“I should think I could—if Vicencia really doesn’t mind.”
“I insist.” she said firmly. “By the way, Elinor, I forgot to mention it before—I had a letter from Stafford today. He says that he expects to be staying in Lisbon for another week at least.”
I felt a crushing sense of disappointment. But what did it matter, I argued, whether Stafford was here or whether he was in Lisbon? It could make no possible difference to me. And why had I felt so stabbed with pain at hearing he had written to Vicencia? I could hardly have expected him to send me a letter.
Somehow, I forced my face into a bright smile and said cheerfully, “Then it will be just the three of us for a while longer, won’t it? I’m sure none of us is going to mind that very much.”
Being alone with Julio for the first time made me more aware of him as a man, and not merely as Vicencia’s brother. How fortunate I was, I kept telling myself, to have such an agreeable and handsome escort. What a delightful outing we were going to have. But all the time I knew how very much greater would have been my enjoyment if it had been Stafford who sat beside me at the reins as we climbed the winding mountain road, Stafford with whom I shared the beauty of this wild romantic scenery. But I must not let myself think of Stafford.
“Oh, do look, Julio,” I exclaimed as we came to a waterfall that plunged between two mossy boulders. “And those lovely blue flowers beneath the trees there, what are they called?”
He burst out laughing. “I’m afraid I’m not a botanist, Elinor. But they are just commonplace flowers. You see them everywhere.”
“Nothing here is commonplace to me,” I said.
Julio gave me a curious look. “I think you have fallen in love with Portugal, Elinor.”
I felt my cheeks coloring and glanced hastily away. A gap between clustered pine trees gave me yet another sublime view across the gentle countryside of the plain to the sapphire sea beyond. I said, “Surely that isn’t surprising? There is so much to love in Portugal.”
‘Then are you planning to stay, Elinor? Will you be making your life here?”
“Oh, it is much too soon for me to decide that. I should think, however, it is rather unlikely.”
“I most sincerely hope you will decide to stay, Elinor. Your going would be a sad loss.”
I turned my head and met the look of warm sincerity in his brown eyes. For a few moments we gazed at each other in silence, then one of the carriage wheels went over a hole in the road, and we both lurched sideways. Julio laughed. “If I don’t watch out, Elinor, you’ll be tipped overboard.”
Reaching the summit at length, we left the chaise in charge of a young lad and made our way through an arch and across the drawbridge. Glancing about me, I marveled at the ingenuity of man, to build such a castle on the very highest crag of a granite mountain.
I knew that the late queen’s husband, Dom Fernando, a Coburg, was a cousin of our own prince consort, and there had always been a close tie between the two royal families. As a consequence, Pena Castle had been built with towers and turrets in a style reminiscent of Queen Victoria’s home at Balmoral in Scotland. His Majesty, Julio explained to me, very graciously permitted visitors to see the interior of his castle, and after waiting a few minutes for a guide, we were escorted inside. It was a great thrill to me to see the royal apartments. The view from the windows was breathtakingly lovely, stretching for miles in every direction. I looked out across the rock-strewn serra to the hazy outlines of Lisbon and wondered where Stafford was at this moment. And what he was doing.
Afterward, Julio and I went to see the ruins of the ancient Moorish castle just a short distance away on another high peak of the mountain. We had brought a picnic basket with us, and we sat on some rough-hewn steps refreshing ourselves with Collares wine and little Cintra cheesecakes. It was very silent up here, not a breath of wind, not a solitary bird, not another human voice.
Brushing crumbs from my lap, I stood up and walked across to look out over the parapet wall. But I drew back hastily in alarm. From where we’d been sitting I’d not realized how sheer the hillside dropped away at this point. A loose pebble that my hand dislodged went plunging down, bouncing sickeningly from rock to jagged rock.
How foolish to be so affected merely because of the height. I had nothing to fear—the battlements were solid and thick. They had stood for centuries exposed to wind and weather, so they would hardly give way now. Taking a deep, bracing breath, I rested my elbows on the stone wall and forced myself to lean over and look down calmly. Immediately, my senses started swimming, and I became dizzy and faint. Then, as I closed my eyes, I felt two hands grip me by the shoulders, jerking me off-balance. The upper half of my body jolted forward, and I screamed out in terror.
“Elinor, are you all right?”
Julio was drawing me back to safety. His arms were around me, and he held me gently, looking into my eyes with concern.
“You were swaying,” he said, “and I thought you were going to faint. I’m sorry if I was rough with you.”
Away from the parapet and that terrifying drop, my fit of giddiness was already passing. “It... it was so silly of me,” I gasped apologetically, “but I suddenly felt I was going to fall.”
“I should not have brought you up here,” Julio said in self-reproach.
“No, no, I like it, truly I do. It’s just... looking over like that and seeing the sheer drop—it was such a long way down.”
“You’re quite safe now,” he said soothingly. “There’s no possible danger while I am holding you.”
I smiled back at him. With Julio’s arms about me I felt protected, filled with a lovely warm sense of being cherished. My heartbeat, still rapid from the fright I’d had, became faster still as we gazed into one another’s eyes.
Very slowly, Julio bent and kissed me, his lips soft and gentle upon mine. Again a feeling of dizziness enveloped me, this time a dizziness of sweetness and yearning. “No, Julio, you mustn’t.” I faltered, pushing myself back from him.
“But why not, Elinor? You’re the loveliest girl I have seen for a long time, and I think you don’t find me unattractive.”
“You know very well why we shouldn’t, Julio.”
He smiled at me with tenderness. “Is it your English blood that runs so cold? Remember that you also have Portuguese blood in your veins, Elinor.”
I eased myself out of his arms and knelt to put away the remains of our picnic. I tried to compose myself and be calm. “I do not think the question of blood comes into it, Julio.”
“Aha. So you admit you enjoyed being kissed by me?”
“I didn’t say that.”
He laughed in triumph. “You did not need to say so, Elinor.”
It was only too true. There could be no doubt in Julio’s mind that his kiss had disturbed me. I thought of the occasions when I had been kissed by young men in London, in snatched romantic interludes on the balcony during a party. But this with Julio was something different. Was it, I wondered, because I had been newly awakened by the kiss of another man? I thrust the thought away— to compare Stafford with Julio was somehow repellent.
Chapter 13
“These last two days,” Julio remarked thoughtfully, “I’ve received a distinct impression that you wished to avoid being with me, Elinor.”
“What nonsense,” I protested. “There has scarcely been an hour when I’ve not been in your company.”
“I meant alone with me.”
“There’s no reason why I should be alone with you—and a very good reason why I should not.”
“And what is that?”
“Quite simply that you’re here at Castanheiros to visit your sister. It would hardly be fitting for us to spend time alone together and leave Vicencia out of things.” Seizing a chance to redirect the conversation, I went on hastily, “You know, I’ve been rather concerned about Vicencia lately. There are times when I think she doesn’t look at all well.”
“Vicencia not well,” he exclaimed in su
rprise. “Why, she’s as strong as a mule. She always has been.”
“I wouldn’t be too sure about that, Julio. In the mornings, sometimes, I’ve noticed Vicencia looking quite drawn with fatigue. I wonder if perhaps she is not sleeping well.”
He shrugged. “She has said nothing to me about it, so I don’t think there can be anything seriously wrong. I know my poor sister has been having a difficult time recently with the Senhora Dona Carlota, but she’ll come through all right in the end. I’m certain of it.”
It was another of those warm, sunny afternoons that one took for granted at Cintra, and Julio and I were strolling through the magnolia grove. A waterfall murmured a little way off, and near at hand in a weeping willow tree, a song thrush was calling. A highly romantic setting, I thought ruefully.
All three of us had come out after luncheon for a leisurely walk in the gardens. Within a few minutes, however, Vicencia had turned back to the house, remembering something she had forgotten to do. Or so she said. I now suspected that it had been a ruse to leave me alone with her brother. Ever since Julio had kissed me the other afternoon up at the Moorish castle—a kiss brought about by the circumstance of my near-accident—there had been a change in our relationship, a new awareness of one another.
Julio was saying, “You cannot need that sunshade here under the trees, Elinor, and it makes a barrier between us.” He took the long-fringed parasol from my hand and snapped it shut.
“Please, Julio,” I began in protest.
“No, please listen to me. I know that it’s my habit to make light of things, and perhaps I appear too flippant in your eyes. But where you are concerned, Elinor, I could hardly be more serious. The other day ... we were both of us carried away. But you cannot deny that you responded. You made it clear that you are not indifferent to me.”
“Of course, I’m not indifferent to you,” I faltered. “You are Vicencia’s brother, and consequently I have the highest regard for you.”
“Is that the most you can say?”
“I ... I feel very warmly toward you. I want us to be, as I’m quite sure we are, the very closest of friends.”
He frowned. “I want more than friendship from you. Far more.”
“Then I am afraid I cannot give it to you, Julio.”
Impulsively, he took hold of my hand. I tried to draw it away, but he was gripping my fingers tightly. “I know that I’m being impatient,” he said, “but you see, my stay here at Castanheiros is almost over. And after I have gone back to Lisbon, how can I make sure of seeing you again unless there is some kind of understanding between us? I ask no more than an admission from you that you don’t find me unattractive. And for my part, Elinor, I find you infinitely sweet and desirable.”
“Please—” I withdrew my hand from his, and began to walk on briskly. “Let us talk of something else.”
“Oh dear, now I’ve upset you. I must not be so pressing.”
“I would much prefer it, Julio, if we could keep to the relationship that existed before—the three of us together. Your coming to Castanheiros has meant so much to me. You have been almost like a brother.”
“The trouble is,” he said sadly, “that I could never think of you in the light of a sister, Elinor. That would be asking altogether too much of me.”
* * * *
My grandmother hadn’t suggested I should play chess with her again, which scarcely surprised me—I was hardly a worthy opponent. Each morning, I visited her for an hour or two. We sewed, and talked in a desultory way, the old lady always laying the pattern of our conversation.
I enjoyed these hours in her company. I was happy to have made friends with my grandmother. Yet all the while, I was conscious of some basic uneasiness between us, a lack of real trust. As Stafford had remarked on that afternoon we traveled back from Lisbon together, when we were drinking tea under the juniper trees, my grandmother seemed to like me. Yet she still could not entirely accept me as her granddaughter. I wished I knew what she thought of me in her secret heart. Did she really and truly believe that I had taken the Jade Dragon—out of malice, in order to wound her? And I could never forget the night she had come sleepwalking to my room and stood looking down on me as though in hatred.
In the evenings, Julio, Vicencia, and myself formed a musical trio, and played for our own enjoyment. There was no audience, except perhaps for some of the servants listening outside the door. At the piano, I was aware of being sadly below standard, for Vicencia on the flute and Julio on his violin were both so talented. But I consoled myself with the thought that they came from a musical family, whereas my training had been a wearisome plodding through scales with a teacher who was far from brilliant herself. And so the days went by ....
One morning, when Vicencia and I happened to be alone together, I asked her about herself. “Why don’t you send for the doctor, Vicencia?” She looked amazed, and I added, “He might prescribe a tonic for you.”
“But I do not need a tonic. It just happens that I’m a little off-color. It will soon pass.”
“You could ask the senhor doctor to examine you next time he comes to see Dona Amalia,” I persisted. “He should be calling in a day or two, I expect.”
Vicencia gave me a bright smile, though I suspected that it cost her an effort. “You must not worry yourself about me, Elinor, dear. Now tell me, why did you refuse to accompany Julio yesterday when he suggested going to Estoril?”
“Because you said you were too busy, Vicencia, and I didn’t want to go without you.”
“But whyever not?”
“It ... it is more enjoyable when all three of us are together. I’d prefer to keep it that way.”
A frown appeared on Vicencia’s smooth brow. “Surely you must have realized that Julio is showing far more than a passing interest in you? Yet you do not give the poor boy a chance.”
I hesitated “What has Julio been saying to you?”
“A great deal, my dear, without intending to. Julio is not a man to conceal his feelings, as you must know. With him it is Elinor this, and Elinor that the whole day long. He clearly admires you tremendously. In fact, I am convinced that Julio is falling in love with you.”
“Oh no,” I cried in distress. “He mustn’t be allowed to, he really mustn’t. I beg you not to say anything to encourage him, Vicencia.”
She looked crestfallen. “But, Elinor, I was so hoping—it would be wonderful to have you as my sister-in-law. Just think, a match between my beloved brother and my dearest friend. And Julio is so clever, so kind. I’m sure you could never find a better husband.” Her velvet brown eyes clouded.
“Or is it…do you consider Julio of insufficient standing in the world? I realize, of course, that our family background does not compare with the grandness of the Milaveiras, but ---”
“It has nothing to do with that,” I protested vehemently. “I do not accept the Milaveira philosophy that money or social standing can be a substitute for love.”
‘Then why do you so emphatically reject the idea of becoming Julio’s wife?”
“Because I don’t love Julio. And I fear I never could.”
“But how can you be so sure? Never is a long time, Elinor.” She paused. “Is there someone else, my dear? I asked you once before on your arrival here, and you denied it, but I had a feeling you might be concealing something. Perhaps there is a young man back in England whom you hope will propose one day?”
“No,” I said in a decided tone. “Though there is someone who will almost certainly ask me to be his wife if he ever gets the opportunity. He is the son of Dr. and Mrs. Carlisle. But I do not love Oliver, so I could never agree to marry him.”
“Then your heart is quite free?”
I bit my lip. How could I say that my heart was free, when it was ringed round with pain? I had hopefully expected that as the days went by, my anguish would grow less. I had believed that I could suppress my love for Stafford until it was no more than a bearable ache. How bitterly wrong I had been. I said t
o Vicencia untruthfully, “I think, perhaps, that I am one of those people who are incapable of falling in love.”
“You cannot seriously believe that.”
“Only time will tell.”
She sighed. “Unfortunately, there is not always as much time as one thinks when one is young. I beg you, Elinor dear, do not reject my brother out of hand. Do not close your heart against poor Julio.”
* * * *
With the return of Affonso and Carlota, the feeling of freedom at Castanheiros vanished instantly. I could hear Carlota’s shrewish voice as they entered the great hall, throwing out orders and instructions, demanding Vicencia’s immediate attention. Despairingly, I wondered whether I would ever learn to feel affection for my domineering aunt.
Dinner that evening was an ordeal, and I was thankful to make my escape. The next day, entering the antechamber before luncheon, I anticipated an equally depressing hour or so, but it did not turn out like that. Instead, something wonderful and incredible occurred.
“Elinor dear,” said Vicencia as she came in behind me with Julio. “The post has just arrived, and there is a letter for you. I see that it’s from Stafford.” It was all I could do not to snatch the letter from her. “I wonder whether it is to say he’s coming back to Castanheiros soon?” Vicencia went on, “I do hope so, don’t you, Elinor?”
I stood there hesitating, making no move to open the envelope in my hand. I felt torn by conflicting emotions—joy at receiving the letter and misery that it should have arrived at such an inopportune moment. I longed to fly upstairs and read it in the privacy of my room, but how could I? Especially as my uncle and Carlota were just this minute coming in.
“Elinor has received a letter from Stafford,” I heard Vicencia announcing. “We are hoping it brings news that he will be with us again soon.”
“And why should he write to Elinor about that?” Carlota demanded coldly. “I would have thought it more appropriate to let me know, or even you, Vicencia, since it would be your responsibility to make the necessary preparations.”
The Jade Dragon Page 13