It was towards early evening when Beth and Amber left Mia’s flat. They hugged each other goodbye at the door.
“Thank you so much for coming today. You both made me feel so much better. And stronger.”
“You’re welcome, Mia. Anything for you. Just promise us you’ll call him tomorrow?” Amber hugged her again, holding her tightly.
The last few hours had provided a welcome distraction, but the thought of calling Gino caused another lump to form in her throat. She nodded through her reply at Amber, smiling as she gently pulled away and blinked rapidly to stop the tears forming once again.
Once the girls had left, Mia flopped onto the sofa, flicking through the television channels. She was still tired from her restless night, so gave up on the TV and decided to take a long bath and then retire for bed.
As she passed her bedroom, she noticed her phone on the bed, realising she hadn’t checked it all day. It was obviously still on the vibrate function from this morning as she hadn’t heard any calls.
Retrieving her phone, she was shocked to see that she had over fifteen missed calls on the display. She quickly swiped the screen and saw that besides her brother, the remainder of the calls were from Gino.
Mia sank back onto her bed, clutching her phone. The little icon on the corner of screen was indicating a voicemail alert. She knew it would be him, but didn’t have the strength, nor the courage to listen to the message right now.
Tomorrow, she decided.
She would take her warm bubble bath and then deal with Gino tomorrow. Never in her life had she experienced such heartache and the thought of hearing his voice tonight would break her further. She tossed her phone onto the bed.
* * *
She woke early the next morning. Yawning widely, Mia stretched but as soon as she opened her eyes, the feeling of dread settled all over her once again. She groaned and squeezed her eyes shut, hoping for another blissful moment where she could close her eyes and forget that Friday night ever happened. Failing miserably, she realised it was no use so she dragged herself out of bed.
Following a modest breakfast, she sat at her table, looking at her phone. With a deep breath, knowing she couldn’t prolong it any longer, she hit the voicemail button and listened to her messages. Three messages from Gino, getting increasingly more desperate with each one, pleading to speak with her. She sighed as she put down her phone and looked at the time. It was just past nine o’clock. Now or never. Mia felt her heart rate pick up as she located his number through her contacts and hit the dial button. After two rings, she heard his voice.
“Mia. Thank God, I was so worried about you.” His voice was filled with concern.
“Gino. I got your messages.” She tried her best to sound impersonal.
“Please, Mia. Can I come over? I would really like to speak with you.”
She was silent for a moment. Listening to the pleading and agony in his tone. As much as she wanted to scream and tell him to get lost, she couldn’t bear to hear him sound so obviously distressed.
“Mia? Are you there?”
“I’m here, Gino. Okay, fine, come over.”
“Thank you, Mia.” She could hear the relief in his voice. “I’ll be there shortly.”
“Bye, Gino.” She hung up.
Gino’s flat was in a very trendy part of East London, so she knew it would take him just over half an hour to drive over on a Sunday morning, when the traffic would be light. She drained her coffee and took a quick shower to freshen up, wanting to look her casual best to unconsciously show him what he was missing. Flicking through her wardrobe, she found her favourite dark green wool dress, which emphasized her jade green eyes.
Holding it up against her as she looked in the mirror, she was satisfied with her reflection and quickly slipped it on. Then she ran a brush through her straight brown hair and applied some light make up. Thankfully, her face didn’t look blotchy like it did yesterday and with the help of some eye drops, her eyes no longer looked bloodshot either.
Just then, she heard her door buzzer. She froze, as her heart began to pound against her ribs. Could she really face him? He was here, right now, probably about to tell her that he was getting married. Once again the buzzer sounded, snapping her out of her paralysis. She forced herself to take a few deep breaths and then quickly released the lock.
Mia heard his footsteps pounding on the stairs — it was clear he was running. She stepped back slightly and then he came into view, his grey eyes blazing into hers.
He looked like he hadn’t slept as he had deep shadows under his eyes and his tanned face looked pale and drawn. She looked at his clothes - a crumpled white t-shirt under his worn leather jacket, finished off with dark jeans.
Mia felt her breath stuck in her throat as she drank in his muscular physique, involuntarily feeling the pull of her eyes being drawn to his lips. She couldn’t deny the attraction she felt for him and a sudden feeling of grief and despair tore through her at the thought of never having him in her arms. The air between them was thick with tension.
“Hi, Mia,” he said softly as he ran his hand through his short hair. “Please, may I come in?”
Mia sighed, a suffocating sensation tightening her throat. She willed herself to be strong. “Sure, come in.” Her voice sounded strong even though she was feeling anything but and she led the way to the sofa. “Can I get you a coffee?”
He smiled softly at her as he sat down. “Sure, that would be great. Thank you.”
The television was still on, so he absentmindedly picked up the remote control, seemingly engrossed in the buttons, whilst she busied herself in the kitchen. A heaviness had centered in her chest and she knew she was only moments away from finding out the truth. Wiping her clammy hands on her dress, she brought two mugs of coffee through and sat down opposite him, watching him closely.
His features carried a look of sadness as he picked up his mug. “Thank you.”
“Prego.” She took a gulp of her coffee and immediately winced, the hot liquid scalding her mouth. “Ouch!” She quickly slammed the mug back down.
“God, are you okay?” He immediately sat up, almost seeming like he was about to reach out for her but then decided against it. That lack of action, combined with her fast blistering tongue, was the final straw for Mia. She gulped hard, hot tears slipping down her cheeks and choking her voice. “Okay? Am I okay, Gino? No, I’m damn well not okay. With anything!” She heard her voice rise and got up, fleeing to the kitchen for a cold glass of water to soothe her tongue.
She squeezed her eyes shut and placed her hands on the counter. Within a moment, Gino was beside her, wrapping his arms around her from behind and holding her tightly against him, as she furiously battled to get her emotions under control.
4
As much as she wanted to push him away, to tell him to get the hell away from her, she found herself leaning against him, comforted and drawn in by his strength.
“What are you doing?” She whispered, her back still pressed up against him as he held onto her.
He stayed silent, only pulling away when she extracted herself from his grasp.
“Let’s sit down, Mia.” He spoke softly but his voice was full of authority. She turned to look at him, nodding slightly whilst noticing the unspoken anguish, which was alive and glowing in his eyes.
For the second time, she made her way to the sofa, taking her seat opposite him.
“Tell me what’s going on, Gino.” She forced herself to ask the question, which could break her. “Is it true? Are you really getting married?”
His grey eyes became flat as he considered her question.
“It’s complicated, Mia.”
“Complicated? It’s always complicated with you, Gino. I’m sick of your excuses.” His eyes widened at her outburst. “Tell me the truth!” She heard the bitterness spill over into her voice, but didn’t care as she glared at him.
“Yes. It’s true.” His voice was filled with misery and he ran a hand thro
ugh his short hair. Mia gasped out loud, the finality of the statement hitting her hard. She felt her eyes fill up with fresh tears and she quickly looked away. “But it’s for all the wrong reasons, Mia, I swear to you.”
She clenched her hand until her nails dug into her palm. Mixed feelings surged through her and her mind reeled in confusion at his statement. “I don’t understand.”
“I know. Let me explain properly. Please, I need you to understand. You of all people.” He pleaded with her and sank to his knees by her feet. She nodded in answer.
“If you recall, I wanted to speak with you the night of your mother’s birthday, three months ago.”
“Yes, but I was so caught up with the guests…”
“I know, that’s fine. I was going to tell you that night that I couldn’t bear to be without you for a moment longer. God knows, I’ve tried to protect you and stay away but…I just couldn’t live any longer without you by my side.”
Mia snapped her gaze to him. “What do you mean by protect?” She used air quotes.
He sighed deeply and sat back on his feet. “Mia, you know the rumours about my father? I just couldn’t bear to bring the one person I care about more than anything in the world, into our family.”
“But, Gino, why? I mean, yes, I’ve heard the stories, but why do you think he’d do anything to me?”
“It’s not that he would, Mia. I guess I didn’t want to tarnish you with my family name. I’ve tried to stay away from you for so long, but each year, I’ve watched you blossom and become more beautiful. I was hoping to speak with you that night to see if you would consider dating me.”
His eyes became misty and he looked away, his face clouding over with a frown. Mia sat back on the sofa, shocked at his confession. Thrilled that he did want her after all, angry that it was now too late.
“It still doesn’t make sense, Gino! So, why are you marrying someone else then if you say you care about me?” Her spirits sank even lower as the hurt and longing lay naked in her eyes.
“After that night, I went to see my father to tell him of my intentions towards you.” He looked away, picturing the scene. “The house was empty, but I could hear voices coming from his study and I ended up eavesdropping on his conversation.” His face hardened. “Let’s just say that he was in the middle of another dirty deal.”
Mia’s mouth opened in dismay. “What did you do?”
“I walked away, Mia. The next day, I flew back to London.”
“Yes, I remember because I tried to call you at home and your maid said that you had returned to London.”
“I had to get away, Mia. Also, I was still embroiled in my last project, which had kind of taken over my life. Then I started second guessing myself.” His eyes darkened in pain. “I could see how well you were doing and I wasn’t sure you would want to be associated with the Rossi name.”
“Gino, that would have been my choice.” She closed her eyes, her heart aching.
“I know, Mia. That’s something I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life.”
She opened her eyed. “So what else?”
“A couple of months ago, we had a staff night out. I wasn’t in the mood to go, as all I could think about was you.” He paused briefly. “In the end I decided to go and drown my sorrows in a few drinks.” Mia felt her throat tighten and she picked up her glass of water to swallow the despair in her throat.
“There was this woman there. I knew she was coming onto me and I was getting more and more drunk by the hour. By the end of the evening, everywhere I looked, all I could see was your face. And this woman? She wouldn’t give up.” He looked down and his face was twisted with regret. Mia felt her breath quicken and the blood began to pound in her temples.
“What happened, Gino?”
“I slept with her, Mia. I didn’t even recall it or even her name. I just wanted someone to fill the void that you had left me with.” He paused again. “A few weeks ago, she got in contact with me. She told me she’s pregnant.”
“What?” She felt ice spreading through her body as she backed away from him, into the sofa. A raw and primitive grief overwhelmed her. “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure, Mia. I may have been really drunk, but I always make sure to use protection. She told me the condom had split.”
Mia’s head snapped back as her mouth opened in a silent scream. She felt sick.
“And you’re marrying her?” Her voice cracked. She couldn’t bear to look him in the eye.
“I have to, Mia. When she’s further along. I won’t have a bastard child brought into this world.”
Mia nodded silently. She forced herself to swallow the lump in her throat and quickly stood up.
“I think you need to leave, Gino.” She spoke softly, the reality of the situation crashing down all over her fractured heart. She would never have her chance with him now. It was over.
He stood up to his full height and reached out a hand to her, slowly moving forward. “I’m so sorry, Mia.” Tears had formed in his eyes and he rapidly blinked them away. “I’m so sorry for what I’ve done to us.”
Mia spun around, anger taking the place of her grief. “Us?” she shouted. “There never was an us, Gino. Because you were too damn scared. And now there’ll never be an us!”
He winced at her words, harsh with anger and emotion.
“Mia— “
“Get out, Gino.” She walked to the door and flung it open, refusing any eye contact.
Gino stood still for a moment, but then slowly picked up his jacket. He paused right next to her, but she kept her eyes lowered. “I fucked up, Mia. Really, badly. This is a mistake I’m going to have to live with for the rest of my life. Please, don’t hate me.” He slowly walked past her. “Besides, you couldn’t hate me more than I hate myself.”
Mia sucked in a quick breath, her hand frozen on the door. She had no more words as she watched him walk away.
* * *
The next couple of days flew by in a blur. Mia went through the motions at her studio, fully in control of her work and designs, but operating at a robotic level. She barely slept, images flooding her mind of what could have been if only Gino hadn’t been so protective of her. She cried herself to sleep each night, pain wrenching through her at the thought of another woman carrying his child.
She promised Amber she would visit her, so on Wednesday night, she went to her flat in Clapham, immediately following work.
She plastered on a bright smile when she saw Amber standing at the door.
“Ciao, Amber!” They greeted each other with a quick hug.
“Come in, Mia.” Amber looked at Mia’s gaunt face with concern.
“Hi Beth.” Mia walked in and greeted Beth as she took a seat, sinking back into the sofa and momentarily closing her eyes. She tucked her hair behind her ears, sighing deeply. “What a week so far.”
Beth scooted closer to Mia. “Mia, are you okay?” She lightly squeezed her hand. “You don’t look so good, hun.”
Mia opened her eyes and looked at the two pairs of concerned eyes looking at her intently. She wanted to pretend that she was okay, but knew that they wouldn’t buy it. Plus, she agreed with Beth; she didn’t look or feel good.
“I don’t know what to say.” She shrugged her shoulders, glancing at her nails. The deep red polish she had on had started to chip. One of her pet peeves. She smiled, turning her attention to the ceiling. “The guy I’ve been in love with for the past ten years, perhaps more, is getting married to someone else. Someone he barely knows because of one crappy mistake.” She shook her head and, spying the wine glass Amber had set before her, she picked it up and took a large gulp. “Thanks, Amber. I needed this.” Setting the glass down carefully on the table, she continued. “You know the worst part? Turns out he’s supposedly been in love with me all this time too.” She laughed miserably as Beth and Amber glanced at each other. Amber spoke first.
“He said that?”
“Yep. Sorry, I know I didn’t go
into much detail on my text, but I was trying to understand and get to grips with all this myself.”
“Don’t be silly, no need to apologise. So you said that he’s marrying this woman now?”
“Apparently so, but he said not until she is much further along.”
“That’s so shitty. Why does he have to marry her, for God’s sake?” Beth shook her head, annoyed.
“Beth, it’s the way of our Italian men.” She sighed. “Family first and all that. He said he didn’t want a bastard child.”
“Don’t I know,” Amber muttered beneath her breath. Nico had already twice proposed, but she was still relenting.
“It’s different with you and Nico, Amber. I know you guys genuinely love each other. I’ve never seen my brother happier in his life.” Amber flushed, a smile playing on her lips. “With Gino, it just sucks because he’s marrying her out of obligation.”
“I’m so sorry, Mia. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I don’t know why, but it just doesn’t sit right with me.” Beth shook her head. “You said he was drunk, right? And the condom split?”
“That’s what he said.”
“Hmmm. Well. I don’t know. My gut tells me that something’s off.”
“You’re very sweet, Beth,” Mia smiled at her friend, “and I really appreciate your support, but I just have to face facts. We’ll never be together.” Her eyes filled with tears and she quickly brushed them away. “I need to get my shit together and move on from Gino Rossi once and for all.”
The girls were silent for a few moments until Amber sat up, smiling.
“Okay, you may not want to do this straight away, but when you’re ready, I have the perfect distraction for you.” She grinned, excited at the plan forming in her head. “So, there’s this single guy at work, he’s total eye candy and really charming as well — I just know you two would hit it off. Let me set you two up on a date. If nothing else, you’ll have a great laugh. What do you think? Will you agree?”
Desired: Love in London Series 3: New Adult Romance Page 3