“Brandon showed me how to dive, and I did it!”
“That’s great, honey,” she said. “You'll have to show me next time.”
The three of them spent a quiet evening together. The children and youth programs weren’t meeting again until school resumed after the holidays. Natalie had decided to go to the singles’ group Christmas party. After she left, Brandon told Josie how things had gone that morning. He seemed to think Natalie enjoyed the class and the service, and he said she had met Allison and several others. They were both hopeful she would want to go again.
After Tommy went to bed, Josie told Brandon about her experience at the hospital the previous night. The patient had come in while Josie happened to be at the nurses’ station giving Sue a lunch break. The woman was groaning with such intense pain that the ER nurse had brought her up on a gurney instead of letting her walk up or ride in a wheelchair like most patients did. Three weeks away from her due date, she said she thought her water had broke on the way to the hospital.
“By the time they got her upstairs, the sheet was soaked with blood, and I knew immediately something was not right. My first thought about placental abruption turned out to be true.”
“What’s that?”
“Where the placenta begins to pull away from the wall of the uterus. A severe abruption can be fatal.”
“The baby could have died?”
“The mom too. She can lose a lot of blood fast, and the baby can die from a lack of oxygen.”
“What happened?”
“The rest is a blur. I called for help and followed the emergency c-section protocol. Thankfully we caught it soon enough, and both the mother and baby came through fine.”
Brandon put his arms around her and drew her close. “The things you do within those walls absolutely blow my mind, Josie Matthews.” His words reminded her of what Dr. Jacobs had said to her earlier that morning:
“You were incredible in there, Josie. By the time I arrived you had everything under control and ready so we could get that baby out.”
“I didn’t do it alone. Sue and two other nurses were there, plus the resident.”
“That’s not what Sue told me.”
Josie had stared at him, unsure of what he meant.
“She told me you were the one barking orders at everybody and doing the work of three people. She thought you were going to get that baby out yourself.”
Brandon shook his head and smiled when she relayed Dr. Jacobs’ words. “As I said,” he replied and offered to get her some more coffee. She waited for him to return, debating about whether or not to share the remainder of her conversation with Dr. Jacobs:
“I’ve worked with a lot of nurses over the years, Josie, and you are one of the best I’ve ever seen. You have great instincts and always use sound judgment. Not to mention how much you care about your patients. I’d love to have you as a midwife in my practice. Is that something you’re interested in?”
“Are you?” Brandon asked after she repeated Dr. Jacobs’ words.
“I’m not sure yet. I told him I’d think about it.”
“Sorry for my ignorance,” he said, “but what exactly does a midwife do?”
“Nurse-midwives give prenatal care to low-risk patients and deliver their babies,” she replied with excitement and apprehension rolled into one. “They lighten the doctor’s patient load, and the patients benefit by having longer office visits and having the midwife by their side throughout labor instead of only for the delivery.”
“You would do deliveries?”
“Yes,” she replied. “It’s a big decision to make. I’ll pray about it and see what God has to say.”
Brandon kissed her tenderly. “You know I’ll support you either way,” he said, then added apologetically, “not that my opinion matters.”
Josie hesitated only a moment before speaking from her heart. “Of course it does,” she replied. “You are a very important part of my life.”
“You’re an important part of my life too, Josie.”
As tender as his words were, his kisses were even more so, and Josie became lost in the gentle passion. She absolutely loved the way Brandon kissed her--like no other man ever had. It excited her, it scared her, it took her breath away. And she had found herself longing for his touch more and more as the weeks had slowly passed.
They were rarely alone like this, and Josie felt her body longing for things that she had vowed to abstain from until she was a married woman. She hadn’t been down this path for a very long time and wasn’t prepared for having to make a decision about how far she would let this go. She was glad when Brandon pulled himself away from her and exchanged his passionate kissing for some less intense cuddling. Although, just being held in his arms kept those strong feelings alive.
“I have a little confession to make,” Brandon said after several moments of silence.
Josie lifted her eyes and waited for him to go on.
“I’ve been wanting more time like this alone with you.”
Josie didn’t know how to respond. Did Brandon mean he wanted their physical relationship to go beyond kissing, or was he starting to feel like Tommy was getting in the way of their time together? Neither one made her comfortable, and she wondered if the fairy-tale was about to end.
“But I can see that it’s a good thing we don’t have moments like this too often,” he went on, kissing her gently. “You are a very desirable woman, Josie Matthews.”
Josie recalled Mark saying that to her several times, but she had never let him kiss her like this. Whenever he had tried, she had told him she wasn’t ready for that, but she didn’t feel that way at all with Brandon. She was giving him everything he was giving her, and purely of her own free will. Brandon didn’t have to talk her into anything.
After another string of enjoyable kisses, Brandon pulled her against his side and held her close. Snuggling into his warm, broad chest, Josie was also reminded that Brandon didn’t take advantage of their strong desire for one another. His passion mixed with his restraint amazed her.
“I want you to know, Josie, that I’ve never kissed a woman the way I kiss you.”
Closing her eyes, Josie cherished that thought. And no man has ever kissed me the way you do, Brandon.
“May I ask you something?” she asked
“Sure,” he replied, gently rubbing her back.
“You told me that you and Kristin were never intimate,” she said. “But was there ever someone else that you--?”
“No,” he said softly before she had a chance to finish the question. “I made a personal decision many years ago to wait for the woman I married, and by the grace of God I’ve kept that commitment to her, whoever she is.”
She looked up at him, and he had the most loving and tender expression on his face. He didn’t have to say that he believed she could be that woman. It was written all over his face, and his silent message sent a surge of emotion straight to her heart. Partly for the man that Brandon was. A real man, not a coward that would take off and leave his girlfriend pregnant and alone. But also for the way he saw her. Who was she to be worthy of the kind of man who would choose to love one woman and be faithful to her for the rest of his life? She wanted to be that woman more than anything. To have Brandon take her into his bed and shower her body with sweet kisses and soft caresses would be wonderful enough. But to know she was the only one he had been with in that way? That she was his one and only?
In all of the years she had been looking for man who would want to marry her, she had never imagined someone as wonderful as Brandon, and she didn’t know if she could allow him to love her like this.
Oh, Brandon. Why do you kiss me and hold me the way you do? Why not Allison or Kristin or the scores of other women out there who truly deserve you? Why me?
***
By Christmas morning, Josie had made some decisions about how she could make the best of meeting Brandon’s family and not embarrass herself or Brandon. She had packed twi
ce as many clothes as she and Tommy would need for the four-day stay, taking both casual and more formal attire--to be prepared for anything. She had drilled Tommy all week on his manners, reminding him to say “yes, ma'am” and “no, sir”; to eat everything except JELL-O, pudding, and ice cream with his fork; and to put his napkin on his lap.
“We are going to be guests in someone’s home, and you need to respect them and their things. No running in the house, no shouting or whining, okay?”
He always just shrugged.
She had also vowed to do everything possible to downplay the seriousness of her and Brandon’s relationship, feeling certain that Brandon wanted to do the same, not letting on how close they had become in such a short time. She would be his girlfriend of a couple months, nothing more.
Brandon wanted to leave by ten-thirty. Knowing it would be a busy morning, she had already packed everything yesterday, but feeling frantic at ten o’clock, she decided to repack her suitcase, taking this and leaving that. Natalie’s voice made her jump.
“Excited?” she asked, entering the bedroom in a rush and plopping down on a vacant space on the bed.
“I think I’m going to throw up.”
“Come on, Jose. It’s going to be great. They’re going to love you.”
She didn’t believe her for a second. “Come with us, Nat. Please? I can’t do this by myself.”
“You’re not going by yourself, silly. Brandon is going to be there. Everything will be fine. Besides, I am definitely not backing out on Daddy’s offer to spend the weekend with me in Tahoe.”
“I know,” she replied, trying to find a spot for her underwear to fit in. “I wasn’t serious. I think it’s great you get to have some time with Dad. I just can’t believe I agreed to this.”
“What’s the big deal, Josie? If they like you, great. If not, so what? Isn’t it how Brandon feels about you that’s important?”
“But he’s close to his family. Even more than Mark was. I don’t want to be the cause of any friction between them. What are they going to think? Their perfect son has a new girlfriend, and she has a six-year-old? Somehow I don’t think this will go over as well as Brandon seems to think.”
It was the first time she had been able to voice her concerns to anyone. Her fantasy world where everything seemed wonderful and no one had reason to question if she and Brandon were right for each other began caving in around her, and right now she could barely breathe. She had to tell someone.
A soft knock at the front door interrupted them and didn't give Natalie a chance to reply. Feeling close to tears, she waited while Natalie went to answer the door. It was Brandon.
She glanced at the clock. What is he doing here already?
“Good morning,” he said, entering the bedroom and stepping toward her to greet her with a light kiss. He was dressed in black jeans and a blue-gray dress shirt with the sleeves rolled halfway up his forearms. He glanced at the assorted bags and loose items on the bed. “Are you about ready?”
“I thought we weren’t leaving until ten-thirty!” she snapped.
“Whoa!” He took a step back and held up his hands like he thought she might lash out at him physically as well.
Feeling horrified at her sharp tone, she knew she couldn’t do this. All week her concerns had been laughed away. She had told herself she would be strong and get through the weekend somehow, but she couldn’t pretend anymore. Her efforts to relax anytime she became overwhelmed by her fears were no longer working, and she began to cry. Brandon stepped forward and pulled her into his arms. He will understand now. He won’t make me go.
Unsure of how long she had been crying while gently being rocked by Brandon’s tall frame, and wondering if Natalie and Tommy had heard her outburst, she finally managed to calm down. She stepped away to grab some tissue from the bathroom and closed her bedroom door most of the way.
When she returned, Brandon was waiting for an explanation. She never acted like this.
“What’s wrong, love? It’s okay if you’re not ready. We don’t have to get out of here at any certain time. You know I like to have a schedule, but don’t mind me.”
“It’s not that,” she said, feeling foolish and stepping away.
“Then what?”
He still doesn’t know? Why can’t he understand how hard this is for me?
“Josie, what am I missing here?”
She decided to say it. “I don’t want to go.”
“You don’t want to go right now?”
“I don’t want to go now. I don’t want to go ever!”
He laughed. “Why not?”
“It’s not funny,” she said. “Why does everyone think this is some big joke?”
He stepped forward and placed his fingers under her chin. “Why not, Josie?” he repeated seriously.
She couldn’t look at him and didn’t respond. Why do I have to explain? Doesn’t he get it? Does he honestly think his parents are going to roll out the red carpet for me, and this is going to be a wonderful family get-together?
“Josie,” he said, lifting her chin until her eyes met his. “My family is going to love you. Don’t worry.”
“Don’t worry?” she echoed. “How can you say that?”
“Because there’s nothing to worry about.”
“Nothing to worry about? Do I have to spell it out for you?” she whispered. “You are bringing me home to meet your family as your girlfriend. How do you think they are going to react when they find out I have a son?”
Looking like he’d had the wind knocked out of him, Brandon staggered back and sat on the end of the bed, right on a wad of pantyhose.
“Josie, how often do I talk to my parents?”
She knew the answer but didn’t reply.
“Every week, right?”
She nodded.
“How long have I known you now? Like three and a half months?”
That sounded right.
“And we’ve been dating for two?”
She nodded.
“And you think I’ve never told them you have a child?”
Josie held his gentle gaze. A wide smile spread across his face, and he rose from the bed. Stepping toward her, he didn’t stop until they were inches apart. He placed his hands on her waist and spoke softly.
“I hate to be the one to break the bad news, sweetheart, but I think I’ve told them more about Tommy than I have about you.”
“Have you?”
“Yes, Josie,” he spoke tenderly. “They know. I told them the first time I mentioned you.”
“But do you know how they feel about it?”
“They feel the same way I do. What matters is who you are now. You are a wonderful, caring person, and you are a great mom. I respect you for the choice you made to raise Tommy on your own, and so will they. I promise.”
She wanted to believe him, but a part of her knew she wouldn’t feel settled until she saw it for herself. There was only one way to do that.
“Now, how about if you stop worrying, finish packing, and trust me when I tell you everything is going to be fine? I have no reservations whatsoever about taking you to meet my family and neither should you.”
He followed up his reassuring words with some nice kisses, and she mirrored his warm smile when he released her. She wished they could stay here, in this room, kissing for a long time and shutting out the rest of the world. But she knew they couldn’t, and she knew Brandon was anxious to take her to meet those he loved. She would go for him, even if she was scared. And she wanted to believe everything was going to be okay.
After he left the room to let her finish, his words about trusting him remained on her mind. Did she trust him? She knew she should, and she did. But what if he wasn’t aware of how his family felt? And what if their disapproval of her had more of an effect on him than he could anticipate? That’s what worried her most.
The truth was she was scared to death of losing him. She loved him like she had loved Kent, only more. Losing Kent ha
d broken her heart into a million pieces, and she never wanted to experience that kind of pain again. In a way she wished she had never started this. Never knowing Brandon’s love would be better than losing it, but it was a little late for that now.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
The trip south on Interstate Five was a wet mess of holiday traffic. The temperature had warmed significantly during the last twenty-four hours as moisture from the Pacific Ocean moved over the Willamette Valley. Rain fell. Gray mist swirled. Brandon had to keep his eyes on the tail lights of the car in front of him to navigate the treacherous roadway. And yet, his face held a smile throughout the journey.
How can he be so calm? His mood almost angered Josie. Almost--but not quite. Somehow he managed to calm her anxious heart without words. A soft caress of the back of her hand--a warm smile--eyes that told her everything was going to be fine. Trust me. He kept reminding her of his words without ever uttering them again.
Josie knew Tommy was looking forward to the weekend. Brandon had told him about his two nephews around his age. They were both soccer players and loved video games. Josie felt better than she had all week and tried to relax, but she remained anxious. Even if his parents knew about Tommy, that didn’t guarantee they were happy about Brandon dating her. No matter what Brandon had said to try and assure her otherwise.
Determined to face the day, she focused on making a good first impression. She had dressed in her favorite dressy blouse and had paired it with her black slacks, but she kept wondering if she should have worn a dress instead. She had dressed Tommy in his best pants also and a nice shirt. His hair had been trimmed yesterday, and it looked its best. Taking a deep breath, she settled herself against the seat and prayed for strength, trying to relax her tense spirit.
Tommy and Brandon held up most of the conversation for the first hour, and Josie enjoyed watching the relationship that had developed between them. She knew Tommy adored Brandon, and she had never seen Brandon treat Tommy with anything but gentleness. His patience with him amazed her.
They stopped twice. Once to stretch their legs and use the restroom. A second time to grab some munchies and cold drinks. Tommy kept himself entertained playing video games, reading books, and drawing pictures. She had brought some movies for him to watch, but he was content without them. Josie remained quiet more often than not. Brandon kept the conversation lighthearted and fun. Judging by his mood, they might as well have been headed for Disneyland.
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