“You know what else I think?” Tina asked, and then said bluntly, “I think the truth is you’d rather have a root canal than go back to Fairview. You’ve just spent so much of your life settling and trying to make the most of rotten situations that you honestly don’t believe you deserve anything better. I think it’s time to stop all your bullshit and put on your big-girl panties.”
Holly’s head snapped back up, insulted. “I beg your pardon?”
“You heard me. Wipe that offended look off your face; this past week proved to me you’re no delicate flower. Listen, no one was more surprised than me when I got off the plane and saw you. You’re a completely different person, which isn’t saying all that much considering the last time I saw you was Bruce’s funeral. But the fire was back in your eyes and I don’t think it was only because you were plotting the big get-even. It’s so much deeper. No one wanted to hate Logan or have your plan work more than I did. Even Tommy was jazzed up, thinking about you sticking it to the man. But now I’m not so sure this guy is the villain I thought he’d be, or that you’d be better off without him. When he called your cell phone late last night and I answered it, all he could talk about was how to keep you from getting on this plane.”
“You answered my phone?” Holly asked indignantly, trying to even the playing field. Tina was really letting her have it.
“Well, it kept ringing!” Tina laughed, completely unrepentant. “Like every twenty minutes. You had already cried yourself to sleep and I was already having serious reservations. He’s genuine and deeply cares for you; it’s so goddamn obvious. Guys don’t talk like that unless they mean it. Not to mention he’s gorgeous as sin. Something tells me your reaction was disproportionate to what he did to you. Not that I blame you; even he thinks he could have handled it better. He’s scared, too, you know. I would be the worst friend ever if I let you walk away from this. I hope you can see past blaming me for helping him.”
“What if you’re wrong?” Holly asked weakly, Tina’s speech ringing in her ears. She seriously doubted that Logan had ever been scared of anything in his life.
Tina grinned. “There’s only one way to find out, and it’s sitting right behind you.”
Holly turned around and casually peeked over the back of her seat. Her eyes immediately locked on Logan’s. It was as if he had been staring at her seat, unmoving, from the moment she sat down in it, willing her to look at him. His elbow was on the armrest, his thumb under his chin, his finger curled over his upper lip. His eyes bore into hers; even the swollen one. She quickly sat back down.
“He’s staring at us.” Holly gulped.
“No,” Tina responded with a giggle. “He’s staring at you. Now, get over there and find out exactly what he came for.”
“Come with me?” Holly asked feebly.
“No way,” Tina replied, leaning back in her seat. “This is something you need to do on your own. I don’t think you really want me there anyway; it’s your moment. I’m going to stay here and order the flight attendants around, make the most of my upgraded status. Who knows when I’ll get another chance to be treated like a big shot?”
Holly squared her shoulders and stood. Taking great pains to avoid looking directly at him, she crossed over to where Logan was sitting.
“Benedict Arnold convinced me to come talk to you,” she mumbled at his muscular thighs. She watched his legs shift to the side, making room for her to pass him. She sat down in the seat next to him and folded her hands tightly on her lap. She stared at them. She didn’t know where to begin, what to say to start the exchange he was determined to have and she would have done anything to avoid. His hand came into her line of vision to rest on top of hers. His strong fingers tried to coax her hands apart and she let them. Then he began to faintly trace her discolored knuckles, the knuckles she’d bruised when they forcefully made contact with his face. He was so gentle, so caring in his touch; it was as if he were examining them to see if she had injured herself while clobbering him. Her throat tightened. She continued to stare into her lap when he took her hand and it left her sight line. She could feel his lips placing a feathery kiss on each of the three affected knuckles before he entwined his fingers in hers. Then he settled both their hands in his lap. It was a gesture so tender, her eyes began to burn with sentiment she didn’t want to give in to. He was waiting for her to look up and deal with him, she could tell. She swallowed hard and brought her face up to meet his. He was looking at her earnestly.
“If I had known all the trouble you were going to cause me, I would have stayed an extra night in Toronto,” he said with only a hint of teasing.
“You and me both. You should be ashamed of yourself, trying to garner sympathy and support from my oldest friend. Don’t you have enough friends of your own?” she said, trying to maintain her posture of anger and trying to ignore the familiar warmth spreading throughout her whenever he looked at her like that.
“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” Logan replied, a small grin playing at the corners of his mouth. “I hope you went easier on her than you did on me.”
“She didn’t embarrass the shit out of me by making me a laughingstock.”
“You punched me out in a room full of people who used to respect me. I’m going to spend the next week walking around looking like Popeye. Let’s call us even,” he retorted, all playfulness gone despite the joke. He was staring at her intently.
“Is that why you’re doing all this, Logan? Is that what this is about? Getting even?” she asked, still unwilling to believe what he’d told her the night before. Guys like Logan didn’t settle down. They played the field; they enjoyed counting notches on bedposts. Her mouth felt dry. She felt the tears of frustration beginning to build. Why did he insist on torturing her? Why couldn’t he just thank her for making it easy for them both and move on, like she was doing?
“I told you. I’m not letting you go without a fight,” he said soberly. “But please remember, I currently only have one eye left to see out of.”
“This has nothing to do with me,” she choked out, her voice raspy with unexpressed sorrow. “It has to do with you getting the upper hand or the last word or whatever else it is you think you’re owed.”
“You’re wrong, Holly. It has everything to do with you. If I’d gotten what I wanted, I would have never met you. I would have continued with my perfectly happy life. I would have steered clear of the woman who would make me question every aspect of my very existence and shred my world piece by piece.”
“You did the same thing to me,” she said desolately. “Except for the prior-happy-life part.”
He continued, his voice low and heavy with emotion, his eyes melting into hers. “You are the woman who came out of nowhere and made me feel the most intense feelings possible in the most fun and amazing ways, in spite of your history full of misery and disappointment. You gave yourself to me so freely, in every single way a person can. I had your complete and unwavering trust. And even though I know I sometimes took it for granted, we had a good thing. And I refuse to believe you stopped caring about me over a stupid misunderstanding with a jealous petty ex-lover who was determined to try to take all that away from us. You’re way too smart for that. This is about you, all right, and the leap of faith it’s going to take for you to believe that you’re worthy and deserve love and to be loved, for you to take the chance of being hurt or left again. I’m onto you, and your days of hitting and running are over.”
Holly had to look away, staring blankly out the plane’s small oval window at the fluffy clouds below in the distance. So much of what he said was the truth she didn’t want to admit. She had been waiting for him to leave her from the moment their affair started. A wave of shame came out of nowhere and washed over her. She’d never let him defend or explain himself. She went straight to thinking the worst of him. She let the feeling of betrayal fester into one of vengeance in record time, and ultimately the only way she thought she could hurt him was by ruining his physic
al perfection. Where just a day ago she had felt vindication and righteous anger, she now felt humiliation. A tear slipped from the corner of her eye, followed by another.
He let her indulge in her moment of withdrawal and let his words sink in before gently taking her chin and turning her face back to his again.
“I love you, Holly. You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever known,” Logan said softly, stroking his thumb across her cheek. “When I think of my life moving forward without you in it, my soul hurts.”
“Why didn’t you tell me all this last night?” she asked, her voice shaking and her chin trembling.
Logan gave her a weary smile and squeezed her hand before kissing it again. “I wanted to, but by the time I found the right words, you had handed me my walking papers. You had a real creepy calm about you. I wasn’t sure how mad you still were and I wasn’t willing to risk a kick in the jewels.”
A giggle escaped, in contrast to her swimming eyes. They shared small knowing smiles as a flight attendant showed up with their breakfast, having been told by Tina that her friend had once again switched her seat. It was impossible to miss the admiration in the attendant’s eyes when she looked at Logan. Or the poorly masked envy when she saw his hand securely wrapped around Holly’s. Only this time Holly didn’t feel intimidated by either. In fact, she quite enjoyed them.
Suck it up, wench. He’s taken … by a Barbie doll’s worst nightmare, she thought with satisfaction.
They sat in silence, picking at their food. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence. It was contemplative.
Holly finally broke the stillness. “Logan? What do you see in me?”
She had him asked that question once before. Before he knew life with her would be so much better than going it alone. Before he knew that commitment wasn’t a trap, but a treasured gift. This time he was determined to get the answer right.
“I see the woman who taught me how to love. And I have no intention of letting her go.”
“Good answer,” she murmured, blushing.
“Glad you approve.” He smiled devilishly at her. “I’ll stand up and shout it if you need me to.”
“This doesn’t mean I’m taking you back, you know. Don’t get too comfortable and sure of yourself. I might want to actually see that,” she fibbed, wanting to curtail some of his swagger.
“I’ve got about another five hours before my clock runs out. Be careful what you wish for,” he replied, popping a strawberry in his mouth. “I’m ready, willing, and able to profess my love for you to the other six or seven people here, complete with the sad story of just how I got this black eye. I might take my show on the road and head into coach. Maybe even the cockpit.”
They went back to giving each other some quiet space. But he took the opportunity to touch her, and he took it often. He leaned his leg against hers, a tender brush against her arm or hand with his. Each and every contact made Holly more aware of just how much pleasure she took from it and how much she would really miss it if they weren’t together. When breakfast was over and their trays were cleared, he reclined his seat and began to doze.
Holly watched him. She thought about all he’d said and a touch of guilt bubbled to the surface. She had taken him out of his comfort zone to make him look as ridiculous as humanly possible; he had taken her out of hers to save her life and then change it, in all the best ways. There was nothing she could do about any of that now; all she could do was spend the rest of her life trying to make it up to him. It sounded like a wonderful proposition. She caught Tina peeking around her seat from several rows in front of her. They made eye contact and smiled at each other before Tina gave her an enthusiastic thumbs-up and turned around to settle back in her seat. Holly continued watching Logan a moment more, then reached out and gently ran her fingertips along his cheekbone, just below the swelling, and he stirred.
“You okay?” he asked her, opening his eyes.
“Does it hurt?”
“Only when I blink,” he teased, closing them again.
“It must be quite a shock when you look in the mirror,” she said seriously.
“Nah,” he replied drowsily, reaching out for her hand. “I think it makes me look tough. I plan on telling people I got pistol-whipped breaking up a robbery.”
“You look tired,” she said, noting the dark circle under his good eye.
“It takes a lot out of a guy to get his ass kicked and hatch a devious plot in less than twelve hours.” He opened his eyes and turned his head to gaze at her before saying gently, “We can stop in on your parents, if you like?”
Holly instantly paled and looked away. “I can’t make you do that. I don’t know what’s there.”
Logan took her by the chin to face him, then cradled her head in his hand. He tilted his head to lock his eyes on hers. “My beautiful swan. Whatever’s there, you’re strong enough to face. And I’ll be right there, spotting for you. Because whatever this thing is, we’re in it together. We’ll do what we can. We don’t have to stay. We don’t have to go at all.”
She blinked up at him, glassy-eyed and wordless. He brushed her cheek with his thumb before kissing the other and releasing her.
“Decide when we land,” he said confidently, resuming his grasp of her hand.
He went back to napping and she went back to looking at him, only this time Holly was sure she could see beyond the spectacular physicality straight down to his heart. And in the end, she decided it was really just as beautiful as the rest of him. And he wanted her to have it. He had gotten that message across, and in a way that rivaled any romance movie she had ever seen. He was her real-life hero. With that realization, her own heart swelled with the love she’d had for him all along. And she didn’t want to run or ignore it or dispute it anymore. She wanted to enjoy feeling it and share it with him, for however long it lasted.
“I love you, Logan.” Holly said it so softly, it was barely a whisper. But she could tell he heard it when the corners of his mouth turned up ever so slightly and his fingers tightened around hers.
“I guess the tickets back to New Jersey are on me,” she finally said, assuring him his plan had worked.
“Not necessary,” Logan replied easily, eyes still closed, giving her hand another squeeze. “Chase’s jet is waiting for us at the airport in Portland.”
Chase. An uneasy giggle blurted. She could almost hear the stammering that would take place when she saw him again. After all, it was the Walkers’ party she’d ruined. Once she was on the plane she had completely forgotten about facing that music. That was one apology she wasn’t looking forward to.
Logan read her mind. “You should be way more concerned about Amanda.” He chuckled, cheered by the prospect of seeing Amanda make someone else miserable for a change. “She’s going to run you through the wringer.”
“Chase has a plane?” she asked, ignoring his comment. She would worry about them later.
He opened his eyes and smiled at her. “Chase has everything. When I told him what I was planning to do, he offered it up and I accepted.”
“You consulted with him on all this mess? Needed his approval, did you?” She felt irked and embarrassed.
“Well, I did have to cancel his appointment for today,” he said, taking the time to remind her of all the sacrifices that were made on her behalf. “And lots of others.”
“A tad presumptuous, don’t you think?” She tried to sound miffed, to cover up another pang of guilt. “Guess you all were pretty confident of the outcome here?”
“Not at all.” Logan explained, bringing his seat back up, stretching out his legs, and bestowing a wry grin on her. “You know he’s a hopeless romantic. I think he felt partially responsible, that he got way too involved in my affairs. And he was kind enough to point out that if my plan didn’t work, it wouldn’t be fair to subject the general public to my devastation. I could brood and cry all the way home in private.”
“I don’t know why I should be surprised; Chase thinks of everything,
” she said, marveling.
“He does,” Logan said readily before yawning, then added nonchalantly, “He also mentioned that if I did manage to win you back, there was still the business of our dealing with the aftermath of what you did last night. We would certainly want privacy for that.”
It took only a moment for what he meant to register. Chase’s idea of retribution for antics like Holly’s was singular. She had put Logan through quite a bit. She would never be able to match Logan’s strength or overpower him if he was focused and intent. Even she couldn’t honestly say she didn’t have it coming. “I’m getting the Chase Walker treatment soon as you get me alone on that plane?” she asked, striving to sound casual but still concerned.
Logan laughed out loud. “No worries, kid,” he replied, completely relaxed. “Totally not my style. Although if I have my way, there will be plenty of smacking going on.”
There was a pregnant pause.
“So? What? You’re going to punch me in the eye?” she queried, becoming more and more suspicious of his open-ended statement and overly laid-back demeanor.
He took note of her anxiousness and straightened back up to gaze at her affectionately. “Not even close. The smacking I plan on doing to you involves your lips against mine, all the way back to Jersey. And maybe, if we’re lucky, by the time we’re somewhere over Saint Louis, other parts of our bodies will be smacking together as well. But I promise you, it won’t hurt a bit.”
Holly didn’t think she could stand waiting that long and leaned over to place a warm, lingering kiss on his lips. Suddenly, the thought of an airplane takeoff seemed like the best idea in the world, and she couldn’t wait to do it again. She settled back down in her seat and rested her head on his strong, broad shoulder. She let him resume his dozing. And then curiosity got the best of her.
“Speaking of what is and isn’t your style, I can’t believe you’re just going to let what happened last night go, no matter how badly you want me back.” Her voice was full of warranted skepticism.
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