by Alison Kent
He thrust again and Harley whimpered. When she came, she took him with her. And when he would have eased from her body, she refused.
He’d been alone and unloved too much of his life already.
TWENTY-TWO
“How soon can we get married?”
“That has to be about the dullest proposal I’ve ever heard,” Harley said, snuggling closer to the most unromantically romantic man she knew.
“We’ve done this whole thing wrong from day one.” He pulled her tightly into the crook of his arm and dropped a kiss on her head “Why fix it now?”
“You’re right. It has been strange,” Harley said, thinking of the phone calls, the week she’d spent at the ranch with a man she didn’t know. She’d known he would ask, no, demand they get married as soon as he found out about the baby.
Still… “I’m not sure marriage at this point is the answer. Think about it, Gardner. Unmarried parents who get along and provide emotional stability are better than married parents with different goals and different outlooks on life, who can’t agree, who end up fighting, end up hurting each other. And hurting their child.”
“What makes you think we’d fight? And what makes you think our goals are so different?”
“That’s not what I’m saying” Though she knew in essence it was.
Gardner trapped her leg beneath his. “Do people usually go into marriage with all their problems resolved?”
“I don’t know about other people. But I do know about us.” She plucked at the silky fine hairs on his chest, circled one nail around his nipple. “Remember that day in your attic? We talked about loving a child and the emotional commitment it takes to raise a family?”
He gripped her hand, holding her still. “I would always be there for my child. Always. But being there emotionally is tough to do if I’m not there physically. That’s why I want us to get married.”
Not exactly what she’d wanted to hear, but… “Gardner—”
He laid two fingers over her lips. “You can make whatever arrangements you want. A justice of the peace works for me. Or we can get married in that little chapel where you worship. You don’t have to move out to the ranch right away. I know you’ll need time to settle things here. Hell, I’ll buy the store and Mona—”
“Wait a minute, Gardner.” Harley cut him off and leaned across him to flip on the bedside lamp, ignoring the brush of her nipples over his chest hair. She scooted up against the headboard, pillow hugged to her chest, hiding her nakedness—from what, she didn’t yet know. “How do you know about the chapel where I worship?”
His eyes were sad, his expression guilty and Harley’s chill settled bone deep. “Tell me.”
“It was a long time ago. When we first met.”
She arched one brow. “You mean last month.”
One corner of his mouth slanted up and he quietly said, “It seems like I’ve known you forever.”
“Well, you haven’t,” she retorted. “And I’ve never told you where, or even if, I go to church.” He fixed her with a steady look and Harley said no to the urge to back down.
“There were a lot of things I didn’t know about you. A lot of things I wondered about because of what you did tell me. About your unconventional friends. The fact that your parents were bikers.”
“And you wondered who I really was.”
He nodded, shifting to sit higher.
Harley plowed on. “You wondered if I was suitable, worthy to be the mother of your children.”
The sheet dipped dangerously low on his lap. “It was a business decision. One made before I knew you.”
“You had me investigated.” Her words fell flat. And when he didn’t defend himself further, Harley’s temper shot off the scale.
“Is that right? Did you look into my past? Into my habits? Into my finances, the same way you would any asset you intended to acquire for Camelot? Did you check out my pedigree, too? Isn’t that how you’ve built up King’s herd?”
Hell had no fury like a woman scorned and Harley was just getting started. “Did you get as many cheap thrills checking up on me as you did having phone sex?”
The fire in Gardner’s eyes burned brightly. “Stop it.”
“I don’t want to stop it. Not when I’ve finally realized you were serious when you said you didn’t believe in love. That all you wanted from me was children. I’m surprised you didn’t just about gag on that marriage proposal.” Nausea rolled in and she pressed her fingers to the base of her throat.
“If I didn’t want you, I wouldn’t have asked.”
Harley tossed her head, scraping the flyaway hair from her face. “Oh, yeah, you want me. In your bed. Or in my bed. Or in the bed in Fredericksburg. Or on the ground in broad daylight. Or in the back of the Rover.
“Let me ask you a question, Gardner. What would have happened if we’d met conventionally? If you had courted me, married me, and then found out I couldn’t have children. Would you have divorced me?”
He didn’t answer and that broke Harley’s heart. And to think she’d almost told him that she loved him. “Get out of my bed. And then get out of my house. I won’t kick you out of my life because my baby deserves a father. But I will never marry you under any terms but my own. And until you can accept that, we have nothing more to say to each other.”
“Dammit, Gardner,” Tyler said, stomping headlong down the center of the barn. “You cinch Merlin up any tighter you’re gonna be saying howdy to this morning’s oats.”
Gardner unhooked the stirrup from the saddle horn and flipped it down. “He tries it and I know a dog or two that won’t go hungry for a year. I’ve been puked on once too often this month.”
“Bogie’s is not the most reputable place to hang out, big brother.” Tyler pitched a fork of clean straw into Merlin’s stall. “Considering the bar’s reputation, you’ve gotta figure you’re going to run into a few sick-on-their-ugly-ass drunks.”
Tyler couldn’t know Gardner had been thinking about Harley or that he couldn’t spend enough time in the bar to forget her. Not that he wanted to any more than he wanted to fight for custody of his baby. But he would.
He glared at his little brother. “What do you know about Bogie’s reputation?”
“You know, Gardner,” Tyler began, ignoring Gardner’s reprimand. “The only other time I’ve seen you drunk is when Dad died.”
Gardner didn’t like the turn this conversation had taken. “So?”
“So you’ve had a burr up your butt since you got back from Houston. And I know for a fact that’s where Harley lives.”
“So?” Gardner growled louder.
“So I was thinking maybe you saw her and maybe things didn’t turn out the way you wanted.” Pitchfork tongs down on the barn floor, Tyler stacked his fists on the handle. “Maybe that’s the reason you’ve been putting in long hours at Bogie’s instead of out on the range.”
“If I’m drinking, it’s my business,” Gardner said, pulling Merlin’s forelock free of the bridle, then adjusting the cheek strap.
“It would be except for what happened to Jud.” Tyler straightened, his tone of voice one hundred percent adult. “I’m not going to let it happen to you.”
Ready to mount and get the hell out, Gardner locked his fist in a death grip on the saddle horn. “Let me worry about me, little brother.”
“I can’t. Not anymore.” Tyler took a step forward and seized Gardner’s wrist. “You’ve been my father since I was ten. It’s time to be my brother and get on with your life.”
“I like my life just fine.”
“You don’t even have a life,” Tyler said, stepping back and shoving the pitchfork against the barn wall. He gestured with a wide sweep of his arm. “You’re up at dawn, out on the range until way past dark. You’ve lived, slept, and breathed this ranch as long as I can remember. At least until the past couple of weeks. Is it Harley, Gardner? Is something wrong with Harley?”
Gardner couldn’t help the twitch at the cor
ner of his mouth. “Harley’s pregnant.”
Tyler’s eyes widened, then narrowed. The look on his face switched from pleased to puzzled. “Then what the hell is she still doing in Houston?”
“She kicked me out.”
Tyler’s eyes narrowed insultingly. “What did you do?”
“Why would you think I did anything?”
“Because I’ve known you for eighteen years.”
“Yeah, well, Harley’s not like the women who grow up out here, Tyler.”
“So I noticed.”
“Yeah. And I noticed you noticing.”
“Hey. What can I say? I’m enjoying the hell out of my prime.” Thumbs in his belt loops, Tyler rocked back on his heels. “The women around here are real appreciative of that fact. And I gotta tell you, Gardner. They’re real appreciative of you, too.”
“Oh, yeah?” Gardner couldn’t care less.
“Oh, yeah. There’s been a lot of talk since you’ve been hanging out at Bogie’s. They’re figuring it was a woman that drove you there. And they’re taking bets on who’s gonna be the one to mend your broken heart.”
“Fat chance.”
“So it is broken.”
Gardner shrugged.
“Then tell me what you did and tell me what you want to do about it. I’ll give you some advice.”
Gardner rolled his eyes. Just what he needed. Advice from Stud Central. “I had Harley investigated.”
“What?”
Ignoring Tyler’s openmouthed stare, Gardner grabbed Merlin’s reins and headed out of the barn. “C’mon, Tyler. She eats tofu for Christmas and her parents are bikers. I didn’t want the mother of my children to turn out to be a drug addict.”
“You’re so stupid sometimes. I don’t even know how you got there from… there. One of these days you’re gonna have to quit thinking with the head on your shoulders and do what the rest of us do.”
“Thanks for the biology lesson, but I don’t have time for what most people do.”
“Harley isn’t worth it?”
“Yeah, she’s worth it.”
“Then I give you permission—no, I order you to ease off. Take some time, Gardner. I can do more around the ranch.”
“What about your finals?”
“Hey, I’ll work it out. You’ve given up a lot of years and a hell of a lot of personal hours. I think it’s time I did the same in return. You know”—Tyler gave him an all-knowing Stud Central look—“before you get any older.”
Gardner swung up into the saddle. Damn, he loved this kid. “You know, Tyler, you’ve grown into some kind of man.”
Tyler shrugged and stuffed his fists in the front pockets of his jeans. “I had a great teacher. Now, what are you going to do about Harley?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you love her, man?”
Gardner looked away. He closed his eyes and clenched his fists around the reins. Finally, he expelled a huge breath, turned and looked Tyler straight in the eye. “Yeah, I love her.”
“Then tell her. What are you waiting for?”
Gardner looked at his too-smart-for-his-own-good little brother. He shook his head, a wry grin pulling at his mouth. “Don’t worry about hauling the new pump out to Acre 52. I’ll do it later.”
“Uh-uh. I’ll do it. You’ve got enough on your mind right now. Now get out of here,” Tyler said and slapped Merlin on the rump.
The gelding surged forward in a tireless, ground-eating lope. Gardner settled his butt and moved with the horse. The motion was instinctive and left his mind free to wander.
He hoped his own child turned out as well as Tyler. The boy had a man’s head on his shoulders. And he sure as hell asked hard questions.
What was he going to do about Harley?
He hadn’t even bothered to explain that until he’d seen the report he’d forgotten about the investigation. That’s how thoroughly she’d captivated him. Not that it made what he’d done right but it was all he’d known to do at the time.
Camelot had been his life’s obsession. He hadn’t wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps but to bury them beneath his size-twelve Tony Lama’s. To do things the way they needed to be done. And do them without losing himself in a woman to the point of forgetting who he was.
Taking that chance scared the hell out of him and had kept him running when the wanting dug deep. He’d taken care of his baby brother and Tyler had come through the fires a fine young man. He’d taken care of Camelot and the ranch would now pay him back.
When it had come time to take care of himself, to reward his effort with the children he so wanted, his search for their mother had proved fruitless. Until he met Harley.
Merlin snorted and Gardner realized the horse had stopped at the crest of a sharp rise. The range spread out before him, scrub brush and mesquite and grassland without end. Camelot. His life. His mistress.
What he felt for the land now was nothing compared to his feelings for Harley. Her question before she’d booted him out left him speechless. He’d never considered the possibility of no kids, but the possibility of no Harley left his soul dead. He’d rather live childless with Harley than have a houseful of kids with anyone else.
As much as she was his weakness, she was also his strength. He was not his father. His love was as boundless as the Texas sky, big enough to cover Harley and as many kids as she would give him. She was carrying his child and he didn’t want to raise this child alone. He had to prove that he’d let go of his past and was ready to throw himself into the future.
And he thought he knew just how to do it.
TWENTY-THREE
SHE’D LOST TWELVE POUNDS. SEVEN weeks pregnant and she’d lost twelve pounds. Ignoring the ledger spread open on her desk, Harley reached for the calculator and punched in the numbers. Not good. At her current rate of weight loss, she’d weigh less than the baby when it was born.
Ripping off the telltale tape, she stared down at the black-and-red truth. She’d worried forever about balancing a demanding career and motherhood. It had never occurred to her that she might fail before she’d begun.
Of course, the doctor assured her that these hormones run amuck signaled that her body was doing exactly what it should to nourish a healthy fetus. She wondered if Gardner would consider that evidence before he filed for custody.
She’d told him she’d take care of the baby. But the look in his eyes when he’d walked out that night left no doubt in her mind that he wanted this child—enough so to make sure he got it.
Well, she hoped he was ready for a hell of a fight because he’d have one on his hands. This was her baby. Her unconditional love. Her only remaining link to Gardner. She’d be damned if he’d take any of that away.
A hysterical giggle bubbled up her throat. She was damned anyway. Damned to love the man forever. The man who would never love her. She’d wanted so much to heal him, to show him that a consuming love need not be destructive.
She’d showed him instead how unforgiving she was, how selfish she was, how demanding. She’d listened to him explain the investigation but she hadn’t heard a word he said. Or more important, she’d heard the words he hadn’t said. That he didn’t find her worthy. And she’d lived through that with Brad.
She understood his reluctance to give away any part of himself. He’d grown up in an unhealthy environment much as she had but they’d responded differently, so differently. And that she chalked up to life.
But now that there was a child involved, the issue of love was more than non-negotiable It was set in sacred stone. This might not be the situation she’d dreamed of for her child but she’d make it work. If she could survive this morning sickness, she could do anything.
And she could do it alone.
“Delivery time.” Mona placed the white cardboard box on the center of Harley’s desk, on top of the ledger, six inches from Harley’s face. The distinctive purple-and-orange striping blended together into a color Harley’s stomach didn’t want to
think about.
She waved her hand. “Put it in the alcove with the ones from yesterday. Maybe I’ll get to them tomorrow.”
“You’ll get to this one today.”
“I may look like death on the hoof but I still run this joint,” Harley groused, sweeping a tangle of hair from her face. “Now I’ve got to get back to Dr. Fischer’s account if you don’t mind.”
“I do mind.” Mona crossed impervious arms over her chest and ignored Harley completely. “This box will not wait.”
“That’s your opinion,” Harley grumbled, nudging the box with the eraser end of her pencil. “It’s not something that will spoil, is it? I can’t take any more bad smells.”
“It’s from Camelot.”
Harley’s pencil clattered to the floor. Not now. Not when she’d finally managed her first tear-free day since telling Gardner to take a hike. Hesitantly, she laid one palm on the side of the box.
“So open it already.” Mona shifted from foot to foot in her brown oxford flats. The hunter green and navy pleats of her skirt swished across the cuffed tops of her white socks.
“I think I’ll take this one upstairs.”
“No, you won’t.” At Mona’s command, Harley shot her a quelling glance. Mona responded with a drill-sergeant look of her own. “I’ll take it upstairs for you.”
“You’re a good kid, no matter what I say about you,” Harley said, following Mona as she headed for the stairs.
“Is that kid remark a subtle slam of my choice of dress?”
Harley took another stair, glancing ahead of her at the navy cardigan skimming Mona’s slim hips, her pleated skirt, and footwear. “Somehow, Mona, demure uniformed schoolgirl doesn’t suit you at all. You’ve got way too much sauce, spunk, and sass.”
“I went to an all-girls’ school, you know,” Mona said, nudging open Harley’s front door with her hip. “I used to love to go to the dean’s office. In fact, I made sure I was very naughty at least once every three or four weeks. At least until my final month.”
“What happened?” Harley wasn’t sure she wanted to know.
“The old dean retired. The new dean turned out to be a woman.”