by Emma Miller
Sean was waving from the top of the slide, a bundle of hat and scarf and coat. His uncle lifted a hand and jogged toward the bottom of the slide, boots squeaking on the fresh dusting of snow. Evie watched silently as Gavin crouched down and held out his arms, neatly intercepting the boy-shaped projectile as he whizzed down the icy plastic. Sean let out a whoop as he got an extra swing out of the bargain.
Evie tried to marshal her thoughts. This man, strong and sturdy, a shelter for his loved ones, was fighting to keep people from dying the way his childhood friend had. She wanted to help, wanted to do something meaningful. It felt like something from the Old Testament, the smiting of the firstborn. Lord, help us!
“Poor kids. I’m so glad Sean is old enough to have all his vaccinations.” Allison sounded like she was almost talking to herself. She turned to her and smiled. “And I’m really glad we came. Sean needs someone like Gavin. I promise we won’t take up all of his time.”
Evie blinked, hurrying to catch up with the conversation. “I think you’ve misunderstood something. See, we barely know each other. We’re just—” She’d started to say “friends,” but that didn’t seem right at all.
“Just? Even halfway across the playground I could see the happy vibes.” She gave Evie an appraising look. “He was right, you know.”
She was afraid to ask, but she couldn’t help it. Gavin was soldier straight at the bottom of the slide, waiting for Sean to make his way the last few steps to the top. Could he hear them? She didn’t think so. “About?”
“Your eyes. They’re gorgeous. Such a deep blue, like sapphires.” Allison paused, her lips tugging up. “Of course, he didn’t say it like that. He just mentioned it in passing. But I noticed. He usually chats about E. coli and single-celled organisms.”
Gavin had talked about her eyes?
She stuck her mittens in her pockets and pretended like her heart wasn’t hammering in her chest. There was something real, something wonderful happening here. And it was a terrible time for it. All this talk about getting him to cut back on work. He had a purpose and a calling. Who was she to interfere with that?
Allison tucked her long dark hair behind both ears and tugged her hood up over her head to block out the snow as it fell more steadily. “Gavin is always so driven. Patrick’s death really affected him. He’s totally consumed with eradicating every known disease from the city. Like one man could do that!”
Every word seemed to reinforce her fear. Of course Gavin was just one man, but wasn’t that what they’d talked about in the gym? Doing so much more with God’s help? Stepping in to fill a need? She’d been giddy with infatuation, and now she felt like her heart was being battered. Let other people take the weekend off. His job was to save lives, hers was to keep the community educated and safe. They could work together. Anything more than that was asking for trouble.
Sean let out a squeal of delight as he flew down the slide, snow dotting his hat. Evie watched Gavin grab his nephew in another swinging hug.
Turning back to them, snow clinging to his dark blond hair, his face was lit with laughter. Her breath caught in her throat. There weren’t enough hours in the day for all of them. She watched the smile slip from his face and his brow furrow. Evie raised a hand.
“Mom, I’m cold.” Sean had gone from having fun to freezing cold in seconds.
Evie crouched down to his level. “There’s a great little coffee shop across the street that my brother and I go to all the time. If your mom says it’s okay, we can grab some hot chocolate and warm up.”
“Can we, Mom? Please?”
“Well, I don’t see why not.” Allison looked over at her brother. “Come on. You can’t work all the time. Join us.”
Gavin sighed, stuffing his hands in his coat pockets. “I wish I could. Next time.”
Evie nodded at him, hoping she betrayed nothing that was swirling in her mind. He had a serious job, the city had a serious problem and lives were at stake. It didn’t matter how many people pushed them together, or how he made her want to reconsider her own workaholic ways. There wasn’t time for them, and there might not ever be.
* * *
Gavin trudged toward his car, toes of his boots white with clumps of fresh skiing material. He should have waited before asking her out. He really needed to get the pertussis crisis out of the way before he even thought of bringing Evie into the situation. But somehow their conversation had hung a left turn somewhere around those dimples and plowed on through to its conclusion: the promise of a full day together. Up on Wolf Mountain, enjoying the fresh air and the great pines, maybe some time by the main lodge fireplace getting to know each other better? They couldn’t go wrong with that plan.
He snorted. Wallowing in the snow. She probably thought he was nuts, but he didn’t want their first date to be the same old routine of dinner at some overpriced restaurant.
His lips started to lift of their own accord. The way she’d picked out Sean and Allison was uncanny. He thought he was detail oriented, but she made him look like a big-picture guy. Maybe if it wasn’t in front of a microscope, he didn’t pay as much attention, but she sure had his attention and she was as far from the lab as she could get. His half smile widened to a full grin as he remembered the way she’d smacked his arm. Natalie Jenkins had done that in ninth grade when she’d had a crush on him. Everything he said got him a whack on the arm. It was such a classic girl move.
He pressed the remote unlock and tugged open the car door, glancing behind him one last time. She was laughing at something Sean had said, leaning over to hear him better, holding out one mitten as if she was afraid of his snowball-throwing powers. Beauty was one thing, but Evie was stunning inside and out. Her faith seemed so effortless, seamless. Her work flowed directly from her desire to fulfill her God-given purpose. He needed to pray as hard as he worked; she’d reminded him of that.
Gavin slammed the door closed and took a deep breath. It just seemed a losing battle, some days. He was Sisyphus, pushing that boulder up a hill every day and then having to watch it roll back down again. Quitting wasn’t an option, but he wasn’t even close to being the man God needed him to be.
The way Evie talked, there wasn’t a doubt in her mind she could do what she had to do, as if she couldn’t fail. She made him want to be braver than he was, to live a little more.
Backing slowly out of the parking space and turning into the street, Gavin could see tiny reflections in the rearview mirror. Sean was trotting toward the corner, waving Evie on. His sister followed with her shoulders hunched in her dark coat, hair flying free. Be with Allison, Lord. Help her know Your love. It was going to be a hard transition for them. The old worry over his little sister—the funny, talented one—resurfaced in his gut. She had an awesome talent and wouldn’t have trouble making a living singing in Denver’s live clubs, but life was more than surviving. It was about finding a place to call home.
Following the club crowd in Aspen had led her down a dark road full of disappointment and heartache. He knew being this close to the area where it had all gone wrong would be tough for her. She’d decided all by herself to come back, be closer to Grandma Lili. He didn’t want to discourage her, but seeing McHale made him afraid for her all over again.
But he needed to commit her to God and focus on his job. The memory of the tiny babies he’d seen sedated and struggling made dread course through him. They were getting closer to a breakthrough, he could feel it. But it may not come fast enough.
He slowed at a yellow light and clenched his jaw in frustration. The base of his neck was starting to ache.
Gavin stepped on the gas as soon as the light turned and sped through the intersection. He felt wound tight with anxiety. It wasn’t just the pertussis. He loved Allison, but she brought drama to his formerly boring life. He tried to be fair and treat her like an adult. Warning Allison not to share her past would be
acting like the bossy big brother, although he was tempted. He had only told her that Evie worked at a paper and hoped that would be enough. His sister was so trusting, always believing the best about everyone. That had gotten her a broken heart and complications that no young mother should have to deal with, let alone carry around for the rest of her life. She wanted to make a fresh start, live her life in the open, but he didn’t know how that would happen. She had to think of Sean.
Sure, he was young, not even in kindergarten yet, but some day he’d be in grade school. Kids were cruel. Just having separated parents could make you a target. It was more common to be the child of a single mother, but if it was a weak spot, a tender point, the kids would seek it out. Sean would be bullied for the fact he was conceived in scandal and born in secret. It was a few years ago, but nothing ever went away on the internet. A few keystrokes and those photos would come up for the world to see. His sister, dressed like the twenty-year-old club singer she was, stumbling out of the senator’s hotel room, laughing, holding her shoes. The senator behind her, wrapped in a hotel bathrobe, dark hair rumpled. That was the end of his presidential aspirations, even though he denied it all. And that was the end of Allison’s reckless years. Within a matter of months, she had moved to Florida and taken a job as a secretary for a large electronics factory, a baby on the way.
Gavin sighed. He wanted to make everything better, but there wasn’t any way to fix the past. All they could do was work with what they had, and that was a beautiful little family. He wanted to protect them, cushion them from every sarcastic comment and every sneer.
He rubbed the back of his neck. What is done in the dark will be brought to the light, as the verse says. Eventually Allison would have to deal with the fallout from her affair. But it wouldn’t be right now, if he could help it. At least he and McHale agreed on one thing.
Chapter Eight
“How did you two meet?” Allison took a sip of her latte and eyed Evie over the rim of her mug.
Here she thought Gavin wanted her cousin to befriend his lonely sister. The girl across from her didn’t seem lonely at all. She looked like she was making sure her big brother wasn’t going to be eaten alive. Evie couldn’t help but admire that. It’s what family was for.
“Well, we have friends in common. We’re both on the budget committee at the Downtown Denver Mission.”
Allison glanced over at Sean, who had gulped down his hot chocolate and was busy stacking wooden blocks the coffee shop kept in a bin for kids. The rustic shop had a family-friendly atmosphere that wasn’t just for looks. She tucked her hair behind both ears, a gesture Evie was learning to recognize.
There was something about Allison that tugged at her. She squinted, thinking. It couldn’t be her, could it? No. Maybe. Younger, thinner, blonder. She couldn’t help the tears that started in her eyes. It was a wound that had never healed. She had wondered, prayed, cried and grieved for that girl.
Evie cleared her throat, forcing the thoughts away. Some days she thought she saw that unnamed girl everywhere. Evie had ruined her life, and there was no way to forget it.
“Do you miss Florida?”
“I miss the sunshine, the Cuban food, the way every street seemed to have music coming from a little shop. But it was time for us to be nearer our family. My grandma lives here, too. She’s an amazing woman, not to mention she makes the best blueberry scones ever. Have you met her?”
Evie shook her head.
“And of course, Sean is at that age where he needs a father figure.”
Feeling awkward, Evie said nothing, but the question hovered in the air between them.
“I’m assuming that Gavin told you the whole, ugly story.” Allison said the words matter-of-factly.
“No, he told me you were moving here. That was all.”
Allison watched Sean carefully set a small block on a tall tower. “He should have told you. If you’re going to be close to him, you’ll have to know everything. No surprises, no skeletons in the closet.”
Evie felt her face heat with Allison’s words and she took a sip of her mocha, scalding her tongue. She had more than a few of her own skeletons rattling around, disturbing her peace of mind. Close to him. Was that what she was becoming? In a way, she hardly knew him. In another, it felt like they’d known each other for years.
“You don’t need to tell me anything you don’t want to.”
“But I do want to.” Allison leaned forward, eyes bright. “I’m really starting to understand that what I was afraid of doesn’t matter. I have Gavin and my grandma and Sean. Even though our parents are holed up in Arizona, pretending Sean doesn’t exist, I think they’ll come around. I’ve come back to my faith. I feel like my life is ready for a change.”
She liked Allison before, but she empathized with her now. She knew the feeling of wanting to change and change big. Grace made it possible. “Your story is for you to tell. Probably why Gavin didn’t say anything.”
Allison’s brown eyes turned sad. “He thinks I should keep hiding, and I understand his reasoning. But I want Sean to respect me, and I can’t live my life honestly when I’m lying all the time.”
Evie dropped her gaze, watching the swirls on the surface of her drink. Did she lie about her past? She hoped not. She just didn’t ever mention it. It never came up. Usually.
“I got into a wild crowd when I started working the clubs in Aspen, right out of high school. By the time I was twenty, I thought I knew everything. I had an affair with a married man. Sean is the product of that affair.” She spoke the words quietly but clearly.
Her stomach dropped about six inches. She’d worked the Aspen crowds right out of college, hoping to catch somebody famous doing drugs or kissing the wrong girl. Those pictures sold for a lot, if the person in the picture was just starting their downward spiral. After a while, nobody cared. But a picture of the innocent ones, on the first step down, paid well.
“Does his father ever try to make contact?”
“He sent a few messages. Mostly to keep out of sight and keep my mouth shut.”
Evie wanted to ask his name but couldn’t bring herself to do it. A sickening suspicion was settling over her. She struggled to speak. “I’ll pray he has a change of heart.”
Enough money and some men thought they could rule the world. Add in a reputation to protect and things got ugly. She glanced over at the little boy, wishing the world didn’t have fathers who denied their sons, wishing she hadn’t seen those dramas acted out over and over again. Sean let out a laugh as the blocks came tumbling down with a crash.
“Sweetie, not so loud.” Allison laid a gentle hand on her son’s shoulder. She raised her eyes to Evie’s, her jaw set. “I want to do better for him. I made some poor choices and we have to live with the consequences. When I asked God for forgiveness, I knew it was going to be a really hard road. But Sean’s my joy.” She gazed back at him for a moment, her lips tugging up. “I don’t even think I knew what love was before I had him.”
Eyes filling with tears, Evie swallowed hard. Allison had taken that second chance and run with it. How was it that people could wander aimlessly through life, making bad decisions and poor choices, and yet...in a tug, in a seemingly insignificant moment, it all changed? Love changed everything.
She blinked a few times, trying to find her voice. “I thank God every day for my own second chances.” She wasn’t like Allison, she knew that now. She couldn’t tell her the whole story. But she could let her know she understood. “I think you’re doing a great job, and I know Gavin’s glad you’re here.”
The words seemed to boost Allison’s spirit. She straightened her shoulders. “I was wrong to keep anything from him. I should have trusted him more. But when he advised me to give up my baby, I didn’t have the strength to argue. I was so weary and discouraged, disappointed in myself. I shut him out instead.”<
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Advised her to give up the baby? She couldn’t help the surprise that must have shown on her face.
“He wanted the best for us. But I wanted to keep Sean, and instead of telling Gavin, I just dropped off the radar.” Allison’s eyes were dark and sad. “He didn’t know what had happened to us. Our parents had cut me off, so I convinced myself that he didn’t care, either. But he did, and he spent every spare moment trying to track me down. He thought I was dead.”
Evie was silent, working phrases in her head. We all have regrets. Sometimes we make terrible choices. They sounded weak and inadequate.
“Of all the things I wish I could take back, that’s one of them. He missed out on his nephew’s first year because I was afraid to be honest. I knew with God’s help I could raise my baby, no matter how hard it was going to be. But I was so scared to tell my family. It was just easier to go it alone.” Allison circled her mug with both hands, her face tight.
“I understand.” It wasn’t much. She really did get how hard it was to show your true self when you’ve spun a web of lies so thick, so strong, that it seems nothing can cut through.
Allison looked up, almost laughing. “Do you? Really?”
Evie swallowed, her throat feeling dry. Was she playing truth or dare? They’d known each other only a few minutes.
She forced a smile. “Maybe not.”
“I hope not. For your sake.” Allison shot her a glance, turning her attention to Sean, who was placing the very last block on a teetering tower. “Sweetie, let’s keep it under control, okay? That’s a little too tall.”
Evie took a hasty sip of her mocha and pretended to admire Sean’s engineering skills. “It’s been nice to chat with you, but I told my brother I’d meet him in a few minutes. We should do this again. Or maybe a movie. It could be girls’ night out.”
“Sure.” She smiled warmly as Evie gathered up her coat and mittens.
“I usually never get out unless Jack forces me.” Evie slipped on her coat. “In fact, you should meet him. You’re a singer, right? He’s got a friend who’s looking for some new talent for weekend gigs in their club.”