by Ruby Madden
“Are you hearing me, Alexander, or is your bullshit attitude blocking your ears?” Coach Lawson screamed.
“I hear you,” I answered.
“Hey Beck, just play it cool. Do what you do. Do your thing so we can get outta here,” Jared said, patting me on the back.
“I’m good. He’s the one with a problem,” I said, pointing to the coach. “I came to play.”
Coach Lawson never took his eyes off me. I was his target for the day. I couldn’t wait for it all to come to a head. I was dying to let off some steam. Since I was prohibited from doing that, I felt the urge to do it even more. It’s like I was looking for a fight - looking for a reason to blow up.
“You girls ready to practice or do you need to call your mommies?” Coach Lawson’s tone shifted to a more condescending one.
“We’re good, Coach. Let’s run some drills,” Jared said, always trying to be the peacemaker.
Three hours later, I was standing under the showers, wondering what life would have been like if I’d never picked up my first football or never wanted to be a rich superstar.
How did my life come to this? I’d never been in trouble with the law before this year. Sure, I’d done plenty over the years that would have landed a lesser man in jail, but I was slick. I was sly. I knew how to play to my strengths; muscle, swagger, and this face – my moneymaker. My other moneymaker, according to dozens of women. People let me get off easy. They let me walk away. That’s how things worked. All I had to do was flash my killer smile or offer to do whatever it was they wanted, whether that was sex or money, it didn’t matter, but it always worked. That’s how I became the man I was today. The man everyone wanted to know, but no one wanted to love. No one except Isla.
“We’re going to grab some lunch; you want to come?” Jared asked.
“No, I have to go take care of some shit. Go on ahead.”
“Man, what’s going on with you? You’re acting weird,” Jared said.
He was right. I knew it, but I didn’t like him pointing it out. I didn’t want anyone paying attention to me unless it involved lining my pockets. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You should come out with us. You have to eat, right?” Jared continued to persuade me, but after the stuff that happened the last time I went out with them, there was no way in hell I was going to risk that again.
“I said I’m good, man. Go on without me,” I snapped at him, the anger in my words surprising me just as much as it surprised him.
“Alright, if you’re sure, then we’ll see you, man.” He backed away and went to see what the other team members were up to. He must have said something to them about me because soon I could feel their eyes on me. I was a spectacle in the one place in the world I felt the most comfortable.
“How was practice, sir?” Frank asked as I slumped down in the backseat of the car.
I groaned.
“That good?” Frank teased. “Did you want me to take you back to the house or to Miss Johnson’s place?”
I hadn’t thought about where it was I wanted to go. All I knew was that I didn’t want to be at the clubhouse anymore and I didn’t want to be anywhere where media might be present. “You know what? I’m getting tired of hearing about Isla’s apartment. I mean, why is she still living in it?”
Frank nodded.
“Has she said anything to you about why she won’t move into the house?” I asked.
Pulling the car over, he asked, “Can I be frank with you – no pun intended?”
“You’re always Frank with me, aren’t you? Yeah, go ahead. What’s on your mind?”
Frank gave me that look he reserved for serious conversations between us. “Have you ever sat down to think about why Miss Johnson might not want to uproot her life and move into your house?”
“I think about it all the time. What’s your point?” I asked.
“My point is, if you were her, would you want to take a chance on a man like you? Would you want to dive into a world with a man who loses his cool as often that you do or live with a man who does everything within his power to make a spectacle of himself? Why would she want to bring a child into your world?” Frank didn’t pull any punches.
“What are you saying? You think I’m a bad guy? Why do you work for me? Who in their right mind wants to work for such an asshole? Maybe there’s something wrong with you, not me,” I said, allowing my defensive side to take over the logical part of my brain.
Frank was the one person in my life, aside from Isla, I’d let talk to me like that. He had always been a loyal employee and a trusted confidante. That’s why I didn’t let what he was saying to me make me angry. Any other person, I knew I would have attacked them – if not physically, definitely verbally.
“Mr. Alexander, all I’m trying to say is you don’t make it easy for someone to want to give up their sense of normalcy for. You live in this world that caters to your every need and she comes from a world where nothing is handed to her,” Frank explained.
Now that stung. Before I was who I am today, no one gave me a damn thing. Not a thing. And anyone who said differently could kiss my ass.
“Nobody handed me anything. I did this. I made the effort. I put in the work. I earned every penny. That’s me out there, day in and day out, not someone else, not a stand-in, but me!” Hot tears burned my eyes. Where was all this emotion coming from? When did I become a cry baby?
Frank gnawed on the inside of his cheek, his eyes boring into mine. I didn’t back down. I wanted to hear what he had to say. I needed to hear what he had to say.
“You have to let her in. You have to forget all about - excuse my language but - forget all the bullshit. Forget all the stuff people tell you because they think that’s what you want to hear. Forget the money, the cars, the fancy house, even the staff. None of that is relevant. None of that matters. What matters or who matters is the man behind all of that. Who is that man? Do you even remember who he is? Do you remember what it felt like to want something so bad, the only thing you could focus on was what you’re going to do to get that. How much work are you willing to put in to get Miss Johnson? To have her as not just some woman you bed when you need her, but to have her - an intelligent, beautiful, grown woman - in your life, by your side?” Frank’s eyes had welled with tears. I couldn’t remember a time when I’d seen him be so invested in my choices.
We sat in silence, taking the moment in full. It didn’t take me long to figure out the fatherly love I’d craved my entire life was right here in Frank. Granted, he was old enough to be my father and he never said as much, but this relationship felt as close to a father/son relationship as I’d ever seen.
Thinking back to the skirmish outside the charity event, I started to laugh. “Why did you jump in on that fight?”
Frank’s shoulders relaxed as he recalled. “You needed someone in your corner, sir.”
There was that word again. “Hey, why do you call me sir? What’s that about?”
“To remind you that you’re more than a football player; you’re a man.”
Damn, well, what was I supposed to say to that? No one I trusted had really said something like that to me. Most of the time, I was the bad boy football player or the womanizing quarterback, or for many, many women, I was the best sex they ever had. I was the one who taught them what the word orgasm meant.
“I think I’d like to go home, Frank. Let’s just go on home,” I said.
“Home? Are you sure?”
“I’m sure. I have some work to do if I plan to convince Isla to move in with me.”
We drove the rest of the way in silence. I had a lot to think about. I would get nowhere fast if I didn’t improve my game and put some solid work in place. Frank was right, what incentive did Isla have for moving in with me? Would I want to move in with a guy like me? Would i want my daughter to move in with someone like me? Hell no, I wouldn’t!
I was feeling better by the
time we arrived at my house. I wasn’t even bothered by the fact that there was media outside my gates. It was just another day in my life. They weren’t going to ruin what I had planned for Isla. No matter what they said, I was not going to get into an altercation or a shouting match with any of them. That’s what I told myself before I stepped out of the car.
“Watch out!”
Those were the last words I heard before the vehicle crashed through the entry gates and ran right into me, hitting me squarely in the right leg, sending me flying over the car and crash landing on the pavement behind the car.
I’d never felt that kind of pain before in my life. Searing pain shot through every limb. Blood gushed out from my leg and my stomach. I couldn’t move without feeling intense pain.
The flashing lights from the cameras blinded me, but the gush of panicked voices told me what I didn’t know, what I couldn’t see for myself.
“Call an ambulance!” I heard someone say.
“What the hell did you do? What is wrong with you?” Frank screamed at someone.
“Get out of here! Give him some room! Move, people!” I recognized my security guy’s voice. “Beck, you’re going to be alright. The ambulance is on the way. You’re going to be okay.” The panic in his voice and the extreme pain I was feeling told me differently. My thoughts floated to all I stood to lose: Isla and the baby. My career and the money never once entered my mind. All I could think about was that I needed to live for Isla and our baby. I wanted to meet our baby and see him or her grow up. I wanted to be a father. I wanted to make Isla my wife.
“Call Isla,” I managed to whisper. “Call Isla.”
Frank knelt down next to me, his face close to mine. “I’ll call her. Don’t worry; I’ll let her know. Right now, let’s focus on you. Don’t move. Okay? Try not to move. An ambulance is on the way. You’re going to be okay.”
Why did everyone keep saying I was going to be okay?
I tried to lift myself up to see what was going on, but I didn’t have the strength. My head ached. Blood dripped down the back of my head, soaking the back of my shirt.
“Stay still, Beck. You need to stay still,” Frank said.
“Who did this?” I asked. “Who was driving?”
“Don’t worry about that now. Just relax. They should be here soon,” Frank said, his voice shaking.
I closed my eyes, willing the pain to go away.
“I’m sorry. Man, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what happened,” a man said.
I didn’t recognize the voice at first. The pain I felt was too intense for me to focus on his words, but when I heard Frank speak to the source of the voice, I knew immediately why the last several weeks of my life had gone so wrong.
“Sit his ass down!” Frank screamed at someone. I assumed he was speaking to one of my security team members. “Get him away from Beck!”
I opened my eyes to confirm, but again the flashing lights from the cameras blinded me and I couldn’t see his face, but I was sure I knew. I knew who the voice belonged to. I knew who was trying to ruin my life. The question was, why? What had I done to him? How did I become his enemy?
Chapter Eighteen - Isla
He opened his eyes. My heart ached for him, but luckily, his injuries weren’t career ending and he was still here with me. I don’t know what I would have done if he’d been killed.
“Hey, beautiful,” he said, his voice hoarse.
“Hey, handsome,” I said, stroking his cheek. “You’re awake.”
I watched as he took in the room and oriented himself with where he was. As the information sunk in, I thought I noticed a hint of sadness in his eyes. “I feel like hell,” he grumbled.
“Well, if it’s any consolation, you still look as sexy as ever,” I said, squeezing his hand. It was the only physical contact we’d be able to have for the next few weeks as he healed from his injuries.
“What happened? I thought I saw Jared there. Was he there?” Beck asked.
My heart sank. I hoped some time would pass before I’d have to tell him the awful truth about what happened to him and why. I took a moment to think about how to present the news to him. The last thing I wanted to do was upset him. He had already been given enough to worry about. According to the doctors, he’d need several weeks or more to convalesce and several weeks of therapy.
“Isla,” Beck started, squeezing my hand a little harder. “Tell me what happened. I want to know.”
I swallowed hard. I hated to have to break his heart. I didn’t even know Jared and it broke my heart to think about what he’d been up to. I couldn’t believe a human being could be driven to such madness. Jealousy was an evil witch.
“Jared’s in jail,” I said, hoping that would answer all the questions he had.
Beck sighed. “He did this? Are you sure?”
I nodded.
“Why? Why would he do this?”
I shrugged, not because I didn’t want to tell him but because I had no answers for him. All the police could tell me was what they could prove. Jared and Hannah, Beck’s assistant, were a sadistic couple, bent on destroying the star quarterback’s career. They recruited and hired the DA’s daughter and two of her friends to set Beck up and smear his name. When that didn’t work, Jared hired prostitutes to try another route that ended in a bar fight. The accident was just that - an accident. Jared was drunk and angry. He’d tried to dodge the media, misjudging the path and hit the accelerator instead of the brake and slammed into Beck.
“He was like my brother,” Beck slammed his fist on the bed. “Why would he do this? What did I do to him?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I really don’t know what he was thinking. He’s sick. Your assistant is just as sick as he is. They did this. You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t deserve any of this. Let the courts take care of them. Right now, you need to focus on getting stronger. We have a whole life in front of us. I need you. The baby is going to need you,” I said.
He scrubbed the tears from his face. “The baby. Come here.”
I wanted to. I wanted to feel his arms around me, but that wouldn’t be safe. He’d just had surgery. I was afraid I’d hurt him.
“Kiss me,” Beck begged.
I kissed him everywhere I could kiss him without causing pain. “I’ll kiss you every day and night for the rest of our lives, I promise,” I said, tears streaming down my face.
“Isla, move in with me. I need you. I need you with me. Move into the house. We don’t even have to share a room if you don’t want to. I can wait. I’ll give you your space, but please, please, just move in with me,” Beck pleaded.
How could I resist that? I didn’t know why I’d not moved in with him already. I didn’t know what I was afraid of. I loved this man. He was my child’s father. He was my everything.
“It’s too late. I already did,” I whispered in his ear.
“You did? When?” Beck asked, his eyes lighting up.
“Yesterday. Frank helped me,” I said, leaning my head on his. “And, by the way, we’re sharing a room, so nice try, but no such luck.”
He kissed the top of my head. “I love you, Isla Johnson.”
“I love you more.”
Beck motioned for me to close the door, the corners of his mouth lifting in that seductive way it always did when he wanted to mess around.
“You’re funny. You know we can’t. You’re injured, remember?” I reminded him as I walked over and shut the door anyway. “The doctor gave us strict orders to not let you do anything strenuous.”
“Since when have I ever listened to orders?”
Yep, my Beck was still here. The naughty boy hadn’t disappeared. As often as I tried to convince myself I didn’t like that side of him, the truth of the matter was, I found it to be one of the sexiest things about him. I mean aside from his dark hair, beautiful gray eyes, and sinfully, sexy pouty lips - Beck was an alpha male if I ever saw one. He was dangerous - the ki
nd of man your mama warned you about, but you couldn’t resist no matter how hard you tried.
“Yeah, I know. That’s how you got into this mess. If you would have listened to me all along, I’d still be employed, you’d be in one piece, and everything would be wonderful,” I said, joking with him.
“Come here,” Beck beckoned me to him. “I want to hold you.”
He had no idea how badly I wanted to be held by him. I don’t know if it was his accident, pregnancy hormones or just the fact I loved him more than words could say. I wanted to be in his arms every moment of every single day. I didn’t care what others thought or said. None of that mattered. Even some of the apprehension I had about the fact I was Black and he was white didn’t bother me any longer. He was my man. My one and only. The reason my heart felt so full. He was the father of my unborn child. Nothing and no one was going to ever be able to take that away from me.
I sat down on the edge of the bed, taking his hand in mine. “I miss you,” I said, emotion welling in my throat.
“I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.” Beck moved his hand to my leg.
I shifted so his hand could rest on top of my leg. “I can’t wait for us to get home and start getting things together for the baby,” I started, assessing Beck’s reaction. When I was sure he wouldn’t shut this conversation down, I continued, “I was thinking about names.”
Beck’s hand squeezed my thigh. “Baby names? Really? But, we don’t know what the baby is? I mean, I don’t know; do you?” His eyes widened with excitement.
“Not yet, but I think I want to find out. That will give us time to pick the perfect name and buy things for him or her.”