“I can tell something’s bothering you though,” he said quietly. “I understand if you don’t want to talk about it, but you’ll definitely hurt my feelings if you don’t.”
It was my turn to chuckle, and nine times out of ten that ploy worked with me. But I just knew I wasn’t ready to bring up my sister’s murder again. I wasn’t even ready to face it myself let alone drag Jared back into it.
“I felt a little nauseous on our flight,” I told him honestly. “I guess it just made me feel cranky because I wasn’t expecting it.”
He leaned back to brush away my hair with his hand. “Apparently morning sickness isn’t always in the morning. At least that’s what Jillian mentioned when she asked how you’ve been feeling.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I’m aware of that. And thankfully I don’t really get sick sick, you know? Like puking sick. Just a bit of nausea once in a while.”
“Knock on wood?”
“I know,” I smiled.
He was quiet for a few seconds as he seemed to study my features. I wasn’t surprised when he kissed me and said, “And how are you feeling now?” He kissed my neck and added, “Because I’ve been dying to be with my wife again.”
“Dying, huh?” I teased.
“Uh-huh. Counting down the minutes.”
“You don’t have anything better to do, like plan for your Grammy performance in February?”
He pulled back with a surprised smile. “And how did you hear about that?”
“Jack.”
He smirked. “He’s got such a big mouth. It isn’t official, you know.”
“It will be. And I promise I’ll keep my mouth shut.”
“About that you will. For now it’s gonna keep my mouth humored.”
He kissed me again and I forgot all about my worries.
Chapter Forty-Six
New York was fascinating. It wasn’t a huge surprise to me since I’d seen so much of it through television and movies. It was my first time visiting the city in person though, and just the fact that I was in New York City was cool to me.
We had three days there before we caught our flight to Germany, but each day the band was scheduled for various appearances—radio shows, meals with music executives or other friends in the industry, and a private acoustic performance. The third day was their appearance on the Today Show. It was another busy morning but a lot of fun. Jared stuck around with his band for a little bit doing various things in the area, but Maggie and I returned to the hotel. She took a nap while I packed up our things and then I sat at the window for a bit and talked to my dad on the phone.
The private investigator that he’d found—Sam Desmond—was still catching himself up on everything we already knew. At the moment, he was looking into the most recent accounts that Rachel was working on.
Despite the fact that I freaked out over the mysterious caller’s first call, I truly wished she would call back. I wondered what it meant that she hadn’t. Was she watching our every move to make sure we were looking in the right direction? And if not, when would she know to call again?
Because my time with Jared was precious to me, I’d asked Sam Desmond not to call me, but to send a text and I would call him when I could. A text from him arrived just as my husband returned to the hotel, so while he was in the shower, I called Sam back.
“What’s the deal with your mother-in-law?” he asked.
I had no idea what he meant and it made me freeze. “What do you mean?” I asked at last.
“Well I thought that she and John Miller were totally on the outs.”
“Uh, they are. As far as I know. I mean they’ve been divorced for a dozen years and they’re hardly ever in the same room together. Why? What did you find?”
“Just trying to figure out why she’s called his office twenty-nine times in the past six months.”
I raised my eyebrows. I had no idea.
“She calls at the same time, every time: five-fifteen in the afternoon, after work hours. Now only four of those calls are actually from her regular cell phone. The rest of them I tracked to a cell phone that she’s got under another name.”
“Is she for sure talking to John?”
“I dunno, but I’m assuming so. It goes directly to his personal office, not the receptionist. And I checked the phone records even further back; to two years ago, even. She was calling him regularly, and then the calls stopped for a while.”
“For a while? You mean during the time that John was seeing Rachel again?”
“Yep, exactly during that time. The calls didn’t start again until January—three months after Rachel’s death. Maybe she was letting the smoke clear for a while.”
“How long are the calls? I mean if it was a secret, why would she call his office? Why not call him at home or on his cell phone? I’m sure she’s got numbers for him. They share a son.”
“I dunno, but the calls were only a minute or two long. Maybe it’s nothing, but does any of that strike you a certain way?”
“Uh, not really. I mean his parents are pretty civil to one another, and Jared hasn’t said anything about it. I’m not sure if he’d even know something like that.”
“Know what?” Jared asked.
I jumped because he’d startled me. He’d apparently just come out of the bathroom and I was too involved in my phone conversation to notice. He came across the room as Sam began to respond and I had to tell the investigator that I’d have to call him back.
Jared had on a t-shirt and a pair of jeans, and he briefly toweled his hair as he sat next to me on the couch, waiting for me to answer him.
I took a deep breath and said, “I was talking to a private investigator that’s looking into my sister’s case.”
He barely nodded, unsurprised. “Yeah, I saw a text from your dad the other night, giving you his name and contact info. You were asleep though.”
I looked at him with surprise but didn’t respond.
“I was waiting for you to tell me yourself, Taryn. I didn’t want to pry.”
With a sigh I said, “I wasn’t sure if it was necessary yet. I don’t know what to think of it.”
“Think of what? Re-investigating the case? I think it’s a good idea.”
“You do?”
“Yes. I told you before that we should have hired someone private.”
“I know but…”
“But what?” He took my hand and scooted closer to me. “Taryn, please be open with me. I can’t stand it when you shut me out. It makes me feel like I’m not good enough to talk to or that you don’t trust me.”
“That’s not it at all.”
“Then please. What’s new? What’s going on? Why re-open this when you and your family decided to put it behind you?”
I reluctantly told him about the phone call I’d received the week before.
He was stunned.
And I told him that Sam had spent the past week catching up on the case and all the players, so he could hopefully dig deeper and find something new.
“So was that him on the phone? What did he ask about me? Did I know about what? I’ll help with anything, Taryn. Just ask.”
I took my time answering. He allowed it because he was patient that way. Finally I said, “He wondered if I knew why your mom had been placing calls to Miller and Harris for the past couple of years. As far as he was informed, he thought your parents never spoke.”
Jared hardly had a reaction when he said, “Yeah they speak. They’re divorced but I know they still hook up once in a while. It bothers me, so I try not to think about it.”
I didn’t have a response to that.
“Taryn, you know how my dad is with women. It’s half of what broke them up in the first place and it was going to ruin them again. My mom has actually tried to get back together with him a few times. But it was never going to work. He wasn’t going to be faithful to her the second time around. I actually told her to forget it, but that’s the only say I ever offered. My dad wasn’t interested i
n giving her a second go-around.”
“Probably because he started seeing Rachel again.”
He shrugged indifferently. “Yeah, probably.”
Jared exhaled and he rubbed his forehead with his hands. He took his time because of what he had to say, I guess. “Did you want me to call and ask her about it? Is there something specific you need to know?”
It caught me off guard because I didn’t even consider it. I felt like the investigation was going pretty discreetly and I wasn’t sure what Sam would think of us “helping.”
And apparently Jared was reading between the lines.
“Taryn, I’m only asking your permission. It’s your call. Obviously you didn’t tell me about going a private route with the investigation because we were all going to be looked into again.”
“Jared, I turned it over to someone else. It has nothing to do with you or—”
“Then why didn’t you tell me? Re-investigating it is reasonable. I don’t think I could rest until I knew who killed my family member. You made a conscious choice not to tell me. And you made a conscious choice to talk to that guy while I was in the shower.”
He was right and I didn’t know what to say. But my reasons weren’t to go behind his back. I just wanted the investigation to happen without getting mixed up in it again.
“I think you’re taking it the wrong way, Jared. No I didn’t tell you because I just wanted the case to be solved without having to be a part of it. I don’t even want to be involved in it. I don’t have that in me. I’m not a crime solver, and I definitely can’t handle learning more awful things about Rachel. I didn’t want you to be dragged into it, either. Your mom already thinks I’m going to ruin your career; I didn’t want her to be right.”
He softened and took my hand in his. “Taryn, tragedy hits everyone. And I already had a talk with her about that.”
“She was pissed that every time there’s anything in the media about the case, it always has to mention your name even in the slightest way.”
“That’s the media, babe. It doesn’t bother me one bit.”
“Well now they get to use ‘Jared Miller’s wife’ any time they mention me.”
“And you’re sad that they’ve taken away your former identity?” he teased.
I laughed and shook my head. “No, but it just bothers me every time they’ve gotta throw your name in there.”
He shrugged. “Taryn, I’ve got an amazing life right now. Being married to you, raising Maggie, and a baby on the way… Nothing will be more important than any of those things. Ever. I never have, and never will, take stock in anything that the media has to say. But beyond that, I’m not worried in the least bit that it’s going to affect my career.”
“But what if—”
He put a finger over my lips and smiled. “What if nothing. I’m happier than ever. The only thing that is worrying me now is your worry.”
I sighed but didn’t say anything. He motioned for me to scoot closer to him, so after kissing him with my apologies, we stretched out on the couch together until Maggie woke up. After that we gathered our bags and grabbed some dinner before our late flight overseas.
Chapter Forty-Seven
It was almost in zombie mode when we returned from Europe three weeks later. We’d just stepped through the door, literally, to our home in San Francisco, and a wave of fatigue hit me instantly. While our driver said departing words to Jared, Maggie was clamoring for a visit to Grandma’s to get Clyde.
Jared handed her the Tinker Bell carryon from the floor and said, “Hey Mags, how ‘bout you take your suitcase to your room and we’ll go get Clyde in a little bit, okay?”
“Okay,” she agreed easily. She took the handle from him and wheeled her bag to the hallway.
Jared turned to me and asked, “You feeling okay? You look a little pale.”
“So do you,” I countered with a smile. “I think there’s only one person in this trio that has any energy left.” I nodded towards the hall at Maggie.
Jared smiled as he gathered our things to deliver to our room in one trip. I didn’t like the way he limped a little bit since it wasn’t just from the bags he was carrying. The tour had been tough on him physically, even though his doctor had cleared him to go. Between his scars healing up from the accident and the surgery, and then his knee surgery to repair more damage, I was afraid he’d been overdoing it.
I followed him down the hall just as Maggie emerged from her room. Of course she was already harping on him to make a trip for the dog, but I myself felt completely exhausted and didn’t feel like going anywhere.
“Change of plans, munchkin,” I told her. “You go take a bath and get your jammies on early. I’ll have Grandpa bring Clyde over, okay?”
“Okay! Can Clyde and me have a movie night?” she begged.
I smiled and replied, “Sure, that sounds like a plan.”
She let out an excited squeal and disappeared into her room as she was stripping her clothes off at the same time. Jared smiled at me, but before he said anything I told him, “You go rest for a little bit. Let me get her in the tub and then I’ll join you.”
He didn’t even dispute it, and after I called my dad and helped Maggie bathe and get into pajamas, I found Jared sound asleep on our bed.
My parents and my brother came over with Clyde a few minutes later. I knew Braden was dying to see Jared too, and most likely hoping to spend the night, but my mom suggested that Maggie come to their house instead. Maggie was excited, so I easily agreed. My brother looked bummed though, so I said, “The upstairs is all yours; I don’t want to see you until morning.”
He grinned big and said, “No problem.”
My parents left with Maggie, and with Jared asleep and my brother upstairs, the house felt empty. I unloaded one of my smaller cameras from my purse and set it in the den by the computer. It was a reminder to download my photos when I felt up to it.
But while I was there, I sat down and opened one of my photo files. It was the brunch I’d taken pictures of; the last photos that I had of my sister. I studied them for a few minutes, tears pricking my eyes because of the loss I felt. I wasn’t as close to Rachel as I would have liked, but we were making progress. I wondered if she and I would have become closer as time went on, or if I still would have stayed in Washington for as long as I did. If she hadn’t died, how would things have turned out?
I also lingered on photos of Jared, and they made me smile. There were only a few of him, but I was hung up on the thought that we’d met for the first time that day. I was somewhere that I didn’t want to be, and so was Jared, but we were lucky enough to have been at the right place at the right time. I wasn’t sure if I’d have met him otherwise—I did believe in fate, to a degree—but I was glad that it happened, however it was meant to happen.
The rest of the pictures were of my fidgety moments, stuck in a secondary file within that same file. I’d left them out of the files sent to the police because they were pointless photos. Even looking at the ones I took of someone’s spilled wine made me shake my head. And seeing another that I’d taken of a napkin stuck to a lady’s heel made me roll my eyes.
I heard a sound in the hallway and saw Jared as he entered the room. “I thought you were going to join me,” he smiled, leaning down to kiss the top of my head.
“I am,” I replied as I stood.
I turned off the computer and left the memories behind for another day. It felt good to be home, and it especially felt good to be in my own bed. It was barely eight o’clock, but I was lights out seconds after my head was nestled against Jared’s chest.
Chapter Forty-Eight
It was nice to finally have Jared out of any music commitments when the band began their four-month break. He kept in touch with management about business matters, but the guys agreed that it was family time until they reconvened again after the New Year to rehearse for the Grammys.
We enjoyed a fabulous fall together, and because Jared insisted that Ma
ggie have private tutoring, we didn’t have any school commitments either. She had regular interaction with other kids her age, but Jared was uncomfortable with putting her in a school—even a private one. She continued to spend consistent time with him at the piano, and we also let her join a ballet class that she’d been hinting for. Life seemed pretty normal to me again, and I enjoyed it to the fullest.
Our family motto seemed to be “Love Today.” And we did, as much as we possibly could.
One day Maggie dropped a bomb on me that I wasn’t expecting just yet. She’d returned from her ballet class with my mom and she sat at the table while I fed her dinner. Jared was outside mowing the lawn, so it was just the three of us in the kitchen. My mom sat down with Maggie and I asked, “Do you want milk or water, Mom?”
She glanced at Maggie’s glass and said, “I’ll have milk too, please. Thank you.”
I set a glass of milk on the table next to her plate and noticed Maggie staring at me in an odd way. I thought she was just spacing out or something, but I smiled and asked, “What’s up?”
She didn’t say anything at first but she looked at my mom and then back to me. “How come she’s your mom?” she asked.
It took me by surprise and I glanced at my mom at the same time. But my mom didn’t look surprised at all when she sighed and said, “Everyone is born as a baby to someone, Maggie. You were born to Rachel, and you called her mommy.”
Maggie thought for a second and I could tell my mom was letting her mind think for itself before she added more. Sure enough Maggie asked, “So I don’t have a mom ever again?”
“Well, not the mom you were born to since she’s in heaven. Now you have Taryn to make sure you grow up the right way. She’ll look after you now.”
“But she’s not a mom? What about the new baby? Will she call her mom?”
I sat at the table with them, sort of grateful that my own mother was able to handle this conversation. It was something that my family had already discussed, and she knew how I felt about Maggie calling me mom.
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