Still, I wished he’d let me have this moment instead of rubbing it in my face. But I guess I had a lot to make up for than he was willing to completely ignore right now. Still, his reaction is better than anything I had expected.
“I will admit, though,” my father went on, “that Iris is right. The two of you were adults, and not really related… I was angrier at you for how I found out about it more than I was about what had happened, but by that time, you were gone, and I… I didn’t know how to cope.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I suppose that in the end, I’m happy you’re back. Tentatively happy, anyway.”
I gave my father a faint smile and held out a hand to shake his. I knew that the waters between us were still rough, and my situation with Iris would be awkward for a long while, but we would have all the time in the world to work on it. I wasn’t going anywhere.
My father paused a moment, as if considering whether to bridge the gap between us physically, as if wondering whether shaking my hand might mean he forgave me more than he really has yet. But then he finally gave a curt nod and reached out to accept my grip. No hug followed, but I wasn’t expecting one. Not yet. Miles to go before I sleep.
“Kellan?” I heard my stepmother say, her tone giddy, urgent. “Did you say something, honey?”
We all turned to look at him as he lay in bed, his eyes fluttering open and scanning the room. Iris’ eyes lit up like the Fourth of July and she bit her lip as he shifting slightly and cleared his throat. He looked like hell warmed over, but as he opened his eyes fully, he managed to reply with a faint nod.
“Yeah,” he said. His voice was still hoarse, but now there was a grin that accompanied it, however feeble it was. “Stop yelling. This is a hospital, for crying out loud. People are trying to rest.”
I shook my head as my stepmother smiled and Iris teared up. My father gave a stiff nod in Kellan’s direction and I approached his bedside, forcing a smile of my own.
“Hey,” I said, holding out my hand, which Kellan took. His grip was weak, but feeling him squeeze my hand afforded me a level of comfort I hadn’t expected. “I’m so sorry. For everything…”
“Save it,” he croaked, shaking his head ever so slightly. “I heard what Iris said, about how she loves you, and you didn’t force her. And I heard what you said as well, about leaving, about your mom… I get it. We’re cool.”
I blinked at him, hard. “You’re sure?” I asked.
Kellan gave the barest of shrugs. “Well, we’ve both been pretty stupid—you left town like a douchebag and I OD’d ‘cause I thought the whole world was better off without me—I figure we’ve both been idiots enough to last us for a few decades. Almost dying kind of gives you some perspective on that kind of shit.” His gaze shifted to Iris. “Anyway, if you can forgive and forget, so can I. Maybe it’s the drugs they’ve got me on, but I mean it, Slade. We’re cool.”
“Don’t you ever do this shit to me again,” Iris said, pushing past me and snatching Kellan’s hand away. He winced, the IV in his arm jarring as she shook him. “I mean it, Kellan Walker. If you ever even think about doing heroin or taking Oxy ever again, so help me God, I will end you.”
“Right,” Kellan murmured, gripping her hand. “No ODing, or you’ll kill me. Got it. Sounds good.”
I stood back and watched my family reunite for the first time in years. It felt good to be here, to be part of something again, however new and unconventional it was. When Iris put her arm around me and drew me in close, I closed my eyes and relished the sensation I hadn’t felt in years.
I felt like I belonged.
Chapter 17
Iris
“Damn, Iris. That was one hell of a thank you.”
I smiled, sprawled across Slade’s chest, the afterglow sinking in like the near-scalding waters of a luxurious bubble bath. He twined our fingers, his left hand idly stroking my hair as I breathed him in, his scent a delicious mixture of masculinity, sexuality, and us.
“It’s the least I could do, since you saved my brother’s life and all,” I replied, closing my eyes as Slade’s lips met the top of my skull. “Jesus, Slade. You were amazing back there. I’ve never seen anyone so dedicated to their job. It’s like you were born to be a doctor.”
When I looked up at my stepbrother, he was beaming with pride. I laughed and poked a finger into his puffed-out chest. “Cool it. It’s probably just the orgasm talking. Wouldn’t want you to get an ever bigger ego.”
“I can accept that,” Slade answered, “as long as you admit who gave you one.” When I shot him a look, he laughed. “All right, all right. You did the heavy lifting this time. But I helped.”
“More than you know,” I assured him, settling back into his arms.
Slade and I lay there in silence for a long while, our synchronized breathing the only sound in my dimly lit bedroom. It gave me time to think, to fully come to terms with everything that had happened over the past few days. I could still hardly believe what we’d been through, or what we’d accomplished together—how far we’d come in just a short span of time.
Then again, seven years wasn’t exactly short, was it? Maybe we’d only recently caught up on everything we’d spent most of a decade trying to figure out, but the fact remained that Slade and I had been dancing this dance for a long time, and the end was finally here.
But that was a good thing. At least, I thought it was.
I had never felt so safe or happy before in all my life. Being with Slade, finally experiencing this closure, was more than I’d ever dreamed of for us. Even in my wildest fantasies, domestic bliss was never an option. There’d always be something dividing us, if not Slade’s arrogance, then our parents’ position on our non-traditional relationship.
We hadn’t even told them yet. Given my stepfather’s transgressions, it seemed best to hold off until we knew what we were going up against. Slade had saved Kellan’s life and saved me in a way no one else ever could. But was it enough to mend fences between him and the rest of the family? I honestly didn’t know.
I looked up at him through my lashes, smiling as I caught him staring into the distance, his eyes narrowed, brows knitting in a pensive frown. I liked watching Slade think—he was good at it. Though I’d never admit it to him out loud, he was absolutely brilliant. I marveled at the things he could do, the amount of knowledge he held in his big, sexy brain.
I knew how to make him stop thinking, though. And that was even more fun than making his face scrunch up all thoughtful like that.
I slowly wound my way down his body until my head rested on his hip, then stroked my fingers along his thighs. Slade gave a little grunt of approval and moved his hand lower to caress my shoulders, still lost in thought even as I nuzzled ever closer to his groin. “What’s on your mind?” I asked him, letting my warm breath tease at the tip of his spent cock, and Slade squirmed, filling me with giddiness right down to the tips of my toes.
“I was thinking about the future,” he said, sighing as I very lightly ran my nails over the seam of his balls. “And about the past. But mostly, what’s next for us.” When I nuzzled the tawny thatch of his pubic hair, he raised a brow and smiled. “I’m talking about you and me, Iris.”
“Mmhm,” I said, easing myself between his legs as he parted them for me. “Go on.”
“I want to stay,” Slade said, sucking a sudden breath in through his teeth as I covered the tip of his cock with my mouth. I flicked my tongue all along his very sensitive ridge, moving slow, savoring the flavor of my pussy still clinging to his shaft. “I want to stay in this town, with you, for the rest of my life, if that suits you.” He wound his fingers into my hair and gave a little tug, forcing me to meet his eyes even with his dick hardening in my mouth. “Because a lifetime with you, Iris? That’d suit me just fine.”
I smiled around his cock, batting my lashes at Slade as I swirled the flat of my tongue around his reddening tip. He swelled in my mouth, pulsing weakly as his manhood filled up once again, lengthening along
the slick surface of my tongue.
“Me too,” I told him, gripping his base once he’d hardened enough to do so. I watched his face slacken, his eyes glaze, and his teeth sink into his lower lip. “I want you to stay here, Slade. Having you here just…” I dragged my wet lips across his spongy flesh. “…makes everything better. You know?”
“No, I don’t,” Slade said, pulling my hair back from my face. “I suppose you’ll just have to show me.” Then he flashed me a lazy grin while I doubled down on his cock, sucking the whole length of him into my mouth.
Slade’s shaft pulsed a heavy beat on my tongue as I bobbed up and down, urging him slowly, steadily toward climax. The low purr of his voice grew louder with each passing minute, his piercing gaze fixated on my face as I worshiped my stepbrother’s massive, and oh-so-satisfying, dick. It had been too long since I’d tasted him, since I’d held this much power over him and his pleasure. Slade was the kind of guy who liked to be in charge, both in and out of the bedroom, but blowjobs? Those were a happy exception.
I knew how he liked it. He liked the tease. He liked the anticipation. It drove him wild. So I took my time with him, one hand gently massaging his low, weighty balls while the other firmly grasped his base, heightening his pleasure with quick, short strokes.
“Oh, fuck,” he murmured, a twitch rolling through his hips. His dick spasmed in kind, warning me that things were heating up, that soon I’d have him spilling his seed into my throat if I didn’t stop. “Iris, baby. That feels so good…”
I relished the strained timbre of his voice and the way his toes curled. Meeting Slade’s eyes, I sank down until his tip was jammed into the back of my throat, then bobbed mercilessly, laving him with my tongue as best I could in the meantime.
His grip on my hair tightened and his eyes rolled into his skull. “Shit. Iris. I’m not gonna be able to hold back, baby. That’s too much…”
I popped off his dick, earning a frustrated grunt before I climbed up his body again, licking my lips. Slade took hold of my waist as I positioned myself over his throbbing member, so eager to penetrate me and spend its load that it sprang desirously against my tantalizingly close entrance.
“You’ll really stay?” I asked him, spreading my thighs and placing my hands on his shoulders. Slade grimaced and whined as I took his cock into my body inch by torturous inch, leaning back so he could watch his mast disappear into my dripping, succulent folds. “You won’t take off on me again?”
“Not if you keep doing that,” he said, angling his hips so he could thrust up to close the distance between us.
I moaned as Slade bottomed out inside me, his girth stretching me once again. I wasn’t worried about my own orgasm this time. This time, I wanted to feel Slade cum, wanted him to fill me so completely I’d never be without him ever again. I knew, with that first rock of my hips, that wouldn’t take long to accomplish. Slade was teetering on the edge, the fire inside him already stoked by the slow tease of my tongue and lips.
He grabbed onto my breasts, rolling my nipples between his thumbs and forefingers as I swayed on his dick, pushing it deep inside me with every move. Slade was growing impatient, snarling as he lifted his hips to meet me, desperate to breach the barrier between pleasure and mindless ecstasy. I knew how much he liked to fill me, how that primal part of his brain jumped for joy every time he left his cum dripping out of me. That was a need I could easily fulfill, and happily, since he was fulfilling mine.
I needed him to want me. To need me. Most of all, to love me. Slade was willing to do that now, and better still, he was capable. Like everything else he did, he handled me with perfect care, providing me with everything I could have asked for—everything I never knew I needed so damn badly.
“I’m cumming, Iris,” he grunted, and I felt his dick tremble in warning. “I can’t stop now. I’m gonna cum inside you, baby.”
I only bounced harder, grinning as I looked down at his face twisted in rapture. “I know.”
Slade grasped my ass as he unloaded inside me, filling me to the brim with thick, long ropes of his passion. I accepted them gratefully, cooing as I watched him writhe, riding out the exquisite sensation of truly becoming one with me. Skin against skin. Lust mingling with lust. Slade and I weren’t just fucking anymore—we were making love.
He cupped my face in his hands and brought me down to him for a long, tender kiss. With his dick still inside me, I relaxed against his frame, letting his muscular arms envelop me as he whispered against my lips.
“I love you, Iris Walker. And I’m staying. For you. For Kellan. But most of all, for me.” I looked into his eyes. They were glimmering with emotion, even though he plastered that cocky smirk on his face to cover it up. “I need you. I’ve always needed you. But there’s something else I need, too.”
I tilted my head, frowning down at him. “What’s that?”
Slade’s smile faded, and his eyes grew distant once again. “To make amends,” he said.
Chapter 18
Slade
It had been years since I’d gone to see my mother’s grave, more than I even cared to count. The clouds hung low, casting everything in a steely gray light—which seemed appropriate, if depressing. It made me think of how sunny my childhood had always seemed, back when my mother was alive and part of it. I remembered it had rained on the day of her funeral. Yeah, gloomy weather was definitely fitting.
I led the way up the gravel path clutching a bouquet of lilies, making my way toward the oak that my mother had been buried beneath—a spot my dad had paid a pretty penny for. Following behind me were Iris, my father, and Evelyn, each of them silent as the graves surrounding us as we made our way through the valley of the dead.
My mother’s stone was nothing fancy, just a dark marble marker set beneath the shade of the large oak looming over it. Its boughs sprawled out to protect its charges from the rain that threatened to fall soon enough, while also attesting to its age. This thing was ancient, towering above the cemetery like some kind of graveyard guardian. I liked to think it was, especially when I was a kid. Some things just never changed.
I stopped in front of the oak, toe-to-toe with its collection of gnarled roots. In large, elegant letters, my mother’s stone read:
ELIZABETH JARVIS
LOVING WIFE & MOTHER
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not here; I do not sleep.
I looked down at the simple, black rectangle sitting in the field of bluish green grass, reading my mother’s name. It’s been so long since I’d been to see her—to talk to her—that I hardly knew what to say to her after all this time.
How to start? With an apology? Yeah, that was probably best. I’d been doing a lot of that lately, which was completely warranted. Given all the shit I’d done, all the people I’d hurt, Mom might’ve actually been the person I needed to apologize to the most. After all, she’d raised me better than this.
“Hi, Mom,” I said, my voice quavering as I felt my emotions flow over me like a river. My eyes stung, and I blinked a few tears back and cleared my throat. “Sorry I haven’t come by in so long.”
I knelt down by the stone, setting the flowers down over where she’d been lain to rest. She had always loved lilies, for a variety of reasons. The first was that their stark, white color had always appealed to her. Mom liked a lot of color, sure, but she liked simple things, too. Lilies weren’t too flashy, and neither was she. The second reason was that she always felt they brought great comfort to the people who often needed it the most. And the third, and probably biggest, reason was that my father would always buy them for her whenever he’d done something wrong.
I closed my eyes, momentarily allowing myself to relive some of those memories. If I concentrated hard enough, I could almost see her standing in our kitchen, arranging those lilies in a pale vase, her blue eyes glittering like sapphires in the snow.
“I brought your favorites,” I told her, keeping my voice quiet so that only I and my mother�
��s grave could hear. “I know it’s not much compensation for all the time I stayed away, but I thought you’d like them. I wanted you to know I didn’t forget.” I cleared a few leaves away, tidying up and fidgeting while I tried to loosen my throat a little. I knew it would be hard coming back here and having this conversation, even if I didn’t really know that she could hear me, but until now, I hadn’t realized just how hard it would be.
“I’ve got a lot to apologize for,” I said at last, “and not just to you, either. I haven’t lived up to what you imagined for me, I’m afraid. But I wouldn’t have been able to forgive myself if I didn’t come to see you today.
“I know I told you last time that dad got married again. In fact, I said a few other words about it, but now I don’t think that was very fair of me. I was just so mad at him for so many things. I blamed him for your death, for finding somebody else to marry… For a long time, it felt like he’d forgotten about you—like I was the only one who remembered all the years you spent taking care of us, or what happened to you that day. I’m so sorry for all of the things that I said to him—and to you. I hated him for moving on when I still wanted you back every day.”
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