“I don’t know that I’d call her a protégée,” Amanda said, keeping her voice as low as possible.
“What magazine did he first see her in?” Natalie snickered, scanning random faces around the club.
“You make it sound like he picked her out of a catalog,” Amanda snapped, a feeling of dread taking root. “He does have a life, you know. Why don’t you just get over him, Natalie? Move on.”
Hearing the distinct edge in Amanda’s tone, Holly turned her attention to her. She instantly recognized the woman standing next to Amanda. It was the woman in the pictures with Logan in Fiji, she was certain.
“Amanda, relax,” Natalie said, giggling. “Why so uptight? I realize Logan’s your favorite big-brother charity case; I was just making conversation. She must be really something if you’re making this much of a fuss. I bet part of you isn’t ready to see him settled down either.”
Holly felt as if she’d just been handed her cue. Refusing to be spoken about like a figment of someone’s imagination and almost itching for the altercation that would follow, she piped up. “He settled on me,” she said. “Hi, I’m Holly.”
Natalie’s mouth dropped open, unbelieving, even though she had heard the rumors. Nobody had ever been outright rude in describing Logan’s new girl, but the word “hot” was never used either. Natalie didn’t know how to compete with a woman like this, a chubby, average kewpie doll. And this was what the woman looked like after seven months of his tutelage. Natalie could only imagine what Holly must have looked like when Logan first got hold of her. There was no way it could have been love at first sight, nor could it be a passing fancy. There was also no way for Natalie to compete. What was she supposed to do? Gain sixty pounds, abandon her makeup bag, and stop wearing heels? It took her a nanosecond to size up the situation. If this brood mare was Logan’s choice, he had to be one step from going down the aisle. She no longer had anything to lose, did she? With a dazzling smile and a calculated risk, Natalie smoothly extended her claws.
“So it’s true then. Hi. Or shall I say, ‘quack’?”
Amanda paled and her eyes grew wide, confirming to Natalie that the risk had paid off. Logan had used his “beautiful swan” line on her, too. Holly turned toward Amanda to share a look that said, “I just blew this bitch’s mind,” and saw that Amanda was shooting daggers with her gaze at Natalie. Holly felt the hair on the back of her neck rise. The look on Amanda’s face indicated there was surely a hidden meaning to the word that only she and Natalie knew about. Holly was the butt of some inside joke. She just knew it. Holly grabbed Amanda’s arm before turning briefly back to Natalie.
“Pardon us. I have to go blow my beak.”
Holly weaved Amanda through the crowd to the ladies’ room and rounded on her before the door closed. “Why did that woman just quack at me?”
“How should I know? She’s crazy.” Amanda was never good at pretending under pressure, especially without Chase as her wingman.
“I’m the one who’s crazy if I believe that. I saw your face. Tell me.” Holly could feel her insides beginning to twist into knots.
Amanda’s teeth bit into her lower lip. It was painfully obvious that Holly knew nothing of Logan’s favorite comparison. Logan had really dug a hole with this—it was so unlike him to let such a disparaging remark get out. “It’s not a big deal. Really it isn’t. When you first started training with Logan, he just gave you a nickname, that’s all.”
“A nickname? About a duck? Tell me. Now.” If it wasn’t so bad, why was Amanda making such a fuss to conceal it? Holly was sick to her stomach. Unless the next word out of Amanda’s mouth was “Daffy,” her heart was about to break. Amanda could only shake her head, her lips tightly drawn together, and then she became unreasonably fixated on the hand dryer. It hit Holly like a painful brick wall falling down upon her. Holly whispered it herself. “It’s ‘ugly,’ isn’t it?” She swallowed hard, her throat feeling as if it had been filled with concrete. “He called me an ugly duckling.”
As soon as Amanda heard it, she hastened to soften the blow, panic-stricken. “He says it about all the women he trains. He tries to motivate them by getting them to imagine themselves as the swan, you know, the ‘after’ picture. He even said it to me when I started training with him. But look at you now, Holly. You really are a beautiful swan.”
Calling Amanda an ugly duckling was like referring to that diamond from Titanic as costume jewelry. Besides, if what Amanda was saying was true, Holly would have heard Logan use the term during their workouts, even once. She wouldn’t be hearing it for the first time at a party full of his friends. But clearly, that’s what she really was to him. She would never be beautiful enough to be his equal. She would always be the duck. It certainly explained why he’d begged off from her side as soon as they arrived, to leave her to be ridiculed by his prior conquests.
Holly smiled a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Oh yes. You’re right. That really is nothing. Knew about it all along. That nasty bitch just threw me. We better get back out there before the boys think we’ve left.”
Every face Holly saw after that seemed mocking. The eyes of every person Logan introduced her to held insinuation. Natalie kept her distance from them and left early, but not before spending quality time staring at her smugly from across the bar. She watched the whole night unfold as if she was looking through the lens of camera. She was present but detached, pleasant but monotone. What she didn’t realize was that while she was indeed being stared at, it had very little to do with her. It had everything to do with the fact that Logan Montgomery, the most aloof, standoffish opponent of public displays of affection, was spending more than half the night with his hand securely holding hers.
She told him on the way home she had a headache, hinting that she needed to take some Tylenol and lie down. Logan admitted that she seemed off but didn’t push it, although he conveyed his disappointment that he wouldn’t be spending the night. He dropped her off at the house. As soon as she got through the front door, she went to the phone and dialed.
“Hello?” Tina answered sleepily.
“You were right.” As soon as Holly heard her voice, the tears started to fall.
“Holly? Right about what? Are you okay?” Tina asked, instantly recognizing the emotion in Holly’s voice and waking up immediately.
“About Logan, about everything,” Holly choked out.
“That rotten snake. He dumped you?”
“Worse.” Holly sniffled loudly, hating the fact that she was crying at all. “He made a fool of me, a complete and utter fool of me.”
“Holly, calm down. You’re not making any sense. You told me things were going fine with you two. What did he do?”
Holly took a deep breath, grabbing a tissue out of a box on the counter and wiping her nose with it. “He’s been calling me his ugly duckling. I found out about it from some bitch he used to date. At a party we went to tonight. Can you imagine? If she knew about it, everyone must know.”
“What is this, some kind of joke?” Tina was virtually speechless. “Are you sure?”
Holly felt fresh tears starting to build and she impatiently dashed at them with a new tissue. Tina’s quiet astonishment only served to drive home just how despicable it sounded. “I wish it was a joke. Even Amanda couldn’t deny it.”
“M-maybe it’s a hot, buff guy thing? Borderline-insulting terms of endearment?” Tina stammered in the attempt to come up with a positive spin.
“Then the hot buff guy thing is not for me!” Holly practically shouted before blowing her nose. Weeping again, she added, “I guess I should be congratulating myself. I must have gotten down to a weight where it’s worth letting people see his great work. He could at least have had the decency to say it to my face, so that when I heard it, it didn’t come out of left field.”
“You just used a baseball term there.” Tina suddenly smirked.
“Why wouldn’t I? I live sports all day long,” Holly snorted, ramping up again. “I watch ESPN
twenty-four hours a day, just to have a clue what he’s talking about. I made everything that was important to him important to me. And for what? So I can be his best buddy until he gets tired of playing with me? He never once made a plan based on anything I like to do. Like botanical gardens or modern art or opera.”
“Since when do you have an interest in opera?”
“That’s not the point,” Holly snapped. “The point is I lost myself in him. I was so blown away by the fact that he was interested in me, all I could think about was how to keep him. Like I should consider myself so fucking lucky to have him. I’d had misgivings all along that something wasn’t right about the whole relationship, but he made me feel paranoid for thinking it. All the while he’s been looking at me like some sort of testament to how fabulous he is. And whose side are you on here?”
“I’m on your side, but you have to admit, before it got all messed up, it sure did sound like you were having a blast.”
Holly stopped, took a deep breath. “What are you saying?”
Tina waited before answering. “I’m just suggesting, maybe it isn’t all that bad. I haven’t seen the two of you together, and in the beginning I had my reservations, but from everything you’ve told me, he seems nice enough. You always sounded like you were having so much fun with him. Who cares if you were doing all the things he likes to do? When you first met him, you didn’t give a crap about anything anyway.”
“It almost sounds like you’re defending him.” Holly sniffed again.
Tina clarified. “No way. I’m pro-Holly and you know it. I’m just wondering if maybe you’re not a better fit with him than you think. Okay, so the guy made a bonehead move and said something unflattering about you. Maybe he did it before he really knew you. It’s not like he consistently refers to you as the troll living under his bridge.”
“Neither one of us knows that. Maybe he does. And you don’t understand,” Holly said, her eyes welling up again. “It’s not that he said it, it’s that he never said it to me. Which means it holds a ring of truth for him. I can’t stay with him. Not if thinks he’s better than me.”
“So did you tell him to get lost?” Tina asked, switching gears. By the sound of Holly’s voice, trying to change her mind was futile. Tina knew Holly’s quiet determination when she heard it.
“No.” Holly scoffed at her own stupidity. “I stood there like an idiot the whole night, knowing that they were all laughing behind my back, not saying a word.”
“That doesn’t make you an idiot, Holly. It makes you tough. And the better person.”
“You know what, Tina?” Holly sighed desolately. “I can’t keep doing this. Not if ten pounds means he’s going to be finished with me. Now that I know this is out there, I feel like he’s not into me, but his own creation. Every time I see him, I’m going to ask myself if it’s in the back of his mind. I went along with everything that man wanted, afraid if I didn’t, he would walk away. I catered to him and never once made him even work for it, thinking the whole time he was better than I deserved. Turns out he was thinking it, too. I can’t do it anymore. I don’t want to.”
“And you shouldn’t have to. It was him that didn’t deserve you. None of them deserve you. This whole thing just breaks my heart,” Tina said sadly. “I knew he was too good to be true. People like him are never held accountable for acting like assholes.”
Holly sniffled loudly. She took a moment before saying, “But what if they were?”
“Were what?”
“You know, held accountable.” There was another pause and Holly asked, “Do you think you can get any time away?”
“I guess so,” Tina answered slowly, then asked suspiciously, “Holly? Why do I get the feeling you’re up to something?”
“Because I am. There’ll be a ticket waiting for you at the JetBlue counter. Let me know when you’re going to arrive.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Nearly a week later, while dressing for their Halloween party, Amanda mentioned to Chase how relieved she was that Natalie wasn’t invited to the party and hoped she wouldn’t be crashing it.
“Why do you care if she shows up or not?” Chase asked. “It’s for charity. As long as she brings her checkbook, I say let her in!”
“I just don’t think Logan or Holly needs the aggravation.”
“Stay out of it,” he growled playfully. “Logan knows how to handle his exes, and Holly has always seemed to take them in stride.”
“I guess so,” Amanda said apprehensively. “But Natalie really takes pleasure in going for the jugular. After what happened last week at Bases Loaded, I wouldn’t care if I never saw her again. She can keep her money.”
“What happened?” he asked indulgently. “Did I miss a good old-fashioned catfight?”
“Hardly.” Amanda sniffed with distaste. “It was more of a sucker punch and a hasty exit.”
“Amanda.” Chase stopped what he was doing to regard her with his eyes narrowing. “Why are you speaking to me in metaphors?”
“Forget it,” Amanda said hastily, feeling the weight of his stare. “It’s nothing. Everything’s fine. I just don’t like her.”
“What aren’t you telling me?” he asked, this time not quite so indulgently. “Spill it.”
“They had a little altercation is all,” Amanda said quickly. “Natalie quacked at her and she demanded to know why. I told her about Logan’s penchant for bird references, and we laughed, sort of, and moved on. See? Not even worth telling you about.”
“You did what?!” Chase resumed putting the finishing touches on his costume, laying the green wig flat over his own hair while scolding her. “Mandy, how could you tell her? Holly’s your friend. What got into you?”
“What was I supposed to do? Lie to her face, point-blank? Strangle Natalie in the middle of a nightclub? Why don’t you ask Logan that question? He’s the one who gave her the stupid nickname, then blabbed it to enough people for Natalie to hear about it. Why aren’t you directing this lecture at him?” She finished applying her red Betty Boop lipstick, gave her cleavage a heave, and checked to make sure her dress covered her bottom. By the way her Jolly Green Giant sounded, Amanda wasn’t sure how long it would stay covered. But they were twenty minutes from meeting a house full of people, so she figured she was safe for the moment. Besides, if he spanked her now, he’d get green body paint all over her, and that was a little too obvious, even for them. He shook his head at her reprovingly and put on his big green feet, and they went downstairs.
The mansion had been transformed into a haunted castle. From the entrance gate on, jack-o’-lanterns and shadowy ghouls graced the lawn. Creepy music started at the bottom of the driveway and led all the way to the front door, which was covered in would-be cobwebs and mist. At the entrance to the Walkers’ ballroom were two dry-ice machines that blasted eerie clouds of fog as each guest passed by them. The great room was also theatrically decorated and forebodingly dim, with the exception of strobe lights that flashed to the bass of the DJ-driven dance music. In half-hour intervals, the house lights came on for ten minutes so that guests could better mingle, eat, and admire other partygoers’ costumes.
An hour into the party, Holly still had not shown up. Logan arrived, alone, assuring Amanda that he’d spoken to Holly and everything was fine. “She’s just running late. She’s been fighting a cold,” he told his hostess through the wads of cotton in his cheeks, the glue on his Godfather mustache pulling slightly.
Amanda had no choice but to believe Logan and move on. She had guests to mingle with, caterers to supervise. It felt good to have something to do again that she could take credit for. Chase had originally balked at the idea of a costume party, but one look at him stomping around in his big green feet and leafy toga made all the finagling worth it. They were posing for a photographer from the Daily News when Holly walked through the door.
Luckily, they had just taken the picture, so the smiles were already pasted on their faces. With perfect timing, Holly cam
e in just before the DJ’s set was over and the lights went up. When she spotted Logan, she ignored all others and made her way over to him. As people started to notice her, a path began to clear.
Logan’s pleasure at seeing Holly changed as soon as he got a good look. She was wearing a dress not unlike Björk’s infamous Academy Awards gown. It was far too small; Holly was nearly busting out of it, folds of skin spilling over the top and sides of the bodice. Cellulite dimples abounded on her bare thighs. The hideous swan boa, complete with head and beak, was threaded through a plastic six-pack holder with a couple of Coke cans still dangling from the rings. The bird’s eyes had big X’s on them. A cardboard slice of pizza with real pepperoni pasted on was duct-taped to its beak. Unwrapped Twinkies and Devil Dogs hung from the dress hem, some of them crushed within the feathers. Other feathers were dipped in chocolate. People were beginning to stare. Cameras flashed. She was a messy sight. But Holly was oblivious to the attention. Her eyes were locked on Logan, her mouth frozen in the same spiritless smile that she’d been wearing for the better part of a week when she was forced to come into contact with any of them.
Logan felt the heat rise up his neck, took a quick look at the people around him, and spoke to Holly as a very shaky Vito Corleone.
“What’s with the getup, babe?”
“I’m a swan. Get it?”
And then in front of all Logan’s friends, his colleagues, and the press, Holly hauled off and clocked him. And all hell broke loose.
A deafening “Oh” erupted and the room brightened like a giant flashbulb. From the corner of his rapidly swelling eye, Logan caught a brief glimpse of the Jolly Green Giant and Betty Boop, their jaws slack. Various versions of shock on other partygoers’ faces became a whirling blur. And as the birds started to sing and stars swirled around his head, he saw the remnants of a retreating fudge-encrusted tail waddling away, back into the fog from where it came. Before completely losing his balance, Logan said:
“She coulda been a contender.”
Big Girl Panties Page 23