As she clung to Col, she rubbed the base of her ears against his neck, fawning on him.
In that place, where he was treated as a competent priest, he went about his daily work, living comfortably.
In that place, there was the master, an intelligent and understanding former merchant; his wife, the maternal wisewolf who saw through everything but kindly accepted him; and their daughter, who was like the midsummer sun as well as a person who admired him.
Was there anything he could want more than that? It was unimaginable.
But he looked down at Myuri as she clung to him, holding his breath. He gazed at the beautiful hair she got from her father, a strange color combination of silver flecks in ash, and her expressive wolf ears.
Was he sure this was not a continuation of his nightmare?
Was a demon trying to pull him to the depths of the sea?
Did such a restful place truly exist in this world?
But they were so far away from all that in this place where a frigid sea surrounded them on all sides!
“I can’t.” He answered, grabbing Myuri’s thin shoulders and pulling her away from him.
Her body was slender, as light as an angel.
“I believe in the teachings of God. It’s my wish to spread those teachings, which will become a support for those living in this world. I knew that the world would be an ugly place. Knowing this, I came down the mountain. That is why…I must protect these righteous teachings.”
He desperately recited his mantra, as though repeating it for himself. Even despite how Autumn’s eyes, on that dark-blue-colored beach, had seen just how empty those words were.
As he gripped her shoulders, Myuri looked at his hands and sighed.
“What does ‘righteous teachings’ mean to you anyway?”
The knowledge written in the scripture became a lump and gradually rose in his throat. There was much he could explain.
Though that is what he thought, he froze when he heard Myuri’s next words.
“If righteous faith is support and guidance to live, then I think me liking you is righteous faith.”
Though they belonged to a young child, her eyes peered at him quite discerningly.
“And even though the god you pray to doesn’t give you miracles, you’ve given me plenty.”
She lay her cheek on his hand gripping her shoulder and nipped it.
“The one who saved the island gave them a miracle, so wouldn’t any way the islanders chose to show their gratitude to her be righteous? It doesn’t matter what the Church says.”
His hand was now caught between her shoulder and cheek, and she spoke nonchalantly. “And even if someone who’s not human did something right, it’s wrong because they’re not human?”
“That’s—” Col began, but when their eyes met he lost any ability to speak.
When he noticed the presence of a nonhuman entity at the shrine, was that not what he had so naturally thought?
He had explained it so calmly to her.
He had said that if they were faithful to the Black-Mother even if they knew she was not human, then it was wrong. Even though Myuri’s mother was not human.
He was at a loss when he came to realize his own shortsightedness, and Myuri grasped both of the hands on her shoulders and began to play with them, putting them together and pulling them apart before his chest. She finally placed them on her own small cheeks, closed her eyes, and spoke.
“Mother talked about that. She said people like Brother and Father have two perfectly good eyeballs but only look at one thing, so look around for him. She was completely right.”
She gripped his hands again and moved them about, rubbing them against her cheeks and giving a ticklish giggle.
And then, she suddenly placed both onto the blanket.
“For you, I would even be a guard dog, but I hate watching you walk in a direction that doesn’t make you happy. So…”
We’ll go home.
To paradise on earth, filled with warmth, endless song, dance, and laughter—to the hot spring village, Nyohhira.
“Okay, Brother?”
She climbed onto him and clung to him again. She was warm, and he could smell the sweet scent of fruit. If he hugged her back, her silver tail would wave happily and she would wiggle about. And that was how they would lead a drowsy life together.
And if he were to simply give up on the path of God and hug Myuri back, he would at least be making one girl happy. Was that not his part? His dreams were too outrageous. His mind had simply been stewing too long in the hot baths.
There was also still a part of him that fought back— But.
He hesitated to wrap his arms around her back because even she had made the decision to go through hardship in Atiph. Even though she did not want to, in the end she changed into a wolf for him in order to save Hyland, who had also resolved to sacrifice her life if need be.
The only one who hadn’t risked anything was Col. Standing on the boat as the mountain spat all-consuming fire while most of the people were left behind was none other than himself.
Of course, he did not want to fruitlessly put himself in danger.
Rather, he was afraid that if he did return the embrace of the ball of warmth that was Myuri, then he would no longer be able to feel the cold of ice, the heat of fire, or even certainty itself. He was afraid that if he lost his ideals for the world, then he would never be able to feel the true joy of this world ever again.
It was certainly terrifying and painful to look at Autumn’s dark faith.
But if he looked away, however, he was worried he might never feel the light of the sun again.
Should he close his eyes and ears to the world, he would never be able appreciate the sights and sounds of its majesty.
“Myuri…”
He murmured her name, and her tail moved lazily.
She had surely thought over things for her helpless brother, finally finding a way that would hurt him the least.
But that was an unnatural way to live, like subsisting solely on honey. He was aware that he indulged her too much, and she, too, was trying to indulge her spineless brother in the same way.
If he bit her neck, the bittersweet taste of an unripe fruit would let him forget everything.
But the sweetness of honey could only be enhanced by bitter rye bread.
“Myuri, what you say is indeed correct.”
“So—”
“But think about it more. I…Even if I misjudge, in order to save the neglected, like I once was, I want to show people the path to God. I must think seriously now about how I wish to associate with the world.”
When Autumn had shown him the sin he was burdened with, there was no admonishment for the young man. It was not anger but eyes that housed sadness of indescribable depth.
As Myuri had said, it was not possible to keep moving forward, accepting everything from all the people he met as his own. It was impossible to save one village, one town. Not to mention that wanting to reform the Church and spreading the correct teachings of God throughout the world was just a delusion of grandeur.
However, should he choose to live a life where he turned his back on the things before him, then there would have been no reason for him to leave the village he was born in in the first place. Then, he would have never met Lawrence, a merchant at the time, and he never would have met Myuri. They were doing all this because he believed the world could be changed, no matter how insignificantly or meaningfully.
Though both good and bad, Col could not imagine himself now without faith. Even if he was able to cover his eyes and plug his ears and run away to the mountains from all the hardships of the world, he did not want to reject his present—a series of past moments in which he so boldly stood up.
Of course, what Myuri had said was correct. She truly meant what she said. He would often become too engrossed in whatever lay in front of him; his legs would not move, and his mind would be thrown into chaos. But even if the faith
residing within him was not yet ripe, he had the confidence that it was not false, either.
He had to ask himself again how he wished to interact with the world. Would he act like Autumn in the face of misery and poverty that he could do nothing about? Would he pretend like he never saw it in the first place? Or would he choose a third path?
Col had to look around himself carefully. He could either return to Nyohhira or commit himself to Hyland.
He was old enough already; it irritated him to know how he acted without thinking, how he grew flustered after clashing with things. He always had to thank the silver wolf, who kept watch in all directions for him.
So he looked at Myuri, who pouted because she had failed in persuading him in the end, and belatedly wrapped his arms around her in a hug, then kissed her lightly on the forehead.
“I am truly thankful that you worry about me from the bottom of your heart,” he whispered into her wolf ears and rubbed his cheek against them.
Myuri looked up and stared at him, eyes wide.
Then, her face flushed red in an instant.
“Wh-wh-why now…?”
“Why now, indeed. My eyes and head have grown clouded and dull from steam, and I was not thinking seriously about anything.”
He said and sighed.
“I was not chasing my ideals; I naively wished that the world would be as I wanted it to be.”
Myuri clung to him again, as though trying to hide her expression, and her tail moved busily back and forth.
“You’re so much more of a dreamer than I am, Brother!”
Col smiled wryly, and as he patted her back lightly to calm her, he laughed at himself because she was exactly right. Since he was only ever dreaming, it was natural that he found himself at a loss when he woke up to reality.
Autumn had been much too real for him. If Col could properly face the monk and the circumstances surrounding him, then surely it would be a source of growth.
Moreover, he had his very own cute guardian spirit, so now was not the time to be frightened of nightmares.
“Well then, Myuri—”
It was just as he was about to speak.
There was a loud thunk, thud and then a groan outside of their door.
Someone had fallen down the stairs. It was snowing outside, so they must have slipped on their wet shoes.
Col tried to get up to see what the matter was, but Myuri still clung to him and did not let go.
“Myuri, please move. Someone needs help right outside our door.”
The person who had fallen at the end of the hall shouted curses, perhaps having dropped something. Or perhaps they had injured themselves and were groaning in pain.
Yet Myuri still clung to Col silently, and when she finally let go, she sighed.
“I trust you, Brother.”
Don’t get your promise wrong is what she meant.
“Of course,” he said, taking that responsibility. As he got up from the bed, he draped his coat over his shoulders before adding, “But it does not mean we will be going back to Nyohhira.”
Sitting on the bed, Myuri bared her teeth at him before burying herself into the blanket.
He smiled slightly, then opened the door and entered the corridor. He looked left and right, spotting someone sitting by the staircase. What surprised him was the sight of Reicher, cradling a small cask of alcohol.
“Mr. Reicher. So it was you. Are you hurt?”
Col entered the corridor, closed the door, and as he approached, body shivering from the cold, Reicher looked up at him with dull eyes and smiled weakly.
“Three flights of stairs are rough for me at this age. My leg got caught and I fell.”
Col did not point out that he was clearly drunk.
“I spilled some of my drink, too. What a waste.”
It was possible the man yelled not because of the pain but because he spilled his liquor.
“Can you stand?”
“Yes, of course. By God’s protection, I’m not hurt.”
Col knew how to treat drunks. Whatever they said, simply nod in agreement. There was no point in spouting logic to them, as they would only grow angry. He only checked to see if any injuries were visible.
“You seem all right.”
“Yes, but perfect timing. I came to call on you.”
“Me?”
He held out his hand and pulled Reicher up when Myuri came out from the room. As always, she was pouting, but she helped him stand, too.
“You met Lord Autumn, didn’t you?” he spoke when Col placed the man’s arm around his own shoulder to support him.
Reicher looked at him with breath reeking of alcohol and a tearful smile.
“We concluded a meeting together just now.”
“A meeting?”
Reicher tried to remove the cork from the cask in his hand, but since he only had one hand free, he could not. He fumbled about before it finally fell from his hand, but Myuri caught it.
“A meeting for selling the island girl to a slaver. All the southern merchants are here, you know.”
When he said that, he was no longer looking at Col. His eyes were open, but they did not look at anything.
“I prayed for the girl’s future. But I carry no sins with me. I live an easy life here, surrounded by stone walls. Did my prayer have any meaning?”
As Reicher spoke, he reached out to the cask in Myuri’s hands.
And that is when Col finally understood.
Reicher did not enjoy booze—he found need to drink it.
“And I’m not brave enough to run from here. Oh God…”
The old priest began to bawl, and he covered his face with the hands that had reached out to his drink.
Col was not the only one who froze in place in Autumn’s presence.
When he thought this, he readjusted his grip on Reicher and spoke.
“Let’s go somewhere warm.”
Myuri looked at him, annoyed, but she did not try to stop him, and she dutifully helped Reicher down the stairs.
No one was at fault.
But the open pit in the earth was terribly deep and cold.
If they could not fill it up, then they needed to know its depth and remember its cold.
The problem was figuring out how to avoid being swallowed up by it.
“I was once the chaplain of a church that belonged to a landlord and his family. I only prayed for the safety of him and his family, and if I could lend an ear to the woes of their retainers, then it was a good day.”
In the office of an assistant priest who had various jobs on the first floor of the residences, Reicher began to tell his story.
He slouched at the edge of the chair, wrapping the cask with both of his hands.
But only his words were clear. It was as though the still-living parts of his heart were telling him they must be so.
“Even in such a safe, large territory, three generations of strategic marriages will create knots like the eyes of demons. It was no one’s fault, but everyone had started hating one another. Once someone lights a spark out of self-interest, everything catches fire in an instant. Well, it was quite tragic.”
Reicher cradled and caressed the cask, but he did not drink. Just having it in his hands seemed relief enough for him.
“Children killed their parents, younger brothers murdered older brothers. Brides killed by their mothers-in-law, and mothers who threw their children into rivers. The mercenaries we hired did not do their duty, wreaking havoc in the villages throughout the domain instead, and honest farmers who sued for damages were hung in the gallows.”
The window in the office was simply a square cut into the wall, and the snowfall was clearly visible from inside.
The peat in the furnace crackled nervously as it burned.
“I couldn’t take it anymore and left, so I wandered. Where would I find salvation? Then I overheard men talking about the miracle on this island. I came, thinking the Holy Mother could provide me with what I wished f
or, but that is when I met Lord Autumn.”
Reicher sighed deeply and closed his eyes.
“If misery is soot that has seeped into the world, then Lord Autumn is a dustpan. He dirties himself black and receives everything. Then God rinses him. I was shattered—I didn’t know that could be an answer.”
Autumn’s actions were frightfully rational, using the logic written directly in the scripture. What was difficult to believe was that he had kept his good heart as he did so, and he was truly praying for forgiveness of his sins.
“I heard Lord Autumn was originally from the islands.”
Reicher quietly answered Col’s remark.
“He said he was born here, then sold off as a slave when he was still young. There are many of those like him here. There are lots of tough, hardworking folks here, after all.”
The guard who had looked at Myuri had also assumed she was a slave.
“Long ago, when ships with sails weren’t as common as they are now, they also sold off adults, or so I’ve heard. As rowers for ships. I’ve heard they played a major part in wars on the seas.”
It was cruel work, and most of them would be completely wrung out, finally leaving the ships after three years.
“Leave” did not necessarily mean they were let off kindly at a port, though.
“Ever since I’ve come here, I’ve tried all I can to make sure we sell to respectable slavers, but there’s no way to find out where they are all sold to.”
“Are there those who buy their freedom and come back?”
When Col asked this, Reicher smiled with a coughing fit.
“There may be people here and there who buy back their freedom after all their hardships. But they know that there is no place for them here if they came back. There’s no wood to build houses to live in or materials to build boats for fishing.”
He sighed deeply, as though a fragment of his soul had escaped through his mouth.
“We can only keep so many sheep and goats, and there’s only so much fertile land for cultivation. We’re somehow pulling through with the taxes we collect from those who come out to sieve for amber and those who mine for charcoal in the summer. I know how the southern merchants do things, and so in order to make sure they’re not forcing unfavorable trade agreements upon the people of this land, I keep an eye on things with divine punishment as my shield. Everyone wants his protection for their journey at sea…But I don’t know how much even that helps.”
Wolf & Parchment, Volume 2 Page 15