“Hindsight is 20/20.”
He chuckled. “Yeah, I realize that. But are you going to look back and feel like you made the right choice about marrying Jared?”
“Come on, Zack.”
“It’s a fair question.”
“No, it’s not. I’m moving on in a direction I feel is right. The present is for planning the future. That’s what I’m doing right now. I can’t change anything in my past.”
“You don’t believe we make mistakes?”
“Well, yes. But they’re to learn from. Some mistakes are so big that they’re hard to forget, but there’s a reason for everything. We don’t always know what that is, but I have to have faith that I’m doing my best and God will look out for me now and then. You don’t believe that?”
He paused briefly before he said, “Yes, I believe that. And I’m also beginning to believe that I was just never meant to have you. I’m thankful for the time I did have with you, even though the memory of it hurts. And now there’s the fact that I don’t have a future with you. Yeah, my present isn’t too good at planning my future right now.”
I took my time answering because I wasn’t sure what to say. “You have an incredible future ahead of you. Some things we just can’t plan for. I think things work out how they’re meant to and…that includes us.”
“Yeah, I suppose so.” He paused for a moment and added, “I knew I would lose you when I came to San Francisco. Actually, I knew I’d already lost you.”
I considered his words but had to ask anyway. “What do you mean by that?”
“Well… I guess it was finally apparent to me that you were very committed to Jared. It was just…your body language with me. I could see that invisible wall you put up. I read it loud and clear. And I did hope that being together again would change your mind, but I could feel that it was too late. I know that you’re in love him, Taryn. You don’t just love him…you’re in love with him. I want you to be happy, so I respect that. I wish you both a lot of happiness.”
I was very grateful for his support, and with everything going on lately, it really meant the world to me.
“I’m glad we can still be friends, Zack. I mean…we can, right? I don’t want to lose you entirely.”
“Yeah, of course we’re still friends. I don’t want that to change. We make pretty good friends, Taryn. I’ll always be here for you.”
“Thank you. I’m here for you, too.”
“That’s good to know because I might need your support these next couple of years,” he lightly laughed. “I’m, uh, getting back into competing. I’m joining my old team again.”
I was honestly surprised. “Really? That’s great, Zack! You’ll do awesome, I know it.”
“Yeah, well, we’ll see.”
“No, you will. Just talking to your peers on the mountain, they believe it too.”
“That’s kind of what talked me into it, I guess. That and… Well, you dumping me for good.”
He’d said it lightly, so I laughed. “Sure, okay. I’ll take credit for you becoming the next World champ.”
“Ha! I’ll give you the credit, but don’t get ahead of things. I’ve got a ways to go.”
“I know, Zack. But you can do it. You can go as far as you choose. I believe in you.”
He sighed. “Thanks, Taryn. That really means a lot.”
We spoke for a few more minutes and then I headed back to my room. My dad was watching the news, but it looked like he was ready to go to bed. I gave him a brief account of my conversation with Zack, and he was pleased that things seemed to end well.
I think I was so exhausted that night that I fell asleep as my face hit the pillow.
It was no surprise to me that the police weren’t any further with Rachel’s case. Detective Bronson called me around nine-thirty the next morning to inform me that they got nowhere with Jacqueline Harris the night before. Her alibi was solid, she claimed to have had a friendly relationship with Rachel, and when asked if her husband had been unfaithful to her, she was “shocked” by such an accusation.
I wanted to bang my head against the wall.
Michelle told us we could go back home. She assured us that she’d keep investigating that angle of the case until it ran cold. I flew back to San Francisco with my dad, just for the sake of seeing Maggie. Originally I was going to head straight to L.A. to see Jared, but every time I got wrapped up in Rachel’s case, it always made me need Maggie even more. First I spent Friday afternoon with her, and then left that evening to spend the weekend with my fiancé.
When I arrived in L.A. I was pretty tired. The week had definitely worn me down and I was glad that the party Jared’s bandmates had planned for us wasn’t until the next night. I knew right away that the dark car waiting for me curbside at the airport contained my fiancé, and I headed towards it eagerly just as he stepped out of it. I wondered if it had never felt so good to see him or if I just loved seeing him every time, but I was sure grateful for the long hug he gave me as Ben took my bag.
“Man, it is so good to see you,” he said. A few seconds was all he could risk being exposed to the public, so he guided me into the backseat where he held me again and continued with plenty of kissing. He leaned back to look at me and studied my face, softly touching my cheek with his thumb. “Not to be an ass, but you look really rundown,” he finally said. That made me chuckle and he added, “You look beautiful, but I can tell you’ve had a long week.”
“Yeah, it’s been rough,” I nodded. “But I can’t even tell you how much better I feel just being here with you. Yeah I’m tired, but everything else is better.”
He asked about Maggie next. He’d just spoken to her on the phone an hour prior, but he always inquired about her. I admitted that I’d told her that the police may have found who had killed her mom, but I didn’t go into detail too greatly. She asked a few questions, I did my best to give her fair answers, and by the end of it all, she didn’t seem too affected. I was beginning to think that she was too young for any of it to impact her life, and I was grateful for that. I believed that she had plenty of people that cared about her, and she was going to have a wonderful future.
I knew that Jared had a house just outside of L.A. so I was kind of anxious to spend the weekend with him. Jack lived in the house too, mostly full time. I’d spent a few weeks on the road with Jack so I was pretty familiar with him, and we got along great so I wasn’t worried about it. Jared had assured me that I had full run of the house and I could make myself at home wherever, and however, I needed to.
We were in the kitchen when Jack came home to change his clothes. Jared was making me some tea as Jack noticed the empty Chinese food containers in the garbage and he gave us a hard time for not having leftovers.
“There’s a phone right there, dude,” Jared pointed. “Order your own.”
“Actually I think I’d rather some tea,” he mocked in a dainty voice.
Jared smiled as he set a mug on the counter in front of me and sat down with his own. “Help yourself,” he motioned to the teapot.
“Where’d you get this?” Jack wondered, lifting up the kettle.
“I bought it. Why?”
Jack kind of chuckled as he glanced at me and said, “Yeah…why?”
I smiled and said, “Because he’s accommodating to his houseguests.”
“Ah, but I would have never guessed you were a tea drinker.”
“Occasionally,” I shrugged.
“Hmm. Well I’m going out for the night, so speaking of accommodations…”
Jared said, “Drop it, Jack,” and picked up both of our mugs as he stood. He motioned for me to follow him, so we went into the other room. I glanced at Jack standing in the kitchen, but he only shrugged with a stupid smile on his face and then he left to change.
“What was that about?” I asked as we sat down on the couch. It was way nicer anyways to be able to cuddle up with him.
“Nothing. Just guy stuff.”
I kind of chuckled
. “Just guy stuff, huh? Guy stuff like…being made fun of for having morals? That kind of guy stuff?”
With a smile he said, “Yeah, something like that.”
I thought about it for a moment, wondering how Jared had turned out to be so different from Jack.
“Well I would much rather not be alone tonight,” I told him as I laid my head against his chest. “And I’m too tired to try anything on you anyways. I promise.”
He lightly laughed and kissed the top of my head. “Yeah, but you smell too good, and you look too good, and I’m not sure if I’ll be good enough to leave you alone.”
That caused me to laugh and I said, “Hmm, then maybe I do want to share your room.”
I sat up to look at him, to read him, and he just studied me for a moment. Finally he asked, “Is this something we should talk about again?”
“Yes,” I replied right away. “I mean…what are your, uh, requirements?”
He smiled, but I think he was either kind of shy about answering, or just wasn’t sure how to answer.
“I know your standards, Jared, but we’re engaged to be married. That kind of takes the promiscuity out of it. Right?”
He chuckled, but when he realized I was serious, he looked at me for a few seconds. I was pretty sure we were on the same page, so I was surprised when he said, “How ‘bout we move into our new house first, and then we can, uh… I don’t know, break it in properly.”
That made me smile, and I considered it for a moment. The idea of it was a bit romantic, significant I guess, and I suppose that I should have known Jared would be way more considerate of those types of things than I was.
“So knowing that I was going to be here this weekend… You didn’t once consider…you know…?”
“Of course I have. But I just thought the other way would be more…I don’t know, meaningful, I guess. It doesn’t matter to you?”
“Where we get it on for the first time?”
That made him laugh and he said, “You could barely tell me you loved me the first time, but there’s no holding back when talking about intimacy?”
I laughed. “Apparently I’m comfortable around you.”
“Apparently so,” he smiled. But he thought for a second and added, “I’m trying to be a gentleman. I’m almost brave enough to say you’re gonna have to wait until we’re married.”
I stared at him for a few seconds, just to make sure he was serious. “Really?”
“Is that a no?”
“Well…if it’s what you want then I respect that but…”
“But what?”
I shook my head and replied, “Nothing I guess. I want you and only you, so whatever it takes to get there…I’m fine with it.”
“Fine with it? You don’t have an opinion?”
“An opinion? You mean you want me to admit that I want you right now?”
“You do?”
His smile was so cute and I had to laugh. But I did say, “Yes, I do. I wanted to jump you the second we walked in the door, but I didn’t want to disrespect your home. And I wasn’t sure who would be here to put on a show for.”
He looked at me for a second and then started laughing. Finally he said, “Taryn…”
But I knew he didn’t have to finish his thought. He took my hand so I stood up with him. He pulled me close and kissed me, and after a few seconds he said, “I am so in love with you.”
Chapter Thirty-Seven
It was my birthday on February 8th. It’d been eight days since I last saw my fiancé, and even though I got to talk to him for a couple of hours a day, I still missed him like crazy. I couldn’t be in L.A. with him like I’d originally hoped for because there were things I needed to take care of for Maggie. I’d scheduled her a doctor’s appointment with a new doctor, and I took her to the dentist for a check up. I also started to get her passport application filled out so we could travel overseas. When I realized that she’d grown out of half of her clothes, we needed to go shopping. I was slowly learning what it was like to be a full time mom, and even though I felt like I failed on occasion, I loved having Maggie in my life.
I was looking forward to the upcoming weekend with Jared again. I was going to return to Los Angeles so we could be together for Valentine’s Day, and Maggie was super excited that it was “finally” her turn to come with me. We’d be leaving on the 12th, which was four days away, but I was almost feeling a bit like Maggie and was having a hard time with the wait.
I picked up a couple of small jobs while I could. In fact, I was working on the morning of my birthday. It was for a couple’s 50th anniversary brunch, and I thought the timing of that particular job was interesting to me. I was already caught up in la-la land when it came to Jared and our own wedding, so I was constantly thinking about our future and what it would consist of. The furthest I’d gotten was imagining how many kids we would have and what gender they would be.
But observing the elderly couple that day got me looking way into the future. I wondered what fifty years with someone would be like, and I even thought about my brother’s comment when he heard what event I was photographing: “Fifty years? Guess you have to really like someone to live with them that long.”
It made me laugh at the time, but it got me thinking about Jared. I suppose that’s what being in love was like. Realizing that you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. I knew the road could be tough, and I knew we would have setbacks, but I was willing to face anything if I had Jared with me. And the best part was knowing that we’d have millions of great moments to experience together, as well.
I often thought back to when we first met, or the first few times we spoke or saw each other. Even though I was still annoyed with Lexi for interfering with my life, in a way she was right. Had I not given Jared a chance, and had Zack not taken a step away because of his worry, I would have never allowed myself to fall in love with Jared. I would have never realized that Jared was a perfect match for me. Already we’d gotten through a lot, so to me that was an indication of what our relationship was made of.
I trusted him with my heart and soul, and I was optimistic about our own fifty years ahead of us.
I got home around one that afternoon, ready to just hang out until I went out to dinner with my family. I could not even believe that Jared was sitting on the couch when I walked through the door and I just stood there for several seconds, wondering if I was really seeing him there.
“Happy Birthday, Taryn,” he smiled as he stood.
I hurried to him to receive the best birthday hug and kiss imaginable. My day couldn’t have been made any better, and I was so thankful I had a man that was so thoughtful he would jump on a plane to be with me on my birthday. Until that moment, the day hadn’t felt special or different from any other day.
“How did you know having you here was exactly what I needed?” I asked.
With a chuckle he replied, “Because I’m that brilliant.”
“I agree.”
“Also it was selfish at the same time.” He was trying to hide a smile. “See, I need this,” he said, taking my hand to kiss it. “To sign some papers for our house. Today.”
My mouth hung open and I said, “Seriously?”
“Yep, totally. What do you say? An hour tops and we even get the keys. Figuratively speaking since I’m having all the locks changed, but you get the idea.”
I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t think my day could get any better, but we did leave to go sign papers, and at three o’clock I was standing in our brand new home with my fiancé. It almost didn’t seem real to me.
“You have a lot of work ahead of you,” Jared told me. “This house needs furnished and I’m leaving all of that up to you.”
“You want me to fill this house with stuff?” I asked with surprise. “Where would I even start?”
He gave me a funny smile and said, “Uh, with the bedroom of course.” That made me chuckle but he added, “No, seriously Taryn. You order whatever it is you wa
nt for the house. And I know you and Maggie both have things in storage, but whatever you need on top of that, or instead of that or…whatever you want. It’s all yours, babe.”
It was a bit overwhelming to me, and normally I would have insisted that Jared do some (or most) of the choosing, but I knew he was going to be busy rehearsing with his band until they left on tour. And I also knew that he really did want me to have whatever I wanted.
We spent a few hours in the house that afternoon, discussing different ideas and plans. He even ordered pizza and we ate dinner on the family room floor. It was probably the most memorable birthday of my life, spending time in our new house, just the two of us. I didn’t think he could surprise me any more than he had until he led me to the garage and presented me with my birthday present.
It was a brand new SUV.
“Jared,” I barely said. “Stop buying me stuff.”
He rolled his eyes and said, “Pssh. When you start popping out my babies, I want them hauled around in the safest vehicle possible.”
It made me laugh, but I knew Jared so well that I could see how excited he was to have a family. I couldn’t do anything but accept his gift with a heart that was full of so much love for him.
I was sad to see him leave the next morning, but when I took him to the airport for his flight, knowing that I’d be seeing him in three days made it a little easier. He was excited for Maggie to visit, and when we arrived in L.A. that Friday, she was just as excited as he was.
Maggie’s excitement was for Jared, not vacation, and that warmed my heart. She barely left his side that day as we took in lunch at Las Barcas and saw a few sites that we thought would interest her. When everyone seemed ready for downtime, we picked up some dinner and took it home with us to Jared’s. It was an easy, laid back afternoon, and for me it was just a wonderful family day.
Love Today Page 31