The song inside him took on a poignant note, love and longing mixing together in the same way that lust and bitterness and the essence of his submission combined to create the notes that resonated in his head. Jake might never put him into bondage, but Finn knew deep in his heart that he was bound just the same. Six – Jake
Raw emotion rode the boy’s face. Jake could see it clearly, but he couldn’t bring himself to think about what it meant. He couldn’t take responsibility for another submissive. He especially couldn’t take responsibility for Finn. The boy needed someone badly, a Dominant who would care for him, teach him how things were supposed to be between a Dom and sub, someone who would love him and never let him have another moment of fear and despair. Jake yearned to be the Dominant that took away Finn’s pain, but he knew he could never be what Finn needed. He couldn’t take him on as a submissive only to fail him as he had the last two submissives he’d collared. He couldn’t break Finn like that.
So instead of doing what the Dom in him screamed to be permitted to do, to take control of the submissive, Jake gently stroked Finn’s hair and allowed the younger man to delicately lick the head of his cock. Finn’s touch filled him with raging lust. Soft lips slid down his shaft and an agile tongue swirled around it. Wet heat enveloped him and the gentle suckling grew into harder sucks, making the pressure build rapidly within him. Cool fingers encircled his tight balls, tugging just enough to hold him back from his impending orgasm. The muscles in the back of Finn’s throat caressed his glans as the boy swallowed around his hard flesh.
A finger traced the crease of his ass down to his perineum and back up to dip between his taut buttocks pressing against the bundle of nerve endings around his muscular hole. The delicate touch made him shiver with pleasure. He couldn’t remember the last time a submissive had dared to touch his anus. He couldn’t remember one ever offering to. They always seemed to think that only bottoms enjoyed having their asses caressed and licked. Apparently, the untutored submissive before him knew far more about male arousal and pleasure than the experienced ones he’d had in the past.
The heat in his groin told him he’d better pull free of Finn’s mouth if he wanted to do something besides just get blown. Reluctantly, he pressed Finn’s head back, his cock sliding from between the submissive’s rosy lips. Wide eyes as pale as ice stared up at him. Jake could barely resist the pleading he saw in Finn’s expression, the aching need to submit. He looked away.
“On your back,” he ordered gruffly, cursing himself for being unable to completely let go of his natural dominance.
Finn scrambled further up on the bed and lay on his back, spreading his legs open on the navy sheets. Jake grabbed a pillow and handed it to the younger man, motioning for him to place it beneath his hips. Finn did so, his long legs sprawling even more wantonly because of the height of his hips.
Staring at the gorgeous young man spread out before him, Jake didn’t think he’d ever been with a man so naturally beautiful. The pale hair and eyes were definitely unusual and eye-catching, but that wasn’t the sum total of Finn’s beauty. The elfin face with its high cheekbones and pointed chin held an innocence the submissives he’d met at Darkness didn’t have. Jake marveled that after five years as Reynolds’ slave Finn still retained an unspoiled quality about him. Sure, he was bitter about his past but it hadn’t ruined the purity of his innate responses.
Jake’s gaze skimmed over the long, leanly muscled body. Finn had filled out over the past few weeks. The gauntness and blue-shadowed hollows of starvation had retreated as he’d put on weight. He’d spent time in Jake’s gym downstairs, working out during his breaks. His pale skin gleamed with health and vitality now even though his ribcage and hip bones were still too prominent. Jake’s heart beat harder as he realized he’d never been so attracted to a man before.
He shook off the sense that the boy lying before him held the key to his future happiness. He grasped Finn’s ankles and pulled them up to his shoulders as his gaze sought the pink treasure between the submissive’s buttocks. The young man held him enthralled with his pink and white perfection. Jake gazed down at the expanse of white skin and the flushed cock and balls above the tiny pink pucker that invited him to touch and taste. His cock jerked in anticipation and Jake knew he wouldn’t be able to rim that perfect ass without coming.
Instinctively reaching toward the bedside table for lube, he paused as he realized he wasn’t in his own room. He frowned and silently cursed himself for letting his lust get the better of him and not being prepared. When an expression of apprehension flickered across Finn’s face, Jake stroked his palm along the submissive’s thigh, soothing him.
“Lube,” he muttered, disgusted with himself for his lack of foresight.
Finn pulled his legs down and twisted on the bed, reaching for the gym bag that lay on the floor beside it. He rummaged around for a moment before pulling a bottle of lube out. With a slight smile, he handed it to Jake and lifted his legs once more.
Jake stared at the lube in his hand and then down at the gym bag. A sock peeped out of the open zipper. He glanced toward the open closet door. The space was empty. It dawned on Jake that despite the weeks that had passed since Finn had come to live with him, the boy hadn’t unpacked. He knew then that Finn didn’t believe he had a home there. The boy was waiting to be kicked out and abandoned the same way his parents and Reynolds had cut him loose.
His gaze settled on the submissive. Finn’s eyes held lust and wariness in equal measures. Pain stabbed Jake in the chest. He wasn’t any better than the people who had hurt Finn in the past. He wouldn’t take the boy under his protection. He wouldn’t give Finn anything of himself in order to make the boy feel wanted, needed. He hadn’t given Finn any reason to believe that he was different from the other people who hadn’t wanted him. The pain in his chest radiated outward, shattering his composure and making him want to roar like a wounded animal.
And that was when Jake realized he’d fallen in love with Finn. “Jake?”
Finn’s voice shook slightly, his tone filled with apprehension. When Jake pulled himself together and met the boy’s gaze he knew that fear had begun to get a toehold in the young man. Even if he couldn’t promise Finn forever, Jake knew he had to take away his fear at least for that night.
“You’re so beautiful. Stunning, in fact.” He kept his voice trained low and husky, letting Finn hear arousal in the roughness of his tone. He continued to caress the smooth skin of the submissive’s thighs. “I can’t remember when I’ve wanted a man this much. You’re special, Finn. So very special.”
Unable to stop himself, he leaned forward and kissed the younger man, wanting to mark him, to own him. The taste of Finn on his tongue brought all his possessiveness to the fore. The boy surrendered his mouth and body to Jake and the Dominant wasn’t strong enough to walk away from everything Finn offered.
When he pulled back from Finn’s mouth, Jake found himself searching the boy’s face for any sign that he didn’t want what was happening between them. Finn smiled, the quirk of his pink lips sexy and guileless at the same time. He revealed his desire openly in his expression and every movement of his lithe body. No questions, no hesitancy. Just pure unadulterated want.
The boy’s cock strained against his flat abs, pre-cum pooling on his pale flesh. Jake trailed a finger down its length and Finn sucked in a breath. His eyes pleaded with Jake. With a smile, Jake retreated, his fingers gliding along his lover’s flesh, watching the goosebumps rise in the wake of his touch. Very soon, he’d explore every inch of that gorgeous skin until Finn writhed beneath him in a paroxysm of need. He’d never done vanilla before, never had a lover who wasn’t also his submissive, but with Finn, kinky or vanilla didn’t seem to matter. It had no effect on how much he wanted the young man. He would take Finn anyway he could have him.
When his fingers stroked down the back of Finn’s thigh and brushed against his entrance, the boy shivered. His pale eyes had gone dark with desire as he watched Jake
open the lube and coat his fingers. He lay silent, his breathing harsh but no words or murmurs leaving his lips. The instant Jake’s slick fingers touched that tender pucker, Finn gasped loudly, but he still didn’t say a word. He remained motionless, his muscles rippling with the obvious effort to hold himself still as Jake circled his hole teasingly before pressing one finger inside the hot passage.
This time the gasp was Jake’s as Finn tightened around his finger. He pressed deeper, his finger crooking. He found Finn’s gland and stroked it, causing the submissive to gasp yet again. They continued with eyes locked, as Jake worked a second finger into Finn, twisting them, curling them and scissoring to widen Finn’s entrance. By the third finger, Finn no longer lay quiescent beneath Jake’s touch. He bucked his hips, fucking himself on Jake’s hand, his head tossing on the pillow.
Jake pulled his fingers free and leaned over the side of the bed, scrabbling for his jeans, in search of his wallet. Feeling the edge of the leather, he tugged and the contents spilled. With a glance down, he located a condom in the midst of an array of business cards. He snatched it up and tore it open, fitting it over his cock as quickly as he could. Once sheathed, he lined up the head against Finn’s opening. The boy pulled his legs back, giving Jake plenty of room to maneuver his hips as he pushed his way inside.
He slowly sank to the root of his cock, the intense heat and friction turning him into a mindless being with one function, to fuck. Beneath him Finn panted, his body quivering. Long fingers grasped Jake’s biceps and the cock and balls that brushed against Jake’s lower abdomen were flushed and tight with arousal. Grabbing Finn’s hips, Jake held him at an angle as he eased his cock back. Finn’s eyes widened right about the time Jake felt his cockhead bump over the younger man’s prostate.
And then all pretense of having any sort of rational thought left Jake. He thrust slowly at first, making sure his lover could handle the length and breadth of his cock, making sure that nothing hurt Finn. Then, as the incredible tightness and heat went straight to his head, he began to thrust harder. The expression of bliss on Finn’s elfin features told him everything he wanted to know about how much his lover enjoyed their fucking. His hips slapped against Finn’s bare ass and the ridges of muscle on his belly kept brushing the other man’s erection.
When the spiraling heat in his groin began a tingling at the base of his spine, Jake knew he didn’t have much longer. He braced himself and delivered a series of short, hard thrusts. Finn tightened around him and with a cry, he came. At the first spurt of his semen into the condom, Jake had just enough presence of mind to grip Finn’s wet cock in one hand and jerk it hard.
“Come!”
The order slipped from his lips naturally and just as naturally, Finn did exactly as ordered. Hot seed spilled onto his fingers. Finn sobbed out a garbled cry of satisfaction. The most astounding sensations enveloped Jake. He wanted to gather Finn into his arms and tell him how much he cared. He bit the inside of his cheek to stop himself.
Moving slowly, Jake eased from Finn’s clasping channel. He disposed of the condom in a nearby wastebasket and returned to Finn with a damp washcloth, cleaning his hand and Finn’s belly before setting the cloth aside. He lay down and pulled Finn into his arms, cuddling his lover close. Finn turned his face into the crook of Jake’s neck and clung. A few tugs brought the blanket and sheet up over them and Jake held Finn tightly, his hands stroking the young man reassuringly.
“I’ve never come so hard in my entire life.” The shaky confession fell from Finn’s lips into the silence.
Jake smiled even though the submissive couldn’t see it. “You know, I think I can say the same thing.”
“That’s good.”
They lay in silence for a long time until Jake could feel his lover’s body go lax as he fell asleep. He held the boy for hours, just running his hands over him as he slept, willing him to feel the comfort and love in his touch. For vanilla sex, Jake could honestly say it had been completely amazing. He’d never known it could be so good. He also knew the chemistry between him and Finn was damned perfect. He didn’t know how he’d ever be able to let the submissive go. Seven – Finn
Life had evened out into a pattern that mostly made Finn feel as if he’d found home. He loved being in the studio around the musicians, listening to them work on songs. He didn’t mind the cleaning at all. It gave him a sense of responsibility and belonging. Every night when he finished, he sat down at the grand piano and played for awhile before heading upstairs to shower and have dinner with Jake. Afterward, they’d head for his little apartment or the master bedroom and make love vanilla style until they both fell into a sated sleep. The only thing wrong in his world was that Jake refused to talk about Finn submitting to him.
The first time he’d seen Jake’s bedroom he’d been stunned. Above the bed hung a huge anime art poster of the elf that Haven and Micah had nicknamed him for. The elf looked just like Finn. Jake reluctantly admitted he’d had the artwork for several years. The anime elf had given Finn the courage to bring up the subject of dominance and submission again, but Jake wouldn’t budge. No kink between them and no discussions of collars…ever.
During one of his twice a week lunches with Haven and Micah, Finn told them about the artwork in the bedroom and the ensuing discussion. Micah’s face took on a disgusted expression, but Haven appeared sad.
“I don’t understand why Jake doesn’t realize that his problem isn’t with all submissives, only with the ones he collared previously. And that’s only because he chose the wrong men. Things would be completely different with you,” Micah huffed. “I swear I just want to wring the man’s neck.”
“He’s struggling with his emotions, Micah. Cut the man some slack.” Haven turned to Finn. “How are you holding up?”
“He fucks me into the mattress almost every night of the week. He gives amazing blow jobs. He sleeps with me every night.” Finn shrugged, trying not show his friends how much it hurt that Jake wouldn’t collar him. “What’s not to like about those things?”
Before Haven could speak, Micah’s face took on a wicked cast. “Did you know a blow job from a submissive is a completely different thing to a blow job from a Dominant? Submissives give blow jobs because they want to please. Dominants give blow jobs because they like to suck cock.”
Finn and Haven stared at Micah in shocked silence for a long moment. Then they all started laughing and the somber mood lifted a little.
“It’s true!” Micah insisted. “Dominants don’t ever have to give blow jobs! If they do, it’s because they like to suck cock. Think about it!”
Haven held his ribs and wheezed. “We have. You’re right, but I don’t think we ever thought of that before.”
“Consider it my contribution to the discussion of the Dominant psyche. Jake must love sucking cock and he must love Finn otherwise why would he do it?” Micah’s brows rose as his face took on an arch expression.
Finn sobered instantly at the L word. “Love has nothing to do with what goes on between me and Jake.”
“Oh, bullshit.” Micah snorted. “It has everything to do with it. Neither of you have said it and neither of you has probably even admitted it to yourselves but you’re so deep in love it’s obvious to the rest of us.”
“No, it’s not. It might be obvious that I love Jake but the reverse isn’t true because Jake doesn’t love me.” Finn knew he stood on solid ground with his argument. Jake cared about him, but he didn’t love him.
Micah and Haven exchanged a look that told Finn his friends didn’t believe him. He bit back a sigh. He didn’t need them getting his hopes up for nothing. He couldn’t afford to believe a word they said about Jake’s feelings for him. It would just hurt him more when he had to leave.
Finn glared at the other submissives. “He doesn’t,” he said firmly. “And even if he did, just a little, his past won’t ever let him admit it. He won’t get into a long term relationship with a submissive. And the two of you need to stop pushing the issue.
I can’t afford to hope that things will change. It will only make it worse when Jake sends me away.”
Alarm flared in the eyes of both his friends. “Sends you away? Why would you think he’ll send you away?” Micah demanded.
This time his sigh escaped. “He’s been hinting that I should think about returning to Juilliard.”
“That’s about your talent not about him sending you away. Good Doms take care of their subs,” Haven explained quietly. “He may not think he’s acting like a Dominant, but he is. It’s natural to him and he can’t curb every Dominant instinct he has just because he thinks he needs to.”
“It doesn’t matter what’s driving it. It still comes down to him sending me away. Juilliard isn’t across town, it’s across the country.” The tears he kept resolutely hidden from the world threatened as his eyes filled. He tipped his head down so his hair flopped over his eyes, hiding his pain from his friends. “I feel like I have a real home for the first time in my life. I feel like I have someone who genuinely cares about me and now he’s going to send me away. How the hell do you think that makes me feel? He’s going to be just like everyone else except that this time when I have to go, I’ll leave behind my heart.”
With a sniffle, Finn lifted his gaze to his friends. “I don’t think I’ll ever love anyone the way I love Jake.”
His words came out in a hoarse rasp caused by the aching lump in his throat. He didn’t want to think about Jake and what he knew loomed in his future. He didn’t want to think about leaving the first real friends he’d ever had. He’d managed to keep the pain inside him under control ever since Jake had first mentioned that he should think about returning to Juilliard. He’d just found happiness. He didn’t want to think about losing it already. A hard arm gave him a one-armed hug. Haven gripped him tightly. “Whatever you need from us, we’ll do. Micah and I will help.”
Bitter Bonds Page 6