that she knew her mom was murdered. Maybe I did realize that she might have figured it out—even though everyone tried to talk about it when she wasn’t around, maybe she heard something anyways—but I guess up until that point I wasn’t ready to address it.
“Um, what makes you think that somebody killed her?” I asked.
It was her turn to stare at me and then she said, “She wasn’t killed by somebody? Why is everybody looking for all the people?”
“What people?”
“All the people’s names.”
“You mean all the names we’ve asked you about?”
She nodded her head.
“Well…those were people that the police wanted to know more about, so we can find out what happened to your mom.”
“But you said she died because she stopped breathing. Did someone do that to her?”
My heart thundered in my chest, but I knew I had to be honest with her. “Yes, Maggie. Someone hurt your mom and she died because of it.”
She didn’t respond for a while as she took a sip of her milkshake. “What about the lady? Did she hurt Mommy?”
“What lady?”
“The lady that didn’t like her.”
I stared at her and my pulse raced again. “What lady are you talking about? There was a lady that didn’t like your mom?”
She nodded and then pointed to the parking lot out the window. “She yelled at her out there.”
I glanced behind me for a few seconds and then faced Maggie again. “What did she say to your mom?”
Maggie shrugged. “I didn’t hear them. I was in the car. Well…” she decided to add as she thought about it.
“Well what? You did hear something?”
“Mmm, we sat right there,” she said, pointing to the table beside us. “Mommy grabbed me and we left fast, and then the lady yelled at her. I hit my head,” she said, rubbing the top of it as she remembered.
“When Mommy put you in the car you hit your head?”
She nodded. “That’s when the lady said, ‘I told you!’ and pointed at Mommy.”
“And then what did she say? The lady. Did she say anything else?”
Maggie shrugged. “I don’t know. Mommy went there and they were talking.”
“Talking? Or yelling?”
“Mmm, talking I guess, but I think they were mad. Mommy went like this—” she made the motion of waving someone away from her—“and she was mad. Then she got in the car.”
“And then what?”
“We left,” she pointed, showing the exit that they must have taken.
“Maggie, can you come out to the parking lot and tell me all of that again?”
She gave me a questioning look but eventually shrugged her shoulders as she stood. I quickly tossed our trash, and as she followed me outside I asked, “Did you remember all of this because we were here today?”
She nodded, but she seemed a little ashamed.
“Maggie, it’s okay,” I told her, kneeling down at her level. “If you can remember something that will help find the bad people that hurt your mom, it will be great.”
“Did that lady hurt Mommy?”
“Honey, I don’t know. If she did, we’ll find out. If she didn’t, at least we’ll know that too.”
It was difficult to discuss those kinds of things with a five-year-old. I didn’t want her to think that all angry people could be murderers, so I tried to explain that to her. I think she understood, but I think she was more focused on wondering why people could be so cruel. She asked why someone would want to kill somebody else, and it was awkward trying to quietly explain that to her on the sidewalk of the McDonald’s parking lot as people came and went.
When she seemed ready to move on, I again asked her about the parking lot incident and she explained it the same way that I’d pictured it. Rachel must have seen someone she recognized pull into the restaurant and she tried to get out of there before she was spotted. It was too late, the two of them had words, and Rachel took off before things got worse.
“Did Mommy say anything about the lady when you were in the car?” I asked.
She considered that for a bit and just shrugged with a frown. “I don’t remember.”
“That’s okay,” I assured her. “We’ll just have the police detective ask the lady about it, okay? Maybe she can tell us why Mommy was upset. For now do you want to play on the playground inside?”
I was hoping she would say yes so I could make a phone call, but she shook her head no.
“Can we call Jared? I’m cold,” she added with a shiver.
I decided to take Maggie inside for the time being. The only option I had was to call Jared or a cab. I didn’t want to do either, and besides… Where would we go?
I pulled out my keys and stared at Jared’s house key. It was the only choice I had. We could check into a hotel, but I knew I would still need to speak to him, and I decided that Maggie needed him in the first place. I wasn’t going to alienate her from the people she cared about. And I needed him. Despite the confusion going on at the moment, I still wanted to be with him. I missed him, even just from being separated for a couple of hours.
When the cab dropped us off at Jared’s Lake Stevens house, I noticed his Camaro in the driveway. I also noticed a set of skid marks that tailed ten feet to where the car had eventually stopped. I felt the hood as we walked by. It was warm.
I knocked before I used the key, but it was already unlocked. I heard sounds from a nearby room—the den maybe? —and before I could put together that the room was being ransacked, a figure came out of it and scared the daylights out of me.
It wasn’t Jared at all; it was his dad.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
He looked at me for several seconds, and then he glanced at Maggie, whom I had pushed behind me. “Can I help you?” he asked haughtily. He looked at us like we didn’t belong, which made me realize that he had no idea who I was. He obviously didn’t remember my sister introducing us, or from the last brunch that I’d photographed.
“Is Jared here?” I finally asked.
He raised his eyebrows. “Jared? No, he’s not. Is there something I can do for you?”
“Um, no,” I replied, slowly retreating for the door.
It was too late though because he moved quickly and stopped right in front of our exit.
“You’re Rachel’s sister, aren’t you,” he stated. His eyes peered down at Maggie and looked at her for a long time, but he didn’t say anything. Finally he lo
oked at me and said, “I’ve just learned that my son is in a relationship with you. That’s interesting.”
“What’s interesting? The irony in it all?”
He slowly smiled. “I don’t have anything to say, really. Rachel was important to me, we had a thing, she made my life miserable, I made her life miserable, at the same time we got along great… It was a strange, uh, friendship.”
Friendship. I almost laughed in his face but I was too scared. I had no idea who this guy was or what he was capable of.
“Where’s Jared?” I asked.
John smiled again and I didn’t like it. He also glanced down at Maggie one more time, and I moved so that he couldn’t see her head poking out.
“Jared’s busy right now,” he replied.
“Busy doing what?”
“Who knows.”
“Excuse me?”
He didn’t expound, so I took my phone out of my pocket to call him.
“I wouldn’t call him,” John said.
He even reached for my phone but I was too quick and pulled it back in time. I also had to move a step away, almost falling over Maggie. I was completely on the defensive by then, and I think Maggie was whimpering because I’d stepped on her foot.
“This isn’t what it looks like,” he said, holding his hands out to appear peaceful.
I scoffed. “That doesn’t even make any sense. You won’t let me make a phone call and there’s not something going on? Just let us leave, okay? You have no business with us.”
He stepped aside and motioned that we could pass. I grabbed Maggie’s hand and pulled her along until we were outside, and then I made her jog with me until we made it to the street.
I didn’t know what to do after that. I tried to call Jared but it went straight to voicemail. I got the sickest feeling in my stomach, and when I really questioned why he hadn’t called me yet, I began to assume the worst. At first I thought he might still be with his dad, but that wasn’t so. And now his phone was going straight to voicemail.
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