by Muse, M. W.
“No,” Calli said, looking up at the teacher since class was starting, effectively ending the conversation for now.
When Spanish was over, River met up with her and walked with her the rest of the way to their history class. Again with the uncomfortable silence. When it was lunchtime, she and Calli rode with River as if nothing was wrong. This was all kinds of messed up.
Calli pulled out a bag while they were in River’s car and shook it. “It’s time to draw names for Christmas presents.”
“What?” Legacy asked, turning around to look at her in the back seat.
“Well, you and I usually get each other something for Christmas, but now that River is one of the girls…” She chuckled. “We get to include him. Instead of each of us buying the other two a gift, I figured it’d be more fun to draw names and not tell each other who each person got.”
“Oh. That sounds like fun.”
“Okay,” River said as he pulled into the restaurant.
“I have each of our names in here. If you draw your own, show it to me before you put it back.”
They all pulled a name out of the bag, and Legacy was relieved when she drew Calli’s name.
At the table, River seemed more relaxed than he had earlier. She still sat between River and Calli, but River did not put his hand on her knee. In fact, she didn’t think he touched her at all. Not even an accidental brush of an arm.
“Legacy,” Kate said. “Do you want to study for the calculus final?”
“Definitely.” She really liked the sound of this because she was actually worried about this test.
“Oh, yeah,” Calli said. “Why don’t we all study for it tonight?”
“Thad’s taking me out,” Ellen said, looking away.
“I can’t tonight,” Seth said.
Calli looked over at River, waiting for his answer. “Um, sure,” he said, glancing at Legacy then at Calli.
The rest of the day was easier than the beginning. River walked her to her classes, but he seemed a little at ease, not like his regular self, but not as stiff as this morning either.
After school, Calli and Kate came right over to study, and River came over after he got out of basketball practice. They all studied for several hours, but she just wasn’t getting some of this. Everyone else breezed through the study guide while she struggled with the section on implicit differentiation. All three chimed in on ways for her to complete the computations, but it just wasn’t clicking. She managed to get through the problems with their help, but she wasn’t actually sure if she learned anything. When Calli and Kate got ready to leave, she was still going over her notes, trying to commit them to memory.
“Um, I can stay and help you,” River offered, shrugging his shoulders.
She looked up at him. “Okay.”
After Calli and Kate left, River became a machine. A detached, mathematical machine, trying his best to explain the concepts to her. After about another hour, the light bulb finally turned on.
“Oh, if I write y explicitly as a function of x, then I could find the derivative of y when a function of y is written implicitly as a function of x."
“Right, but you can’t always do that. You need to be able to find the derivative of y without using y explicitly as a function of x.”
“Which I can do using the chain rule,” she said, looking up at him.
River smiled and nodded. “Right.”
She sighed and leaned back into her chair as the rules finally started making sense. “I think I got it now.”
River and Legacy chatted about the study guide while they gathered their books and piled them on the table. After several minutes, it seemed like River was slowly edging toward his uncomfortable demeanor of this morning, so she had to address the pink elephant in the room and broach the uncomfortable topic of Friday night and the even harder topic of their relationship.
She sighed, watching him play nervously with his hands. “About the other night,” she said softly, and River’s head shot up. “I’m sorry.”
He shut his eyes while he briefly shook his head. “You have nothing to be sorry about.”
“I have plenty to be sorry about.”
River opened his eyes. “I was the one who pushed you away and stormed off. I was a complete jackass.”
“You only physically pushed me away after I emotionally pushed you away,” she said, taking a seat beside him. “So you were only a partial jackass.”
“I’m not sure what to do here, Legacy,” he said, looking down.
“Well, the way I see it, we have two choices.” His eyes flashed to hers. “We could either go back to how it was before, forgetting the last few weeks ever happened, maybe even employing the no physical contact rule again.” River’s eyes popped open for a second before he could control his reaction. “Or you could treat me like the woman you love and help me through this,” she said softly, looking down. “Help me for my sake. Not yours. You’re too attached. You’re taking my conflicted emotions too personally.”
“How could I not take them personally when you were kissing me like that, and your energy mirrored your actions until suddenly…suddenly it didn’t?”
She glanced up at him, and he looked sad. “I said I was sorry about that, and I am sorry. I’m sorry I hurt you, but I really had no idea why you acted that way until after you left. I was blindsided. Calli helped me figure out afterward what had happened, but during the moment, I had no idea what I was doing. If we’re going to explore whatever this is between us, you can’t shut me out like that.”
“You’re right,” he whispered. “I’m sorry. I really do feel horrible for walking off. After I left, I hoped you’d come over, but I told Paul to tell you I went to bed if you’d tried to come talk to me. I felt confused too. I tossed and turned all night, thinking about what happened. The next morning, I got up and walked outside to come over, but your car was gone. I debated all weekend whether I should call or come by. I just didn’t know what to do…about Friday night or about us.”
“I don’t know what to do about what’s happening either.” She knew River didn’t realize just how honest those words were. “But I, er, don’t think we need to make any decisions tonight. I think it might be healthy for us to not push anything right now. We should take a breather and see if this is something we really want to jump into.” She needed a break to regroup her efforts. She also figured making him wait would make him long for her even more.
“I already know that’s what I want,” River said, gazing into her eyes.
“Maybe want was the wrong word. We should see if this is something we need before going any further. Who knows…you may decide a relationship with me is something you don’t need, no matter how much you want it. If we take a little time to decide what’s best for us, then I think we’ll be in a better position to accept what’s happening.”
River took a deep breath. “I’ve waited seven months. I can wait a little longer,” he said with a small smile.
Legacy didn’t know how long she’d be granted this reprieve. But she was going to take it. Hopefully, the monster she knew him to be wouldn’t pull any surprises while she regrouped.
Besides, she had her ascension to focus on. She needed a break from this revenge business.
Chapter Ten
The last two weeks were blissfully uneventful. Legacy had finished her Christmas shopping, so at least she’d been productive and not waiting until the last minute like Lissa.
Legacy had dreamed her winter he lies dream several times, but there was no pattern as to when it’d fill her nights. She was still sure the dream wasn’t about Adin. Even thinking about him wasn’t just a slight pull of the heartstrings. It was a tug of war. With steel cables. Strings? She wished. Gods, she missed Adin terribly. Even though they were broken up, there had always been the potential to see him—until he’d gone to his dad’s for the Christmas holiday. Not since they’d started dating had they been apart from each other this long. The longest they had been
apart was a week, and so far, this trip was double that time with Christmas still almost a week away. Adin had another two weeks after that until school started. She wasn’t sure if he’d be gone the entire time, but he did warn her he probably would. She still hoped he’d come back early, even though she knew she had no right to.
River was acting like her best friend again. He did give her longing looks from time to time, but he used to do that before anything ever happened between them. She didn’t flirt with him as much as she had been, but she still flirted a little. She needed to seem like she was still interested.
But she was interested in only one thing—revenge. This breather they’d been taking was really helping her perspective. She wasn’t as angry with him, so she didn’t feel like her emotions were out of control when it came to this endeavor. She had grown to accept what River’s actions had permanently done to her life. When she started this punishment of his, she was furious and eager to hurt him as much as he’d hurt her. Now, she felt like she still needed to teach him a lesson, but not so much for satisfying her own vengeance, but to show him she wasn’t one to double-cross. If her mom or her old soul was trying to warn her about River in this new seasonal dream, that was all the more reason for him to learn this lesson. She looked at this as survival 101. River had already ascended. He was a god, and she needed to do whatever was necessary to make sure she ascended too.
Over the last couple of weeks, Kate, Seth, Calli, and River all came over to her house to study for semester tests. River continued to help her with her calculus and chemistry, and since she was such a history buff, she helped Calli with her history preparations.
Today was the last day of school before winter vacation, and the day of finals. She’d gotten ready for school, wearing her school hoodie and jeans since they also had a basketball game tonight. The game was an away game, so she was going to ride with Kate since Calli had to ride with the cheerleaders and River with the team.
When Legacy got to school, Calli was already at their picnic table studying. She sat beside her BFF and crammed until River walked up.
“If you don’t have it by now, it doesn’t matter. Testing starts in five minutes,” he said with a laugh.
“Shut up,” Calli mumbled, nose still in her history book.
River kept quiet while Calli studied the Civil War timeline and Legacy studied the periodic table of elements.
When the bell rang, he grabbed her books. They walked to their lockers to put up their books since they were not allowed to bring them into any of the classes. Then the test began.
Oh gods, Legacy’s brain was fried by lunchtime, and she was sure she wasn’t alone in that feeling. They all went to Beef’s for lunch since it was their favorite place to hang. River and Seth got sandwiches instead of their regular greasy burgers because of the game tonight. They all ate, talked, and laughed through most of lunch, and when everyone got done eating, no one wanted to rush back to school.
While River was looking away from Legacy, talking to Seth, he moved his hand to her leg and gently stroked it once before moving it away.
What motivated him to do that? He hadn’t made a move since they’d decided on this little breather, but the maneuver seemed like an absentminded gesture. She wasn’t sure if he consciously did it, and if so, what provoked him? If it was an unconscious effort, then she understood why he moved his hand away as quickly as he did. This was the restaurant where he first made a move like that. Maybe that was why he did it, she guessed.
Then River turned to face her, sliding his hand back onto her leg. “Ready to go?” he asked casually. Okay, so he meant to do it.
“Sure.”
He patted her leg before moving his hand and standing up. Pat? Not a gentle, loving caress. That didn’t seem like a pass at all. Maybe what happened earlier was nothing more than a fluke.
Or maybe he’d decided he wanted to stay friends. That her conflicted emotions were too much for him. If so, how would she go about luring him back for his much deserved punishment? She’d have to pay close attention to his behavior to see if he’d made a decision.
On the ride back to school, she couldn’t sense any changes from River. Their conversations were casual, but they did decide the three of them would get together on Sunday to do their gift exchange.
The rest of the day was much easier than the morning since her only hard exam was calculus. She muddled through the test, thinking she did okay. During English, she made plans to spend the night with Calli after the basketball game. Calli and River left school during last period to head to the game while she had to stay and take her P.E. exam. It was a cakewalk. When school let out, Kate followed her to her house to drop off her car, and they headed to the game together.
“Legacy?” Kate asked, glancing out her window.
“Yes?”
“How are you doing with your breakup from Adin?”
That seemed like an odd question. “Um, fine, I guess.”
“Well, Seth and River are becoming pretty good buddies, and Seth’s mentioned to me how much River talks about you.”
Ah. This made sense now. “Yeah, we’re best friends.”
“Do you, er, think something could happen between you and River?” she asked a little timidly.
How to answer? “Umm, maybe.”
Kate nodded. “Well, I think River would probably flip at the chance to date you. You should hear some of the stuff he says. I mean, nothing too obvious, but like last Friday when you wore the sweatshirt you have on now, he went on and on about how much he loved that color on you.”
Legacy looked out her window to keep Kate from seeing her roll her eyes. Of course River would love the school sweatshirt on her because their school colors were green and gold. He loved it when she wore green. Her eyes tended to change colors from blue to green, depending on what she was wearing. His eyes were green, and he liked it when their eyes matched. He once said it made him feel as if they were on the right path.
If she were on a path with River, it was the wrong one as far as she was concerned. But maybe he hoped they would be on the same path. Maybe the leg pat at lunch wasn’t a plutonic gesture after all.
“He’s always liked green on me,” she said a little too dryly. “Er, how are things with you and Seth?” she asked to get the focus off River.
“Um, good. Well, we do fight a lot, but other than that, everything’s good.”
Fight? “What do you mean by that?”
“He just gets on my nerves sometimes. He’s always clingy. There are times I just want to be left alone without him hovering over me twenty-four-seven, you know. I mean, don’t get me wrong, he’s wonderful. I just think he’s more serious about me than I am about him.”
“Oh,” she said, looking away from her. “Do you not want to be in a serious relationship?”
“Sure, well, just as much as anyone else our age, I guess.”
She nodded. Kate obviously didn’t feel about Seth the way Legacy felt about Adin. But she was still getting to know this chick. Technically, Legacy had known her for years, but now that they all hung around each other, she was really getting to know her.
When they got to the school, Legacy stood in line for some popcorn while Kate went to the bleachers behind where their basketball team would be sitting during the game. For how nonchalantly Kate had talked about Seth being the clingy one, she sure did seem to want to be close to him.
Legacy headed to her seat with popcorn in hand. When she passed the home team practicing, a tall, brown-haired, brown-eyed guy glanced over at her.
“Damn, I’d love to hit that,” he said to his teammate loudly enough to make sure she’d hear him.
She grimaced, shaking her head as she kept walking. Guys could be such jerks.
“Where are you going, little momma?” he said as he dribbled the ball over to her.
What a moron. She stopped and looked at him. “Really? Is that the best you can do?” She laughed and kept walking to her seat, but as her eye
s scanned the court, she saw River.
He was staring at the moron. There was no way he could’ve heard the exchange from where he was standing. Well, that would be true if River were mortal, but he wasn’t. She guessed he could very well have heard, but his unfathomable expression left her a little perplexed. She took her seat next to Kate while she munched on her snack.
“What’d that guy say to you? You looked irritated,” Kate asked, reaching into her bag of popcorn.
“He just came onto me.” She shrugged—it wasn’t as if that was the first time that’d ever happened.
When the game was about to start, River sat on the bleacher in front of Legacy, though she knew he’d be sitting all over the bleacher when he was sitting during the game, which he wouldn’t be doing very often.
She wanted to ask him if he heard what the guy said, but she knew now wasn’t the time. She couldn’t ask him if he had superhuman hearing in front of Kate, but she could chat with him to feel him out.
Legacy leaned toward him. “Want some popcorn?” she whispered.
River turned his head to the side, giving it an infinitesimal shake, and smiled at her. Then he turned back around.
Hmmm…not enough of an exchange to really judge. She tried again. “Good luck,” she whispered.
River turned his head to the side again. “Thanks,” he whispered, and winked at her before turning back around. Then he and several other players got up and walked onto the court. She’d just have to ask him about this later.
Once the buzzer sounded, she realized the moron was on the court too, and he was really good. He seemed to be one of the better players on his team, which was probably where his cockiness came from. These dumb hick chicks over here probably fought each other, falling all over themselves for a corn-fed boy like the moron. How sad.
As the game went on, she couldn’t help but notice how attentive River was to that guy. Anytime the moron got the ball with River around, River managed to get it away from him, either by knocking it away or yanking it out of his hands. She was getting tickled.