Dear Myrtle,
I have to admit I didn’t expect you to reply. Everything you said was beautiful. Maybe you are right that we shape ourselves. I go to this support group. A couple of weeks ago we had to think of a word that describes ourselves. I’d completely forgotten about it until yesterday when Finn – he’s the group leader – had us use that word to create our own superhero identity. I picked the word silent. Most of the group chose a word that doesn’t have the most positive connotations, words like anxious, nervous etc. But it was interesting how we had to turn that word into something positive, to find a flip-side strength.
I made myself into The Silent Warrior. My superpower is that I can go unheard to all ears and technology, so I can sneak about, a bit like Nightcrawler in X-Men. I also gave myself super speed and agility. We even had to choose a superhero symbol for ourselves. I chose an eagle because birds move so effortlessly and soundlessly. You hardly ever hear the flapping of their wings. It was actually a really fun activity. So maybe that’s what you mean by shaping ourselves. We decide what we become by what we are dealt.
I should finish up here. I’ve got a yearbook committee meeting to get to. Hope you have a nice day and the sun touches your leaves.
Piper
I hit send and log off the computer. When I get to Tanvi’s locker, she’s already waiting there for me and launches straight into a long complaint about her chemistry teacher. I nod along, agreeing with everything she says. She’s still going on about it when we walk into the yearbook meeting. Everyone looks up as we enter. Indiana glances at us and clicks her tongue, then goes back to what she was saying about font choices. West gives me a wink, and Tanvi and I take the free seats next to him.
‘So our deadline for the final pages is the tenth of October, just before exams. That gives us less than four months, which isn’t a lot of time but let’s face it, we don’t want to be worrying about the yearbook during our exams. I’ve also got some other goods news. I’ve convinced the school to give each Year Twelve student a free copy of the yearbook at the farewell in November. The rest will be sold to students in other years. In light of this, how is everyone going with their roles. Writers?’
A few people take turns talking about the interviews they’ve done or have scheduled. I’m not really listening. I’m too worried that Indiana is going to ask me about the cover. The problem is that I still have no idea what I’m going to do for it. West and I haven’t talked about it yet. I wanted to wait until I have an awesome idea before bringing the whole thing up. But I still have nothing.
I feel a tap on my leg and look down. West’s hand is next to my leg and there’s a note in it. I unfold it under the desk.
I look at West from the corner of my eye and give the slightest nod. I’m not going to think of an idea in the next five minutes, so why not?
West taps my leg again. It’s another Post-it note.
I’m confused until West’s finger starts tracing letters on my outer thigh over the top of my skirt. I suppress a giggle as I get used to the tickling feeling. I don’t catch the first letter but the next two are ‘o’ and ‘u’, so I figure that the first letter was ‘y’. West traces the letter ‘s’ then ‘m’ and ‘e’. When the next letter comes, I know what the word is. My mouth drops open. I turn to look at West. He moves away in his chair and covers his face with his arms, as if I might hit him. I can’t keep the smile off my face. Okay, my turn. I reach my hand under the desk and start tracing the letters of the word ‘you’ and ‘look’ on West’s leg. I’m halfway through spelling the word ‘monkey’ when I hear my name.
‘Piper?’ repeats Indiana. ‘The cover?’
I blink several times. I have no idea what’s been going on in the meeting.
‘We’ve got the cover under control,’ says West.
‘I’d like to hear what ideas Piper has,’ says Indiana, crossing her arms. ‘The cover can make or break a yearbook.’
‘We know how important it is.’
‘Just because Piper doesn’t speak doesn’t mean she shouldn’t contribute like everyone else,’ says Indiana.
I feel West tense up next to me, ready to jump to my defence. I put my hand on his shoulder and shake my head. I stand up and walk over to whiteboard. I have no idea what I’m going to write but I have to write something.
My hand finds the whiteboard marker. I stare ahead at the shiny surface blemished with faded ink marks. The closer you look, the more layers you see. It almost looks like graffiti. This gives me an idea. I uncap the marker and in big letters write:
Andrew is one of Jackson’s close friends. He’s only fourteen but he’s a fantastic graffiti artist. He works digitally as well as with spray paint.
‘Graffiti would look sick,’ says someone. A few people agree. West grins at me.
Indiana puts her hand on her hip. ‘Isn’t graffiti done on walls? What are you intending to do? Graffiti the school and take photos of it?’
I change colour markers just for fun, then I write:
I turn my back to the whiteboard and smile. I’m proud of my idea. Of course, I don’t know if Andrew will do it or if what I picture in my head is even possible, but I can worry about that later.
‘Well, I’d like to see a sample of this artist’s work before you go ahead with it.’ This is Indiana’s way of saying that she is beaten. I nod to make her feel a bit better.
When I sit down, West leans in close to my ear and whispers, ‘Brilliant idea.’
I have a sign on my door that says: Do not disturb unless: a) you are Thor b) the zombie apocalypse has started c) you have pizza. So I cannot believe it when I get disturbed not once but multiple times from ten to four on Sunday, especially when I warned my family that I’m studying for the trial exams that start on Tuesday.
First it’s Dad asking if I want pancakes. I forgive him for his intrusion since pizza and pancakes can be easily confused. And I do actually want pancakes. Then it’s Mum wanting to know who sings the song called ‘How to Save a Life’. I tell her the answer is Google and she walks out asking herself whether Google is a guy or a girl. Evie is next, just being Evie. No zombie apocalypse or superhero with a six-pack. The only way I get rid of her is by promising to watch The Lion King with her later. Then it is Dad again, looking for his USB, followed by Evie who wants to know if we’re going to be watching Lion King 1 or Lion King 2. I didn’t even know there was a second movie.
I’m halfway through my third attempt at a quadratic equation when there’s another knock on my door. ‘Leave me alone. I’m trying to study!’ I shout. ‘I will kill!’ The door opens and Mum pokes her head into my room. ‘Piper, there’s someone here to see you.’
‘Who?’ I ask, standing up. It can’t be West. He’s away for the weekend, playing soccer. Mum doesn’t answer; she disappears out the door. I quickly pull off my pajama pants and put on a pair of jeans. Who else could be here to see me? Maybe it’s just Evie. That wouldn’t surprise me. She likes to dress up in Mum’s old clothes and pretend she’s a visitor.
As I walk along the hallway I can hear Mum talking to someone downstairs. I reach the top of the staircase and freeze. It’s Cassie. She looks up, sees me and smiles. What is she doing here?
‘Piper, isn’t this a nice surprise?’ says Mum. ‘Cassie was just telling me that she has a job at Kmart and she got her Ps.’ Mum’s voice falters when she sees my face.
‘Can I speak to Cassie alone?’ I say, coldly.
‘Um, sure,’ says Mum, giving me a look before walking into the kitchen. I open the front door and lead Cassie out onto the verandah. She sits down on the chair swing Dad built a few years ago. Cassie and I used to sit on it all the time.
I remain standing. ‘Why are you here?’ I ask, surprised how easily the words come out even though it’s been over six months since I last spoke to Cassie.
‘You were right about Liam. I’m sorry I didn’t believe you. He’s such an arsehole.’
I narrow my eyes. ‘What makes you believe
me now?
‘I don’t know if you heard, but Liam and I have been dating. We hooked up at another party and just kept hooking up until we were official. Of course, I knew he was only with me for the sex but I hoped as he got to know me that would change. Anyway, I was going through his phone one night and found an old message to his friend. You were right about the bet. I’m sorry I didn’t believe you.’
My hand feels around until it finds the verandah rail to steady myself. ‘I don’t know what to say.’
‘I dumped Liam as soon as I learnt the truth. I know it probably doesn’t help, but it looked like the bet was his friend’s idea, not Liam’s. He’s still an idiot, but he did actually like you. You didn’t see it but Liam liked you long before that night and that stupid bet. I saw the way he looked at you in homeroom. I thought it was unfair that he liked you, while you couldn’t care less about him. A lot of the boys liked you. It’s hard having a best friend that is as pretty as you are.’ Cassie wipes away a tear, smearing her cheek with mascara.
‘That’s crazy. I’d swap my looks with anyone to be able to speak. I’ve always been jealous of how you can walk up to anyone and say whatever is on your mind, not just say it but make them listen. You’re so bold and confident. I’d rather that any day.’
‘Can you forgive me?’ asks Cassie.
I nod. ‘Can you forgive me?’
‘For what?’
‘For kissing Liam. I knew you liked him but I kissed him anyway. I’m sorry.’
‘You were drunk.’
‘That’s no excuse.’
‘It doesn’t matter now. I’ve already forgiven you.’
I walk over and sit beside Cassie on the swing. At the start of the year, I would’ve given anything for things to go back to normal between us, but now she’s here and everything is out in the open, I know things will never be the way they were.
‘I feel like we’re strangers,’ I say. ‘So much has changed in the last few months.’
Cassie looks me in the eyes. ‘We can catch up on all that.’
I look down and watch my feet kick back and forth, my toes skimming the timber. It’s nice having someone I can talk to, but it’s not the same as it was before and maybe never will be. ‘I’m not ready to be best friends again, not like we were before. Maybe we could see a movie together when the school holidays come around and go from there?’
Cassie stands up and smiles. She wipes the remaining tears from her cheeks. ‘That would be nice. I’ll wait for you to call me. And if you’re in Kmart, come and say hi. I work in the audio department. I can give you a discount.’
I nod and watch her walk away. The purple streaks she used to have in her hair have been dyed over and the butterfly necklace she always wore around her neck has gone too. Maybe I’m not the only one who has changed. She stops at the bottom of the verandah and turns around. ‘Your mum said you’ve got a boyfriend. I’m happy for you.’
Indiana is standing at my locker on Friday morning. ‘Hi, Piper,’ she says. Her voice is different. It’s not so cheerful. I ignore her and open my locker as if she is not there.
‘Piper,’ she says, ‘I need to talk to you about something . . . Please.’
I realise what’s different about her voice; she’s nervous. Maybe something has happened to West. Or maybe it’s all an act. I swear Cate Blanchett could take acting lessons off Indiana. I raise my eyebrows. Go ahead.
‘Just, um, can we find somewhere more private?’
I shove my bag into my locker and close the door. As I follow Indiana down the hall, I notice people are looking at me and whispering. I quicken my pace. What’s their problem? Is my skirt back to front? Is it about me and West?
The first room Indiana finds unlocked is the music room. We go inside and Indiana shuts the door. She paces around, shaking her hands like they are wet. Now I’m seriously wondering what’s going on, but I can’t exactly tell her to hurry up and spit it out.
Finally, she turns to me. ‘I’m so sorry, Piper.’
Sorry for what?
‘Taylor’s gone and spread a rumour that the reason you don’t talk is because you’re so traumatised by an incident at your old school. That you slept with a teacher.’
I put my hand against the wall to steady myself as I process these words. That’s why everyone was looking at me. Oh God. They think I slept with a teacher. Has West heard the rumour yet? Surely, he wouldn’t believe it.
‘I’m so sorry,’ says Indiana. ‘I should’ve stopped her or tried to get the comment deleted from Facebook.’
Oh God. If it started on Facebook, then West will definitely have seen it. Everyone will have seen it.
Indiana takes a step closer to me. ‘I’ll tell people it’s not true.’
It doesn’t matter. Once it’s out there, people will believe what they want. It’s like tearing up a piece of paper and scattering it into the wind, or plucking a chicken and going back the next day to find the feathers. Any of those metaphors teachers use to describe the impact of rumours that clearly have no effect.
‘Please forgive me, Piper.’
I’ve had enough, heard enough.
I flee from the room and down the hallway, everything swimming in front of my eyes, the noise a constant roar in my ears. I run into West without even seeing him. I only know it’s him when his arms come around me. ‘It’s okay,’ he says. ‘It’s okay.’
I cry into his shoulder because I don’t know what else to do. When I’m done soaking his shirt in tears, West guides me into the quad and we sit down.
‘Taylor’s gone too far.’ West’s hands are balled into fists on the table. I’ve never seen him this mad.
I open to the back of one of West’s books and write:
West shakes his head. ‘You shouldn’t have to. This is bullshit.’
I pull the notebook back towards me. My writing is quick and messy.
‘Do you want me to take you home?’
West reads my note and then tears the paper out of the book and scrunches it up. I put my hand over his and squeeze. He squeezes back.
‘I’ll walk you to class,’ he says. I nod and let him put his arm around my shoulders. I feel protected, as if nothing anyone says can hurt me while I’m around him. ‘At the end of your class, I’ll be waiting outside to walk you to your next class. Coach says I need to be doing more running anyway.’
I laugh at his attempt at a joke.
As the day goes on, people start coming right out with their comments or questions. ‘Did the teacher get fired?’ some Year Nine students want to know as I’m lining up outside a classroom. I get called a slut more times than I can count. I told West that all I could do was wait for this to blow over, but I only said that to stop him from doing something that wouldn’t help the situation. This is high school and it could take weeks or even months for it to blow over. I don’t know if I can last that long.
By lunchtime the rumour has spread so far and wide that even the teachers regard me with a wary look. West wants to skip soccer practice so he can sit with me but I don’t let him. He’s already been getting in trouble for skipping practice. Instead I have lunch with Tanvi and the others, even though I feel too sick to eat. All they talk about is the rumour.
‘Just give them all the finger and tell them where to shove it,’ says Jessica.
‘Or you could just ignore it all,’ says Tanvi.
‘That could work too,’ says Jessica.
‘What if you got someone from your old school to come out and say that the rumour is false?’
I nod along. I know they’re only trying to help but it’s really just making me feel worse.
‘Do you know who started it?’ asks Wai.
I shake my head. I should tell them about Taylor, but I’m worried it will just make things worse. Who knows what else Taylor is capable of?
‘I’ll ask my cousin to do some digging,’ says Jessica.
‘The one in Year Nine or the one Year Seven?’ asks Wai.
‘Year Nine. She knows everything that goes on around the school. If anyone can find out who started the rumour, it’s her.’
‘And then what are you going to do?’ asks Celia.
‘I don’t know,’ says Jessica. ‘Make them take the rumour back or egg their car.’
‘Very mature,’ says Tanvi.
‘What if they don’t have a car?’ says Wai.
The conversation goes on around me as if I’m not there. I stand up.
‘Where are you going?’ asks Jessica.
I hold up a library book.
‘You don’t have to go,’ says Tanvi. ‘Let’s talk about something else.’
I force a smile. It’s fine.
Tanvi doesn’t look convinced. ‘Okay. We’ll catch up later. And don’t listen to what people are saying.’
On the way to the library, Mrs Diaz catches me. Seriously, can this day get any worse?
‘Piper, can I see you in my office for a minute?’
I follow her obligingly.
‘I assume you know what this is about,’ she says, closing her office door.
I nod.
‘Right,’ she says, taking a seat. ‘I don’t for a second believe that the rumour is true. However, this is a very serious matter and must be handled carefully.’
I blink a few times. Who is this woman and what has she done with Mrs Diaz?
‘First off, I’ll need to call your parents so they know what’s going on and how the school is handling the situation.’
My parents can’t know about this. They’ll flip out. They might even think that West is somehow a bad influence. Please.
Mrs Diaz slides a pen and paper in my direction. ‘Do you know who started the rumour? Just write any names down of the students who may be involved.’
I shake my head and don’t touch the pen. Getting Taylor or Indiana in trouble won’t help the situation. If anything, it will make it worse.
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