West and I were supposed to do the cover together. If it hadn’t been for the Post-it notes he put on my locker, I never would’ve got the idea, so in a way, we are. Of course, that’s if it’s not too late. I know the yearbook goes to print this week. Indiana may have already got someone else to do the cover.
‘Okay, okay,’ says Jessica. ‘But I’m writing bootylicious on at least one.’
There are around 1200 students at St Mark’s. Not all the seniors are at school every day now that it’s STUVAC but a lot of them come to the library to study and quite a few haven’t cleaned out their lockers yet. Between the seven of us, we need to write at least 172 each.
No less than a minute after we’ve started, Jessica puts down her marker. ‘I’m confused. How am I supposed to know what to write? I don’t know everyone and I certainly don’t know who each locker belongs to. Once I even stood at Bradley Jarnett’s locker for ten minutes thinking it was Wai’s locker. I was so embarrassed.’
‘It’s supposed to be random,’ says Tanvi. ‘It doesn’t matter whose locker it is or what you write, just as long as it is uplifting.’
‘What if I write “You are funny” and the person whose locker I stick it on is not funny?’
Wai laughs. ‘I’m sorry but you’re funny.’
‘I’m being serious.’
‘It’s fine. No one is not funny at all. They are just not very funny. Everyone is all these things or could be these things. It’s about how it makes them feel, not whether it is a hundred per cent true.’
I smile at Tanvi.
‘Is “You are special” okay? Or could that be read the wrong way?’ asks Indiana.
‘No, that’s good,’ says Tanvi. ‘That’s exactly what we’re looking for.’
The hour passes so quickly, I almost don’t believe Tanvi when she tells us that it’s seven o’clock. ‘That should be enough,’ she says. ‘We need to leave time to stick them up.’
‘Look at my hands,’ says Jessica, holding them up. They’re covered in black marker.
‘So much for remaining anonymous,’ says Celia.
Jessica waves her hand. ‘I’ll tell everyone that I spent the night with Jonathan Rhys Meyers and this is his black hair dye that came off when we got hot and sweaty.’
Wai snorts. ‘You’ll have more chance of people believing you spent the night with Snape.’ Jessica responds by uncapping a marker and swiping Wai across the arm.
‘Come on,’ says Tanvi, standing up. ‘We need to get going.’
As we walk towards C block, Taylor falls into step with me. ‘Just so you know, I broke up with Mark,’ she whispers. ‘Thanks for the push.’
Ahead of us, Tanvi pulls on the door of the main entrance. ‘It’s locked.’
‘Damn,’ says Taylor. ‘There must be a cleaner about who has the keys. Let’s look around.’
Everyone goes off in pairs and we meet back ten minutes later, each with no luck. For the plan to work, the notes have to be stuck up before any students arrive. And if we wait any longer, there will be no time for that.
‘There must be a door that is open somewhere,’ says Celia. ‘Don’t some teachers get to school early?’
‘What are we going to do? Go around and check every door?’ says Taylor.
‘There has to be an easier way,’ says Indiana. ‘Wait, is that Mr Hill?’
I turn around and see my least-favourite teacher, Mr Hill, walking across the quad towards us. ‘What are you girls doing at school so early?’ he asks.
‘We really need to get inside,’ says Tanvi. ‘Can you help us?’
Mr Hill shakes his head. ‘I’m not supposed to let students in until seven-thirty.’
‘But that’s only twenty minutes away. We promise we’re not doing anything that will get us or you in trouble.’
‘It’s that time of the month, sir,’ says Taylor. ‘And I need a sanitary napkin right now. They’re in my locker.’ She crosses her legs as if she is about to wet herself and not menstruate.
Mr Hill rolls his eyes. I bite my lip to stop myself from laughing.
‘Please,’ says Jessica. Suddenly, everyone is saying please at once, except me.
Mr Hill looks me in the eye and sighs. ‘Okay, but just this once,’ he says, taking out his keys and unlocking the door.
I’m the last person to go inside. I smile my thanks at Mr Hill and run to catch up with the others.
‘Sanitary napkins?’ says Indiana, her voice echoing down the hall. No one laughs louder than Taylor.
We start at different places and within minutes, the hallway is a colourful sea of Post-it notes. It’s so pretty. I take out my digital camera and start taking photos of it all.
‘Nice camera,’ says Celia. ‘Can I have a look?’
I hand it to Celia and then I nudge Tanvi. ‘You’re right,’ she says. ‘Let’s keep moving.’ We cover the next hallway and the next with simple words and powerful messages. I stick down my last Post-it – ‘You are unique’ – and that’s it. We group together in the middle of the hallway.
‘We did it,’ says Indiana.
I smile and gather everyone together for a group selfie.
Outside, we wait on the quad until the buildings are officially opened and students start arriving. We wander inside, trying to look like we know nothing. The first few students who see the Post-its look shocked and surprised. Some younger students run to their own lockers. Soon the hallways are full and it’s all everyone is talking about. They all want to know who is responsible. Some think it was the teachers. Other theories include elves and minions.
The other thing I hear is people saying the simple three words to each other.
‘You are pretty.’
‘You are creative.’
I smile at my friends. When I woke up this morning, I never thought my friends would include Indiana and Taylor.
Then of course everyone starts sticking the Post-its on themselves, each other and intimate objects. I take photos of it all. They will be perfect for the yearbook cover. I only wish I could show them to West.
‘You’re late,’ says the old man in the waiting room.
I sit down in the plastic chair that has somehow become mine. I put my geography textbook on the chair next to me.
‘You’re normally here earlier,’ he says. ‘You doing the exams at the moment?’
I nod.
‘How are they going?’
I shrug. I think I’m doing well. The last exam I have is geography on Friday. Geography makes me think of our trees, which makes me think of our road trip and all the things I might never do with West. I open up to a random place in the textbook and start reading. The old man gets called in.
‘Good luck,’ he says, before getting up.
I smile my thanks.
As he enters the ICU, two people come out through the doors. It’s West’s parents. I don’t often see them come out together. They walk through the waiting room towards the exit. I feel anger rising inside me. How can they keep pretending that I’m not here?
‘Stop!’ My voice is feeble, barely above a whisper.
I stand up and say it again, louder this time. ‘Stop!’
Everyone in the waiting room pauses their conversations or looks up from what they’re reading. I step forwards, my whole body shaking. Both West’s parents are staring at me, waiting for me to say something else. I can do this. I have to do this.
‘I need to see him,’ I say, my voice unsteady. ‘Please.’ I take a deep breath. ‘I know you think I’m not good for him but you’re wrong. I would do anything for West.’ I blink away my tears. ‘I love him. Please, let me see him.’
West’s dad sighs. ‘Just let her have an hour,’ he says, turning to his wife.
She gives him a look.
He takes her hands. ‘How can it hurt, Catherine?’ he says as if I’m not there. ‘You saw the photos of the Post-its she put on West’s Get Well page. You’ve seen her here every afternoon. Our son is not getting better. What
if we were wrong about her? Maybe what he needs is Piper.’
West’s mum nods stiffly. ‘Okay, one hour. You take her in. I’ll wait out here.’
I follow West’s dad to the doors. He picks up the phone and talks to the nurse on the other end. We’re allowed in straightaway. There are a few things we have to do before we can go further, like washing our hands, but I’m only half-aware of what I’m doing. I don’t even catch the name of the nurse who comes up and introduces herself. All I can think about is how even with all the waiting I’m not prepared for this.
The moment I see West all the air leaves my lungs. There are tubes coming off his body, hooked up to various machines and bags of fluid. I walk over slowly and sink into a chair next to his bed.
‘I’ll give you some time alone with him,’ says West’s dad from the doorway.
I hear his footsteps as he walks off. I don’t take my eyes away from West’s face. It’s peaceful but pale, as if he is only sleeping. I expect him to open his eyes but he is unmoving, apart from the gentle rise and fall of his chest, thanks to the breathing machine. He wouldn’t be this still if he was sleeping. I remember he fell asleep before me on our weekend away, and I couldn’t believe how much his body twitched and jerked while he slept. This stillness is not natural. The soft whirl of the breathing machine is another reminder of that.
‘Hi, West,’ I say. ‘There are so many things I didn’t say to you, so listen up now, okay?’ I know that technically he can’t hear me but I read stories of people who awake from comas and can remember things people said to them while they were unconscious. Some can recall whole conversations. I hope West can hear me. This might be the only chance I get to say these things.
‘Hi. I know I’ve already said that but I wanted to say it again. You don’t know how many times I wanted to say hi, or bye, or thank you. There are so many things I didn’t thank you for: the cronut, the Post-its, the glow-worms, holding my hand when I jumped. I didn’t tell you that I love your eyes or the way you read my mind.’
The words flow out of me so easily. I don’t know if it’s because he is in a coma or if the words have built up inside me for so long. ‘I’m so sorry for pushing you away and for all the pain I caused. I love you, West. Ich liebe dich. I should’ve said it that night but I was afraid of more than just speaking. But I’m not afraid of letting you love me any more. If you wake, I promise you’ll never be able to shut me up. If you wake, I promise that I’ll never hurt you again.’
I know he is in an induced coma and that the doctors will bring him out of it when his body is ready, but I can’t help believing that if he had a good enough reason, he would wake up himself. He doesn’t. He remains still aside from the rise and fall of his chest.
I wipe my tears away and kiss West on the forehead. ‘You showed me what it’s like to live and now I need you to live, okay?’
I take a break from sitting in the ICU waiting room to attend the support group. Part of me is nervous about turning up after having missed a few meetings. But I know once I’m there, those feelings will go away. The truth is, I really enjoy the meetings. I wouldn’t say they are helpful in the way Dr Hayes was, but I find that I always come away from them feeling a bit closer to knowing myself.
As I get out of my car, Emmanuel is walking in. He stops and waits for me. ‘Hey there,’ he says. ‘Haven’t seen you lately.’
I smile.
‘I’m glad I caught you out here. We’re planning a surprise birthday party for Finn for next month. Everyone is bringing something, decorations, food, presents, that sort of thing. You happy to help me out with the food?’
I nod.
‘Awesome, P. We just need chips, drinks, the usual. I’ll message you about it.’
It takes me a second to realise that P is a nickname he has just come up with. I think of West and how he called me, Pi. Suddenly, I’m crying.
‘Hey, hey, are you okay?’ Emmanuel puts an arm around me.
I wipe away my tears and nod feebly.
‘What’s wrong?’
I wave my hand, hoping he will stop fussing.
‘Oh, that’s right. Do you want to write it down?’
Silence.
‘Okay, well. Do this with me?’
He starts laughing. Seriously laughing. Hand on stomach, bent over laughing.
‘Come on, try it. We did this exercise at the last meeting.’
He starts laughing again. I think there are tears in his eyes. I sigh and start laughing. The sight of Emmanuel is quite funny so it’s not that hard. My laughter builds and builds. Soon, we’re in hysterics. What do the people driving past think?
Emmanuel’s laughter dies out. ‘Feel better?’
I nod and smile my thanks. My cheeks hurt from all the laughing.
By the time we get inside, everyone is already sitting down and the meeting has started. We take a seat.
‘How has everyone’s week been?’ asks Finn. ‘Any ups or downs people would like to share?’
It seems everyone has something to talk about tonight. Finn listens carefully and says just the right thing to each person. It makes me think about Dr Hayes’s suggestion that I study psychology.
‘Does anyone else have anything to share?’ Finn asks eventually.
I raise my hand slowly.
‘Piper!’
I reach into my bag and pull out a folder.
‘You brought photos!’
His overexcitement is making me nervous. I’m not sure how he even knows that I have photos in the folder. I suppose he is thinking back to the first meeting. I’m not actually sure why I brought them. I’ve been sorting through all my photos each night, realising just how many I have, and on my way out today I grabbed a pile. West was always encouraging me to share my photos, so I guess that’s what made me do it.
‘Do you want to pass them around?’
I shake my head. As stupid as it sounds, I don’t want people putting their fingers all over them. I stand up and walk over to the whiteboard. I’m not sure what I’m planning on doing.
‘There’s Blu Tack in the drawer,’ says Finn.
Okay, that’s a start. I take the Blu Tack out and pull a random photo from the pile. The image is of a wire sculpture that I took down at Jervis Bay with West. I took lots of photos of the sculptures. On that same day, we came across a group of kangaroos near the basin and I took photos of them too. They’re somewhere in the pile, I think.
As I start sticking up the rest of the photos, I realise that where I place them on the board tells a story. There’s photos I took with West at the circus and at Peace Rock. There’s lots of photos I took alone in various parts of the Blue Mountains National Park. There’s also photos of Cassie and me from last year. I arrange them almost as if I’m doing a painting, making all the individual photos part of a whole.
When I’m done, I turn around. Everyone stands up and comes closer. No one says anything. They just stand there and look.
‘These are amazing,’ says Finn when he comes up behind the group.
I know he is exaggerating but I appreciate the sentiment.
‘You know, a picture says a thousand words,’ says Finn. ‘I like what you have to say, Piper. You should speak up more often.’
I look up at my photos and my face breaks into a smile. My cheeks still hurt from earlier but I keep smiling.
Suddenly, everyone is talking about the photos. ‘Can I keep this one?’ asks Emmanuel, pointing to the photo of the fairy-wren that I took at the lookout. ‘It reminds me of my mum. She loved birds, especially small ones. She said they were little guardian angels.’
I take the photo down and hand it to him.
This time there are definitely tears in Emmanuel’s eyes.
Dear Piper,
My name is Natalie. I work for Melbourne City Council. I’m the person responsible for answering all the tree emails. I’ve been on leave from work and have come back to find all your terribly sad emails. I’m so sorry to hear about West. He
had been emailing me too for the same school assignment. I can’t believe that it’s taken me so long to connect the two of you. I get a lot of emails, or rather the trees get a lot of emails. He talked about you a lot in them. I hope that gives you some comfort. I can’t share them with you directly but if you like, I could tell you a little about what he said.
My thoughts and prayers are with West.
Nat x
Between visiting West at the hospital and emailing Natalie, I get this crazy idea to go on a road trip to Melbourne to find our trees. But I need Cassie.
I pick up my mobile and find her number in my contacts. Before I press call, I pause for yet another moment of doubt. Is this a crazy idea? What normal person goes on a road trip all the way to Melbourne to find two trees? When West and I talked about doing it together, it seemed like such a normal, brilliant idea, but doing it on my own or with Cassie seems insane.
From what Natalie has told me about West’s emails, he believed in the trees. He only ever called me Pi in his emails. And apparently he talked about how amazing Pi is, the mathematical concept. I did some research and it is pretty fascinating, particularly the history and the continued search for the complete value of Pi.
It doesn’t make any sense but I feel like if I find our trees, everything will be okay again. West will get better. I will get better. And one day we will find the trees again together.
I take a deep breath and press call. My parents are more likely to let me go if it’s with Cassie. But I also want her to come on the trip with me because I miss our friendship. I still have Tanvi and my other new friends, but it’s not the same as the bond I shared with Cassie.
She picks up on the fourth ring. ‘Hey, Piper!’
‘Hi.’
‘How is West?’
‘He’s still the same. I think the medical word is stable.’
‘Stable is good.’
‘How are your exams going?’
‘Great. I finished my last one today. I practically danced out of the hall.’
I laugh. ‘What are your plans for next week?’
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