“No,” Fox snarled, but both Luther and I ignored him. This was between me and Fox’s father right now, and it was my decision to make.
"I'm not gonna start hurting random people for you. Or dealing drugs or any of that shit," I said. "I'm in this because I want Shawn dead. I can pull my own weight as far as money goes, but I'll pick my own jobs."
Luther shrugged. "I don't need any more grunts to add to the ranks. You have free rein to pursue that asshole however you see fit. Besides, you know what I really want from you. You give me that and I won't ever ask another thing of you again."
"Why the fuck are you discussing this like it's happening? And what the fuck do you want from her?" Fox demanded angrily, still brandishing that gun but no one was paying it any attention anymore. And neither I nor Luther answered his questions.
"There's no girls in the Harlequins," JJ tossed in, his fearful gaze catching mine and I knew he didn’t want this for me. But that wasn't his choice. It wasn't any of theirs. Besides, Luther's deal was sounding pretty damn sweet to me. And I had bigger balls than a lot of the men I’d met, so I was fairly certain my lack of dick wouldn’t hold me back.
Chase looked about ready to burst that throbbing vein in his temple and I was willing to bet his teeth were getting ground down to dust in his jaw with how hard he was biting back his words
"Those are your terms?" I asked, my gaze meeting Luther's as I ignored the other three assholes in the room. "You aren't gonna try and pull a bunch of rank shit on me and start handing out orders as soon as Shawn is dead and I've given you what you want?"
"You have my word," Luther said with a predatory smile which said I'd just walked straight into his trap, but I didn't care. He was offering me Shawn's head on a platter as well as freedom from this house. The only string attached was the impossible reality where he believed I could reunite Fox and Maverick, but I wasn't gonna worry about that. Me calling myself a Harlequin wouldn't affect my ability to run and Luther's reach might be long, but I could run further and faster than he'd ever be able to catch up to if I had to. So all in all, this seemed like a deal I’d be an idiot to refuse.
"Then I'm in," I agreed as Fox shouted, "No!" and Chase had to grab his arm to stop him from lunging between me and his father.
But neither of us cared what the badger had to say on the matter.
"Sounds to me like you need some new ink then," Luther purred.
“What the fuck have you promised him?” Fox begged of me, his eyes burning with fear.
“That’s between me and him,” I said, raising my chin and his brows pulled together as he realised I was never going to tell him. He’d only refuse it as a possibility anyway and if I was being totally honest, I wasn’t certain it was one. But that wasn’t the point.
He turned his furious gaze on his dad, his upper lip peeling back with hatred. “I knew you’d never just let her stay here,” he spat. “Luther Harlequin always has to get his pound of flesh, doesn’t he?” He turned his back on his father and Luther gazed after him with a taut expression and longing in his gaze.
He turned those eyes on me and I could see him resting his hopes for fixing his family on my shoulders. I felt the weight of them pressing down on me like a thousand tons.
Did I get the feeling I'd just made a dumb ass decision? Maybe. Was I going to be going back on it now? That would be a hell no. Even the Green Ranger had been forced to join the dark side for a while and it had worked out okay for him. So I was gonna assume I'd be fine too. And I’d just deal with the furious look in Badger’s eyes after I got myself a shiny new Harlequin tattoo – it wasn’t like he’d be able to change shit about it after that anyway.
“T his is bullshit!” Fox shouted.
Luther had left the house and taken Rogue with him over an hour ago and Fox still hadn’t calmed down. I wanted to go after them as much as he did, but our boss had us by the balls. What were we supposed to do? It was Luther Harlequin we were up against for fuck’s sake, and it wasn’t even like Rogue had refused this initiation. I’d always said it was stupid that girls couldn’t join the Crew, but her? Of all the girls in all the fucking world, she was the one he chose to make an exception for?
It wasn’t like she didn’t have the fighting spirit required of the Harlequins, hell she’d make a better member than most, but it was Rogue. She wasn’t meant to be a part of this life. She would never have chosen it. She was meant to be unchained and unbeholden to anyone.
Now she was going to be shackled to Luther just like the rest of us, and it was worse than that, far fucking worse. The things I’d done as a part of the Crew had changed me, left scars on my soul. I didn’t want her subjected to the same life we’d been moulded for. I didn’t want blood on her hands or enemies hunting her in the night. Becoming a Harlequin meant inheriting the hatred of every Damned Man and every Dead Dog in the state plus plenty more besides. Fuck…and Maverick. What the hell was he gonna think? Not that I cared. Only, fuck me, he was gonna lose his shit. What if he tarred her with the same brush now, hunted her like he did us?
I scraped my fingers through my hair, following Fox as he stormed around the house and broke things. It was frustrating as hell considering we’d only just replaced half this shit after his last meltdown. I kept close to him mostly just to make sure he didn’t pack up a bag of guns and chase down his dad on a suicide mission. Because if Fox turned on him, the Crew would turn right back on Fox. Luther held too much respect among our people – especially the elders - and I knew for a fact at least half of them would avenge him with a bloody wrath.
Chase sat at the kitchen island with his head in his hands and a cigarette between his lips. I threw him a look every time Fox made a passage through the room and destroyed something. We were going to have no furniture left by the time he was done. Mutt ran at my heels, yapping angrily at Fox for all the good it did.
“I’m sick of him ruling our lives,” Fox snarled, kicking a trash can and sending it flying out onto the patio.
I grabbed his shoulder, pulling him around to face me. “Stop,” I demanded and he almost shoved me away before he met my gaze and found something to hold onto there. “You can’t change it. So we need to figure out how to handle it.”
“J,” he rasped. “Her being in the Crew means she’s gonna have do whatever he says. I don’t care what kind of deal she thinks she’s just made with him to protect herself from that – I know him. I know what he’s like. And I’m willing to bet this task he’s set her is damn near impossible. Which means that as soon as she fails at it, all of his pretty promises will fade away to nothing and he’ll use her in any and every way he wants.”
I nodded, warring with that truth myself. “I know, man, I know.”
“We could take her out of town,” Chase suggested. “Say she ran. Just put her somewhere she can’t come back.”
“Is that your answer to fucking everything these days?” Fox snapped at him and Chase shoved out of his seat, moving toward us.
“If we’d just done that in the first place, we wouldn’t be in this position,” Chase said in a low tone.
Fox lunged at him and I got between them, pressing my hands to each of their chests.
“Enough,” I commanded. “We’ve got enough shit to deal with without you two falling out too. Keep your fucking heads together.”
“I’m just saying, if we went with my original plan then she’d be somewhere far away from here, safe. And Shawn wouldn’t even know she was alive,” Chase snapped.
“I am so sick of you acting like you don’t even want her here,” Fox hissed, forcing his weight against me as he tried to reach him. “Grow up and own your fucking feelings. You think I don’t see how much you care about her? She was one of your best friends once.”
“Yeah, keyword once,” Chase growled, shoving against me from the other side so I was trapped in a muscle sandwich.
“He’s right, Chase,” I chipped in, but I kept my voice level, not rising to this argument. “Besides, sh
e isn’t going anywhere now and we were never going to let her go anyway, so your point is moot.”
“My point is always fucking moot with you two,” Chase snarled. “But I’m the only one around here who isn’t dick dazzled by that girl.”
My throat tightened and Fox tsked.
“What the fuck does that mean?” Fox demanded. “JJ’s dick doesn’t come into the equation with her, does it J?”
I glanced at Chase over my shoulder as my heart thrashed with panic.
“Oh you know what I mean,” Chase said dismissively, trying to cover for what he’d said. “JJ’s her little bestie friend.”
I shoved the two of them apart at last, moving away to get some air. “This conversation is pointless. What’s done is done, so we need to figure out a way to protect her from the worst this crew has to offer.”
Mutt jumped up at Fox’s legs and he lifted the dog into his arms, stroking his head like a bond villain as he narrowed his eyes at Chase and Mutt joined him in the scowl off. Chase leaned back against the kitchen island with an equally cutting glare and I sighed.
“Luther said he just wants one thing from her, so maybe she’ll succeed at it, and he won’t ask her to do the shit we’ve done,” I went on when no one else had anything to say.
Fox’s head snapped towards me at last. “I want to know what it is, then I’ll personally deliver it to him myself, so she doesn’t have to.”
“If it’s something Luther has asked of her, then it’s something only she can give him, idiot,” Chase bit at him.
“Well it ain’t money,” I said with a frown.
“What’s she got that none of us have?” Fox questioned as he tried to focus.
“A pussy?” Chase suggested.
“How’s that fucking relevant?” Fox demanded.
“I dunno, man, maybe the fact that she’s the first girl to ever be initiated to the Harlequins?” Chase threw back at him. “And she isn’t just any girl, is she? So I’d say it’s very much to do with the fact that she’s got a pussy, and likely to do with the fact that pussy has you on a tight leash.”
“What more can my dad make me do that I haven’t already done?” Fox shook his head.
“Well…maybe it’s more about the practicalities,” Chase went on with a dark shadow in his eyes and I frowned, wondering where he was going with this. “You want Rogue, and only Rogue.”
“And?” Fox pressed.
“And if Luther’s figured out that you’re never gonna settle down with any girl but her then…” Chase shrugged like it was obvious but Fox and I weren’t any clearer. My heart was thrashing though and I didn’t like the way my stomach was churning either. Chase rolled his eyes at us like we were being dumb. “Heirs,” he announced. “Where’s Luther gonna get heirs from if you’re never gonna marry anyone else?”
I fell unnaturally still and my heart sank like the Titanic and took every hope and dream in my chest down with the ship. Fox fell quiet too and darkness seemed to cloak him. I knew his stance on kids and it was a hell to the fucking no. He didn’t wanna bring up children destined for the very same life he’d been forced into, and it wouldn’t be the first time Luther had tried to make him settle down. He’d even suggested Fox knock up a whore if he didn’t want to do the marriage and happy families thing. It was fucking insane. But Fox had shut him down about it, saying he’d die before he brought kids into this world. Now Luther might be playing another angle and it made me fear so fucking much, because I knew for a fact that Rogue had agreed to whatever he’d asked.
It’s not that. It’s not fucking that.
“No,” Fox rejected the idea in one cutting word and I couldn’t deny how relieved I felt for it. “Rogue would never agree to that, she won’t even fuck me let alone-” He cut himself off, his jaw tightening.
“She might soon. It’s pretty obvious she’s the one girl you might have a different opinion on making a family with,” Chase said, his eyes flicking to me as a glimmer of his shattered soul peered from his eyes. My hope vanished again just like that as I pictured Rogue fucking Fox, trying to get herself pregnant with his child. Rage billowed up inside me like gasoline catching light and I fought with everything I had to keep it contained.
The front door sounded and Mutt yapped excitedly, writhing madly in Fox’s arms as he tried to get free. He put him down and the tapping of his claws against the floorboards filled the air as he ran out of the room and down the hall.
Rogue stepped into the kitchen a minute later and we all shifted around her, drawn closer like she was a magnet.
“Where’d he take you?” Fox demanded, reaching for her hand and she let him hold it, making my head spin with anxiety.
Chase had planted the seed of doubt in my mind and it was growing shoots already. Rogue hadn’t committed to me, she could choose him if she wanted to. She might have agreed to give Luther an heir if she wanted to kill Shawn badly enough. I mean yeah it was fucking extreme, but my pretty girl was fucking extreme, and I was suddenly so caught up in the fear of it that I was losing my mind.
“To mark me,” she said a little bitterly, then tugged her hand from Fox’s and turned around, pointing to the covering on the back of her right thigh that was concealing a new tattoo.
Fox dropped to his knees with a curse, peeling it off to see and Chase’s shoulder butted against mine as we leaned over him to get a look. The symbol of the Harlequins stared back at us, the skull seeming to mock me from beneath its jester’s hat and my world felt crushingly small for several long seconds. I remembered the day I’d gotten my own tattoo on my inner wrist, branding me, owning me, making me Luther’s and forever a part of this crew right down to my bones.
I couldn’t take it anymore. It was all too fucking much and I just had to get the fuck away from here.
I stepped past her, striding down the hall and shoving through the door into the garage.
“JJ!” Rogue called after me, but I didn’t stop, jogging downstairs and getting in my car.
My head was a haze of anger, jealousy and regret. I didn’t know what the answer to all of this shit was anymore. I didn’t even wanna go back in time and run for the hills with Rogue and the boys. I just wanted there to be a now that didn’t look so fucking fucked. A life where I could have her without losing my family. One where I didn’t have to bow my head to Fox over Rogue because of the vows I’d taken as a Harlequin. One where Chase didn’t look at me like I was going to rip our family apart. Because I knew he was right, in the depths of my heart. Me fucking Rogue was going to end up fucking our whole lives up if I didn’t stop. And maybe now I’d have to. Maybe now I’d be forced to swallow down my love for her and watch as Fox staked his claim on her and she let him because of some deal she’d made with Luther. Or maybe she wanted him anyway and I was just delusional to think she ever could have wanted me.
Before I could drive out of the garage, Rogue appeared, dragging the passenger door open and ducking her head in the car. “Wait,” she said breathlessly.
“I have to get out of here,” I muttered, not looking at her.
She dropped onto the seat and pulled the door closed. “Then go.”
I sighed then revved the engine as the garage door opened, tearing away from the house and out of the gates.
I didn’t stop until we made it to the beach and gazed out at our old sanctuary of Sinners’ Playground.
I pushed the door open, stepping out of the car and striding off down the sand, not waiting for Rogue as I went. I knew I was being an asshole, but I didn’t give a shit. I just needed to return to the one place in this town where I could pretend I didn’t have any responsibilities.
I climbed up the roughly hewn ladder, jumping over the fence at the top of the strut into the amusement park and Rogue soon appeared behind me, following me as I strode at a furious pace along the boards.
I made it to the far end of the pier as the wind picked up and whipped around us, gazing down at the deep blue water as I leaned against the wooden ra
iling there. How many times had I stood here, gazing at the horizon and wondering if a better life awaited us beyond it when I was a kid? There were days we’d been tempted to hop in a boat and see how far we could go, but we never had. The problem was, Sunset Cove called to us like our souls were bound to it, and I knew deep down we could never truly leave. It was our home, and we were tethered here by blood and memories and each other. I should have known Rogue would come back one day, her life was too deeply linked to this place, and eventually it had summoned her home.
Rogue moved to my side, her arm brushing mine. “Talk to me, J,” she urged.
“I have nothing to say,” I muttered.
“I think you have a lot to say,” she said quietly. “Are you angry at me?”
I thought on that question for a long moment then finally shook my head. “No,” I admitted. “I know you came back to this town for your own reasons. I’m not fool enough to think I was one of them. Luther’s giving you Shawn, so I guess you did what you felt you had to do.”
“JJ…” She rested a hand on my shoulder and I shrugged it off.
“Don’t,” I warned in a growl. “Don’t pity me, pretty girl.”
“I don’t,” she said seriously. “Look I know you’re angry, but this choice isn’t about you, or Fox, or Chase. It’s between me and Luther. I need to do this.”
“I get it,” I muttered. “You wanna kill Shawn for what he did to you, and you’ll pay whatever price you need to for your revenge.”
“Yeah,” she said.
I nodded stiffly as my gut knotted. “So what’s the price?”
“I can’t say,” she sighed.
I twisted sharply towards her, staring down at her as I invaded her personal space. “Fine, don’t say. But tell me this, is it going to cost me you?”
She frowned, her eyes full of some internal battle I couldn’t decipher. “I can’t promise it won’t.”
Dead Man's Isle (Harlequin Crew #2) Page 42