As I break off, I almost hold my breath. I did it. I laid my heart bare and now Angel has the power to change our lives forever.
There’s a short silence and I swear I hear every beat of my heart before she says softly, “Then show me.”
I look at her sharply and she smiles. “Show me the man who is known as ‘sir’ inside these walls. Show me your world, Sebastian and I will show you mine.”
Nodding, I exit the car and move around to open the passenger door. As I take her hand and help her from the car, I can only pray that I’ve done the right thing. It’s make or break time for me now and I hope that Angel understands this world I move around in. If she doesn’t, and looks at me with disgust in her pretty little eyes at the end of it, I may as well be dead because without her I have nothing.
21
Angel
I am so excited I can’t breathe. I know this place. Blacks is a BDSM club and there’s a chain of them around the country. Logan Black is connected to Ryder’s wife Ashton, her brother married Logan’s sister Samantha and I know all about what goes on inside these walls. I have never seen inside one and it excites me way more than it should.
Thinking of Sebastian as a part of this world should shock and repel me but it doesn’t. It makes my heart swell because now I know he’s telling the truth. He loves me. He used this place like I used the Rubicon. A place to hide inside and keep our feelings outside the door. A place to seek comfort and forget the past. We are no different and never were. Now I know why he brought me here and for the first time since I arrived, I see the spark of hope lighting my way. Maybe, just maybe, we can put the past behind us and salvage something of what we once had from the nightmare of the last five years.
My heart quickens as we head through the large, black wooden door. The soft lighting and mirrored hallway create a serene calm atmosphere that I know disguises what really goes on inside here.
We approach a reception desk where a man waits watching us with interest. He nods to Sebastian. “Mr. Stone. It’s good to see you, sir.”
Keeping hold of my hand, Sebastian nods. “Victor. I would like to sign in my guest, Miss. Johnson.”
Victor looks at me appraisingly and I feel my cheeks redden as I remember what a hot mess I must look. I am still dressed for running and my hair is spilling out of the band holding it back. The exercise clothes I wear are soaked with perspiration and any make up on my face wore off ages ago. Sebastian, meanwhile, looks super cool and chic as always. He’s dressed in a slick dark gray suit with a white shirt open at the neck. His dark hair is short and sexy and the stubble on his jaw drives the desire straight to my core. He hasn’t let go of my hand yet which should annoy me but only serves to give comfort like he always did. No, Sebastian’s hand belongs in mine, it always did and now it’s back where it belongs, I kind of hope it will stay there.
I sign in and the man regards me coolly, looking me up and down, no doubt wondering what the hell Sebastian is doing with me. “She’ll need a collar.”
I look at Sebastian in surprise and he nods. “She will.”
“What? I’m not being chained to you.”
Drawing me to one side, Sebastian whispers, “It’s for your own protection. An uncollared woman inside these walls is a target for any Dom on the prowl. It doesn’t mean anything, just a way of showing the others you’re not available. Of course, we are only here to observe but we have to play by the rules.”
Feeling irritated, I just nod. “Ok, have it your way... sir but outside of these walls nobody controls me, got it?”
I watch as Sebastian’s eyes flash and he leans forward and whispers, “Relax, darlin’, you never know, you may enjoy being controlled by me.”
Rolling my eyes, I pull away and reach for the collar the man has laid out on the desk. Before I can place it around my neck, Sebastian takes it from me and without breaking eye contact, lifts the hair from around my neck and the feel of his cool fingers on my skin, reminds me of how much I crave his touch. He fastens the collar and his hands linger on the back of my neck as he spins me around and whispers huskily, “Perfect, then again, you always were.”
I see the desire in his eyes and I swallow hard. This is going to be tough because wanting Sebastian will be a feeling intensified by what I’m about to witness through those doors. Knowing this is what he does for fun will only make me desire him more. I already know that because looking into those dark flashing eyes, just reinforces the fact that we are going to happen and it won’t be long before it does.
With Sebastian’s hand in mine, we head into Blacks. The gentle beat of soft music creates a welcome that makes everything almost appear normal. I see a bar in the corner of the room which is where we head and I don’t miss the curiosity in the eyes of the bartender as she watches us approach. Due to the early hour, there are not many customers and the place is large and mainly empty. Sebastian nods and says coolly, “Two house specials please, Skylar.”
She smiles politely and I see her assess me as she registers my collar and Sebastian’s hand firmly planted in mine.
As she turns away, I don’t miss the disappointment in her eyes and I whisper, “Is she one of your... um... you know...”
He laughs. “No, she just provides the drinks.”
I feel a little surprised because I didn’t miss the longing in her eyes when she looked at Sebastian and yet I’m not surprised. He’s always been that guy. The one the girls all wanted and the most popular at school. I suppose that’s why Anastasia wanted him for herself. She told me as much but it was always just us.
Sebastian leans in and whispers, “I should just remind you that inside these walls life is very different. If we are approached by another Dom, you must not look at him directly unless asked. Submissives speak only when addressed and the fact you are wearing the collar should deflect any awkward questions. Just go along with what I’m saying for once in your life and just observe.”
Biting back the immediate response his words prompt, I just nod. “Whatever you say, sir.”
I laugh to myself as I see the lust flare in his eyes and once again, I realize just how much I want this man. Unlike the Reapers, Sebastian feels familiar. Like a favorite coat or a comforting blanket and with him wrapped around me, I feel safe and warm. I always knew returning here would be hard, and it still is because I am wavering as I always knew I would and being here with him, in his world, is where I know I was always meant to be.
22
Sebastian
I wish I knew what she was thinking. Bringing Angel here was a gamble that could backfire at any time but I had to. I’ve judged her harshly and if we are to move on and stand any chance of being together, she needs to know this side of me. But being here with my two words colliding is an experience that could go either way.
As she sips her drink through a straw, just seeing them wrapped around it makes me imagine all sorts of deprivation and being here is like lighting a match to a can of kerosene. Angel has never looked so desirable as she does at this moment, stripped of all the finery women dress themselves in. Looking natural and unspoilt, disguising the fact I drove her into a world she should never have inhabited. What happened to her will always be down to me and I just hope I can forgive myself because the pain sits like a hard ball of anger inside my gut at what I made her do to survive. If she’ll forgive me, I want to care for her and treat her the way she was always meant to be treated—forever.
I squeeze her hand a little tighter and know it’s time. Leaning forward, I take the drink from her hand and say huskily, “Follow me.”
I see the excitement flare in her eyes and she licks her lips making me want to do it for her. Just simple acts drive me insane with this woman and I am keen to get this over with so I can re-enact the fantasies in my head that have been building for five lonely years.
She follows me as I approach another door at the end of the bar which leads to the various rooms and alcoves that enable the members to play out their scenes. I f
eel the familiar stirrings as I hear the sounds of screams and moans as we head through the doors and feel the nerves of the woman beside me.
There are a few observers who look at us with curiosity as we make our way inside. Angel stays close as we reach the first observation point and we see a woman strapped to a cross naked, while her Dom whips her with a bullwhip. Her screams are of pleasure mingled with pain and I feel Angel tense beside me as she witnesses the scene before her. She starts to shiver as the woman’s scream pierces the air and says fearfully, “Why is he doing that?”
“Because she wants him to.”
“Why would she want that… pain, I mean?”
“Look at her Angel. She’s loving it. She is so turned on right now and that’s because with every stroke of pain he delivers pleasure. Some women like to feel the bite of the bullwhip but an experienced Dom will not cause pain, merely pleasure.”
Her eyes are huge as she takes it all in and she whispers, “Do you… um…”
“No, I’m not into whipping my subs.”
Once again, she falls silent and I hate the fact I know exactly what she’s thinking. This was a huge risk because I am laying myself wide open here. If Angel doesn’t like what she sees, I will become more of a monster than I already am in her eyes. I couldn’t bear to see that disgust directed at me and so, I take a deep breath and move onto the next room.
Here a woman is bound on all fours, while a Dom enters her behind. He appears to be riding her like a horse and has a riding crop that he taps on her buttocks as she groans, “Harder, master.”
Angel inches closer to me and holds on even tighter as the sounds of sex fill the air. Watching others scene is always a turn on like it’s designed to be and there are many willing subs watching the events hoping for a scene of their own. Inside these walls it’s all about the pleasure sex can bring. It’s bringing the utmost pleasure to a woman or man, that no vanilla couple would ever understand.
I’m not sure if it’s Angel’s thing, but she has to see this. We walk along and despite the hour of the day, the rooms are filled. In one two men are pleasuring one woman, in another two women are enjoying each other. Anything goes here, and it’s all done with consent and within the rules. In the brief moments the couple, or participants, are together, they are devoted to each other. There’s a trust and an understanding that the only thing on the agenda is pleasure. No strings attached and no judgment. This is what this place is, a sanctuary for people who like sex and enjoy the art of it. Many couples come here and enjoy the thrill it gives them and there are many single people who just enjoy a different partner.
As we reach the end, I’m almost afraid to look at her but need to know what she thinks. The final room shows a couple having sex against the wall, while the woman’s hands are tied above her head. The man is thrusting inside hard and fast and her cries of pleasure act as an aphrodisiac that is hard to ignore. For a few minutes, we just stand and watch and then Angel leans closer and I see the excitement in her eyes as she whispers, “I’ve seen enough, Seb, can we leave, please?”
She turns away before I can fully assess what she’s thinking which makes me anxious because if she looks at me with anything but love, I can’t deal with it.
As we make our way back, I see a friend of mine leading a sub toward one of the private rooms and he smiles as we approach. “Sebastian, it’s good to see you.”
Nodding, I note he takes in the sight of Angel’s hand in mine and the fact she is collared. “I never knew you’d collared a sub, when did this happen, I thought I’d never see the day?”
“I haven’t, Angel’s a friend I’m showing around.”
It irritates me the way his eyes instantly light up and he looks at Angel with a longing look. Addressing her directly, he says lustfully, “Do you like what you see, my dear.”
Raising her eyes to his, Angel nods. “Yes, sir.”
I sense his interest and it irritates me, so I say curtly, “It’s good to see you, Jeff but we should be going.”
He makes to speak but I silence him with one look and he backs off. Yes, Angel is mine and if he thinks otherwise, then he is sorely mistaken.
She almost has to run to keep up with me as I head through the club, anxious as to what waits for me outside. As soon as we reach the reception, I stop and remove her collar and sign us out before almost dragging her toward the car.
“Wait up, Sebastian, what’s the hurry?”
Slowing down a little, I say apologetically, “I’m sorry, it’s just…”
“Jeff?”
Looking at her for the first time, I see the amusement dancing in her eyes as she stops and places her hands on her hips. “You’re jealous.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are, I know that look. You saw another man look at me and knew I could just crook my little finger and he would come running.”
“You’re delusional.”
“You’re an asshole but we don’t need to dwell on it.”
She grins and I relax for the first time since we arrived. She’s fine with it. I can see it in her eyes and she is looking at me no different.
“You know, Seb, I can see why you like that place.”
“Explain.”
“Because all the men in there are the same. Controlling bastards who think a woman is there just for their pleasure. Men who want all the pleasure and none of the responsibility. Men who like to use women for their own desire and then go off and eat a hearty meal, probably also prepared by somebody else. Men who live out their fantasies and then go about their business without any baggage dragging them down.”
“Is that right, then why do the women go there?”
“Because they get the same. All the pleasure and none of the headaches that go with a man hanging off their skirt, demanding they act like their mothers in every room but the bedroom. You know, I can certainly see the appeal, the freedom it gives with none of the drudgery of being with someone. Um… I may just join myself.”
She grins wickedly and I know she’s just teasing. Leaning against my car, I regard her coolly. “So, you want to become a member, what would be your preference?”
Biting her lower lip, she holds her head to the side looking thoughtful. “I think I may like to call the shots. You know, whip a man senseless and then get him to fuck me with gratitude. Maybe I’ll strap him to a table and spank him relentlessly, or maybe I’ll try out with a woman for a change. What do you think, would that suit me do you think?”
I almost can’t breathe with the thought of her with anyone but me but I just shrug, “You’ll work it out. Do you want me to wait while you go back inside and join? I could always come back later if you fancy re-enacting your fantasies with Jeff and his sub. Just saying.”
Laughing, she walks toward me and sways her hips suggestively, making me lose the power of speech. She knows she has me in the palm of her hand and is playing with me like a dog with a bone. She leans against me, pressing me against the steel of the car and whispers huskily, “Maybe you can show me what it involves before I part with any cash. I mean, I would hate to go back in there inexperienced in the ways of your world.”
Then she pulls back and says loudly, “Or then again, you could just drop me home, I sure do need a shower and something to eat before I’m good for anything.”
She heads around to the passenger side leaving me frustrated and so turned on its doubtful I can walk, let alone sit beside her in the confined space for the journey. However, I play the usual game and just get inside the car, turning on the engine, followed by the music and pull away.
What happens next will either be the stuff of dreams - or nightmares.
23
Angel
I am a quivering mess inside. Wow, that was intense. The world that Sebastian lives in is unbelievable. Do people really do that? Have sex with a stranger and then go shopping? It’s a lot to take in and yet the only thing I could think of was Sebastian with another woman. It makes me feel sick
at the thought, yet happy at the same time. He never gave his heart to another; he kept that part of him for me as I did for him. When I have sex with a Reaper, it’s not for love, just pleasure. We are no different really.
Occasionally they like the kinky stuff but mostly it’s just sex. Two people giving each other pleasure with no strings attached. Maybe we both entered a special kind of Hell when I left and maybe now is the time to put an end to it.
For once we are both silent as we make our way back to the cabin. I know Sebastian’s worried at what I think about the club and his involvement in it but to be honest; it doesn’t bother me at all. What does bother me, is what happens next.
We are back sooner than I work it out and I feel like a girl on her first date as he pulls to a stop outside the cabin. For a while, there’s just silence as we sit outside wondering what to do next. My heart thumps as I realize I don’t want him to leave, so I say brightly, “Do you fancy a coffee before you go? Maybe we should try to get along for the sake of the business.”
I watch his hands tense on the wheel and know he is as torn as I am. “Ok, thanks.”
We exit the car and I feel my hands shaking as I remove the keys from my pocket. “Well, this has certainly been a strange day.”
I attempt to lighten the atmosphere because I’m not sure what’s going on right now and as I push open the door and Sebastian follows me inside; I have my answer.
Breaking Beauty: A Second Chance Romance Page 11