by Emma Miller
“But...but King David and me...we’re walking out. I’m going to marry him.”
“Susanna. Hush, don’t say such things. You aren’t going to marry David. You can’t.”
Susanna’s round blue eyes narrowed. “You’re mean, too. You don’t believe me. I love him.”
Rebecca caught Susanna’s chin in her hand and tenderly tilted it up. She wondered if this was a problem Mam ever thought she’d have to address with Susanna. Like Rebecca and all of her sisters, had she assumed Susanna would never have the inclination to marry? “It’s complicated, sister. It’s like we all have our jobs to do. You can’t get married. You have to stay home and take care of Mam.”
“Ne.” Susanna shook her head so hard that her cap slipped sideways. “You think I’m stupid. I’m not stupid. I can peel apples and marry King David if I want.” Rising to her feet, she pulled away and ran down the stairs, nearly colliding with their mother at the foot of the steps before veering off toward the kitchen.
“What’s wrong with Susanna?” Mam said, coming up.
Susanna was already out of sight.
“She’s upset that David can’t come to dinner today,” Rebecca explained. “I tried to—”
“I know,” her mother answered. “Come with me. I was looking for you, and I wanted to talk to you about something.” She pulled an envelope out of her pocket. “I got this from Leah yesterday.”
“Is something wrong?”
“Ne. Nothing like that.” Mam shook her head. “We should talk in your room.”
Rebecca followed her into her bedroom and watched, puzzled, as her mother closed the door. Having her sister far away at a jungle mission in Brazil was worrisome. Leah was the sister she’d been closest to in age. They had gone together to care for Grossmama in Ohio before moving her to Delaware. Rebecca and Leah had never been apart until Leah’s marriage.
“Your sister says that Daniel’s aunt Joyce and her husband have been called to spend three months at a Mennonite orphanage a few hundred miles from the mission where she and Daniel live. They’ve booked passage on a container ship and they’ll be going right after Christmas. They’ll be taking a few truckloads of blankets, clothes, shoes and medical supplies to the orphanage, but they have room for two more passengers. Leah wants you and Susanna to come stay with her for the three months. She’s says she’s been lonesome for the sight of family, that she wants you to come, and I think you should.”
“But Miriam and Charley—”
“Are already there. Yes, I know. But they can’t stay long. Charley needs to get back to work. If you girls went, you’d go with Daniel’s family and then return with them three months later.”
“Susanna and I?” Rebecca caught hold of the end of the iron bed. “Go to Brazil?”
“You could be with your sister. Leah will be thrilled to have you and...” Mam’s voice trailed off.
“And?” Rebecca looked at her suspiciously.
Mam nodded. “And I think it would be a good thing to get Susanna away from David King for a time. I know what she’s been upset about for the past few months. She has this notion in her head that they’re going to be married and I’ve tried to make her understand that’s not going to happen.”
“I tried to tell her, too.” Rebecca met her mother’s gaze and held it. “But is it Susanna you want to send away, or is it me?”
Chapter Fourteen
Her mother reached for her hand, and instantly Rebecca felt a twinge of remorse for the sharpness of her retort. “I’m sorry,” Rebecca murmured. “I didn’t mean to be rude. It’s just that Ruth keeps bringing up Caleb, and even Anna and Miriam think—”
“That you had set your kapp for him?” Hannah’s fingers closed around Rebecca’s. “That you would like to have Caleb for yourself, even though he’s courting your cousin?”
“He isn’t courting her,” Rebecca protested, pulling her hand free. She sat on the bed, slipped out of her shoes and tucked her feet up under her skirt. “Caleb says that they’re getting to know each other, to see if—”
“I don’t know how they do things in Idaho, but Dorcas thinks they’re walking out.” Mam frowned. “She told Charley’s sister Mary that her mother wanted them to announce the banns soon so that they could marry in the spring.” She hesitated. “Is there something going on I should know about?”
“Ne. Of course not.” A heaviness settled on Rebecca. “But I won’t lie to you. I...I could have feelings for him.”
Her mother sat beside her on the bed. “Has he told you that his affection for you goes further than friendship? That he looks on you as more than someone to clean his house and care for his child?”
Rebecca looked away. “Not in so many words.” The heaviness had become a lump in the pit of her stomach. Maybe it was just her imagination that Caleb liked her. She looked back at her mother hesitantly. “You think I should go to Leah in Brazil?”
“I think it would be wise. Without you here in Seven Poplars,” Hannah continued, “Caleb will make his intentions clear to Dorcas. If the two of them part ways after you leave, no one can say you ruined your cousin’s chance at a good marriage.” Mam’s mouth tightened. “This may be Dorcas’s only opportunity. She’s my niece and I love her, but she’s often at a loss as to how to show her good heart.”
“Which is a nice way of saying Dorcas can be prickly.”
Hannah smiled. “Some people find it more difficult to understand others. And Martha hasn’t always been the best example. I don’t mean to be critical, but if Dorcas would think before she speaks, I believe she would have more friends.”
Rebecca gripped her mother’s hand, feeling lost and confused. “You know I wouldn’t want to hurt Dorcas.” Thoughts of never seeing Caleb come home, of not sharing jokes and the day’s events with him made her sad. “But if I leave, what will happen to Amelia?”
“I’ve already thought of that. Johanna will watch her during the day. We already discussed it.” Mam sighed. “And by the time you come home, you might feel differently about Caleb.”
“And if I don’t?”
“Then he will either be your cousin by marriage or the two of you will have a chance to start fresh—to court openly.” Mam was quiet for a minute. “Whether you go or not, I think it may be time to make other arrangements for Amelia’s care. I don’t think it’s wise for you to work for him anymore. You’re thrown together too often. If he wasn’t our preacher, it never would have been permitted. But even the faithful can be tempted into dangerous behavior.”
“You really want Susanna and me to go?”
Her mother’s expression softened. “I want to keep you close, of course. Every mother does. But my heart goes out to Leah, alone there in a strange land with only Daniel. Charley and Miriam’s visit will do her heart good, but I know she would like to see you and Susanna. If his aunt and uncle weren’t going down, I could never afford to send you. It may be Providence, a solution to more than one problem.”
“God’s plan for us?”
“I don’t know. Perhaps. You don’t have to decide today, but I’d like to write Leah as soon as possible. She’ll be waiting for an answer.”
“When will Daniel’s aunt and uncle be leaving?”
“Right after Christmas. Just as Charley and Miriam will be returning.”
“I’ll pray on it,” Rebecca agreed. “But I still think that Dorcas—”
“What about me?” came a familiar voice from the hallway.
Surprised, Rebecca looked up to see her cousin standing at the open bedroom door, arms folded over her apron. “Dorcas. You’re early.”
“I know.” Dorcas came into the room. She was wearing a rose-colored dress that had once belonged to Aunt Martha and black stockings with a hole at the ankle. Dorcas’s black leather shoes were old and scuffed and badly needed p
olish. “My mother said I could walk over and see if you needed help with the meal. She and Dat took the buggy to fetch Grossmama from Anna’s.”
“We’re about ready.” Hannah rose from the bed, smiling at her. “I’ll go on down and take the ham out of the oven. I was just warming it. You girls can sit here for a few minutes and catch up on your week.”
Rebecca groaned inwardly. She didn’t want to be left alone with Dorcas. She would rather shut herself in the attic where she could have a minute’s peace to think this through. And if she did want company, Dorcas would be the last person she wanted to visit with today.
“Ya, Aunt Hannah. I’d like that,” her cousin said in her shrill voice, a voice that sometimes had the same effect on Rebecca as fingernails on a blackboard.
But, no matter how she felt, Rebecca couldn’t be unkind to anyone. She forced a smile. “It’s nice having your family share our Sunday meal.”
Dorcas twisted her chapped hands. Her bony hands and feet were large in proportion to her thin body, and as long as Rebecca could remember, Dorcas had chewed at her knuckles when she was anxious. She was obviously uneasy today, because the skin was red and sore on the middle of her right index finger.
“And Caleb,” Rebecca added, when the silence stretched between them.
“Ya, Caleb is coming.” Dorcas flopped on the bed beside her.
“Amelia, too,” Rebecca added. “I hope your dat is feeling better.”
Dorcas sighed. “I think he likes it, having the broken leg and everyone taking care of him. Caleb comes every day to help around the farm.”
“He’s a thoughtful person,” Rebecca agreed. Did they have to talk about Caleb?
Dorcas nibbled at her raw knuckle. “I suppose.”
Rebecca glanced at her cousin sitting beside her, surprised by her tone. “You don’t sound very enthusiastic about him. Don’t you like Caleb?” She couldn’t help herself. She had to find out if they were really serious about each other. “Please don’t do that.” She caught hold of Dorcas’s hand. “Look at your poor finger. It makes me hurt just looking at it.”
Dorcas pulled her hand back and tucked it under her. “Mam says the same thing. She tells me it will turn black and fall off, but it never does. Most of the time, I don’t even know I’m doing it.”
Rebecca couldn’t help but feel sorry for Dorcas. She looked so unhappy. “What’s wrong?” she asked.
Dorcas raised her hand to her mouth, then tucked it under her again. “I know you will think I’m silly. Mam says I shouldn’t be so choosy. She says that Caleb is a good catch.” She sighed again. Dorcas’s eyes were large and caramel brown and framed with long, light brown lashes. They were her most attractive feature, but they weren’t lovely today. Dorcas looked as though maybe she’d been crying.
“I’m listening,” Rebecca said, really meaning it.
“Caleb’s the only boy—man,” she corrected herself. “The only man who’s ever come to dinner, who’s ever treated me like...” Her face flushed. “Well, you know. I’m not pretty like you and your sisters. Boys have never asked me to ride home from singings with them, and they’ve never tried to outbid each other to buy my pie at school auctions.”
“Don’t say such things,” Rebecca protested, pulling Dorcas into her arms and hugging her. “There’s nothing wrong with the way you look.” The truth was, Dorcas finally having her front tooth fixed made a big difference in her appearance, but Rebecca didn’t want to say that. “A person’s looks shouldn’t matter. It’s what they are inside that counts.”
“Shouldn’t, but they do, and you know it.” Dorcas pulled away. “I’ll be thirty next November, and if I don’t find a beau before that, people will call me an old maid.”
“But you...” Rebecca’s pulse quickened. “You don’t like Caleb?”
“He’s all right, I suppose.” Dorcas frowned. “Ya, I do like him. I’m getting used to his face. You know, the scars. It used to frighten me looking at it, but not so much now. What really bothers me is he’s...well...dull.”
“Dull? Caleb?” The man who would walk a roof beam in the dark to rescue a woman? A father who threw himself wholeheartedly into sock fights with his daughter? Could they be talking about the same person?
Dorcas sighed dramatically. “He’s so serious. I know he’s not much older than me, but he seems old. Last time he came to supper, he wanted to tell me about something he was making at the shop. Some wood thing. He went on and on about it, and I had to sit there and pretend to be interested, even though I was bored to tears.”
“Oh,” Rebecca replied softly. “I didn’t know you felt that way about him.” She glanced at her cousin hopefully. “So the two of you aren’t courting?”
“Not yet, but we’d be bundling if Mam had her way. She’s really trying to push me into marrying him. As soon as possible.”
“She said that?”
Dorcas shrugged. “It isn’t what she says, it’s the way she smiles at him, and how she wants everyone to know that the new preacher is calling on me.” Dorcas rubbed at her irritated knuckle. “What do you think, Rebecca? Should we court? Should I look toward marrying him?”
Rebecca felt sick. The lump in her stomach had become a dull ache. She knew what her answer would be if Caleb asked her to be his wife. Feeling the way she did, could she be honest with Dorcas? “Have you prayed about it? What does your heart tell you?”
“I don’t know if it’s my heart or my head,” her cousin answered. “I’m scared. I’m afraid that if I say no, I’ll end up living the rest of my life with my mother, with people feeling sorry for me. I’ll be another Aunt Jezzy.”
“But Aunt Jezzy found someone who treasures her,” Rebecca reminded. “She’s happy.”
“But it didn’t happen until she was old. I don’t want to spend my life fetching and carrying for my mother. I love my parents, but I want my own home, and babies, lots of babies. Caleb could give me all that. I’d have to be stupid to refuse him.”
“Is that a reason to marry a man?” Rebecca managed.
“Maybe,” Dorcas said. “Ya, I think it is. I can respect Caleb and be thankful for what he can give me. If I keep his house and raise his daughter, friendship will grow between us.” A smile spread across her face and she looked at Rebecca. “Thank you, Rebecca.” She let out her breath. “I feel so relieved. I knew you’d give me good advice.”
“But I haven’t,” Rebecca protested.
“In time, love will come.” Dorcas got up off the bed. “That’s what my mother says. Marriage first, work as a team and everything else will fall into place.”
But not for me, Rebecca thought. Not for me.
* * *
Dinner with Caleb, Amelia, Dorcas and her family was as miserable for Rebecca as she feared it would be. Dorcas and Caleb were seated across from one another, and each seemed to take great pains to avoid looking at the other. Amelia whined and fussed her way through the meal, breaking into tears when she spilled her milk and when she put her sleeve in the mashed potatoes while reaching for a biscuit. Grossmama commented loudly on poorly behaved children and questioned Caleb at length on the size of his property and the extent of his mortgage.
“Would you be able to support my granddaughter?” she asked before he could answer. “She has no dowry, you know. But she’s a fine seamstress, none better, certainly not her mother. Martha was never handy with a needle.”
“Lovina,” Mam soothed. “Let the man eat. You can question Caleb to your heart’s content after he’s finished his dessert.”
Grossmama frowned, popped another forkful of ham into her mouth and chewed noisily. An awkward silence settled over the table, a lapse that Caleb attempted to fill by describing his unease when the police had stopped him and the boys in the Beachy buggy.
Irwin clapped a hand over his mouth and stifled a chuck
le.
Dorcas didn’t seem to hear. Doggedly, she kept eating her macaroni salad and pickled beets. And when Rebecca managed to catch her gaze, Dorcas pursed her lips and shrugged, as if to say, “Didn’t I tell you he was boring?”
After everyone was done eating, Mam and Rebecca got up to clear away the dirty dishes so the pies and cakes could be served. The bishop and Uncle Reuben stepped out on the back porch to get some air and talk.
“I want cookies,” Amelia demanded, although she’d barely touched anything on her plate.
“No dessert until you eat all of your dinner,” Dorcas admonished.
Amelia screwed up her face and began to wail.
“It’s not a problem,” Rebecca said, reaching for Amelia’s plate.
“You’re spoiling her,” Aunt Martha told Caleb. “What she needs is—”
Amelia twisted on the bench, caught her plate with her sleeve and knocked it onto the floor. The dish broke and mashed potatoes, ham and applesauce went flying. Amelia threw herself into the mess and began to sob.
Caleb reached for his daughter, amid angry whispers from Aunt Martha. Dorcas got to her first and scooped her up. “Hush, now, Amelia,” she said. “No need to fuss so about a broken plate.”
Amelia kicked and screamed. “Don’t want you! Want Becca!”
Caleb’s face flamed as he took her from Dorcas. “Quiet down,” he said. But Amelia’s tantrum continued. “I’m sorry,” he said to Dorcas. “I’ll take her home.”
Susanna stared wide-eyed.
“Better take her out behind the barn and warm her bottom,” Aunt Martha advised.
“Ne, ne,” Hannah soothed. “She’s tired and feeling out of sorts.”
“Becca!” Amelia howled, struggling against her father’s embrace. “I want...want...my Maaam.”
“Shh, shh,” Rebecca said, putting out her arms. “Give her to me, Caleb.”
With a look of helplessness, he passed the crying child to her, and Amelia clung to Rebecca with all her strength.