“His mom isn’t around anymore.”
“What?” I questioned. I knew that his father passed away. I didn’t understand.
She put her hand to her mouth and released a hard breath. “I’m not supposed to say. So few people know about the situation. I wasn’t even supposed to know either. I can’t-”
“Wait, what situation. Travis didn’t say anything to me about this.” Why would he? It wasn’t like our conversations had been light or anything. She knew more than she’s saying.
“Please tell me what’s going on. I won’t say anything. I promise.”
I could tell by her demeanor that she didn’t really want to say anything. She was so hesitant. “Oh okay, but please don’t tell anyone.” Her eyes begged me.
“I won’t.”
“I think she walked out on them like two or three years ago. Their mom I mean. Travis takes care of Waylon all by his self. I only know what I have overheard, but Travis is working two jobs. He works at London Auto and at Gordon’s Gym. I think he struggles, but he takes real good care of Waylon.” Her words were punching me in the gut. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I closed my eyes tight and fought back the emotions. I didn’t know this was going on, and hearing it made me sick to my stomach with grief. “He doesn’t want too many people knowing because he’s afraid that someone will say he’s un-fit and try taking his brother away.”
I nodded. Every time I swallowed I fought back the tears. Knowing this made me love him even more. “I can’t believe I didn’t know.” My words came out choked. I looked down at my feet, damning away my tears.
“I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“Yes,” I grabbed her hands. “Yes you should have. I am thankful that you did. I won’t say anything. I just needed to know.”
“You like him don’t you?” She was searching my eyes for an answer.
“What? No,” I let go of her hand and took a step back in defense.
“I see it.” Her sweet smile held sympathy. “It’s there on your face. You can’t deny it.”
I didn’t argue with her. I’d be lying if I did. “I won’t say anything.” She used my own words against me.
“Thanks,” I hung my head in defeat.
“Hey, you want to grab a bite to eat? I’m starving.”
“Sure, why not.” I was hungry too, and it was nice having a friend. Even if she did know my deepest, darkest secret.
FOURTEEN
Travis
It was finally Wednesday, my fishing day with Sawyer. I thought these past two days were never going to end. I’d been nervous as hell about seeing her again. Happy but nervous. I wasn’t sure what I’d be walking into. I was hoping that the two of us could just lay it all out on the table, and move forward. That would be the first time we’d discussed it, and I was afraid she might hate me forever.
I slipped into my swimming trunks and cut off shirt. It was a hot day today, and fishing usually led to swimming. I sent her a quick text letting her know that I would be there soon.
Me: I am about to leave now. I should be there in fifteen minutes.
Sawyer: Okay
Me: Don’t eat, I am bringing food.
Sawyer: You don’t have to do that.
Me: I want to. So don’t eat.
Sawyer: Okay, okay, but if we eat then you can call it a date. I thought I mentioned that this wasn’t a date.
Me: You did and it’s not. Quit frowning. I’ll see you in a few.
I pictured her rolling her eyes with her hands on her hips. She wouldn’t stay mad long. She never did.
I stuffed the phone into the pocket of my shorts and grabbed my wallet. I didn’t plan anything fancy for dinner. I made club sandwiches and packed chips on the side. I also packed a couple of containers of fruit that I had cut up. I didn’t want to go too overboard and have her flipping out on me. The less date-like-food the better.
Waylon wanted to stay home that day, and since I would only be gone a couple of hours I agreed. Normally I would make him stay with someone, but he was old enough to be there by himself. At least during the day anyway. Home alone in the middle of the night was a different story. I was packed and ready to go in no time. The drive to her place was quiet and short. The anticipation of seeing her was killing me. I knew what my feelings were for her. I had a feeling she still liked me too, but getting through to her was hard. She was so angry with me about the past and I knew she felt betrayed. Not to mention what she was dealing with over her parents. She made it very clear that she didn’t want to have a relationship, so I was sure I’d be wasting my time trying. I just didn’t want to give up so easily.
Closing the door behind me, I grabbed the bag full of food, my fishing pole, and my cell and headed for the house. She had the door opened and was waiting for me when I stepped up on the porch.
“Hey,” I spoke first. I couldn’t stop myself from checking her out. She had on a pair of short blue jean shorts and a buttoned down plaid shirt. The sleeves were rolled to her elbows and the top three buttons on the shirt were unfastened. The swell of her breasts did not go unnoticed. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail and she was barefoot. She was the sexiest girl I had ever seen. She stood there staring at me with this crazy look on her face. Oh wait, did she say something? I flashed my teeth in a big grin. “What’d you say?” I asked.
“I said hey, and asked if you were ready to be out fished by a girl.”
“Puh-lease, you’re going down.”
“We’ll see about that. Come on,” she directed me around the wrap around porch to the back deck. “You need me to help carry some of that?” She pointed to my arms.
“I got it.” I followed her down the steps and onto the deck. It was the most beautiful place in New London if you asked me. The deck off the back porch stretched all the way out the length of the yard and about twenty feet into the water. It was an amazing view of the lake. I had some crazy good memories here. Almost all of them have Sawyer in them somewhere.
I set the food down on a small table at the end of the dock.
“You want to eat first, or fish?” I asked.
She sat down on the edge of the dock and let her feet dangle into the water. “You know what my dad used to say?” She was still facing the water.
“No. What?”
“The fish won’t bite when it’s noisy. No talking while you fish,” I caught her simple laugh as she spoke. “I don’t know if he was lying because he wanted me to shut up or if it’s the truth.” I had to laugh too. “Either way, if we have some talking to do, then we better eat and talk first.” She looked up over her shoulder at me.
“I think you’re right. No talking while we fish,” I winked at her.
I grabbed the bag of food and took a seat next to her on the dock. Reaching in the bag, I handed her a wrapped sandwich, the chips and a bottle of water. “Nothing fancy,” I nudged her shoulder playfully.
“It’s great. Thanks Travis.”
“You’re welcome.” A silence settled over us as we ate. I didn’t know where to begin, and I hoped she’d be the one to start this whole thing off. She set her left over food aside and I pulled out a bowl of fruit. I opened the lid and before I even had time to pass it to her she leaned over and snatched a strawberry from the top.
“You thought of everything, didn’t you?”
“Maybe, but just so you know this is not a date. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. I can’t have you hitting on me and stuff.” I mocked her and she burst out laughing. I wished things were always this easy going with her. I loved to hear her laugh.
“Thanks,” she said in a more serious tone.
“For what?”
She shrugged her shoulders. The silence was back, but it wasn’t awkward. We sat there in silence a few more minutes, just kicking up the water. I finally had to bring it up.
“That day when you left, you said you forgave me-”
“And you said you’d miss me.” She said, glancing up for a moment and looking
into my eyes.
“I did, miss you.”
“And I forgave you,” she rebutted.
“But why? You forgave me so easily. We didn’t even talk about what happened.” I crossed my arms over my chest.
“What was there to talk about? You obviously kissed me because of some kind of bet you had with those stupid ass boys? So what if I loved you. So what if my feelings got hurt? Who cares, right? I was just a kid.” Damn it her words cut me like a knife.
“Loved,” I took her hand, and surprisingly she didn’t pull away.
“I was young Travis. I thought I loved you.” She countered.
“That day when I kissed you, it started out as a bet.” I started to explain.
“Please Travis, do we have to replay the whole thing.”
“Just let me finish. I need to get this off my chest.” She tried to pull her hand back, but I kept a tight grip on it. “The whole thing was a dare. Vince and the guys put me up to it. They said if I kissed you that they’d give me ten bucks. I agreed because I wanted to take their money, but I also agreed because I really did want to kiss you.” She looked up at me and I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Her eyes were filled to the brim with unshed tears. “When I kissed you that day, I realized that there were more feelings there than even I realized. I knew that I had liked you before I kissed you, but that kiss changed everything. I knew then that it was more than some crush. I was scared of my feelings for you. Then the day I met the guys I realized that they had set me up. They made sure that you would hear me say those horrible things about you. I said those words to save face… For my pride. I honestly didn’t know that you were there. I know it doesn’t make it any better, but I didn’t mean any of those things I said to them. I wanted to look cool. I was a fifteen year old boy. Being cool was the only thing that any of us cared about. I knew it was wrong. I felt so guilty but even worse I knew how bad I’d hurt you. My heart was hurting for you. I realized that day that those guys weren’t my friends at all, and I didn’t need them. They didn’t give a shit about me or you, or anyone. They were laughing when I chased after you.”
“You chased after me.” The tears rolled down her cheeks.
“I did.” I wiped the tears from her cheek. “You were gone though. When I saw you the next day, I couldn’t believe that you didn’t tell Dane. Then you surprised me even more when you forgave me so easily. When I said that I’d miss you, I meant it. And watching you leave was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. For the longest time, you were all I thought about. You were my first love.” By the way, my hands were sweating, I’d think she still was. These were things that I’ve never told anyone and I never thought I would ever have a chance to tell her. “I’m sorry Sawyer. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you how I felt back then. I’m sorry that I let you go so easily, and I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you when you lost your parents. I know that you said you forgave me, but you didn’t mean it. If you did, you wouldn’t have been angry with me the day you found out who I was. I want you to forgive me now. Please,” I pleaded.
She brought her tiny hands up to my face and rested them on each side of my face. She leaned in close looking only in my eyes. We were the closest we’d ever been since our first kiss. The tears continued to fall from her eyes, but they weren’t sad anymore. I watched her with each breath she took. “I forgive you.” I thought she was going to kiss me. My heart was beating so fast and my hands were tingling. She lowered her hands down and never closed the distance.
Before she could back away I put one hand on the back of her head just at the bend of her neck. The other hand I brushed along the side of her cheek. I could feel her shiver under my touch. It stirred something inside me. I wanted to touch her so bad. I wanted every last inch of my body touching hers. I couldn’t deny it. “You are the most beautiful girl I know. I won’t hurt you again. Please don’t stop me this time.” I had to kiss her. I inched closer until my lips were just a breath away. I waited for her to object and when she didn’t, I lightly brushed my lips against hers. I felt a tingling sensation all the way to my toes. The small moan that escaped her lips was all that it took. I deepened the kiss. She parted her lips and I pushed my tongue inside. Her hands grasped my shirt from behind, and I pushed myself closer to her. The way her tongue felt against mine, made it hard for me to hide the hardness that was pressed against my shorts. She didn’t stop me, she kissed me back with just as much force. I’d never wanted anyone as much as I do her. I touched the bare skin that was peeking out just above her shorts, and she pulled away.
“I’m sorry,” her breath was heavy as she tried to catch her breath.
“Don’t be.” I reached for her hand, but she quickly pulled it back. I closed my eyes tightly, hoping that I hadn’t just screwed everything up.
“Look Travis, I still have all these feelings for you in here,” she pointed to her chest. “I’m just not ready for things to go further. I have a hard time getting close to people. I’m afraid.”
“You don’t have to be afraid with me.”
“You’re wrong. You make me even more afraid. I can’t take things there yet. Please understand.”
I didn’t want to understand, but she really did have issues. Anyone could see the fear in her eyes. “Okay, I understand. But now you know how I feel. I want to be with you. I want to be more than just friends, but I won’t keep trying Saw. I won’t try anymore, because it hurts when you say no. From now on, the ball is in your court. I’m your friend first, and I will always be here for you. I’ll help you deal with your parents anyway that I can, but no more trying for anything more. If and when you get ready, it will be up to you to tell me.”
“Okay,” she agreed. “I want you in my life Travis. I do hope that we can have more one day, but being friends sounds like a really good place to start.” Damn that F word hurt. But I could be strong for her. I thought that once she healed that she’d be ready to take the relationship further, but I won’t wait forever. “We’re good right?” The look in her eyes was more than a question. She needed me to be okay with this. I could see the insistent look in her eyes.
“We’re good.” I watched the relief wash over her. “It’s freaking hot out here, you want to swim.”
“I don’t know.”
“What do you mean you don’t know? We used to always swim after we fished. We can still swim, and fish another day.”
“It’s just, I haven’t swam since my parents died. The thought of the water frightens the hell out of me.” She wasn’t lying. The worry was written all over her face.
I stood up on the dock and took off my shirt. “Come on,” I held out my hand. “This will be the first step to healing. I didn’t know who I was kidding. I hadn’t been able to go Hickory Bridge since dad died. It was the spot we would go to catch bullfrogs. Always just him and me. I couldn’t go there ever, the thought of it made my stomach hurt.
“Seriously, it really freaks me out.”
“I get it. That’s why I am here. Do you trust me?” She took my hand.
“Yes.” She stood up next to me.
“Good, then take off your clothes.”
FIFTEEN
Sawyer
I didn’t have on a swimsuit. I was standing next to him wearing nothing but a bra and underwear. I was about to jump in. No looking back. This would be the hardest thing I’d done since my parents died. I promised myself that I wouldn’t go anywhere near the water because it reminded me of them. It reminded me of the day they died. Jumping in would mean forgetting their memory. Wouldn’t it? Somehow standing there on this dock with Travis’s hand in mine, made me feel capable. More capable of doing things than I gave myself credit for. When he asked if I trusted him, I didn’t even have to think about it. I knew that I did.
“You can do this Sawyer.” His forehead was now pressed against mine. Those dark blue eyes looked straight into mine. “Your parents would not want you missing out on the things that you love, just because they’re not h
ere. That’s not fair to them or you. It’s time to live.”
I hung on tightly to his every word. “I’m ready. But don’t leave me. Promise me.”
“I’ll be right here with you. I promise. On three.” He said and I nodded. We stood side by side, hand in hand. “One, two, three.” We jumped. I took my time coming back to the surface, and Travis never let go of my hand. When my head popped out of the water. He let go, and I finally felt like I could breathe. For the first time in so long, my heart felt a little less heavy. I owed it all to Travis.
I spent the next hour swimming and having the best time. I thought that after the kiss it would be weird, but he was trying hard for me. I knew deep down in my heart that I loved him. I always had, but I was just too scared that loving him meant losing him. I could barely cope now. How could I manage to live with that and without him?
We were packing up the things on the dock and about to call it a night, when his phone rang. “Hello,” he answered. I was trying not to listen, but I realized that he must have been talking to his brother. He promised that he’d bring home some food, and told him that he’d be there soon.
“I have to get going.”
“Was that your brother?” I enquired.
“Yeah,” was his only response. “Hey, do you want to come over and have dinner tomorrow?” His words were sweet. I knew this meant that he’d be letting me in on his secret. He had no idea that I already know. I knew I said that I didn’t want to date, but this was just hanging out as friends. He said that I’d have to make the first move, so what was there to be afraid of?
“Sure, should I bring anything?” I answered, deciding to take a chance, on him… On me.
“Just yourself, around seven.”
“Okay, I’ll be there.” I smiled at him, unable to stop myself.
“Great. See you tomorrow, and call me anytime Sawyer if you need me. I mean it.” I nodded. I knew what he was implying. Should I have another breakdown? He leaned in for a hug and I obliged. Friends hugged, right? Even in a hug, a friendly hug at that, he still turned me on. My body temperature rose to a boiling point whenever he was near. I mean good God. My lady parts needed a serious cool down. I clenched my fists at my side to keep them from trembling. The view of him leaving was just as pleasing as the view of him coming. I narrowed my eyes in a beeline for his ass. I realized then that I’d had more dirty thoughts about that man, then I’d had in the past five years. I shivered and tried to shake the thought. Too many of those bad boys would cloud my judgment, and that’s the last thing I needed.
Escaping Heartbreak Page 9