Lauren's gaze immediately softened, and she sighed. "I love you too." She shook her head sadly. "You're going to continue to make it impossible for me to stay angry with you, aren't you?"
A satisfied smile worked its way across Dev's lips. "Basically." She reached up to smooth back a lock of golden hair only to have Lauren duck out of her way.
"Devlyn! You can't touch me!"
"Wanna bet?"
Lauren blew out an exasperated breath. "I don't want you to get sick."
Dev shrugged one shoulder. "And I can't not touch you. Not anymore."
Lauren's heart melted at the words. She looked up into honest eyes and felt herself fall a little bit more in love with this amazing woman. "I'm so glad you're home," she whispered.
"Me too."
They stared at each other for a long moment, and Lauren could see something lurking behind Dev's eyes. She knew Dev was upset about the people who had been killed when the FBI raided the Brothers of Freedom compound. David had told her that Dev had taken the deaths of the children especially hard, which didn't surprise Lauren in the least. It was a horrible waste. These months of getting to know and love the Marlowe children had driven that point home.
With a morbid streak that surprised even Washington insiders, the Press had relentlessly harped on that aspect of events during Dev's tour of the bombing sites. They assigned the blame to Dev and the Attorney General, and the nation followed right along with them. The tall woman appeared to take it all in her stride, patiently answering question after question about every detail of the raid, and every decision she had made concerning it. But even on television, Lauren easily spotted the lines of tension that etched Dev's normally open face, and the wariness in her usually unguarded personality. Especially when a reporter would mention Lisa and Brian Lindsay.
"Are you okay?" they both asked simultaneously. They smiled.
"I'm okay, Lauren. It wasn't a fun trip. But it needed to be done. I'm just glad it's over."
Lauren ached to hug her friend, and felt her frustration building over the fact that she couldn't. Then an idea came to her. She scooted down by Gremlin and picked up a small blanket that had been tossed across the foot of her bed. The shorter woman grabbed it and shook it open.
"What? Phft! Phft!" Lauren threw the blanket over Dev, covering her upper body completely and cutting off her words. Before she could say anything else she felt strong arms wrap around her and squeeze her tightly. Dev closed her eyes in pleasure, instantly returning the comforting embrace. "Damn, I needed that."
"So did I."
Dev frowned at the unusual heat she could feel coming from Lauren. "You have a fever," she pointed out flatly.
"A little one. Yes." Lauren shifted in Dev's arms as Dev's fingers grazed her back. Ooooo... Jesus, that feels good! She moved again, this time pressing her shoulder into Dev's and wiggling it.
Dev looked a little alarmed. "Uh, Lauren?"
Lauren threw her head back. "Ooooooo, yeah."
The President sucked in a breath, immediately aroused by Lauren's low groan. When Lauren's movements grew more frantic, Dev finally caught a clue. "Oh, no, you don't! I'm not a scratching post." With firm hands she pushed the smaller woman away.
"Pleeeeeeeease," Lauren begged. "I'm itching everywhere!"
"No." Dev shook her head from under the blanket before pulling it off. "I can't."
"Yes, Devlyn," Lauren said seriously. She pinned the President with stone hard, gray eyes. "You can. For the love of God, scratch my back. I need you to scratch it."
Dev tried not to think about how sexy and cute Lauren looked when she begged. She loved her; she could overlook the bright red dots. "I won't." And I'd die before I put one mark on your beautiful skin. Well, normally beautiful.
"Puuuuhleeeeez," Lauren whined pathetically. With a loud moan, she flopped backwards on the bed and began moving around like a fish out of water, trying to get to a spot between her shoulder blades.
"No." Dev rose to her feet. "Get the shot the boys got, and you'll feel better," she explained reasonably.
"Shot? A needle stabbing into my flesh, and a foreign liquid forced into my body?" Lauren made a face. "Are you insane?"
"Most likely. But that's not the point." Deciding it was safe to be near Lauren, just not on the bed with her, Dev knelt in front of the bed. Shivering in revulsion as she caught a glimpse of one of the puppies that had wandered out from under the bed, Dev scooted closer. "I just want you to feel better, sweetheart."
"I want that too, Devlyn. But you know how I feel about needles."
Dev smiled affectionately. "I know, but it will just be a small one."
Lauren regarded her skeptically. "How small?"
"Tiny. Barely noticeable."
"And it will stop the itching?"
"Or your money back," Dev finished lamely.
Lauren's head swayed back and forth as she considered her options. Three more days of itching until she went insane. Or the shot. This was a really tough call.
"You know," a leer transformed Dev's face, "once you start feeling better, I'd love to scratch an itch of a different kind."
Dead silence.
"Call the doctor."
Sunday, September 12th
"So?" Dev settled down on a bench in the White House sculpture garden. The afternoon was sunny and crisp. A gentle breeze blew across the lawn, bringing with it the scent of wet grass. Dev raised her arm in a familiar manner, inviting Lauren to snuggle into her. The movement still caused a dull pain in her shoulder muscles, but the President considered the closeness of the position well worth the discomfort. "Are you feeling better? Her eyes lighted on a delicate metal windmill sculpture that moved with every gale. "You look great, Lauren. I'd never even know you'd been sick."
Lauren didn't care that they were outside, and instead of snuggling next to the tall woman, she laid her head in Dev's lap, stretching out on what was left of the bench. "I feel soooo much better. The doctor gave me a clean bill of health this morning. No more fever, no more itching. I'm even glad I had that shot," she admitted somewhat sheepishly. "It made the last five days bearable."
Dev gently combed her fingers through Lauren's hair, rolling its heavy strands between her fingertips. "I'm glad you're feeling better." Dev frowned. "I've discovered that I hate it when you're sick, and there's nothing I can do about it."
"Nothing you can do about it?" Lauren snorted quietly as she absorbed the warm sunshine and Dev's interested gaze with idle pleasure. "Yeah, right. And I suppose everyone has Bethesda's best doctor making house calls for the chickenpox."
"Well, I..." Dev's face colored, and she looked off into the distance. "I just wanted you to be okay."
"You're sweet." The writer tangled her fingers with Dev's free hand. "So," she gave the hand she was holding a little tug and let out a slightly nervous breath. "Now that I'm feeling better, and we're allowed to talk about the tough stuff, how are you really doing, Devlyn?"
Dev remained very still, then shrugged a little. "I'm okay."
A slender, pale eyebrow arched. "Don't, Devlyn," she said with quiet finality. "After all these months, I know better."
The President looked down and regarded Lauren seriously. She was met with a direct gaze. "You do, don't you?"
"Yes." A tiny smile curled red lips. And she gave Dev a playful poke, drawing her out. "So tell me. How are you doing?"
Dev sighed so deeply it was nearly a groan. "How am I supposed to be doing?" she bit out harshly. "I got innocent women and children killed. I hurt like hell."
Lauren chose her words carefully. "You didn't get anyone killed."
"I did!" Dev insisted. "I sent in the FBI. I gave the order." She swallowed hard. "I knew they were in there. I knew those bastards had women and children in there. And, God help me, I did it anyway. Two babies died that morning. The little boy, Brian, was caught in the crossfire and shot in the chest. The little girl, Lisa, died from smoke inhalation when the west wing of the compound caught
fire."
Dev's chin began to quiver, and Lauren felt her heart break. Lauren sat up and looked at Dev, meeting watery blue eyes with her own. The younger woman gently cupped Dev's cheeks with both hands, dropping a soft kiss on her lips, before slowly gently pulling back, waiting patiently for her to continue.
Dev swallowed again, nearly undone by Lauren's tenderness. "They found the girl curled up under her bed with her dolls and her backpack." Dev laughed without a trace of humor. "Apparently, she was hiding from the big bad government invasion."
"Jesus." Lauren closed her eyes and squeezed Dev's hand. The exact cause of death for individual militia members and their families hadn't been released to the Press yet because of the ongoing investigation.
"They were nearly the same ages as-" Dev stopped, the churning in her guts threatening to send up her last meal.
"That wasn't your fault, darlin'," Lauren whispered. "Stop blaming yourself. You're not eating." Her fingers grazed dark circles that had become a nearly permanent fixture under Dev's eyes over the past few weeks. "You're not sleeping."
"But-"
"No!" Lauren lowered her voice. "No. Those people had to be stopped. We both know that. You did what you had to so that could happen. That doesn't make you responsible for the children's deaths. Their parents became responsible when they put them in harm's way. Not you."
Dev nodded miserably. "David has been saying the same thing. But I just feel so damned responsible for it all. And I should. That comes with the job." She exhaled wearily. "In my heart of hearts, I know there are horrible things happening everyday that I can't control, no matter how much I want to. But this... how do you live with this?" Her eyes pleaded with Lauren for an answer, but the biographer held her tongue, letting Dev finish. "I hurt for everyone who died that day. On both sides. But to have the names of those two innocent children weighing on my heart, knowing that if I personally hadn't said ‘Go in there', they'd still be alive..." Dev looked away. "That's hard to deal with."
"I know," Lauren muttered quietly, gently guiding Dev's face back around with the palm of one hand. She softly stroked a prominent cheekbone with her thumb and tilted her head slightly to the side as she spoke, sending soft, pale hair tumbling over one shoulder. "I'm so sorry that you're hurting. But you're a caring woman, Devlyn. I wouldn't expect anything less from you." Lauren smiled softly. "But you made the best choice under the worst of circumstances. You told me so yourself. Don't second-guess that now. You did the right thing." She held out her arms. "You look like you could use a hug."
Dev smiled, slipping into Lauren's outstretched arms. "From you? Always. Never doubt that." Dev felt much of the tension of the past weeks melt away under Lauren's comforting touch. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to be held. "You've got the touch." She murmured, sinking deeper into the embrace. Soothing my soul. "I love you."
Lauren pressed her cheek against Dev's, feeling its softness and warmth. She squeezed her tightly, praying to convey even a fraction of the love and concern she felt for her. "Any time, Devlyn. I love you too."
Dev rested there for a long moment, listening to the birds, finding a surprising amount of solace and peace. She blew out a long, slow breath and did her best to just let the worries and guilt go. It would take more time, to be sure. But she had that. And she wouldn't be alone.
When Dev finally pulled back she was ready for a change of subject. "Now I want you to tell me something." She lifted a dark, playful brow, indicating that the deep thinking part of the conversation was over.
"Whatever it is, I didn't do it." Lauren grinned charmingly, irrationally pleased that she could help to lighten Dev's load.
Dev chuckled. "Oh, I'm sure you didn't. You're totally innocent, right?"
"Oh, yes," Lauren dutifully replied, batting golden lashes.
Dev nodded. "I see. So, tell me, sweetheart, what kind of videos are you watching while I'm away?" Okay, I pretty much know what kind. But it's still fun to watch you squirm. Blue eyes twinkled. "Even more importantly, what kind of books is my mother sending you?"
Lauren's face immediately turned bright red. That was the last question she expected, and her mind reeled for a moment as she searched for a good answer. "Why?" she squeaked. Oh, yeah, I'm brilliant with words. She mentally rolled her eyes.
"Because just before my parents left, my mom said she sent you a book that would help you identify all the parts, despite your good head start." She grinned and bumped shoulders with the shorter woman. "Did she give you a book on the care and feeding of your very own lesbian or something?"
Lauren burst out laughing, feeling a little dizzy from her blush. "Umm... something like that." She wriggled her eyebrows. "It's got pictures."
Dev's own grin widened. She had missed this with Lauren, and needed it just as much as she had needed the talk. She loved teasing her friend. She gave her another slight nudge. "What kind of pictures?"
"Wouldn't you like to know?" And now that I'm feeling better, I think it would be a very good time to show you.
Friday, September 17th
It had been another magical evening for Lauren. In her wildest dreams she had never imagined herself in this place, either emotionally or physically. Part of the magic was undoubtedly the setting, the White House itself, whose walls held unimaginable secrets and whose rooms were as interesting and unique as they were beautiful. Even after nine months of living there, Lauren found herself utterly fascinated. Then there was her dinner partner, the most powerful person on earth. Not too shabby there either. But the biggest factor was Dev herself - not her influence or position, but the woman underneath, whom Lauren had come to adore.
"I can't believe I just had dinner with the King of England." She laughed a little, taking Dev's hand as they strolled through the garden.
The President pulled away in mock annoyance. "Is there no woman in my life impressed with the fact that I am President of the United States?"
"Yes." Lauren rolled her eyes and laughed. Only you could pull off that ego, darlin'. "I was horribly impressed with you the first time I laid eyes on you." Then she paused and started to laugh. "No, that's not quite true. When I first saw you in person I nearly dropped dead on the spot. But obviously I'd seen you on television a gazillion times before that."
"A gazillion?"
Lauren nodded. "At least."
"Wow. My PR people rock." Dev made a motion for Lauren to continue as they passed in and out of the shadows created by the softly glowing lamps that lined the garden path and a full moon.
"I wasn't really impressed with you until I took the time to go beyond the sound bites that saturated network television. But once I did... wow!" Lauren quirked a playful grin. "Or maybe the fact that I was stoned out of my mind at the time."
Dev nearly stumbled. "Excuse me?"
The blonde woman scrunched up her face and smiled brightly, crinkling her nose and the corners of her eyes. "It's not what you think," she laughed.
Dev accepted Lauren's answer easily, but not before offering a tiny snort. She kicked a stone from her path. "So is that why you didn't vote for me? Because I was over-exposed?"
Lauren stopped dead in her tracks, tugging Dev to a halt with her. "How do you know I didn't vote for you?" Her hands automatically went to her hips, and she shot Dev a meaningful look.
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